Pretty Little Dreams

by Jennifer Miller

  As if she senses my thoughts, her eyes return to mine and her lips curve up at the corners. Her eyes dart from my own, to my lips, and back again. That’s all the invitation I need. I squeeze her hand in mine a bit tighter and give it a gentle tug, pulling her towards me a little as I lean in and kiss my girl. I keep it gentle, hand moving to the side of her cheek, our mouths barely touching. Images from our hospital shower make it tough to pull away, but I do. I can’t resist placing a brief kiss on her adorable nose, which crinkles in response, making me smile. Damn, my girl is sexy when she isn’t even trying. Things will get out of hand quickly if I don’t distance myself.

  “Well, I suppose now is as good a time as any to go check in at the club. Pyper is here, so I will let her know where I’m going on my way out. Your cell is within reach in case you need to call me, right?”

  She fishes it out of the blankets at her side, and holds it up to me, “I’m good.”

  “Okay. Please angel, call me if you need anything okay?”

  “I will, but I won’t. I will be fine. Do what you need to do at work and then come back, okay? It will be good for you to get out of here for a little bit anyway. Don’t you think so? I’m sure you are going a bit stir crazy.”

  “Sure,” I agree with her even though I don’t mean it. She has no clue I’m going to have to force myself to leave her side. I can’t help but grit my teeth at the almost gut-wrenching nausea I feel rising in my throat at just the thought, but she will be fine. I know she will. I will keep telling myself that. Repeating it like a mantra.

  I go to the bathroom, splash water on my face, grab the hand towel from the countertop, and then dry off. Bracing my hands on the outside of the sink, I stare at myself in the mirror. I’ve got some darkness under my eyes, and my hair has tracks in it from my fingers. Looking deep into my own eyes, I swear a little bit of madness shows through if I look hard enough. It’s in the tenseness around my eyes and mouth and the little red lines outside of my irises. I am completely consumed with worry. I need to get a grip. She will be fine, she is fine.

  I realize I’m stalling. Sighing, I walk out of the bathroom to the side of the bed and give her a kiss on the forehead when she looks up at me in question. “I’ll be back later. Love you.”

  “I love you too.”

  Words that still make my heart swell in my chest. I hope I never tire of hearing them. When I close her door behind me I look for Pyper and am glad to see she’s in the living room with a bowl of popcorn in her lap, staring at…

  “What are you watching?”

  Her reaction to hearing my voice is almost comical. The popcorn almost flies out of the bowl and she grabs at the remote, shutting the TV off. “What the hell, Luke?! Don’t just sneak up on people like that.”

  “Sorry. I wasn’t thinking. But seriously, what are you watching?”

  “Nothing special.”

  I walk to the TV because I see the empty DVD box sitting on the TV stand and pick it up. “Supernatural?”

  “Yeah, what of it?”

  “I just had no idea you like this kind of thing.”

  “What’s not to like? Two hot guys, occasionally shirtless, equals a win in my book.”

  I laugh, “I will take your word for it,” and then, “Wait, does Olivia like this show too?”

  She smiles, “Maybe.” The look on my face thinking about my girl liking the shirtless hot guys makes Pyper laugh, “So, what’s up? Olivia okay?”

  I run my hand over my face, “Yeah, she’s fine. At least, that’s what she wants everyone to believe.”

  She sighs, and sets the popcorn next to her on the couch as if she’s lost her appetite, “Yeah I noticed that.”

  “I honestly don’t know what to do. I keep trying to get her to talk to me and she won’t. I’m going to keep trying, but I think she needs some space. She’s insisting that she’s fine and that she wants to go back to things being normal and that I need to continue on as I usually would. She wants the old routine back, I guess.”

  “Maybe that’s the best thing to do right now. I really don’t know.”

  “I don’t know either, but what I do know is that I am not okay with her being here alone.”

  “You and me both. If Deacon were to show up again, it’s not like I would be able to take him on, but I might be able to slow him down enough to call nine-one-one.”

  “I don’t even want to think about that. Hopefully, he’s not so stupid that he would try coming back here again. Anyway, I’d feel a lot better if one of us tried to always be with her. Are you okay with that?”

  “Of course. I agree with you, and she doesn’t need to know what we’re up to. It would probably only set her off.”

  “I agree. Alright, I’ll be back later tonight then.”

  “Okay, sounds good.”

  “Oh, and Pyper? Do you need me to bring you back anything? Wine? More popcorn? More seasons of Supernatural? Or maybe they have action figures or trading cards you don’t have yet?”

  “Ha. Ha. Mock me all you want, Easton. You don’t know what you’re missing.”

  I laugh as she throws popcorn at me on my way out.

  I thought I was starting to look haggard, but I look young, robust and trouble-free in comparison to my dad. Sitting in the living room in my childhood home, I take him in. I’m pretty sure he’s lost weight. He has deep circles under his eyes and his cheeks seem more hollow that usual. His hair looks whiter too – it’s a very distinguished salt and pepper, but he has much more white at his temples than he did before. He appears to have aged significantly in the little time it’s been since I last saw him.

  “Dad, are you eating? Sleeping?”

  “I’m doing the best I can, son. Some days I take better care of myself than others. I miss your mother.”

  I feel the sting of unshed tears behind my eyes, but I refuse to be a baby and shed a tear in front of my dad. That’s the last thing he needs. He won’t talk to me if he feels like it upsets me too much.

  “I’m sorry that I had to leave-“

  He holds a hand up a hand, halting my words, “You know better than to apologize for that. I understand. Now, tell me how she’s been doing since we spoke on the phone.”

  “I don’t know, dad. She won’t talk about what happened, but I know she’s not okay.”

  “Well of course she’s not okay. She was kidnapped and hurt. That would do a number on anyone. Lord only knows what really happened to her. I know you suggested something awful had happened to her when we spoke.”

  I debate whether or not to repeat what I heard and believe to be true but know my dad would never say anything. Moreover, his advice and understanding would once again be much appreciated. “Dad, when she was at the hospital, I told you I overheard something.”

  “Yes, I remember. And I told you that whatever it was to get your ass back to that hospital and to deal with what happened together.”

  I give him a small smile, but it quickly drops, “Dad, I know she was abused not only physically, but possibly sexually too. It’s not anything one wouldn’t have expected, I guess. But hearing it stated... well, it’s one thing to wonder, it’s another to know. ”

  My dad moves to sit on the couch next to me. He places his hand on my shoulder, lending his support. I don’t even need to tell him how much this news is affecting me. He knows. He knows as a man that is dedicated to protecting the woman he loves. He also knows what it’s like to be powerless in preventing harm and pain to the one you love. While the details may be different - Olivia was ravaged by a madman and my mom by cancer, I expect the feeling of helplessness is still the same. He can understand the loss I might feel – having had someone violate someone and something that was so precious. And my anger and rage – at Deacon, the situation, myself - yep, I think he gets it too.

  “Tell me what you heard,” he says. And so I do. I tell him where I was, what I overheard and how I freaked out so bad, I took off.

  “Don’t be angry at yourself for that
, son. You had a very human reaction. When your mom told me she had cancer, I had a very similar reaction.”

  I look at him with surprise, “You did?”

  “Yes. The fear and doubt was more than I knew what to do with. One night, when your mother was sleeping, I got in my car and drove away. Not with the intention of never returning, but because I needed to ask myself if I was strong enough to travel down what was likely to be a long and painful road. I needed to do some soul searching and prepare myself for what was to come.”

  “Did you feel like you were being weak? I did. I realized what I was doing and got my ass back there.”

  “No, son. Weakness would be if you had never confronted the fact and the ramifications that what happened to Olivia, will affect her and you. Just as I would hope that one day Olivia would be open to speaking with someone to get her through this difficult time in her life – to make sure she is dealing with it in a healthy manner, you should too. I suggest you also think about speaking to someone professionally. You gave yourself a little time, thought about what you needed to do, and realized your love for each other can get through anything. I believe it will son, but a little help, a little guidance from an unbiased third party, would be very good for you.”

  I nod, acknowledging his recommendation, “I feel like she is drowning and I can’t save her. No matter what she says, I know that talking about it is what she needs to do. She needs to confront what happened to her in order to deal with it.”

  “Are you sure that is what she needs, or is it what you need?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean, that this is about Olivia. Luke, she is damn well aware of what happened to her. She knows better than anyone. This isn’t about her not talking about it. Right now, it’s about self-preservation. She is doing what she needs to do for herself right now, just to get through one day at a time. It’s no different than mourning, really. She’s mourning the carefree way she was able to live her life before it was ripped away from her. The difference is, she can get that back. It isn’t dead.”

  “But dad, I just don’t think it’s good that she refuses to talk about this. She needs to talk about it to someone. Even, as much as I hate to say it, if it isn’t me, she needs someone. I know I keep saying this, but she needs to deal with this.”

  “And she will, but in her own time, Luke, not yours. Olivia finally stood up to Deacon and divorced him after living in pain for quite some time. She was ready to finally move on and start fresh. Then, because Deacon doesn’t like her decision, he decides to take her choices away from her. Something as basic as being confident in your own decisions was taken away from her. How do you think that makes her feel? It’s more than just, as you say, ‘dealing with it’.”

  “You’re right. I know you’re right. I need to stop assuming I know what she should be doing right now. It’s just really hard. It’s like breathing, this need to make her happy.”

  “Oh son, that’s called love. That will never go away, if you’re lucky. And you know what the best part is? You’ll be better for it. There’s nothing better than taking care of the woman you love and knowing she loves you and wants to do the same for you in return.”

  “Like what you had with mom?”

  “Yes, we got there eventually. Relationships aren’t always easy. They take dedication and hard work. But, hopefully you will get years of love, joy, and contentment in return. And that my son, is worth all of the tough times in between.”

  “Thanks, dad. I really needed to hear this. I feel like I’m just screwing everything up.”

  “That’s not the case. You are trying to figure out how to love and protect the woman you love, the best way you can. You will never go wrong when love is leading the way.”

  “Yes, that’s what I’m trying to do, you’re right.” I take a deep breath, look at my dad and once again take in his appearance, “What do you say I make us something to eat?”

  He smiles and pats me on the shoulder, “I’d like that.”

  13.

  BLING!

  Olivia

  I’m curled up on the couch with Pyper watching Supernatural. It’s one of our favorite guilty pleasures. After Luke left she came to my bedroom asking me to join her and told me she had a surprise for me as well.

  “I can’t say no to Sam and Dean, I love that show!” What she doesn’t know though is that one of the reasons I love to watch it is because of her commentary. She always says really naughty things about the brothers, and what she’d like to do to them. And on them.

  “I knew you’d say yes!” Pyper jumps up and down clapping. Seriously, that girl goes overboard on the enthusiasm, sometimes. And I love it.

  As I hobble my way into the living room, I see that Supernatural is already on the television. “Umm, what is this? You started without me?”

  “Well, you were holed up in your room with Luke and I felt like watching it. I did not, however, feel like checking for a sock on the door. I figure you two have some catching up to do.”

  I smile, “A sock on the door? What are you, in college still?” She shrugs her shoulders, “Okay, fine, I guess I will forgive you this one time.”

  “Damn straight you will.” Pyper hands me a glass of wine and I settle onto the couch, throwing a blanket over my lap. She puts a bowl of fresh popcorn in between the two of us, and it dawns on me she knew I would say yes because she has everything ready to go.

  She starts a new episode and sure enough, it is one of her favorites. It’s the episode where Sam and Dean try to figure out how to save Dean from an anxiety driven virus. Pyper’s favorite part is when they open a locker looking for any clues and a cat is inside. Sam blows it off but the normal tough guy Dean screams like a girl and runs out. She’s seen it several times, but she still laughs like it is the first time every time she sees it. And then she rewinds it over and over to watch again. I always laugh right along with her.

  “Mmm, I really wouldn’t mind being in a Dean and Sam sandwich,” Pyper says smacking her lips together as if picturing it.

  I raise my eyebrows at her, “Isn’t that kind of gross? I mean they’re brothers. If you had both of them in bed, wouldn’t that kind of be like the brothers are having sex with each other too? Eww, talk about incestuous.”

  “Oh yeah, right. I’m sure if a woman had both of them in bed they’d be thinking, eww. I’m sure their hard pecs and well defined abs would drive those thoughts right out of their brain. Instead they would be thinking, ‘OH MY GOD, I’m having sex with Sam and Dean from Supernatural!’

  “Okay, good point,” I laugh.

  “I mean really, what kind of question was that anyway, Olivia? I expect more from you.”

  “I don’t know, just something that came to mind.”

  “You’re twisted.”

  “Ha! It takes one to know one.”

  She salutes me with her wine glass, “Guilty.”

  I laugh. I love this banter between the two of us. It’s exactly what I need, and the wine tastes great and definitely doesn’t hurt either. “I know you love Dean, but personally I’m a Sam kind of girl.” Of course this is a conversation we’ve had many times, but it amuses me to get her going.

  “Shocking, Livvie. You like the good looking, emotional, tortured and broody kind of guy.”

  “What is that supposed to mean?” I raise my brows at her, “Luke isn’t broody, so your suggestion is way off.”

  “Whatever.” She waves her hand as if it is a moot point. She leaves the room and comes back carrying a bag in her hand. “So, I thought we could do a craft.”

  “Um, what? Who are you and what have you done with my best friend, Pyper?”

  “Ha. Ha. This isn’t for me, it’s for you and I thought I would put my good sense aside and think of you.”

  “Okay, well now I’m just plain scared.”

  “Very funny.” She starts pulling things out of the bag one by one and sets them on the coffee table. There’s a huge bag full of pink and whi
te gemstones, all kinds of glitter, two new glue guns and glue sticks.

  I just stare at her for a few beats, “I’m really trying to guess here, but I have no idea.”

  “I thought we could bedazzle your cast!”

  “Bedazzle my cast? Where did you get that idea?”

  “Oh, just something I saw on Pinterest.”

  “Wait, you’re on Pinterest? Seriously, are you possessed or something? Maybe a demon from Supernatural flew out of the TV and into you? Can you get possessed from watching television? Crap.” I get close and look at her eyes, “No, they aren’t all black.”

  “Ha. Ha. You are a riot. Come on; don’t even think about telling me you don’t want to do this. It’s right up your alley.”

  “Actually, I kind of love the idea.”

  “Knew it. Do I know you, or what?”

  “Okay fine, you got me here. I’m so impressed you actually one up’d me on this one. But I gotta say, this sounds like fun.”

  Pyper gives me a no duh look as she plugs in the glue guns, “This will be fun, and then your cast will be stylin.”

  “That it will,” I smile and feel my eyes well up a little at her thoughtfulness. I blink rapidly to push them back. The last thing I want to do is cry like a baby and ruin our time together. It’s just, when I think about how close I came to losing her. No. I’m not going there.

  “So, tell me. After speaking about the hotness of Sam and Dean, what kind of guy do you picture yourself with? A serious, no-nonsense, tortured, book smart kind of guy like Sam? Or, the live-life-to-its-fullest, don’t hold back, sarcastic, shameless flirt like Dean?”

  “Honestly? The few times that I’ve seriously given that some thought, I would have to say neither.”