The Stein & Candle Detective Agency, Vol. 1: American Nightmares (The Stein & Candle Detective Agency #1)

by Michael Panush

  “I’m Mort Candle. This is my associate, Weatherby Stein, and his sister, Selena. We’re looking for information about the murder of Horace Pepperdine,” I said. “You got anything you’d like to add?”

  He waved his hand. “He built on land that was taboo. He got what was coming to him.”

  “Kapu, you mean?” Selena asked.

  Big Joe smiled. “You know some of our customs, little lady?”

  “I’m an anthropology student, Mr. Lono,” Selena explained. “Now, Mr. Pepperdine was murdered by an Aumkua, of the mano variety. I’m sure you have a variety of Aumkua tiki idols, and perhaps quite of few them are vengeful and cursed.”

  He shrugged his massive shoulders. “Maybe one or two got stolen, or taken home to good families. I don’t keep track of the Aumkua, little haole.” The pearl necklace rattled when he moved his arm. “I’m sorry, detectives, but that’s about all I can tell you. I gotta get back to my people.” He turned away, without saying another word.

  Selena, Weatherby and I exchanged a glance. “Do you believe he’s speaking truthfully?” Weatherby wondered.

  “No idea. There’s something about him that’s raising my instincts. They got me through France in one piece, so I’m trusting them now.” I nodded to the woodie. “Let’s go back to the Grand Tiki and keep the grieving widow advised of our progress. It’s getting dark anyway. I don’t want to be out here at night.”

  We headed back to Selena’s automobile and got inside. She started it up and put us back on the winding country road, then started heading back to Honolulu. Selena drove us around the long, lazy curves of the road. Above us, the sun was slowly sinking, bathing the sky in fantastic bands of pastel color. Weatherby and Selena stared at the sunset in amazement.

  “It’s swell around here,” Selena said. “But I still think the land around Castle Stein was some of most beautiful I have ever seen. Do you remember when we got up early to see the sun rising over the Black Forest?”

  “I remember sitting on father’s lap, just watching the sky going bright. It was absolutely amazing,” Weatherby agreed. “You were right next to me, staying close to keep away the morning chill.” He fell silent.

  “Do you…do you miss them?” Selena asked.

  “Every day,” Weatherby replied softly.

  I stared out the window, watching the trees, occasional cabin and farm speed past. I noticed a swarm of green leaves and fallen flowers following us, kicked up by the wind of the passing car. But they weren’t settling down, just flying along through the air, right after our auto, like they were trying to catch up. I glared at the bright flowers and leaves as they dipped and dived in the air. There were more of them than usual, a blizzard of greenery swarming in from all sides.

  “Oh no,” Selena whispered, turning on the windshield wipers and hitting the gas. “Kapua! Of the Ko-Poe-Kino-Lau variety!”

  “What?” I asked, as a humanoid shape formed in the swirl of swarming leaves and jumped for the front of the car. It crashed down on the hood, hands made of thorns scratching deep grooves in the windshield. Its eyes were bright red flowers, flashing angrily at Selena as she struggled to keep the car on the road. I kicked open the door, going for my automatics as I put a foot on the runners.

  “Kapua are trickster demons, nasty minor deities!” Selena explained. “The Ko-Poe-Kino-Lau are spirits with leaf bodies!” The leaf demon smashed down on the windshield again, denting the glass. Arcane strength was in those spindly limbs.

  I leveled my .45 at the leaf man and opened fire. My first shot cracked through his head, sending the flowers and leaves scattering away to cover the windshield. The wipers removed them, and Selena had to poke her head out of the window to see where she was going in the meantime. The auto bucked crazily as it neared the edge of the road, and Selena spun the wheel like a mad woman. I saw Weatherby draw out his own revolver.

  “I can’t see!” Selena cried. “Oh god, but I have to speed up to get away from these devils!”

  “Keep going and keep on the road!” I shouted. “I’ll keep them off of you!”

  “I don’t know if I can—” Selena swerved the wheel again. She slammed the front bumper into a roadside sign and sent the flimsy wooden board flying into the grass. More of the Kapua were floating around now, held aloft by magical winds, and swooping down to attack. I started firing, hearing the automatic bark in my hands. Selena was still panicking. Weatherby was holding her shoulder, keeping her calm. “I just don’t know!” the girl cried. Car chases and leaf demons – this wasn’t her world.

  “You’ve just got be strong,” I said. “As strong as your baby brother.”

  The Kapua started to mass in front of us, preparing for a major attack. My automatic was empty, so I tossed it back in the car and pulled my second gun from the holster. “Gun it!” I shouted to Selena, and she slammed on the gas. I put the bullets where I wanted them, firing fast and planting shots between the flowery eyes of the Kapua. They burst like overstuffed piñatas, spreading leaves and greenery across the road. There were still dozens of them, flying in front of us and blocking the way.

  Selena slammed the car through them, flattening the Kapua out on the hood. She kept the automobile going straight, rolling over the long road with the city in the distance. I fired the last shots of the clip and picked off the Kapua. A harsh turn came up, and Selena spun the wheel and kept us from wrapping around a tree. Weatherby fired his own revolver – completely missing everything he shot at.

  By then I was out of bullets and it was all up to Selena. The Kapua floated behind us, trying their best to keep up. But Selena kept the gas pedal down and her car zoomed along. The Kapua gained ground, flying easily over the road, but now we had a lead and we kept it.

  I slammed new clips into my automatics and leaned out of the window, opening a blistering barrage on our Kapua pursuers. They went down, one after the other, and Selena kept us going fast and evenly over the winding roads. Soon enough, we had left them behind completely.

  I got back into the car, reloaded my pistols and slumped back. “Aces,” I said. “Good driving, sister.”

  “What about Big Joe Lono?” Weatherby asked. “Undoubtedly, he sent those demons to destroy us, making it look like an automobile accident! Perhaps we should confront him…”

  “Nix on that, kiddo. Let him think he won – if he’s the one behind it.” I leaned back as we entered Honolulu once again. “Back to the Grand Tiki. I need a drink.”

  We reached the Grand Tiki right around nightfall. The few guests were all in their rooms, a couple strolling along the pure white beach, but the hotel was mostly empty. Once again, we took that golden elevator up to the penthouse, and met with Carla Pepperdine in her late husband’s office. The police had gotten around to removing the body – but not the bloodstains.

  Mrs. Pepperdine listened carefully as I made my report. “Yeah, I think I remember Horace talking about how he had the cabbage to pay back Fancy Freddy. I don’t think he mentioned where he was keeping the money. I already checked the drawers of the desk, and ain’t found bupkis.”

  “And you’re not worried about Fancy Freddy coming here to get his money?” Selena wondered.

  “Bring that pansy on,” Carla replied. She stood up from her chair. “You fellows have done a good job. You can get back to pounding suspects tomorrow. In the mean time, any suite on the top floor is all yours.”

  “Thanks, Mrs. Pepperdine,” I said. We stood up to go, leaving the office and walking down the hall.

  Tanya’s desk was at the end of the hall. She stood in front of it, her purse over her arm. She walked forward slowly, her eyes settling on Weatherby. “Solved the mystery yet, little guy?” she asked. “Or maybe I should say little man?”

  “We’re doing a d-decent job, ma’am,” Weatherby replied, licking his dry lips.

  Selena gave Tanya an angry glare and the secretary smiled back. I guess Selena didn’t like that blonde fox stalking her baby brother. “Come along, Weatherby,” she said
. “You need your rest.” She steered him down the hall, leaving me alone with Tanya.

  The secretary stepped closer slowly, stopping inches away from me. “What about you, big guy?” she asked. “You got some big sister to keep me away from you?”

  “Not that I know of,” I replied.

  “Then how about hopping down to my room. Mr. Pepperdine let me keep a suite on the top floor. It’s got all the right furnishings. Very tasteful.” She spoke slowly and softly. I was very interested. She turned and started walking away, giving me quite a show. I followed. We headed down the stairs, and then reached her room.

  Like she said, it was an ultra modern room, everything sleek and white. A few Tiki sculptures rested on the nightstand and bookshelves. A pair of sat rested in the corner. I paused to look at them. There were some suitcases lying open on the ground too.

  “You planning a trip, sweetheart?” I wondered.

  Tanya shrugged. “I don’t think Mrs. Pepperdine likes having me around. So I guess I’ll go out again, just a lonely little girl.” She approached me slowly, her hands on her hips. “All alone in the world.” She reached out a palm and rested it on my chest. “Isn’t that just awful?”

  “Yeah,” I said. She was playing me like a piano, and I was glad to be the keys under her fingers.

  “Mr. Candle – I don’t want to be alone tonight.” She wrapped her arms my neck and pulled close to me. Her kiss was a promise. She pulled away slowly, and then smiled. “Why don’t you step into the bathroom, while I slip into something more comfortable?”

  “I take the bathroom?” I asked.

  She shrugged. “I’m a little claustrophobic, Morton. I guess I just don’t like small things.”

  “All right.” I went to the small bathroom, in the corner of her room, and closed the door. I leaned against the tiled wall, opposite the toilet and folded my arms. I heard Tanya humming past the door — hopefully as she changed.

  Something cut through all my usual thoughts like a knife. It was the gleam of pearls around her neck, which I had seen somewhere before. The answer appeared to me suddenly, just as I noticed the tiki idol resting on top of the crapper. It was an octopus, the tentacles reaching up around a bulbous body. Too late, I realized it was an aumakua of the same variety that had killed Horace Pepperdine.

  Before I could get everything straight in my head, the toilet seat flipped open. A long tentacle lashed out, quick as a striking whip, and fastened itself firmly around my throat. It was a big tentacle, glistening and mottled green. The suckers dug into my flesh, each one a tiny mouth trying to swallow me whole. I grabbed the slick surface of the tentacle as the wind left me. It dragged me down, slamming my skull against the porcelain of the toilet seat.

  I saw red, my vision blurring as my breath left my body. I fumbled out, grappling with the tentacle as it choked the life out of me. I closed my eyes, seeing only darkness as I tried to grab hold of my automatics or the Ka-Bar in my boot. I doubted I could reach either one in time.

  Someone was pounding on the door and shouting. It sounded very far away, and I didn’t realize who it was. Then the door was slammed open, and I opened my eyes to see Weatherby staring at me, Tanya trying to drag him back. Selena was there too, and she grabbed Tanya’s arm and pulled her away. Weatherby reached into his coat.

  I saw a spray of some kind of ash leave his hand and reach the tentacle in a gray shower. The tentacle finally released my throat, leaving me to sink to the ground. I gasped as I sucked in air. The tentacle shriveled like a slug hit with salt. It tucked back into the toilet, its prey gone. It vanished in a matter of seconds. I coughed and tried to remember how to breathe, then attempted to make sense out of everything around me.

  Selena was holding Tanya’s arm. “What was she doing, Morton?” she demanded. “What the hell was going on?”

  I pointed at Tanya. “She did it.” Weatherby offered me a hand, and I came to my feet. “She killed Pepperdine. That necklace – Big Joe Lono had one just like on his arm. She got friendly with him, stole his statues, and used them to kill her boss.”

  Tanya shrugged. “Big Joe was a sweet guy – but he’s one dumb darky. I told him about my plan, and he didn’t want any part of it. So I stole his idols and charms and escaped.”

  “And she tried to kill us,” I gasped. “The Kupua on the road. Trying to make it look like an accident.” I cleared my throat and reached for my pistols. “It’s over now, Tanya. Can I ask you why?”

  “He was gonna go back to his wife. Imagine — picking that old buzzard over me! And I wouldn’t get a cent out of the rube!” Tanya glared at Selena. “And then you and Gidget here started sniffing around.”

  “We can smell when something stinks,” I said. I turned to Weatherby. “Kiddo, you couldn’t have heard me getting my head yanked off by that octopus tentacle. Why’d you come in here?”

  “It’s Flynn,” Weatherby explained. “He’s coming to look for his money, him and several armed thugs. Mrs. Pepperdine has no idea of the whereabouts of the money owed to Flynn, and she fears a violent result. The island police are slow in responding. We decided to look for you and Selena suspected that you were in Tanya’s room.”

  “Oh no,” Tanya whispered. “Not Fancy Freddy. He’ll—he’ll kill me!”

  “And why would he want to kill you?” Selena asked.

  Tanya responded by slugging Selena in the face, then ramming her elbow into the woman’s throat and pinning her against the wall. She dashed back to her luggage, snapping open a round suitcase. I saw that it was full of money, with a luger pistol on top. This was the dough owed to Fancy Freddy. Tanya had it, and she wanted to keep it.

  “Selena!” Weatherby ran to his sister, dashing past me – and running right near Tanya. He didn’t care for the pistol she held in her hand, or the pure madness in her pretty eyes. He just wanted to protect his sister. Tanya took full advantage of the opportunity.

  She swung the suitcase with the cash over her shoulder, then grabbed Weatherby’s hand and pulled him away from Selena. She pressed the pistol to the boy’s head. “Another step and I’ll blow out the brat’s brains!” Tanya ordered. “Stay back! I’m leaving this tropical dump!”

  “No! Please!” Selena cried, coming to her feet. I took a step towards them, but Tanya jabbed the pistol into Weatherby’s throat and I stopped moving. Selena didn’t move at all, just watching with wide, terrified eyes.

  My head was still light from being strangled by the octopus. I couldn’t stop Tanya as she went to the fire escape, then started heading down – with the cash and Weatherby. She closed the balcony door behind her, and pushed a deck chair in front of the doorknob. She gave me a grin as she started going down the fire escape. Weatherby was looking right at his sister, his mouth a grim line.

  Selena turned to me as soon as they were gone. “Mr. Candle, we have to—”

  “I know,” I said. “She wants out – that means a boat. There’s some docks near the hotel. That’s where she’s going.” I headed outside into the hall, pulling out both pistols. Selena stayed close to me. We made for the elevators. Taking the stairs down from the top floor would take too long, especially after Tanya had a head start.

  I punched the key on the elevator. That’s when I saw it was already coming up, straight to the top floor. “Fancy Freddy’s boys,” I said. “That must be them.” I stepped back and leveled my pistols at the doors. Soon as they opened, I planned to give Fancy Freddy Flynn a welcoming he wouldn’t soon forget. Or at least, I was until Selena grabbed my hand.

  “Please,” she said. “Do you have to kill anybody?”

  I glowered at her. Taking these punks alive meant more risk. But Selena Stein was my partner’s sister. I didn’t want to let her down. With a grumble, I holstered my automatics. The elevator was two floors away. I thought fast, and spotted the fire extinguisher on the wall. I wrenched it off, and pulled it back. The elevator rang. The doors rolled open.

  Fancy Freddy Flynn didn’t look as handsome with a bandage o
n his nose and a black eye. Four of his men stood with him, two armed with shotguns, the other packing Thompsons. Fancy Freddy had a second to look at me before I swung the fire extinguisher straight into his face. I knocked him against the back of the elevator, and then stepped inside. I swung the fire extinguisher around, cracking it against skulls and chest until the red metal was full of dents. That’s when I dropped it.

  One of the thugs raised his shotgun, and I grabbed the barrel and pulled it away. I racked it, slammed it under Freddy’s chin and rested a finger on the trigger.

  “A secretary by the name of Tanya has your pay-off,” I explained. “She’s heading for the docks. We’re going after her.” I pressed the shotgun’s muzzle closer. “Selena, get in and press the button for the ground floor. We’re going all the way down.” I smiled at Fancy Freddy. “That jake with you, Flynn?”

  “Y-you got it,” he whispered.

  Selena stepped gingerly into the elevator and hit the button for the bottom floor. The doors slammed shut and we headed down. Flynn’s other thugs came weakly to their feet. They clutched their heaters, but as long as I had a twelve-gauge against their boss’s head, they couldn’t do a damn thing. Everybody stayed silent. It was a relief when the bell rang and the door opened.

  All of us dashed through the lobby, heading outside. The tropical moon hung full and bright over Oahu. We stepped through the sands, running for the thin strip of a wharf leading away from the beach and into the ocean. Several speedboats were stationed there, ready for rental and all unattended. Selena and I took the lead. Getting the tar beat out of them slowed Flynn’s boys down.

  “No!” Selena pointed at the end of the dock. A motorboat was leaving the docks, zooming away into the dark water and leading a swirling arc behind it. “Morton, she’s taking him away! He’s my baby brother, my family, and she’s taking him away.”

  I grabbed her shoulder and faced her. “We’ll catch her,” I said. “I used to run booze into Manhattan in a craft like this when I was in short pants. We’ll take after her and get your brother back. But you can’t panic. Your parents didn’t – not even at the end. And Weatherby never did either. We can’t let him down.”