Fighting For Our Forever

by Heidi McLaughlin

  “That doesn’t make any sense, Ajay.”

  He sort of rolls his eyes. It’s not because I’m being a smart ass, but because he’s showing me his frustration. He’s never been particularly good about expressing himself.

  “I don’t know what I’m trying to say, Whiskey. I just want you to know… look, I kissed you, told you that I love you. Those things still exist for me when my friends are around.”

  “Okay?”

  His eyes roll again, and I place my hand on his cheek. “Are you trying to say—”

  “What I’m trying to say is that the person I was in private is the same person I am in public. I won’t hide my feelings for you, not from anyone.”

  His words bring a smile to my face. I like that he’s open and honest about things and that if we were to stay together, everyone would know it. Our relationship wouldn’t be a secret hidden behind a closed door.

  All of this is great, but I still haven’t told him about Evelyn. I don’t know why I can’t bring myself to do it. Mostly due to fear of what he might say, do or what questions he might ask. I don’t want to see the hurt on his face when he finds out I have a daughter, not because I moved on but because she’s not his. He used to tell me he only wanted children with me, and while I don’t know if that still holds true to this day, I used to say the same thing to him.

  Ajay squeezes my hand and directs us back to our spot. Nola’s making lunch and offers us some as well.

  “Actually, I need to go make a phone call,” I say, without looking at Ajay for his reaction. I rifle through my bag and pull out my cell phone, thankful that no one has been trying to reach me.

  I walk toward the parking lot and cross it to where there’s a shelter with picnic tables. Sitting down, I press the button and wait.

  “Hey,” Logan says. “What’s up?”

  “I kissed Ajay,” I blurt out.

  “Oh,” he says. That small word lingers on the line between us.

  “I’m sorry. It was stupid. I just got caught up in the moment.”

  “You had a moment?”

  “Nostalgia.”

  “Tricky little thing nostalgia is, isn’t?”

  “Yeah,” I sigh. “Especially when you don’t have closure.”

  “And yet, another tricky word.”

  “Logan, I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be, Jamie. I’m not mad. I get it. But listen, I’ll be down in the morning, okay?”

  “Okay.”

  “Jamie?”

  “Yeah, Logan?”

  “I don’t want you worrying your pretty little head about what happened, okay? After everything you’ve gone through the last couple of days, I know your emotions are running high.”

  “You’re too good to me.”

  He laughs, which means he’s probably agreeing with me. “You should tell him about Evelyn.”

  I shake my head even though I know he can’t see me. “He’ll bail by the time our ninety days are up. I’m just going to wait him out.” Despite Ajay telling me he’s in this for the long haul, I’m not sure I trust him.

  “I gotta run, Jamie. Are you working tonight?”

  “Technically, no. I took the night off, but Ajay doesn’t know that. He brought me out to the beach with his friends. I figured I should make an effort if he is.”

  He laughs. “Be nice, tiger. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Logan hangs up, leaving me very confused. He’s not mad about the kiss, tells me I need to be nice to Ajay, and thinks I need to tell him about my daughter. It seems like Logan is pushing me toward Ajay when he should be standing between us.

  I continue to sit under the shelter, needing a few minutes to get my thoughts in order. A limo pulls into the parking lot and stops. The doors open and a wedding party gets out, followed by the groom and his bride. Her dress is mermaid style and I find myself laughing as she tries to keep up with her group. It’s when her husband scoops her up into his arms that my heart skips a beat.

  “Are you sure you want to do this, Whiskey? You don’t even have a dress.”

  “I’m tired of my daddy treating you like crap,” I tell Ajay as he drives us to the courthouse. “Besides, it’s my birthday and I can’t think of a better birthday present.”

  “Your daddy’s going to kill me,” he mutters.

  I wave him off. “Eh, after today he won’t be able to chase your naked ass down the road with a shotgun anymore.”

  “Don’t remind me. But he can tell me I can’t live with you.”

  “Then we’ll move to my grandpa’s. He’s got that trailer on his property, we could live in that. Hell, we could pull it with the truck and move someplace else.”

  “I don’t want you living in a camper, Whiskey. Not with the baby coming.”

  I look down at my stomach. There’s a tiny bulge there, but only Ajay and I notice it. After we’re married, I’ll tell my parents. I know they’ll be pissed but there isn’t anything they can do about it. I’ll be Mrs. Ajay Ballard and they’ll just have to accept my choices.

  Ajay reaches across and places his hand under my shirt, his palm on my stomach. Every night since I failed the most important test of my life, he’s laid in bed and spoken to our baby. He even bought me a book on what to expect and we’ve read it together.

  I am so in love with the man next to me. I can’t wait to be his wife and the mother of his child.

  “We’ll be fine, Ajay. My daddy will come around. Once I tell my mom she’s going to be a grandma, she’ll force Daddy into submission. You know deep down he’s just a big ole softie, like a bear.”

  “Like a grizzly, while they’re cute and fluffy, one swipe with a paw and I’m out cold.” Ajay pulls up along the curb and shuts my truck off. “Are you sure about this, Whiskey?” He asks me again, “Marriage… it’s forever.”

  “Stop fighting me on this, will ya?”

  Ajay looks out the window and finally back at me. “I have nothing to offer you, Whiskey Girl. I’m barely passing school and my job stocking shelves at the mini mart doesn’t pay shit.”

  “It pays enough to feed me and our baby. I’ll worry about putting a roof over our heads.” I take his hand in mine. I expect him to get out and drag my ass up the stairs of the courthouse, but he lets go of my hand and turns the truck back on instead.

  “Where are we going?”

  “Look, I can’t afford much, but I do have a couple hundred saved up.”

  “For what?”

  He looks at me and smiles. “For a ring.”

  “I don’t need one, Ajay. Besides, I have a math test in fifth period that I have to be back for.”

  He doesn’t listen and continues to drive us to the superstore. We walk hand in hand to the jewelry counter, all the while I’m looking over my shoulder for a sighting of either of my parents. They’re going to be pissed I ditched out on school today, but not as angry as they will be when I tell them why.

  The clerk comes over to help and Ajay asks to see the rings in his price range. I can tell he’s a bit embarrassed but I’m not. I’m in love with him and want to be his wife.

  “Which one do you like?”

  I point to one of the three he’s showing me. It’s small, simple, and beautiful. He pays for the ring and a band to go along with it.

  “What about for you?” I ask.

  “Maybe next month, I don’t have enough to buy all three.”

  “I should buy yours.”

  “Nah, I’ll get it. Besides, after today, my money is yours.”

  “And mine is yours,” I say, giving him a kiss in the parking lot. Standing at the truck, his hand rests on the handle. “Everything okay?”

  He nods and drops down to his knee. “Whiskey Girl, will you marry me?”

  I throw my arms around him and we almost fall to the ground. We’re laughing as he slips the ring onto my finger.

  “Come on, we gotta hurry.” He helps me into the truck and makes his way back to the courthouse. Inside, we have to show our driver’s licenses to pro
ve we are of age.

  “Does your daddy know what you’re doing, Jamie?” the desk clerk asks.

  “Sure does. Told this boy to start acting like a man. What a better way to be a man, right?”

  She cocks her head to the side and gives us an ‘uh huh’ as she continues to process our paperwork. We sign our names and she tells us that Judge Harvey can see us in ten minutes. Frankly, that’s too long but I can be patient.

  As we wait, Ajay’s leg bounces up and down. “Cold feet?”

  “Nah, just scared she called your daddy and he’s about to burst through that door with his shotgun loaded and aimed at my head.”

  “Well at least you’re dressed this time.”

  “Funny,” he says, but he’s not laughing.

  “I’m an adult and this is what I want.”

  “Most eighteen-year-old’s ask for a car.”

  “Got that already.”

  “Jameson Foster and Ajay Ballard, you’re next.”

  I stand up and drag Ajay behind me. Judge Harvey doesn’t look too pleased to see us standing in front of him and I suppose it’s because he knows I’m the one that teepeed his house not too long ago. I have no doubt that it was a bitch to clean up because his stupid sprinklers came on, soaking that tissue right where I left it. Plus, it rained for the next few days which meant he couldn’t really clean it all up.

  “I don’t even want to pretend I know what’s going here.”

  “Works for us,” I tell him.

  “Do you, Jameson Foster, take Ajay Ballard to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

  “I do.”

  “Ajay Ballard, do you take Jameson Foster to be your lawfully wedded wife?”

  “I do,” he says proudly.

  Judge Harvey sighs, scribbles his name on our marriage license and looks at the both of us. “I hope to hell you both realize what you’ve just done,” he pauses to shake his head. “I now pronounce you husband and wife.”

  He doesn’t tell Ajay he can kiss the bride, but Ajay does anyway. “Mrs. Ballard,” he whispers against my lips.

  “Best. Birthday. Ever.”

  23

  Ajay

  The day at the beach hadn’t really gone like I had planned. After Whiskey walked off to make her phone call or do whatever she had to on her phone, she was different when she returned. Her normal jubilant, smart ass banter disappeared, and she acted reserved and somewhat standoffish, shooting off one-word answers instead of engaging in conversation. Still, I did what I could to make the rest of the day and evening enjoyable for all of us.

  Today, though, it’s a different story. My calls to her have gone unanswered and my texts unreturned. I suspect it has to do with the fact that I kissed her, knowing she belongs to someone else. I don’t even know the guy, but I know they’re not in love with each other. If they were, she wouldn’t have come out to the beach with me for the day or would have invited him to come as well. I know her better than she knows herself. She’s loyal, maybe to a fault. That’s something I’ve always admired about her. What I find odd is that she owes me nothing and earlier in the week didn’t give a shit about following the sentence from Harvey. In fact, she told me she was willing to lie. I, however, am not. I want this marriage and find it comical that we’re “forced” to spend time together, mostly because Harvey knows he has no basis to order us to do so. Saul called me the day after I left Bailey and told me he was filing an appeal and that he was confident the divorce settlement would be imminent. I told him not to bother, that I wanted the three months to try and win her back and if she thought she had to see me, she wouldn’t be able to tell me no.

  It’s an underhanded plan, but I’m desperate. I’m in love with this woman and I need all the help I can get. I was stupid to ever let her go, but the thought of living on the street with her, or in a sleaze bag motel, disgusted me. It’s not what I wanted for us and by the time I could actually provide something decent, I had been gone far too long. Proving that I’ve changed and that I never wanted to leave her in the first place is going to be an uphill battle…one she’s currently fighting with me.

  I step into Bailey’s hoping to see her. Unfortunately, there’s a man behind the bar, wiping the top down.

  “What can I get you?” he asks as I pick a stool. There are very few people in here and I assume that’s because it’s a Sunday. Everyone is probably still at church or at home cooking family dinners.

  “Coke?”

  He nods. I look around and find a few girls staring so I pull my cap down and keep my attention on the bar. The barkeep places my drink in front of me and sets a menu down, telling me to let him know when I’m ready to order.

  “Is Jamie working?”

  “Not today, she took the day off.”

  “Gotcha.” I’m not going to let it bother me that she’s been off all day and couldn’t return my calls. I need to remind myself that what she does is none of my business, regardless of how much I want it to be. What I could’ve done though, was head off with Quinn and Nola. They’re driving to her parents for the day and invited me, but I didn’t want to miss an opportunity to see Whiskey. Now I feel like a fool. I should’ve taken the hint she was silently sending me.

  After I finish my drink, I ask for a beer. I need something stronger, and I need food if I’m going to drink. My other option is to eat my lunch and head back to my room to enjoy my pity party for one.

  I’m three drinks in when someone taps me on my shoulder. I’m half tempted not to acknowledge the person next to me, until they sit down next to me.

  “Ajay Ballard, is that you?”

  I lift my hat a little and apprise the guy next to me. “Lee Johnson, how the hell have you been?” I ask him. He looks like an older version of the guy I left behind. Lee was the guy who everyone thought would make it big. He made such a big deal about playing in the garage band, almost as if it were beneath him. If I remember what Whiskey said correctly, he married Jolene Johnson.

  “Heard you were back in town.”

  “Yep,” I say, finishing off my bottle. I show it to the bartender who nods in my direction. “Just passing through mostly.”

  “Really? Jolene said she ran into Jamie at the park. She said Jamie told her you’re back for good and looking for a gig.”

  If I had beer in my mouth, I would’ve choked. I shake my head slowly. “Funny story, Lee. I heard Jolene told Jamie that I came by asking if you wanted to join Sinful Distraction.”

  His eyes go wide. “Oh wow, I mean I’m flattered but—”

  I hold my hand up, interrupting him. “Lee, no offense but we’re not looking to add to the group, and I think we both know I’m not in town to ask if you want to play in my band.”

  The poor dude hangs his head, and now I feel bad. Back in the day, Lee and I weren’t exactly close. We both had an affinity for music and wanted to make a career out of it. Lee had won a few talent shows and everyone thought he was destined for stardom. I, on the other hand, was the kid who was going nowhere, who didn’t have a home, and could barely afford to feed myself. Guess life has a funny way of working out in the end.

  “So, you married Jolene, huh?”

  He nods. “Yeah, we have a little boy. Being a parent is pretty awesome, man,” he says, patting my shoulder.

  “I heard.” The youngest kid I know is Chandler, Keane’s daughter. She’s pretty awesome, but mostly keeps to herself.

  “How are things? Married? Kids? The band is successful. Jolene’s a big fan.”

  The bartender sets a fresh bottle of beer down in front of me and Lee orders water, saying something about performing later. I think I’m in the clear and can avoid answering Lee’s questions, but unfortunately he’s looking at me, waiting for me to unload about my life.

  I sigh, take a drink, and give him the dirt. “Band is great. We are on tour right now, but I’m trying to spend my off days in Bailey. No kids. One wife.”

  “Congratulations, man. Who is she?”

  This time
I laugh. “Her name is Jameson.” I let her name hang in the air, along with a cheesy grin. Lee studies me; I suppose he’s waiting for me to crack up with laughter, but I don’t.

  “You’re joking, right? Didn’t you guys get divorced years ago?”

  Slowly, I shake my head while bringing the bottle of beer to my lips. “Doesn’t seem that way. Jamie forgot to file the paperwork to end our marriage.”

  “Well ain’t that some shit. So now what are you going to do?”

  “I don’t know,” I say, shrugging. “Judge Harvey has a stick up his ass and isn’t granting us a divorce.”

  “Man, that guy.”

  On the inside I’m laughing, but to anyone watching me, I look like one pissed off dude who’s forced to hang out in his former hometown. I’m going to play it off as long as possible, at least until I can convince Whiskey that being married to me is worth it.

  “Does that mean she gets half your money?”

  Lee’s question gives me pause. I hadn’t really thought about any financial implications but imagine that she wouldn’t be entitled to anything. I signed the papers, proving that I wanted the divorce. Only now, since I’ve been back and have seen her, have my feelings changed.

  “No, I don’t think so.” Even though I’d give her whatever she asked for. “What’s new with you? How’s the band?”

  Lee turns and nods toward the stage. “I’m part of the house band here. We’re down a singer and a drummer tonight though. The flu has been going around.”

  “That’s hard man.” A few months ago, Dana came down with a cold and happily shared it with all of us.

  “Hey, do you have plans tonight? We could really use you on the drums. Our acoustic performances aren’t really that great, if you know what I mean.”

  I glance at the stage and find myself nodding. “Why the hell not? I don’t have anything better to do tonight.”

  Lee claps his hands together and smiles like he’s just won the lottery. When he motions toward the door, I crane my neck to see who he’s eyeing.