by Fiona Lowe
I can’t see his face.
The thought skittered across her mind before vanishing quickly as her body took over. Their rhythm gained momentum and their bodies became one, driving each other forward until, with a cry, they spun out on a stream of fulfilment and then collapsed, utterly sated.
CHAPTER TEN
LUKE LAY ON his back, panting and staring at the ceiling.
What have I just done?
Guilt burrowed in. He’d just had sex with a woman who wasn’t his wife. What had started as a quick kiss to show Chloe that she was very much a desirable woman had ended in mind-blowing sex.
He rubbed his palms across his face, feeling the edge of his wedding ring drag against his cheek. I’m sorry, Anna.
Twice he could have called a halt, apologised to Chloe and walked away. He’d been given two perfect opportunities—his for the taking—and he’d ignored them, letting his body drive the agenda, deaf to reason. Sex with Chloe was the last thing either of them needed in their messed-up lives, so why had he done it?
Because it’s been a damn long time, his body chimed in, stirring again as Chloe’s legs tangled with his. You’re a healthy, red-blooded male.
God, he’d forgotten how amazing sex could be—the rush of euphoria followed by the feeling of contentment that now swam in his veins.
Chloe rolled against him, her hair tickling his nostrils with that intoxicating, fresh scent, which invigorated him every time he inhaled it. ‘I’m guessing maybe you haven’t had sex in a while.’
He gazed down at her, into a face filled with concern for him, and his heart both ached and squeezed. It unnerved him and he didn’t want to think about it. ‘Did you think I was out of practice?’ he joked, trying to keep the conversation light.
She trailed her fingers across his chest. ‘Your clothing removal’s a little rusty so you lost points there.’
‘Is that so?’ He captured her hand in his. ‘And for overall performance?’
‘Let me see…’ She cocked her head as if she was giving it serious thought. ‘The judges gave you nine point nine.’
He grinned at her, ridiculously pleased. ‘Not so rusty after all.’
‘Not where it counts, no.’
She rested her head on his shoulder and he automatically pressed a kiss into her hair. It felt companionable and uncomplicated. Nice.
‘This is the first time you’ve had sex since Anna died, isn’t it?’
The words slammed into him, making him flinch, and his throat tightened.
She raised her head, her gaze demanding an answer. ‘Luke?’
He closed his eyes and the blurry image of his beloved wife appeared, so he opened them again. Fast. ‘Yes.’
‘It was just sex, Luke,’ she said matter-of-factly.
He felt himself frowning. ‘What do you mean, just sex?’
She chewed her lip. ‘Exactly that. Two adults taking a moment because they both needed it. Sex can be simple, you know. Casual. It doesn’t have to have strings attached.’
The weight of age and time bore down on him. ‘I never did that.’
Chloe sat up fast—shock and surprise making her feel dizzy. As she pulled the sheet up under her arms, her mind roved over what he’d just said. She’d been leading the conversation, trying to check out if Luke was okay because although she’d never experienced the death of a partner, she was certain that the first time he had sex with someone other than his wife might trigger some tough emotions. She hadn’t counted on his lack of experience before he’d committed to Anna. ‘You’ve never had casual sex before?’
His expression mixed sadness with an element of being offended. He pushed up and rested his back against the headboard, his broad and beautiful chest on full view. ‘I met Anna in my final year of high school and we started dating. We lost our virginity to each other after our exams.
‘I imagine our families thought the relationship would flounder soon enough but we’d applied to the same university college so being separated by geography wasn’t an issue. When she finished her economics degree, we moved in together. Four years after that, during my residency, we got married. I loved being married,’ he said with a sad smile, ‘so, yeah, I’m a one-woman guy.’
She tried not to let his probably unintentional barb pierce her as she wrapped her mind around the sort of relationship he and Anna had shared. ‘That’s a big love,’ she said faintly, hating the way her voice sounded. She’d never experienced anything like it.
‘Yeah.’
He stared out into the distance with his Anna look and her entire body ached. Why had she asked if she was the first woman since Anna? She could have just enjoyed the sex, said thank You and returned to her own room. But, no, she’d gone and brought his late wife into bed with them.
Great going, Chloe. You suck at everything to do with men. Make an excuse and leave now.
She opened her mouth to speak but Luke spoke first. ‘So this sex with no strings attached…’ his green eyes sparkled, partially obscuring the permanent sadness that lingered there ‘…is it something you might be interested in?’
Keep safe and say no.
His gaze implored and every good intention inside her started to crumble, one resolution at a time. She sought to find a way it might work for both of them, knowing what they’d both experienced at the hands of life. A way to keep her heart contained and intact. ‘I’m not looking for a relationship, Luke.’
He nodded. ‘Exactly. Neither am I.’
‘So no commitment, no regrets?’
‘Are you up for that?’
Yes. ‘Maybe.’
‘Maybe?’ He grinned, reaching for her. ‘Seeing you refined and defined my offer, I’m taking that as a yes.’
She raised a brow. ‘And that’s your seduction technique?’
He pulled her into his arms and ran his tongue along her collarbone before dipping into the hollow at her throat.
Her head fell back and her breasts rubbed deliciously against his chest, pebbling into tingling nubs.
He nuzzled her décolletage. ‘How am I doing?’
Her breath sped up, pulling in and out, hard and fast as her body liquefied. ‘Keep…practising.’
He laughed—a wicked, deep, sensual sound—and then he did exactly what she’d told him.
Amber was sitting at Luke’s feet, stacking plastic containers from the big kitchen drawer. He marvelled at how something so simple and easy could give such enjoyment and he wondered why she had a boxful of expensive toys when all it took was this. He’d noticed that Chloe often pulled the drawer out when Amber was weary and fractious, and it was always a hit.
He wasn’t immune to the irony that a childless woman had taught him more about his daughter than he’d been able to teach her.
As Amber played, Luke and Chloe cooked dinner. Or, to be more precise, Chloe was cooking and he was cheerfully being a kitchen hand, following instructions and dicing all the vegetables for the stir-fry. A week had passed since the night a consoling kiss had catapulted them into bed together and although Chloe always returned to her bed around midnight, they started every evening in his. He wondered why he’d been so fearful that sex would cause complications. This no commitment, no regrets idea of hers was an unexpected gift and it had gone a long way towards lessening his guilt about Anna.
This wasn’t love. It was sex—pure and simple. It might have taken him seventeen years to discover casual sex but he was now making up for lost time.
It’s not really casual when it’s just with one person.
He turned the volume down on his conscience and poured Chloe a glass of wine. ‘I was thinking—’
‘Sounds dangerous,’ Chloe quipped with a smile as she set the wok on the gas burner. She loved this time of day, with both of them in the kitchen, working together, Amber close by and Chester in his basket.
He grinned at her. ‘Very funny. I’ve been thinking that it’s time to start the ball rolling towards me returning to work, and that starts
with me doing a full day at home alone.’
Her hand tightened on the spatula as her heart cramped. This is it. The real world is bursting your bubble of denial. ‘So you need me to move out?’
‘God, no.’ He wrapped his arm around her waist and kissed her swiftly.
She hated the relief that trickled through her on the coat-tails of desire. ‘What then?’
‘Well, I was thinking if you go back to work and Amber goes back to daycare, I can run the house and meet you at the end of the day with a glass of wine and a basic meal.’
‘The wine idea is tempting,’ she teased.
‘If you’re horrified at the thought of my cooking, feel free to take over,’ he said without heat.
She ran the logistics through her head. ‘What about when I’m rostered on lates? Can you cope with dinner and the bewitching hour with Amber?’
His face sobered. ‘That’s the real test. I need to be able to cope with that before I can even think about dealing with patients and surgery.’
‘True.’
‘So, what do you think?’
Post-surgery, with his sister away, he’d needed Chloe’s help. Now, with every passing day he needed it less and less, but he wasn’t pushing her to leave and he was asking her opinion of his plans. Did it mean something?
Don’t overthink this.
‘I think it sounds like a plan. I’ll call Keri.’
He kissed her again—long and slow—as if sealing the deal.
‘Daddy.’ Amber tugged on both their legs. ‘Up. Me cuddle.’
Abruptly, he pulled away from Chloe and scooped his daughter into his arms. ‘Who’s my best girl?’ He kissed her curls.
Chloe’s heart did a ridiculous lurch.
No commitment and no regrets, remember?
Catching the glint of Luke’s wedding ring, it was impossible to forget.
‘How’s Luke?’
Keri rushed up to Chloe the moment her feet hit the shiny linoleum floor of the ward.
‘When’s he coming back?’ Kate asked, now visibly pregnant and wearing a voluminous maternity uniform.
The pang Chloe normally experienced on seeing a pregnant woman didn’t sting nearly as much as it usually did, but as Keri and Kate started firing questions at her, she didn’t have a moment to reflect on it.
‘He’s doing really well,’ she said with a smile. ‘If everything goes according to plan, he’ll be back here in less than two months.’
‘Wow, that’s amazing. People usually take at least three months to recover from brain surgery,’ Kate said.
‘Yes, but they don’t have me looking after them,’ Chloe quipped, ready to steer the conversation around to ward work. She was doing a nine a.m. to three p.m. shift today to cover the busiest hours.
‘You did an amazing thing, taking on looking after Luke and his little girl,’ Keri said. ‘Especially with how you feel about children. I bet you’re glad to be back at work.’
Am I? Dropping Amber off at daycare had been fraught. She could still feel the little girl’s arms clinging to her and her sobs ringing in her ears. The childcare worker had extricated Amber and mouthed, ‘Just go.’
Chloe, blinking back tears, had done just that but part of her heart had stayed behind. The moment she’d parked the car in the hospital car park, she’d telephoned to check on Amber. The carer had reassured her that Amber had settled quickly and was busy talking about Chester.
Chester was spending the day with Luke and she wondered how Luke was faring with the grocery shopping and the installation of the new dishwasher he’d bought. Chester was probably stealing the grey hoses and Luke would be yelling at him and cuddling him at the same time. She stifled a smile, thinking about how he let her dog get away with just about everything. She really needed to get Chester back into his training regime or he’d end up being a huge dog with no manners.
After a month of the three of them living side by side and sharing everything, today she felt as if she was missing a limb. Although she hadn’t even started her shift, she couldn’t wait to get home and share her day and hear all about his.
The cottage isn’t home. Your dusty apartment is home.
But it was getting harder and harder to remind herself of that.
Chloe mustered up a bright smile for Keri and Kate, deciding to take the easy option and not disabuse them of their thoughts about her and children. ‘You’re right. After four weeks of chasing around after a toddler, coming back to work will be a relief and a rest.’
Liar, liar, pants on fire.
Keri’s smile wavered slightly. ‘We’re just glad our career nurse is back.’
Is that what I am? For the first time in a long time her beloved job didn’t hold quite the same allure.
As Chloe slid her key into the lock on the cottage door, the shrill chirping of the cicadas stopped and she could hear the gentle wash of the waves against the beach. It was a dark, windless night and she’d just worked her first late shift since returning to work five days ago. Tiptoeing quietly into the sleeping house, she slipped off her shoes and went directly to the shower to wash off the ward. Experience with Luke’s hot-water service had taught her to run the shower for a full minute before she got in, rather than doing a freezing St Vitus dance in the cubicle.
She turned on the taps and then stripped off her clothes. She was just dumping everything into the laundry hamper when arms went around her waist. She jumped in surprise and then a very familiar body pressed against her back. Luke’s skin touched her spine and silk boxers caressed her behind.
His lips nuzzled her neck. ‘I missed you.’
Joy poured through her and she put her hand up behind her and touched his head. ‘I’m here now and I’m all yours as soon as I’ve had a shower.’
‘I thought I might join you.’
A thrill of anticipation shot through her and she turned in his arms to face him. ‘That sounds perfect.’
He grinned, shucked his boxers and joined her in the shower. It wasn’t a large shower, and it was impossible to turn around without their bodies touching, but she wasn’t complaining one little bit.
Grabbing her shower mitt, he squirted coconut-scented gel on it. Starting at her shoulders, he used the mitt in circular motions across her back before he tossed it aside and pressed his thumbs into the tight muscles of her shoulders.
‘Busy shift?’
She sighed at the delicious, relaxing touch that was making coherent thought difficult. ‘Tough shift. Burn victims. The youngest is eight.’
‘Hell.’
She heard his concern and his frustration that he hadn’t been there. ‘In another month you’ll be back at work, dealing with it all.’
‘It can’t go fast enough.’
His hands moved down her back and those talented fingers, which could stitch the tiniest vessels together, pressed firmly against each vertebra of her spine and massaged the connected muscles and tendons. It was all she could do to stay standing.
‘I had no idea you had this talent.’
He kissed her shoulder. ‘I have hidden depths.’
She laughed. ‘You just want to get lucky.’
‘Is it working?’
She imagined the twinkle in his eyes and the grin on his face and her heart swelled. ‘Keep on going and I’ll let you know.’
The warm water cascaded over them and his hands reached her buttocks. She pressed against his hands, wanting their touch and hoping they would slide between her legs, because she knew he was particularly good at that, but after a brief but wonderful massage his hands fell away.
She opened her eyes to see him reaching for her shampoo and the next moment his hands were in her hair, washing it and caressing her scalp. Then he reached around her and washed her breasts and her belly. Half of her wanted to turn around, wrap her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist and feel him deep inside her, but his touch was so tender and thoughtful that she didn’t want it to stop.
A sob rose
in her throat.
This touch wasn’t sexual—it was full of caring and reverence. Her parents had abandoned her and Jason hadn’t loved her enough. Nick was wonderful and cared for her but it hadn’t been like this. This was something in an utterly different sphere.
This is love.
I love him.
The thought exploded in her head, freezing her breath in her lungs and cramping her heart.
No. How did I let this happen?
Despite everything she’d told herself about holding back and keeping her heart safe, she’d fallen in love with Luke. Deeply and irrevocably in love.
Unaware that her life had just turned upside down, he turned off the shower, guided her out onto the waiting mat, towelled her dry and then wrapped her in an enormous, fluffy bath sheet.
Falling in love with him might not be a disaster, her endorphin-infused brain told her as her body whimpered, limp with need and with the wondrous emotions of feeling treasured. She kissed him. ‘Thank you. That has to be the best coming-home-from-work welcome I’ve ever had in my life.’
Dark green eyes gazed down at her and he took her hand. ‘I haven’t finished yet.’
He led her to his room, lowered her onto the bed and using the combination of his mouth and hands selflessly took her to the dizzying heights of bliss. As she floated back down his hands started to turn her over but she stopped him. Cupping his cheeks, she said, ‘I’d like to try something different.’
His face took on a guarded look. ‘O…kay.’
She rolled him over and straddled him, wanting to see the face of the man she loved shatter in ecstasy when she took him to that amazing place. Wanting him to watch her taking him there.
Gently lowering herself over him, she sighed as he filled her, his shaft rubbing that sensitive place where she craved to be touched. She moved her hips, creating the friction she knew he’d love and anticipated his thrusts meeting hers.
He didn’t move.
Her hands touched his chest. ‘Luke?’
His lust-glazed gaze collided with her shoulder. ‘Hmm?’
‘Is this working for you?’