Silent No More

by Aaron Fisher

  I liked Jonelle immediately, but after that introductory meeting it occurred to me that although she was genuine, she was very much a part of a machine. She had superiors to whom she had to answer—namely, Attorney General Tom Corbett. I realized that the prosecution of Jerry Sandusky was not exclusively up to her. I had the distinct feeling that Jonelle was indeed concerned that there should be justice, but that she was extremely worried about the fact that the perpetrator was Jerry Sandusky, and because of his ties to Penn State, this had to be a solid case. As time went on and the case unfolded with dozens and dozens of meetings and phone calls, I found out that my instincts were correct. At one point, Jonelle was candid and went so far as to say that they simply needed more evidence because there was a lot of scrutiny based on the identity of the alleged perpetrator.

  I wanted to believe that Jonelle was prepared to take Sandusky down. I also felt that she at the very least suspected and perhaps even knew for a fact that Aaron wasn’t Sandusky’s only victim. She never discussed any other victims or situations in any of our meetings, but she did allude to the fact that it was strange that Sandusky resigned in 1999. We were in the parking lot after our initial meeting and getting ready to leave when she said, “I can’t believe this is Penn State–related.” Like almost everyone else in the area, Jonelle was a big Penn State fan. Before we went our separate ways, I told her that I was fully aware of how defense tactics worked in these kinds of cases. The defense will say that the victim was coached to say things that didn’t really happen. I made it clear to Jonelle that there was no uncertainty that Aaron was telling the truth. I also said that I wanted to interview other boys who had been associated with Jerry Sandusky at the Second Mile—or that she needed to interview them. I said where there’s smoke, there’s fire.

  Although I had a sense of her discomfort, there was still no doubt in my mind that, as I said, Jonelle wanted justice, and she knew I was committed to making damn sure that this guy would not get off the hook because of who he was or because we had a victim who, like most victims, was reluctant to give information. With most child victims of sexual abuse, their information comes in layers. Of course, at that point none of us even thought about the possibility of a cover-up.

  15

  Nightmares

  Aaron

  THE NIGHTMARES CAME A LITTLE BIT DURING THE ABUSE BUT MORE so after the abuse ended and I got away from Jerry. Once I started therapy with Mike and began to tell him everything, the nightmares actually got a lot worse for a while. I guess that’s because I said out loud what the truth was and the truth was a nightmare. That’s when I knew that I had to talk about it more and more and get it all out of my system, if that was ever possible. I also knew that for me to get justice and for Jerry to get the punishment that he deserved, I had to talk about everything, detail by detail. To tell you another truth, I still have nightmares.

  Here’s the thing about my old nightmares: Normally when you have a nightmare, you wake up in a cold sweat and you know that you had a nightmare and it wasn’t real. Well, mine were the kind that I didn’t wake up from. They would just go on throughout the night while I slept, and even though I needed to wake up, I couldn’t. They were nightmares about what happened to me all those times Jerry was doing things to me and making me do things to him. In my nightmares, I’d see myself running away, somehow getting myself out of that basement by racing up the stairs, but then Jerry would just catch me and do things to me. I’ve been a track star and a distance runner since the ninth grade. But even in my dreams, I couldn’t run fast enough to get away from Jerry.

  After the case started and I met with the troopers and then with Jonelle, I went from nightmares about Jerry abusing me to nightmares about Jerry having people come after me and kill me and my family and take things from me. In some dreams, once everyone was gone, Jerry would lock me away where no one could find me. They were so graphic in detail that even after I woke up I could recite everything that happened and everything that was said; usually you don’t remember dreams or nightmares that well. I talk in my sleep, and so I was also afraid to fall asleep for that reason. What if the nightmares came and then I started talking? What if my mom or Katie or Bubby would hear me? That was when I started sleeping on a love seat downstairs in our apartment. I figured with everyone else upstairs, no one could hear me in case I talked out loud in my sleep.

  I still feel more comfortable sleeping on a couch because of all the terrible things that happened to me in a bed. I don’t like beds anymore. But even sleeping on the love seat, if I woke up at three in the morning because I rolled over and hit the arm, I jumped out of my skin. Then I’d be afraid to go back to sleep. I started staying up late and sleeping late into the morning, hoping the dreams would stop, but they didn’t. Once I even dreamed that I was dead and awake at the same time.

  Here’s the thing—those nightmares were my reality. They weren’t just in my sleep. When I was awake, even when I was at school, I was always looking over my shoulder. I’d check the exits to make sure that no one was lurking in a doorway, ready to jump me or take me. I’m still on high alert even though Jerry’s in prison. Even now, when I come home from work at night and when I leave for work or whenever, I check the backseat of the car. I wonder if I’ll ever stop doing that.

  When I was a little kid, maybe six or so, I loved watching the TV show Cops. It amazed me what they could do. Since then, I’ve always watched a ton of cop shows and movies. From the time I watched that first reality show, I thought, That’s what I want to do when I grow up. I want to be a state trooper and sit in my car, kind of hidden on the edge of the highway, checking things with the radar. I think that’s awesome. I don’t like being radared myself, and that makes me laugh, but I want to be that guy with the radar gun in my car. I like what those guys do. I like that they enforce the law but they’re really protecting people. I want to protect people and make sure that things are right and done right.

  Since all those interviews with the state troopers, as tough as those sessions were, and everything else that’s happened and what I’ve gone through, now I feel that way more than ever. I want to make sure that people are safe.

  16

  Everything Changes

  Mike

  JONELLE, LEAR, AND I HAD A FEW MORE MEETINGS OVER THE NEXT month. It was becoming apparent that in order for the attorney general to build a substantial case with the results we wanted for justice, we needed more evidence. When asked if I thought there were other victims out there, my answer was an unequivocal yes. The problem was that Aaron was not able to identify any of them, nor had he ever witnessed anyone else being victimized. He did have descriptions of some of the boys who were in his group and some whom Sandusky took along on various outings. He also had some names, mostly first names, but those were the only leads that Aaron could provide.

  Jonelle agreed: Her instincts also said there were other victims out there. She went so far as to say that Sandusky had made a career of being around children for too long, and given what happened to Aaron, Sandusky fit the profile of a pedophile. But again she made it pretty clear that in terms of Aaron’s case against Sandusky, she wanted to build up more evidence. She needed other people, adults and children, to validate what Aaron was saying.

  I wondered whether the other evidence was necessary to strengthen the case on its own merits or more because they needed it to be ironclad to nail a powerful guy like Sandusky. Was that why no one wanted to stick their neck out for just one boy? In my opinion, the attorney general’s office and law enforcement in general were more worried about themselves—a lot more than they should have been in a case like this. It was upsetting that everyone I came across in law enforcement seemed to be either an alumnus or a fan of Penn State, and they were all saying, “Okay, you have this fifteen-year-old boy and you believe him, and in your expert opinion you’re saying that this absolutely happened, but this is all you’ve got.”

  Again, why wasn’t this one victim of child sexual abu
se enough? Why was Sandusky still at home?

  Despite the lack of other witnesses and victims, the biggest factor convincing me that it wasn’t an isolated case was the sheer severity of the abuse. The Second Mile camp itself was Sandusky’s likely hunting ground. I spoke to Aaron about just that early on in our sessions. I asked him about other boys who might have been abused by Sandusky. Aaron never witnessed this happening to other boys, but he said that yes, there were other boys that Sandusky spent time with. There were other boys who went with Sandusky to Penn State games or to the pool at the offcampus hotel or on trips out of town to see away games. Sometimes there were a handful of boys with Sandusky and Aaron, as there were on that first day-trip to Blanchard Dam, but as time went on the other boys would be taken home at the end of the day and Aaron taken back to Sandusky’s house, where he spent the night. After Aaron’s second summer at the camp, he often stayed at Sandusky’s house on the weekends.

  Eventually, Aaron told me in no uncertain words that it was after that second summer at camp, when he was twelve, that the intensity of the sexual acts escalated into oral sex, which Aaron was forced to perform as well as receive. By then Sandusky had Aaron sufficiently groomed and left in a state of being where differentiating normal from aberrant behavior was impossible. With Sandusky’s help, Aaron managed to disassociate himself from the grim reality of abuse, as victims do.

  I had been meeting with Jonelle and Lear fairly regularly and then Jonelle called to say there was yet another new state trooper assigned to Aaron’s case. When I asked why, she basically didn’t answer me, saying only that now Trooper Scott Rossman would be contacting us for subsequent interviews. So Lear was out and another state trooper was going to come in and talk to Aaron, who would have to take it from the top all over again.

  Bear in mind that in any other case, by this time an arrest would have been made and there might even have been a trial held. There are some cases when a trial is delayed, but in general a trial could be scheduled for anywhere from three or four months to a year from the arrest. Regardless, in a case with this level of abuse, at the very least there would have been an arrest. Sure, one might have negotiations and plea bargaining, but in a case like this, chances are that someone would have accepted a plea bargain or pleaded guilty and waived their right to trial. Something would have been done: arrest, jail, probation, bail. This was super-slow motion. The cold truth was that Aaron, as a single victim, didn’t matter.

  Aaron now had to adjust to Rossman, and he was very upset. He was also angry because what we had been told was not what was happening when it came to Lear pursuing the case to the limits and essentially assuring that Sandusky would be behind bars. Aaron’s trust issues were huge—first, from Sandusky’s betrayal of him, and then because Trooper Lear had hit some high notes with Aaron, and even though Aaron wasn’t thrilled about opening up to anyone, he had made his peace with Lear and could relate to him.

  To make matters worse, during Lear’s time on the case, Jonelle met with Dawn and Aaron to explain what would happen down the road if and when Aaron had to testify before a grand jury. Although Aaron was reluctant to speak in front of a room filled with strangers, Lear’s presence and role as an advocate had bolstered him.

  On June 8, 2009, Aaron met with Rossman. I had talked to Rossman a few times on the phone before then. He sounded professional, but also a bit uptight. He was more the image of a traditional state trooper, and he didn’t strike me as someone with much of a sense of humor. Not that there was anything humorous here, but Lear had been more personable, especially compared to the first two guys, Akers and Cavanaugh.

  It was my same routine when I stressed to Rossman how gentle he needed to be with Aaron. But it’s not always easy to do sensitivity training with a state trooper. Bottom line: Rossman was not a sexual abuse officer, nor was he accustomed to dealing with children who are victims of sexual abuse.

  I happened to be downstairs at CYS when he arrived and went into the common area on the second floor where juvenile probation officers are stationed. They’re imposing as they walk around in vests and with handcuffs hanging from their belts. When Rossman walked into that area, a lot of the staff recognized him, so it was obvious that some of them had previous interaction with him, which I thought might be a good thing. He was talking to some people and then I introduced myself.

  My impression from the earlier phone calls was spot-on. He was polite but all business and quasi-military. If there was a poster boy for a state trooper, it would be Rossman: about six foot three, thirty-something, muscle-bound, military haircut, a Navy SEAL–looking guy—square jaw, broad shoulders, buzz cut—the whole deal. The first time that Aaron and I met Rossman, he wore the gray and black state trooper uniform. He’s the guy that Aaron had wanted to be since he was about six years old and dreaming of being a state trooper.

  I asked Rossman right off the bat what had happened to Lear and if he, Rossman, was going to stay on the case as time went by. Just as Lear had done, Rossman assured me that he would be the trooper from now on; he apologized for all the changes since Cavanaugh, Akers, and Lear. I was aware that Rossman was from a barracks in Rockview, which is farther away from Lamar but closer to Penn State. I asked him about that but he skirted the issue; he wasn’t “at liberty to say” why all the changes had taken place. All he said was that it was a decision made by his superiors and he was sent in by the attorney general’s office.

  I reminded him to be aware of Aaron’s anxiety level and he assured me that he knew what to do. We went to my office, where Aaron was waiting for us.

  Aaron

  WHEN MIKE BROUGHT TROOPER ROSSMAN INTO HIS OFFICE, WHERE I was waiting, I’ve got to admit that the thought of telling my story again was driving me crazy. I could tell that Rossman was trying real hard to relate to me, and he shook my hand really strong. When I first saw him, he reminded me of the guys on all those cop shows. I thought, Whoa, this is one big guy. The first thing he said was “So I hear you run track. I’m a sports guy, too.”

  Like I said, I knew that Trooper Rossman was trying to put me at ease. He started talking to me about lifting weights and all this stuff, like I was a little kid who didn’t know exactly what he was doing. But even though he was kind of like a bull in a china shop—like Pap would say—he was a good guy; he just came on a little strong. Then came the time that I had to take my story from the top, and even though the trooper apologized for putting me through that, it took me a good hour to feel comfortable enough to really tell him anything.

  The second time that he and I met was a little easier and we spent about two and a half hours together. Mike was there each time and that made a huge difference for me.

  The funny thing is, I had a feeling that Trooper Rossman was not comfortable hearing the information from me. He looked tense, and as I gave him more details, he just kept shaking his head like he had a lot of nervous energy and didn’t know what to say. He was awkward, but when I got to a point where I would have a tough time, he would try to assure me that it was okay to talk to him. At one point when I was having a real tough time telling him about the oral sex stuff, he said, “You know what, Aaron? Just because this stuff happened to you, it doesn’t mean you’re gay. You’re a kid and it doesn’t mean you’re going to turn out to be gay.” He meant well but that was the last thing I needed to hear. Here was a guy who was just so macho-looking and he’s telling me that I don’t have to worry about being gay. I wasn’t worried about being gay. By that point, I’d been in therapy long enough to know the difference between child sexual abuse and being gay. Pedophiles are sexual with kids—period. Trooper Rossman meant well, I know that, but it was just awkward. Like one time when he was trying to be real casual about something that was pretty serious and asked, “Did he ever try to put his dick in your butt? I mean his penis in your anus?” On that one, Mike stepped in and said what he’s asking is “Did he ever try to mount you from behind?” He had to help Rossman figure out how to say it.

 
; I understood that Trooper Rossman wanted me to talk about everything that happened with as much detail as possible. He asked me the names of the motels and hotels where I stayed with Jerry and what city we were in and what day and year we were there. I was frustrated because all I could remember was that Jerry made me share a bed with him, and then when I thought back to that, I started to shake. Trooper Rossman kept telling me that he wasn’t trying to put me on the spot; he was just trying to get evidence about what this guy did to me and where. He explained that he needed information and details so that eventually the police could call the hotels and get the receipts and times and lengths of stays as proof. What I told him in detail helped.

  He also wanted details about my school and when Jerry was there and what were the names of other kids and where did they live and what did they look like. I remembered some but not all; later I found out that Trooper Rossman and some agents in the attorney general’s office went out scouring neighborhoods, just like cops do in the movies. They worked a fifty-mile perimeter and as we all know now, they did track down other Sandusky victims and their investigation worked. And yes, I had to talk to more people after that as the investigation went on, and even though I never felt comfortable telling the story, the one thing I can say about Trooper Rossman was that I knew that he believed me. For a kid who wanted to be a state trooper and as someone who still does, that made a big difference for me. I kept thinking how state troopers are all about keeping people safe, and even more when it came to talking to me, they were about keeping kids safe. That’s what kept me going.

  17

  The First Grand Jury

  Aaron

  THAT FIRST INVESTIGATIVE GRAND JURY WAS IN JUNE 2009. I WAS fifteen.