Crave Me

by Geneva Lee

  “That might be the only thing that’s changed for the better,” Clara muttered, catching her breath as another contraction hit her. “Distract me.”

  “I slept with Smith.” I blurted out the first thing that came to mind. So much for keeping the news to myself.

  “I know,” Clara cried. When she went limp again, she gave me a weak smile.

  “News travels fast.”

  “Edward said you two practically shagged on the dance floor at Brimstone,” she said breathlessly

  “Edward is a cad.”

  “He also said Smith almost punched him.” Clara threw me a pointed look

  “Yes, Edward and I were dancing too suggestively. Smith must be the only person in England who hasn’t heard the prince is gay.”

  “I am?” Alexander’s deep voice called as he appeared in the doorway. “Then how did we get into this predicament?”

  The effect of his presence on Clara was immediate. Despite her big talk about being tired of his over-protectiveness, her whole face changed when he entered. It lit up the room. Even when she was annoyed with him, he still had that effect on her.

  It had been one of the first warning flags to me that Philip and I might not be the right fit. I’d chosen to ignore it at the time. Now I wondered how I’d ever been able to. Maybe because I’d been so desperate to find someone who loved me even a fraction of the amount that Alexander loved Clara.

  A nurse followed Alexander into the room and shooed me out. “I need to check her progress. You can come back in a minute.”

  “I’ll go find Edward.” I squeezed Clara’s hand, but when I went to release it, she gripped it tighter.

  “I’m not sure I can do this,” she whispered.

  “That makes one of us, because I know you can.” I gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and turned on Alexander.

  “Try not to piss her off.”

  “I think I missed that boat nine months ago,” he muttered.

  I pushed him toward her. In my experience, neither of them could stay mad at each other for very long.

  The halls of St. Mary’s were empty. The entire Lindo Wing had been cleared out with limited access to staff and visitors. My phone chirped, and I caught a message from Lola.

  LOLA: Madeline is threatening parental divorce if she’s not admitted.

  BELLE: Do you want me to speak with Clara? She might let her in.

  LOLA: Definitely not. There’s not enough pain meds in the world to get Clara through that. I’ve got her under control. But let me know what’s going on in there.

  I promised her I would and then continued my search for Edward. Rounding a corner, I caught sight of him in a lounge. His fiancé David grinned at me as I entered with my hands planted on my hips.

  “Are you hiding?” I accused them.

  “Nappies. Bottles. I’m game for any of it,” Edward explained, “but I was in there for ten minutes and that was more than enough.”

  “He just told me he was glad neither of us could give birth,” David told me.

  “Not going in with the surrogate?” I asked.

  They both responded at the same time.

  “Maybe.”

  “We’re not having kids.”

  I put my hands up in surrender. Apparently I was starting fights all over London today.

  “What do you mean we aren’t?” David demanded.

  “Have you seen how screwed up my family is?”

  David crossed his arms and grinned as he shook his head. “If I recall correctly Alexander said the same thing about children.”

  “Thankfully, you can’t get knocked up,” Edward bit out.

  “This is not the last time we’re discussing this,” David warned as he stood up. He gave me a quick hug before he headed toward the door, calling over his shoulder. “Talk some sense into His Highness.”

  “Apparently that is my official job title for the day: She Who Talks Sense Into the Monarchy.” I grimaced. “Exactly how have I wound up being best friends with half the royal family? The lot of you is completely cocked up.”

  “How’s it going?” Edward asked. He patted the now empty seat next to me.

  “I think it would be going better if my life made any sense,” I admitted. “I’m not sure how I’m supposed to offer advice when I’m busy making all the wrong choices myself.”

  “Things didn’t go well with Smith?” Edward guessed, wrapping an arm around me.

  I shook my head, leaning into him. “Things went too well with Smith.”

  “I wish I had your problems,” Edward teased.

  “I’ll trade you,” I offered. “I think David and I would have beautiful babies.”

  “Keep your hands off my man,” Edward said in mock-warning. “Besides, it looked like you snagged one of your own the other night.”

  “I thought I had.” At least, I could go into this with Edward without giving him all the dirty details. Normally I might have tried to talk with Clara, who knew a thing or two about getting involved with a complicated man, but she had other things to worry about at the moment. “I don’t know. He’s so demanding.”

  “In the bedroom?” Edward asked, his eyes glimmering mischievously.

  “Everywhere.” I didn’t add that no part of me minded his compulsive attention to detail between the sheets.

  “Well, I learned how hard that can be watching the couple of the hour.” Edward paused, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. “I think you have to decide if you see a future with him.”

  “I don’t know him well enough,” I admitted. “But I wouldn’t mind spending a couple of weeks in his bed.”

  “Then make that boundary clear. Look, Belle”—Edward leaned forward and squeezed my knee—“we both know you can be a little resistant to the idea of a relationship.”

  I snorted. “Can you blame me?”

  “Not one bit, but don’t get so caught up in keeping things safe that you stop taking chances. Take it from a guy who made his boyfriend pretend to be just friends for years.”

  “Yeah, you might not be the best person to give relationship advice now that I think about it,” I teased.

  “I went legit!”

  We were both laughing when David popped his head in.

  “They’re taking Clara into surgery.”

  I was on my feet in an instant. “Is everything okay?”

  “The baby is showing signs of distress.”

  He didn’t have to say any more before we were all booking it back toward her room. We arrived just in time to see them wheeling her out into the hall.

  “Belle!” she called my name frantically.

  I rushed over to her.

  “If anything happens—”

  “Nothing is going to happen,” Alexander interrupted her.

  “If anything happens,” she continued, tears sparkling in her eyes “take her shopping. She’s going to have a fantastic dad. I want to make sure she has some girl time, though.”

  I swallowed back my own tears that threatened to spill down my cheeks. I didn’t need to encourage her by showing her I was scared. “We’ll take her shopping. Who do you think taught you how to dress? Or have you already forgotten?”

  “Sir,” the doctor interrupted, “we need to get her down the hall.”

  Alexander’s and my eyes locked and then he was running along her side, hands clasped. His mouth was moving, but even though I couldn’t hear what he was saying, I could imagine.

  Life might not be counted in moments, but that was only because in times like this, moments seemed to stretch into hours. Edward and I took turns pacing by the entrance to the surgical room. No one had told us how long it might take.

  “She’s going to be fine,” David assured both of us as he rubbed Edward’s shoulder. My friend caught his hands and held them tightly.

  We’d lost so much already this year. It seemed that every moment of joy was overshadowed by tragedy and horror. My called-off engagement. The attack at the wedding that had resulted in Edward’
s father’s death. The car accident. It seemed that fate kept trying to take Clara from all of us.

  She might have grown tired of Alexander’s obsession regarding her safety over the last few weeks, but personally I was glad he was in there now. I’m pretty sure death himself couldn’t have gotten past him to get to her.

  Behind us, a door opened and we all spun around, hoping to finally have some news. But instead of a doctor, Smith stood there with his tie loosened and his hair disheveled.

  “How the hell did you get in here?” I demanded. I didn’t want him here. Not now. Not while I was feeling vulnerable and certainly not after how he’d dismissed me earlier today.

  He held up a bag. “I brought you some food.”

  I crossed to him, my arms clamped tightly over my chest. “That doesn’t explain how you got in here.”

  “I represent a few of the physicians here,” he explained. “I called in a favor.”

  “You should have saved it, because I don’t want you here.”

  “Too bad,” he said dismissively. He shifted his focus to Edward. “They told me she’s been in surgery for about a half hour?”

  “Yeah.” Edward’s eyes narrowed. Smith’s memory might be short, but Edward clearly wasn’t over their showdown at Brimstone.

  “There’ll be news soon. It takes a while to get everything sewn back up.”

  My stomach lurched at the thought. I hated that my best friend was in there and I couldn’t be. Then again, clearly I didn’t have the constitution to be at her side.

  I grabbed Smith by the arm and dragged him into the corner. Everyone had enough to worry about without adding our bickering to the list.

  “How did you know where I was? This is the second time you’ve mysteriously shown up where I’m at.” He’d found me at Brimstone as well. Either he really could read my mind, or I should probably be considering a restraining order.

  “Your aunt told me where you were on Friday,” he explained, tugging his sleeve loose from my grasp and smoothing it back out. “And today? Well, it might have been harder to figure out if every media outlet wasn’t reporting that your best friend is currently pushing out the country’s next monarch.”

  “Thanks for the food, but I’m not hungry.” I started to turn away but he stepped closer, rooting me to the spot.

  “That was an important phone call earlier,” he explained. “I wasn’t going to be able to concentrate with your lips around my cock.”

  “I promise to never bother you in that way again.”

  He tilted his head. “Like it or not, you do work for me, Belle. Sometimes I have to handle things privately.”

  “You told me I would be there for everything,” I reminded him. “But the truth is you haven’t shown me one thing about yourself. I know nothing about you, Smith.”

  “It takes time to know someone.” But his eyes lied.

  “Yeah, it does, but you have to show them the truth,” I reminded him softly.

  Smith leaned closer until his lips brushed my ear. “Have you shown me everything yet, beautiful?”

  I jerked away. He’d hit a nerve I didn’t want plucked today. Or ever. Some memories were best left in the past. What I couldn’t get over was that he was purposefully keeping certain elements of his business from me. I could understand client privilege, but he wouldn’t answer a simple question about what type of law he specialized in. Now he was trying to twist my words. Just like a lawyer. “I’ve had enough experience with men that turn things back around on me. I’m not interested in that game, Mr. Price.”

  “I’ll leave this here.” He set the bag of take-away on a nearby chair. Inclining his head politely toward Edward and David, he turned to go. “Take a few days off, Miss Stuart. Spend time with your friend. I’m sure she needs you more than I do.”

  I wasn’t sure what stung more: that he’d dismissed me or that he’d let me win.

  “Wanker,” I screamed as the door closed behind him.

  “That is the second time someone has yelled that at me today. So much for commanding respect,” Alexander said behind me.

  I spun around, not realizing my little scene had drawn more of a crowd. But all my fury evaporated when I saw a tiny pink bundle in his arms.

  “Elizabeth, meet your Auntie,” Alexander cooed, bringing her over to me. “She has a very dirty mouth.”

  I nudged him the ribs. “You’re one to talk, Daddy. How’s Clara?”

  “Resting,” he said, his eyes never leaving his daughter. “Both of them are perfect.”

  The look on his face said it all. His world had just gotten a little larger. He had more power and money than most of us could ever dream of, but all that mattered to him was the tiny baby girl in his arms and her mother down the hall.

  My heart constricted. That was love. As I took Elizabeth carefully from him, I experienced my own awakening.

  I did know what love was. I’d seen it. I felt it now toward the people in this room. Maybe that was as much as some people got in a lifetime, and really, wasn’t that enough?

  I glanced back at Alexander and saw the pure joy written across his face.

  Not everyone could have happily-ever-afters. Clara and Alexander deserved theirs. I’d just make certain my little godbaby didn’t fall victim to the idea of fairytales.

  “Once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess,” I whispered, giving her soft, pink forehead a kiss, “and she could do anything she wanted without a man…”

  Spending the week holding the new addition to my life did wonders for my soul, but it did little to allay the ache of absence I felt elsewhere. Smith had sent food and flowers, but he hadn’t shown himself again at the hospital. I’d been grateful for that. It had given me the time I needed to realize the mistake I had made by letting him into my life—or at least into my panties.

  By Friday, Clara was back home, adjusting to her new life as a mother, and I had to face my boss.

  Boss, I reminded myself. That was where our relationship began, and that’s where it needed to end. If I couldn’t control my feelings about Smith, I would have to walk away. The income I’d get from a few weeks pay would be enough to get my business off the ground floor, and if working for him meant continuing to put my heart in jeopardy, then I would find another way to get it started.

  His face registered no emotion when I strode up to his desk and handed him a cup of black coffee on Friday morning. He looked good—too good—and I silently cursed him for wearing a navy pinstripe suit that fit his athletic body like a glove. His hair was neatly combed back, and I longed to reach out to muss it up. I’d seen what he looked like after my hands had held onto it for traction as he fucked me. Part of me missed it. I missed the primal, raw beast that had taken over my world. But Smith was a wolf hiding in a tailored three-piece suit, so why was I so determined to offer myself as his next meal?

  “I’ll pick up your suits from the cleaners this afternoon. I’ve arranged for the penthouse at the Plaza when you go to New York next month.” I continued to rattle off the list of things I’d taken care of or would by the afternoon.

  “Can you have Doris file these for me?” He passed me a large stack of folders.

  I hadn’t known what to expect when I returned today. I’d expected to want him. Part of me had wondered if I would fall into his arms. I hadn’t expected the distant professionalism he was exhibiting now. Not after he’d spent a small fortune delivering food and gifts to the hospital.

  “Is there something else?” he asked, tapping his chin with his index finger impatiently.

  It was like nothing had happened between us. But if Smith thought he could just ignore what we’d done and the lines we’d crossed, he had another think coming.

  “Let’s get one thing straight,” I hissed, clutching the pile of folders in my arms tightly. Air stung my index finger, and I realized I’d given myself a paper cut, but the sharp, if insignificant, discomfort was only a reminder that men equaled pain. “I hate you.”

 
Smith leaned back in his leather chair and crossed his arms behind his head, regarding me with an arrogant smirk. “Do you always let people you hate fuck you, Belle?”

  What I wouldn’t give to wipe that smug grin off his face, but doing so would put me in dangerous proximity to his lips. Unfortunately, I didn’t trust my body to not betray me, especially since it knew the mind-blowing orgasms he was capable of giving me. “Hate-fuck is exactly the right term,” I said, purposefully mishearing him. “I hated every minute of it.”

  There was a pause after the words fell from my lips. The office was entirely quiet, neither of us moving. Neither of us breathing. It was a dangerous silence. The kind that followed a lie. The moments seemed to slow until Smith’s hand swung out, sweeping across the paperwork on his desk and sending his lamp flying across the room. He was on his feet before I had processed his reaction. This time when his fingers lashed out, they caught the waist of my skirt as he yanked me against him, knocking the folders to the floor.

  “Don’t lie,” he warned me. “Don’t fucking lie to me.”

  “I do hate you,” I breathed, even as the words hitched in my throat. Could he hear my heart pounding? It felt as if it was going to burst from my chest. My body was strung out on the strange cocktail of hate, lust, and hope.

  Smith pushed me down, so that I was seated on top of his desk. His phone began to ring, but I barely registered it as he reached under my skirt and yanked off my thong.

  This was where I was supposed to say no. Hit him. Scream. But I realized then that I didn’t want any of that. I didn’t want to deny him. I only needed him to show me he still wanted me after our fight earlier this week.

  And now that he had, I could see how stupid the fight had been. I’d been petulant. He’d been condescending. We both needed to make amends and this was the perfect way to do it.

  He didn’t miss a beat as he clicked the speaker button on his office phone. His eyes were trained on me and the intensity of his gaze sent my shallow breaths into full-blown pants. Stepping between my legs, he urged my thighs open wider as he reached for the scarf tied loosely around my neck. Bringing it to my lips, he held it there until my mouth parted as willingly as my legs. I bit down on the knot, grateful to have something to stifle the gasps I knew were coming.