Butterfly

by Sylvester Stephens

  “Girl! Are you trying to get yourself hurt?”

  “It slipped.” I chuckled.

  “Seriously,” Ms. Alicia said. “I know I’m not your mother and I’m not trying to be, but...”

  “Please! My mother was a bitch!”

  “Oh my God! Why would you say such a thing?”

  “Because she gave me up for adoption!”

  “Shante! You’re not going to use that language in this house, and I don’t want to ever hear you talk that way about your mother!”

  “But you don’t understand, Ms. Alicia. That woman abandoned me!” I started to cry and Ms. Alicia consoled me.

  “It’s okay, baby.” Ms. Alicia leaned over and put her arms around me. She handed me a napkin from off of the table to wipe my eyes. “Here you go.”

  I don’t know where the words came from, but they began to spill out and I screamed. “I hate that woman! I hate her! I hate her! I hate her! I hate her! I hate her!”

  “You don’t mean that, sweetheart!”

  “Oh yes I do!”

  “Hey, what’s going on in here?” Dr. Forrester peeked around the corner. “Is everything okay?”

  “Yes, everything is fine, honey. We’re just having an important girl conversation, that’s all.”

  “Well, that’s my cue to exit,” Dr. Forrester said. “If you need me, I’ll be upstairs.”

  “We won’t need you. So go to sleep.”

  “Good night, ladies.”

  “Good night, baby.”

  I would have said “good night,” but I had my face stuck on Ms. Alicia’s shoulder and was crying my tears out.

  After Dr. Forrester went upstairs, Ms. Alicia raised my head. “Baby, listen, I don’t know what you’ve been through, but you’re home now. There’s no reason for you to hate anybody. Not your mother, not anybody. It’s time to start forgivin’ so you can start livin’.”

  “I can’t.” I lowered my head.

  “Why not?”

  “Because it hurts.”

  “I understand more than you realize, but you shouldn’t hold on to that anger, Shante. It’s not going to do you any good.”

  “But if my real mother had been there for me, my life probably would have turned out differently!” I said. “She didn’t even care what happened to me.”

  “I’m sure she did.”

  “If she cared about me, she wouldn’t have left me.”

  “It’s not that simple, sweetheart.”

  “It’s not that simple? How hard is it to love your child, Ms. Alicia?”

  “Maybe she was going through a difficult period in her life.”

  “So?” I snapped.

  “So you better watch your mouth!” Ms. Alicia snapped back.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “When you learn how to control that mouth of yours, you’ll stop having to say I’m sorry so much.”

  “I know.”

  “Now go get some sleep. We have a busy day tomorrow.”

  “Okay, good night.”

  Chapter Five

  I was so excited about going shopping I could barely sleep that night. I had never gone shopping for school clothes before. You feel me? Never! Most of my school clothes came from some type of donation drive. But don’t trip; sometime I got some good stuff.

  I tossed and turned until the sun came up. As soon as my eyes closed for some real sleep, Ms. Alicia walked in beating on a frying pan. The noise was so loud I sat straight up, and covered my ears.

  “Okay, I’m up!” I said. “Stop it, please!”

  “Can you cook?” Ms. Alicia asked.

  “Yes, ma’am!” Ma Powell had taught me how to cook everything from boiled water to a four-course gourmet meal.

  “Good! You got five minutes to meet me in the kitchen to help cook breakfast.”

  “Can I shower first, Ms. Alicia?”

  “You don’t need to shower. All that you’re going to be using is your hands. So just make sure they’re clean and you’re good to go.”

  “It’s like boot camp around here.” I chuckled.

  “You ain’t seen nothin’ yet, sister! Wait ’til Mr. Forrester get ahold of you.”

  I washed up and went downstairs to help cook breakfast. Ms. Alicia already had pans on the island, eggs in a bowl, waffles on the counter and her hands on her hips.

  “You ready for Cooking 101?” she asked.

  “What’s Cooking 101?”

  She explained, “101 is college terminology. It means your very first level of classes in college. They’re introductory classes that freshmen take. Understand?”

  “I’m not a freshman yet.”

  “You’re a freshman in this kitchen. What do you know how to cook? Eggs? Bacon? Sausage? What?”

  “Waffles!” I laughed and then ran over to the toaster.

  “You wish!” Ms. Alicia pulled me backward by my robe. “Get your behind over there to that stove.”

  “I might mess up.”

  “That’s okay; you’ll be all right.”

  I looked over my shoulder and I saw that Ms. Alicia had turned around to walk out of the kitchen.

  “Where are you going, Ms. Alicia?”

  “To take a shower.”

  “But I thought you said I only needed to wash my hands to cook breakfast?”

  “I did.”

  “Then why are you leaving me to go take a shower?” I whined.

  “You’re right. I did say you only needed to wash your hands, not me.” Ms. Alicia walked out of the kitchen. She yelled back to me as she was going upstairs, “And if that breakfast does not taste good, there will be no shopping. You feel me?”

  “Please don’t try to act young, Ms. Alicia.”

  I did not know if Ms. Alicia was joking or not about shopping, so I made sure I cooked a tasty breakfast. I fixed golden yellow eggs, with dark-brown sausages. I made biscuits from scratch to go along with crisp light-brown bacon. The orange juice was poured in everybody’s glasses, including Dr. Forrester’s and Brittany’s.

  They came to breakfast at the same time. Dr. Forrester was holding Brittany in his arms. They were inseparable. She wanted to spend every minute of the day with him. She loved her father a lot, but that little girl had enough love for everybody. She was the apple of all of our eyes. She was a very affection four-year-old who looked up to me as her big sister. I really enjoyed being a big sister.

  “Can I have a hug?” Brittany said as she jumped out of Dr. Forrester’s arms and ran to me.

  “Of course you can!” I picked her up and spun her around.

  “Mommy said we’re going to the mall today!”

  “Yes we are!” I walked over to the breakfast table and extended my arms across the buffet of food. “Breakfast, anyone?”

  “Homemade biscuits?” Dr. Forrester shouted. “I thought you didn’t know how to make homemade biscuits, baby.”

  “I don’t,” Ms. Alicia rolled her eyes at me sarcastically, “Ms. Thang over there made them.”

  Dr. Forrester took a big bite out of one of my biscuits. “These are delicious. Melts in your mouth.”

  “Okay! That’s enough! If I didn’t know any better, I would think that you were trying to show me up, girl.”

  “No! Uh-uhn! I’m not trying to show you up, Ms. Alicia!” I laughed.

  “Well, just for that, you have cooking duties every morning until you start school. We’ll see who’s going to get the last laugh!”

  Ms. Alicia threw a napkin at me and we both laughed. I never knew life could be so enjoyable. People always try to explain what a family is, or is not. I do not care if it is biological or not. A family is being around people who love and care for you.

  After we ate breakfast, Ms. Alicia asked me to help out with Brittany. It really made me feel like I was one of the family.

  “Okay, Rachel Ray, take your little sister upstairs and help her run her bath water.”

  “Okay.” I grabbed Brittany’s hand.

  “Oh, I’m sorry. I got
caught up in the family moment thing, Shante. Take Brittany upstairs and help her with her bath.”

  “That’s okay,” I said. “We already call each other sisters, anyway. We got this under control. But, um, like you told me, Ms. Alicia, when you learn how to control your mouth, you’ll stop having to say ‘I’m sorry’ so much.”

  “No that heffa didn’t!” Ms. Alicia laughed and chased after me.

  “Come on, let’s go, Brittany!”

  I ran Brittany’s bath water and played with her while she took her bath. After she was finished, I took a shower. I was not used to having my own bedroom and my own privacy. It was wonderful. I cut on the shower to let the water heat up. I liked taking very warm showers. Baths, on the other hand... I loved hot! Steaming hot!

  I took off my clothes and I stared at myself in the mirror. My breasts were the size of a full-grown woman. I touched my left breast and then my nipple became hard. I was excited. I do not know if it was the privacy of having my own room turning me on, or the curiosity of my own body, but I was hot and horny.

  I never cared too much for touching myself. It never really turned me on. Now when dudes touched me, it made me hot as hell. I never let them touch between my legs, though; that was my forbidden fruit.

  I sat on the toilet and opened my legs. I could see myself in the full-length mirror that was directly across from me. When I’d first moved in with the Forresters, I’d asked myself why that mirror was there. Come on now, who wanted to see themselves crapping? But seeing myself naked gave me an entirely different perspective of that mirror.

  I looked in the mirror and then I opened my legs. I used my finger next to my thumb and I began to touch myself. I touched my clitoris and it felt so good my legs began to tremble. I opened my legs wider and touched myself faster. I had one hand on my breast and one hand between my thighs. I felt the sensations getting stronger and stronger. I leaned my head back and I closed my eyes. I was about to have an orgasm, so I wiggled my finger really fast. I felt like I was about to explode. You know, like a bottle when you shake it up really hard. Just when I was right there, my worst nightmare happened.

  “Girl, what are you doing in here?”

  Ms. Alicia burst through the door and stood in the doorway of the bathroom with her mouth wide open. I was so embarrassed I didn’t know what to say.

  “Nothing!” I slammed my legs together and then slammed the door in her face.

  “Shante! Open the door!”

  “Uh, can I get a minute? Damn! Damn! Damn! Damn! Damn! Damn! Dammit!” I jumped in the shower and then jumped back out. I didn’t know what to do.

  “Put on a towel and open this door!” Ms. Alicia yelled.

  “Okay, hold on.” I ran around looking for my towel. “Shit!”

  I wrapped a towel around me and cracked the door. I stood behind it and peeked around.

  “Uh-huhn?” I asked.

  “Uh-huhn, what?” Ms. Alicia asked.

  “Did you want something?”

  “What’s going on in there?”

  “Nothing much.”

  “Nothing much? Girl, I saw you with your legs all gapped open,” Ms. Alicia said, “what you doin’ in here?”

  “Nothin’! For real! Nothing.”

  “It’s nothing to be ashamed of, Shante.”

  “I’m not ashamed. I wasn’t doing nothing.”

  “Okay,” Ms. Alicia said, “Well, hurry up and finish doing nothing so we can go. You holding up the party.”

  “Okay,” I said. “Can I finish my shower now?”

  “Go ’head. But make it a quickie!” Ms. Alicia joked.

  “Very funny, Ms. Alicia.”

  “Hurry up and come on. We’re waiting for you downstairs.”

  I hurried and took a shower. I threw on some short shorts and some open-toed high-heels. I put on a wife beater with no bra and ran downstairs. I stopped dead in my tracks when I got to the last step. Ms. Alicia was waiting for me at the bottom of the staircase with her hand directly in my face.

  “Errrrrrr! Where you think you going dressed like that?”

  “Uh, to the mall?”

  “I don’t think so.”

  “Huh?”

  “Follow me.” Ms. Alicia walked upstairs.

  I followed her upstairs, one step at a time. Brittany followed behind me, grabbing my shorts and nearly pulling them down.

  “Okay, here we go.” Ms. Alicia slid her closet door to one side. “Pick out something decent so we can go. If we don’t hurry up, all the good sales will be over by the time we get there.”

  “I can’t believe you even buy clothes on sale.”

  “Girl, you better get real. I buy on sale! I use coupons! I’ll forget my driver’s license before I forget my Kroger card.” Ms. Alicia sat on the bed and crossed her legs. “Hurry up, pick out something so we can go!”

  “Can I wear this?” I picked out a short summer dress.

  “Nope! That’s my Vera Wang! Here, wear this.”

  Ms. Alicia handed me a short, spaghetti-strapped dress that was very colorful. I liked it. Not as much as the Vera Wang dress, but it was cute.

  “Okay, I’m ready.”

  “You sure are. Now go take off those stripper shoes and we’re ready to go.”

  “What’s wrong with my shoes?”

  “You’re going to the mall, not Magic City.”

  “I can tell you old. Magic City done played out. Emerald City is what’s happening now!”

  “Whatever! Here, put these on.” Ms. Alicia handed me a pair of sandals.

  “These are cute!” I held them up and looked at them before putting them on my feet.

  • • •

  We picked up Auntie Cynthia on our way to Discover Mills mall. Auntie Cynthia brought her three kids with her. The two oldest were not her biological children. They had different mothers from Uncle Mike’s two previous wives: Ms. Tonita, Bri’s mom; and ’Celia, Alexiah’s mom. The youngest one was from her current marriage with Uncle Mike. It is a good thing we were in that SUV. It was a bunch of us.

  The oldest girl’s name was Brimone. Bri was fifteen and becoming a sophomore at Duluth Christian Academy. She was cute. Bri was about five feet two inches with real long, straight black hair. She was not dark and she was not light-skinned. She was kinda like, in between. Her body was thick but she had a nice shape. She looked a lot like her father, Uncle Mike.

  The middle child, we called her Alex. She was ten. She was a skinny, little, light-skinned girl. She looked more like Uncle Mike than Bri, but Bri and Alex did not look much alike at all. Alex was; what’s that word they used to call me when I was younger? Rambunctious. There were two words always associated with me when I was growing up: rambunctious and Ritalin!

  Then there was the baby. His name was Michael. He was named after Uncle Mike. He was a pretty good baby. He did not cry or whine when we were in the car or in the mall. We made way more noise than him.

  We went into almost every store in the mall. I guess they were used to it. I had so many clothes I felt guilty and asked Ms. Alicia not to spend so much money on me. She laughed at me and told me I had better get them while the getting was good.

  Brimone and I asked if we could go to the food court. They let us go, but made us take Alex and Brittany with us. We didn’t care. We grabbed their hands and got away from the grown-ups as quick as we could.

  “Is Chick-fil-A cool?” I asked.

  “Yeah, that’s cool.”

  We got in line and then a group of chicks walked up behind us. They must have known Bri because they kept calling her name. I know she had to hear them because I heard them loud and clear. But for some reason she just kept ignoring them.

  “Bri, those girls are calling you.”

  “I hear them.” Bri did not turn around to look at them.

  Bri held Alex’s hand. They were standing in front of Brittany and me. I was between them and those girls. A girl named Asia Coleman tapped me on the shoulder and asked me to step to the s
ide so that she could talk to Bri. She was a pretty little, light-skinned chick. She was short but had a nice little shape on her. Nice face, nice petite body. I could tell she thought she had some swagger.

  “Hey, Brimone, what you wearing on the first day of school?” Asia asked.

  “I don’t know yet.” Bri did not show the girl much attention.

  “You oughta be able to wear anything with your rich-ass daddy.”

  The other girls started to laugh.

  “Whatever!” Bri said. “Come on, Alex.”

  Bri moved closer to the counter and tried to block the girls out. A girl named Valencia Williams stepped around Asia and started to ask questions. Valencia was even prettier than Asia. She was dark-skinned. She was about five-four or five-three-and-a-half, something like that.

  “You still going to DCA this year?” Valencia asked.

  “Yeah.”

  “We are, too.”

  “I know.”

  “How do you know?”

  “Because Asia already told me.”

  “Is your father going to buy you a brand-new car this year, Bri?”

  “I’m too young to drive a car and you know it, Asia.”

  “So what?” Valencia said. “He buys you everything else.”

  “So what?” Bri yelled. “I can’t help if your daddy can’t buy you nothing!”

  “Don’t be yelling at me!” Valencia yelled back.

  “You better shut up. You know what happened to you last year!” Asia said.

  “I’m not scared of y’all!” Bri let go of Alex’s hand and balled her fists. She opened her nostrils and breathed hard.

  I was supposed to be the bad girl from the wrong side of the tracks. But those rich, suburban chicks were acting like Bloods and Crips in the mall. All of their parents were rich. What the hell did they have to be fighting for? Who had the biggest trust fund?

  The third girl in the group, Jheri Rose, finally spoke up and made her little comment. She was dark-skinned, too, but not as pretty as Asia or Valencia.

  “You know you scared, Bri!” Jheri said.

  “I’m not scared of y’all!”

  “Then do something!” Valencia said.

  The girls surrounded Bri and all of them started yelling at her at one time. Ms. Alicia and Auntie Cynthia walked up as they were yelling and walked in the middle of them.