by Fiona Lowe
It was the bliss of the coffee but it caught him, cementing his gaze to hers and igniting the remnants of the heat he’d convinced himself he’d got under control. Heat that burst into flames of longing that licked parts of him he thought had died along with Anna. Should have died with Anna.
Every cell in his body yearned to touch her and his hand urged him to slide it over Chloe’s and let his palm absorb her warmth and her energy. He imagined hearing her laugh again and just the thought streaked through him, making him feel alive—making him feel like a man again instead of a widower, a father and a responsible surgeon.
Hell, forget laughter, he wanted to kiss her—wanted to feel her body softly leaning into him and her curves melding to his. His lips would press against hers and then he’d feel hers yield so he could savour her heat, her essence and her taste. Did she taste like almonds and sunshine, like the scent of her hair? Or did she taste of the same hungry and desperate need that burned hot and vibrant inside him?
She gulped and the movement swooped down her neck and across Her breasts. Breasts whose round, sweet curves defied any attempts to be rendered asexual behind her utilitarian uniform. Her body was one of curves, dips and swells, calling out to be cupped and traced and caressed by his hands, his mouth and his tongue.
His blood thundered through him—draining his brain and filling his groin, his heart pumping hard and spreading the intoxicating arousal into every cell of his body. Waking him up. Demanding he take action.
The scream of his need drowned out everything around him. Only Chloe existed, he was immune to everything else.
Chloe tried to haul air into her cramped lungs but the raging desire in Luke’s eyes held her in its delicious grip. Tingling and throbbing need rushed her, sweeping through her, gaining volume, gaining intensity and control and crying out to be met. If she hadn’t been sitting down her legs would have collapsed from under her as every cell gave in to the heady wonder of ecstasy.
Stop it. This is crazy.
She knew she had sexual needs but she’d learned the safe way to deal with them—on her own. Using a man to help her was so far from safe she refused to go there again. Jason had burned that lesson into her. Even with no emotional baggage, Jason, who had been reliable and easygoing, had proved to be dangerous to her heart and hazardous to her mental health. Getting involved with a rude and difficult traumatised widower with a child would be emotional suicide.
He’s not always rude and difficult. You’ve caught glimpses of the man he was.
And, damn it, she had and that was the problem. This afternoon he’d made a real effort to be pleasant and she’d seen a different side of him. The Luke of previous weeks she could resist, but this Luke, the one who made coffee to die for, the one with the fire in his eyes that matched the burn of her body, left her wide open and without protection.
‘Want to see Chester,’ Amber announced loudly.
Luke’s eyes widened so much that the inky black of his pupils almost obliterated the intense green. Lust vanished instantly, jolted out by shame and parental responsibilities. He swung his gaze away abruptly and focused on his daughter.
Relief flowed through Chloe, mixed with irrational disappointment. The moment of aberration for them both was over and she should be pleased.
I am pleased, she told herself firmly. Lust didn’t belong in her life and, given the horrified expression on Luke’s face ten seconds ago when his daughter had broken the moment, he didn’t want it either.
‘Want see Clo’s doggie,’ Amber said, as if she sensed neither of them had heard her the first time.
‘Blossom, Chloe’s puppy isn’t here,’ Luke said faintly.
‘Where doggie?’
‘At her house.’
Amber stood up. ‘Let’s go, Daddy.’
Luke looked as if he’d been hit over the head by a shovel. ‘We can’t go and see the dog, Amber.’
The little girl responded to the slightly sterner tone in her father’s voice like a very normal toddler. She stamped her foot. ‘Want to see puppy.’
‘No.’ Luke moved to pick up Amber but she ducked behind Chloe.
Chloe tried not to laugh at the child’s determined antics, deciding that Amber’s stubborn streak matched her father’s. Right now he was looking utterly bewildered, confused and a just little bit cross. She felt a modicum of responsibility.
‘I’m sorry, Luke. I showed her a photo of Chester when she was upset at you leaving. I don’t have much experience with children and I didn’t think she’d be so set on meeting him.’
He shook his head. ‘You don’t need to apologise. You’re the one that helped out here.’
Chloe felt Amber’s warm fingers pressing on the backs of her knees and something softened inside her. ‘Will she be really upset if she doesn’t meet him?’
Luke sighed. ‘She has to learn she can’t have everything her own way.’
‘Doggie, woof-woof.’
‘Yes, they say woof-woof,’ Luke said, holding his hand out towards Amber.
Chloe’s heart turned over. This little girl had stoically coped with being minded by a stranger in a strange place. And she’d been a tense stranger at that. She’d used the picture of Chester to help herself relax with Amber as much as to try to distract and entertain the child. Now all Amber wanted was to meet the puppy that Chloe had gushed and made so much of a fuss about. It seemed only fair to offer.
Don’t do this. Even her father says she can’t have everything her own way.
The entreaty in the little girl’s eyes and the warmth of her hands on Chloe’s legs tugged hard at her protective shell.
Do the right thing.
She pressed her thumbnail against her teeth, knowing how hard doing the right thing could be. ‘Luke, emergencies aside, I’m off in about two hours. I’d be happy to show the p-u-p-p-y to A-m-b-e-r then, if that helps.’
Luke heard the offer and immediately felt trapped. Showing Amber the puppy meant spending more time with Chloe, and after that moment of insane electricity that had buzzed between them across the table, he didn’t trust himself. God, what the hell was happening to him? He’d been rock-hard and lusting after a woman in front of his daughter.
A woman who wasn’t Anna.
Guilt slugged him and the faint nausea that had been with him on and off for months rolled again in his gut. Amber would inevitably survive the disappointment of not seeing the puppy but did she deserve that just because he’d lost control of himself?
Yes.
No.
Maybe.
He closed his eyes against the stress-induced silver spots that danced into his vision, knowing exactly what he had to do and not wanting to do it.
CHAPTER FIVE
‘CHESTER’S WORN HER out.’ Chloe tilted her head towards Amber, who’d fallen asleep on her father’s chest, her inky curls pressed flat against his polo shirt. The child looked serenely cute and adorable, which she was, and Chloe felt the familiar lump build in her throat whenever she thought about her childless life.
Don’t go there.
‘Really? Chester’s worn her out?’ Luke said, rolling his eyes before glancing over at the puppy, who was snoring gently, snuggled up on one of Amber’s old baby blankets inside a broccoli box that he’d found for him.
He grinned. ‘I think it may have been the other way around.’
Chloe laughed. ‘Either way, they’re both out for the count.’
Amber and the puppy had run non-stop for an hour and then, as the sun had started to set, both had zonked out cold, which was how she’d come to be sitting with her legs tucked up under her on Luke’s couch in his cottage. She stifled a yawn and caught Luke smiling at her.
‘Sun and surf are a lethal combination,’ she justified as she tried not to let his smile do dangerously delicious things to her. ‘All those positive ions.’
He laughed. ‘More like two thirty-somethings being out of condition and run ragged by a toddler and a puppy.’
‘Hey, speak for yo
urself.’
His jet brows rose. ‘Someone’s a bit defensive about turning thirty.’
She didn’t know his age but she guessed he was four or five years older than her. ‘Did you find it hard?’
His eyes darkened and the humour in his face faded. ‘Believe me, Chloe, there are much worse things in life than turning thirty.’ He rose abruptly—suddenly swaying violently.
Chloe shot to her feet and grabbed his arm to steady him and protect the sleeping child. ‘Are you okay? Sit down before you drop Amber.’
He leaned against her for a moment, the weight making her stagger slightly until she widened her stance. ‘Luke?’
He stared at her blankly, as if he hadn’t heard her.
‘Are you dizzy? Is it postural hypotension?’ she asked, flipping through the most likely possibilities.
He blinked quickly, as if he was clearing his vision, and shock flared in his eyes. He straightened up fast, keeping Amber pressed close. Everything about him screamed man protecting motherless child.
‘I’m fine,’ he said briskly. ‘There’s wine in the fridge and some cheese and dips if you want to throw them on a plate while I settle Amber into her cot.’
She watched him walk away, surreptitiously checking his balance, but he was very steady on his feet and his gait devoid of any rolling motion. The dizziness must have been a combination of rising too fast and grief, given he’d probably been thinking about the death of his wife.
A moment before he’d stood up she’d wanted to say, I know there are worse things than turning thirty. Some of them have happened to me too.
Fortunately, that moment had passed and she hadn’t voiced the thoughts. Self-disclosure rarely ended well and she had to work with Luke so, just like with her other colleagues, she planned to keep her past very much to herself.
His invitation to stay for a drink had been unexpected and the sensible thing to do would be to make her excuses, take Chester and drive home to her apartment. Her empty, rented apartment.
Luke’s house—it was really a tiny cottage—was nestled in a small enclave of rainforest garden. With the beach at its front and the lush environs of wild, green tropical plants at its back, it seemed like a step back in time to the old Gold Coast. The Gold Coast that had existed before the glitz, glass and steel skyscrapers of today. Being so different and quaint, it should hum with warmth, but the walls were bare of any artwork or decorations. Her apartment in comparison suddenly didn’t seem as quiet or as empty.
The only photo in the open-plan room was of a strikingly beautiful woman with blue eyes, blonde hair and a wide smile.
Chloe would stake her life it was a picture of Luke’s wife, Anna. She quickly looked away, feeling like an elephant in comparison to the svelte and designer-dressed woman. Comparisons were odious, she quickly reminded herself, and there was no need for them anyway. Luke, with his wedding ring welded firmly on his finger, was obviously still very much in love with his wife.
If there was one thing Chloe knew about herself, it was that no man could love her. She had a list of examples starting with her father and ending with Jason. However, despite knowing all that, there was this thing that hovered between her and Luke. She knew she shouldn’t stay around and explore it, but today at work, and now over the last hour, he’d made her laugh and smile and she’d enjoyed herself.
Was it so bad to want more of the same?
She pulled open the fridge door, pleased to see a bottle of her favourite sauvignon blanc, but as she slid it from the shelf she couldn’t see any cheeses or dips. She bent her knees, turned her head and even moved some things around with her left hand but all she could find was a container of black olives and, more surprising, a packet of potato chips.
She took them both out, found some bowls to decant them into and then poured the wine. She was just returning the bottle to the fridge when Luke appeared. She handed him a drink.
‘Thanks.’ He frowned at the contents of the bowls. ‘Couldn’t you find the cheese?’
‘There isn’t any. Maybe you’ve eaten it already?’
‘No, I only bought it this morning.’ He put down his glass and opened the fridge door, looked inside and then closed it, confusion clear on his face. ‘I don’t get it. I was in that new deli down on Palm Avenue and while Amber was busy eating all the samples I bought some Brie, some blue vein and that gorgeous crumbly stuff from Tassie. So where is it?’ He sorted through a pile of green shopping bags and then rubbed his temples.
She’d noticed he did that a lot and recalled his dizzy spell. ‘Do you have a headache?’
‘Hmm?’ He looked up distractedly. ‘Sorry, what?’
‘You were rubbing your temples and I wondered if you had another headache.’
‘Not a headache. More like a dull throb from being too hungry.’
‘Have some chips.’ She passed them over with a smile.
He touched one. ‘Why are they cold?’
‘They were in the fridge.’
This time he dropped his face into his hands before pushing his fingers through his hair with a long sigh. ‘I tell you, shopping and unpacking with a toddler is obviously enough to make me lose my mind.’
He looked so weary and woebegone that she reached out and briefly touched his arm. ‘Amber’s like a rechargeable battery. She’s either totally full on and claiming all of your attention or she’s fast asleep. A bit like Chester, really.’
She laughed at the comparison despite the fact that being with the puppy was a lot more straightforward than being with Amber and much less fraught with emotions. Spending time with the child was like being on a roller-coaster. There were moments of joy and fun and troughs of abject floundering and sadness.
‘Luke, I’ve been known to come off night duty, buy groceries and leave half of them behind in the supermarket.’
‘Now you’re just trying to make me feel better,’ he said with a slow smile.
The addictive warmth she got every time his eyes crinkled at the edges—taking away the pervading sadness that always circled him—glowed again. ‘Is it working?’
‘I think it is.’ He took a long sip of his wine and studied her intently. ‘I’m famished. I’d offer to cook for you but that would probably be an insult to all your great help today. How do you feel about take-out Malaysian satay from Mr Megat’s?’
‘Don’t feel you have to feed me.’
‘Well, I need food and you’re welcome to join me,’ he said with a shrug, before picking up his mobile phone. ‘Are you in or do you have to dash home for a hot date?’
She laughed loudly at the improbability of that.
‘I’m surmising from your mirth that your social life is as exciting as mine.’ He texted the food order and grabbed the bowl of chips.
She glanced at the photo of Anna, trying to decode if there was anything more to this invitation than to share food. ‘Do you want a social life?’
His gaze followed hers and he flinched. ‘Anna filled the weekends with events, and after a busy week I wasn’t always thrilled to have to go out.’
‘But now life seems quiet?’
‘Chillingly so.’
She thought about how her life had changed dramatically at sixteen when she’d discovered she was pregnant. How the experience and eventual fall-out had put her in a different realm of understanding from her peers. ‘Have the invitations dried up?’
He stared out of the large windows towards the horizon. ‘People feel uncomfortable around me.’
‘And you don’t make it easy for them.’
His head swung around sharply and indignation duelled with admiration on his face. ‘You really don’t pull any punches, do you?’
Her shoulders rose and fell. ‘Am I wrong?’
‘I want to say yes but I can’t.’
He was standing so close to her that his heat and scent of spicy musk spun through her nostrils. His hypnotic eyes with their mix of grief and pain hooked hers and he slowly reached out his fingers
, tucking some stray strands of hair behind her ear.
‘What’s made you so scarily perceptive, Chloe Kefes?’
His touch shot through her like an electric shock—sparking and zinging bliss into every cell. Raising her hand, she pressed her palm against his cheek, feeling the rough scrape of stubble. She wanted to extend her touch—run her fingers across his silver-streaked temples, bury them in his hair and pull his head down to hers. She wanted the burn of his lips on hers.
The haunted look deep in his eyes stopped her cold.
Her hand fell away. He didn’t want her to kiss him. She stepped back, putting distance between them, and swallowed the hurt. Forcing a laugh to break the tension, she said, ‘If I told you the secret of my perceptiveness, I’d have to kill you.’
Luke laughed—a real, deep, full-bellied chuckle that wrapped around her with the comforting caress of relief and the scratch of regret.
‘Perceptive and dangerous,’ Luke quipped as he fought his desire to kiss her. ‘Remind me never to cross swords with you.’ His body wanted her in his arms so desperately that his muscles ached, but his head and heart told him otherwise. He could feel Anna’s gaze on him, radiating from the photo across the room. Added to that, Chloe’s abrupt stepping back and her tight expression had clearly said, Don’t kiss me.
Good. At least they were on the same page.
Neither of them wanted to act on this crazy heat that sizzled between them. Hell, neither of them wanted it to exist. Surely knowing that had to help.
You think?
He shouldn’t have invited her for dinner but it had seemed such a natural progression after their pleasant afternoon together.
You like her.
Yes, he’d concede that. He’d certainly enjoyed her company and the hour on the beach with her and the puppy. Watching both of them chase Amber and being chased back had seemed blessedly normal. He didn’t have many moments like that any more.
You want more of them.
He rubbed his jaw with his knuckles. ‘It’s been a lovely afternoon, Chloe.’
‘It has.’ She laughed, the tinkling, magical sound filling the room. A room that hadn’t known much joy since he’d moved in.