Thursday's Bride

by Patricia Johns

  But this draw between her and Levi—this was different. Was it simply that Levi was wrong for her, that he was forbidden, that made his touch so powerful? This attraction was supposed to change! He wasn’t supposed to awaken her like he used to. They’d been young back then, foolish. And now they were wiser. At the very least, she should feel some proper remorse for allowing herself to kiss him like that today, but she felt none.

  Nor was fooling herself into thinking she should marry him. She’d marry another sensible man, and she’d find that warm, safe spot with him, too. She was confident that she could. She knew how these things worked between a husband and a wife now . . . But these stolen moments with a man she should be keeping clear of—

  Lord, forgive me . . . for not being sorry!

  It was a strange kind of prayer. It had been nothing more than a kiss—no other lines had been crossed. Well, except for her kapp. But that had been an accident. Still, that kiss had reached deep inside of her to a place that hadn’t been touched in a very long time. And that was dangerous, because it might make her forget what her little girls needed.

  Rosmanda rubbed her hands over her face, watching the calf drink the last of its bucket of milk. It stopped drinking, lifted its head, and looked around with those big, baby eyes.

  “You done?” Rosmanda asked quietly. She reached down and collected the pail. There wasn’t much milk left in the bottom, so the calf had a full stomach. She dumped the dregs down a drain, and then headed over to the sink to rinse the bucket.

  Babies needed attention, care, guidance, reassurance . . . Even babies of the bovine variety. And her daughters were no different. She had to be thinking of them, not of her own carnal desires. Her daughters’ future mattered more than whatever might fill her heart in the short term. When Rosmanda got back to the house, her daughters would be ready for their bottles, too, when they woke from their nap.

  Rosmanda put the bucket back where it belonged and headed back out of the barn.

  She saw her in-laws returning when she got back to the house—Stephen drove the buggy under the shelter to unhitch. When she approached the house, she could hear her daughters’ cries from outside, and she hurried inside, slamming the door shut behind her.

  Levi wasn’t in the kitchen where she’d left him, so she headed up the stairs toward her room. The bedroom door was open, and when she stepped inside, she saw Levi sitting on the end of her bed, his arm tight against his side. His face, or his profile that was visible, was ashen, but he sat there facing the babies who were on their knees, pulling themselves up in their cribs, his attention fixed on them.

  “Your mamm will be back,” Levi was saying. “Just hold on a little bit. You’ve got me . . . whatever that’s worth . . .”

  “I’m back,” she said.

  He turned and heaved out a sigh. “Oh, good . . . They started a couple of minutes after you left.”

  Rosmanda went over to the cribs and scooped the girls up, one at a time. Once in her arms, their tears stopped.

  “What did you do?” she asked.

  “I . . . watched them.” He shrugged sheepishly. “Took me a bit to get up here. I didn’t want them to think they were alone.”

  There was a kindness deep down in Levi’s heart—one that not all men shared. She smiled, but then the side door opened downstairs, and Rosmanda could hear the sound of boots on the floor, the bang of the door, the murmur of voices.

  “Your parents are back,” she said, and she waited while Levi rose to his feet.

  “Yah. I’d best head down—”

  Levi paused as he reached her, and for a moment, she saw that tender glimmer in his eyes again, but then he continued past, and out the door. He went ahead of her, walking carefully, his arm pinched against his side. As he came down the stairs, his parents’ voices halted.

  “Levi, what happened?” Miriam exclaimed.

  Rosmanda followed Levi down, the babies in her arms. Levi allowed his mother to pull up his shirt, looking at the damage.

  “Levi! This is bad!” Miriam’s voice went up in pitch. “What happened to you?”

  “Donkey kicked me,” he said.

  “That animal should have been sold long ago,” Miriam muttered.

  “No. He’s going to pull our plow—”

  “Levi—”

  “Mamm, I’ll break him. Just let me work him.”

  “He’s unmanageable! You could have been killed. You might need a doctor as it is—”

  “I’m fine. I’m bruised. This isn’t broken.”

  “A doctor could tell you that, Son.”

  “Mamm—”

  Levi and his mother argued back and forth, but when Rosmanda looked up, she found her father-in-law’s gaze locked on her. His expression was grim and she froze, her heart speeding up in her chest. Why was he looking at her like that? Had he seen something? Had they returned earlier than she’d thought? The possibility made her cheeks heat—but she’d seen them come in with plenty of time to spare.

  Hadn’t she?

  Susanna started to fuss, and Stephen held out his arms for his granddaughter.

  “I’ll take her, Rosmanda,” Stephen said, and she passed her daughter over, who reached immediately for a fistful of his beard.

  The older man still looked grim, but he slowly turned toward Miriam and Levi with a sigh.

  “Miriam, he’s got breath enough to argue with you,” Stephen said. “He’ll be fine, I’m sure. If those ribs were broken, he’d barely be breathing.”

  Miriam pinched her mouth shut, but she eased up Levi’s shirt again and winced as she surveyed the bruising.

  “We have other matters to discuss,” Stephen added.

  Miriam looked back at her husband, and they exchanged a look.

  “Yah, we do,” she agreed. “Rosmanda, would you sit down?”

  Rosmanda pulled out a high chair and put Hannah into it. Then she reached for Susanna and placed her next to her sister. Her breath was coming low and fast, and she felt lightheaded as she tried to hide her panic. What had happened?

  “Sit down, Rosmanda,” her father-in-law said sternly, and she sank down into the chair next to her daughters. Levi looked at his parents questioningly, but the glance in her direction was a worried one.

  “What’s the matter?” Rosmanda asked.

  “We were speaking with Aaron and Ketura today,” Stephen began. “And while we were there, we heard that Jonathan Yoder is still in town.”

  Rosmanda didn’t answer, and when Hannah whimpered and turned toward her, she simply put her hand out to let Hannah hold on to her fingers.

  “Do you care to tell us anything?” Miriam asked quietly.

  How much did they know? This must not be about the kiss she’d shared with Levi if their news had come from Aaron and Ketura.

  “No,” she said simply.

  “He’s been asking about you. A lot,” Stephen said. “Why?”

  Rosmanda looked over at Levi. Was she responsible for explaining this man?

  “He should go home to his wife,” Rosmanda said after a beat of silence.

  “And yet, he hasn’t,” Miriam said. “He’s been staying at the Abundance Hotel.”

  “He’s married,” Rosmanda said firmly. “He belongs with his wife. Not here. That isn’t my responsibility.”

  “Rosmanda,” Miriam said gently. “Something happened here at the house that upset you, and you sent him away. But he won’t leave town, it seems. And people are starting to talk.”

  Rosmanda felt the blood drain from her face. “What are they saying?”

  “They are suggesting that there is more between you than is . . . proper,” Miriam said. “And it certainly looks that way to an outsider, doesn’t it? This married man comes to town and asks after you for days and days. This isn’t good.”

  “And there is more to this story,” Stephen added. “Rosmanda, I know you deserve your privacy, but if we don’t know what we’re dealing with here, we can’t help you.”

 
How much should she say? The whole story wouldn’t be good for her . . . but if the story got out and she hadn’t told them . . . Her head was spinning.

  “Are there any specific rumors that Aaron and Ketura heard?” Levi interjected.

  “Well . . .” Miriam blushed slightly.

  “We need to know the worst,” Levi said. “What is it?”

  “Some people are saying that in Morinville, Rosmanda tried to break up an engagement. Some are saying that this Jonathan Yoder was the man in question.”

  Rosmanda’s mouth was dry and she stared at them. The rumor had made it this far? Someone must have a relative back in Morinville . . . or a friend. A pen pal?

  “Obviously, it’s not true,” Miriam said with an uncomfortable laugh, but Stephen’s gaze was locked on Rosmanda.

  “Is this true?” Stephen asked.

  She could lie. She could hide it a little longer . . . And she wanted to, but something inside of her wouldn’t utter the lie.

  “Yah,” Rosmanda whispered.

  “Not exactly,” Levi cut in. “First of all, Jonathan was significantly older than Rosmanda at the time. She was only sixteen, and he was baptized and courting. So he was . . . what . . .”

  “Twenty-one,” Rosmanda said.

  “There is a significant age difference, there,” Levi said. “From what I understand, he was playing both girls for a while and ended up getting his fiancée pregnant. Not Rosmanda.”

  “I didn’t sleep with him,” Rosmanda confirmed. “But it’s true that I wanted him to marry me instead of Mary. I’m ashamed of it now, but it’s true.”

  “And what of his wife now?” Miriam asked.

  “I don’t know,” Rosmanda said weakly. “I haven’t spoken to her since their wedding. She hates me—for obvious reasons. But I didn’t encourage him to come out here. I didn’t encourage this—”

  “So when you came to Abundance to stay with your aunt, it was to escape an unmarriageable situation in your hometown . . .” Miriam rubbed her hands over her eyes. “You weren’t just passed over, were you?”

  “I came to Abundance to start over,” Rosmanda said softly. “I was deeply sorry for what I’d done back when I was a foolish girl. I paid the price. And when I came here, it was to start fresh. And I did that. I married your son and I was a devoted wife to him. I am not the same girl that I was before. I promise you that.”

  And it was true—on a heart level. She didn’t want to be that foolish girl . . . except an hour ago, she’d been kissing their son rather passionately in this very kitchen. So she wasn’t quite the pillar of virtue that she was still pretending to be. But she wouldn’t confess that.

  “So why is Jonathan here?” Levi interjected. “What is he hoping to gain?”

  “We don’t know,” Stephen said gruffly.

  How much should she tell? Rosmanda looked at the tired, sad faces of her father- and mother-in-law in front of her. When she looked over at Levi, his expression was granite, but his gaze glittered with a strange intensity. He seemed to be on her side, at least . . . Would he stay there?

  “I asked Levi to make Jonathan leave this house when he came to see me,” Rosmanda said. “He did that for me.”

  “So perhaps this is revenge?” Miriam shook her head.

  “Jonathan wanted me to—” Rosmanda licked her lips. “He wanted to pick up our relationship where it left off nine years ago.”

  “To have an affair?” Stephen looked down at his hands instead of at Rosmanda.

  “Yah . . .” she breathed. “He wasn’t very clear, but it seemed he wanted an affair while he’s married to Mary.”

  “And that was why you wouldn’t let him stay.” Miriam softened. “You told me at the time it was worthy of sending him off, and I questioned that.”

  “He’ll deny all of this, I’m sure.” Rosmanda looked between her mother- and father-in-law. “But I couldn’t let him stay here. He’d sent a letter that I destroyed—one saying he wanted to know if I still had feelings for him and that he wanted more from me.” She felt the crinkle of her daet’s most recent letter in her apron pocket. “And my daet sent me this letter just today.”

  She pulled it out and pushed it across the table toward Stephen. He picked it up uncertainly.

  “I’m sure your father wouldn’t appreciate me reading his correspondence with you,” Stephen said slowly.

  “I’m asking you to read it,” she said. “He went to see Jonathan’s wife, Mary, and she’s in a bad way. They have five kinner, and he told her he had come away for business, but she knows something is very wrong. My daet wants me to send Jonathan home to her. But if what I’ve done so far hasn’t sent him back, I don’t know what else I can do!”

  Stephen and Miriam exchanged a look, and Rosmanda looked between them, then over at Levi. They all knew the worst now—and she was their responsibility to deal with. And she felt their disappointment. She’d been the sweet daughter of a bishop up until now . . . and now she’d become . . . tarnished.

  Stephen slowly picked up the letter, unfolded it, and read it over. He nodded, returned it to the envelope, and sighed.

  “If you need to send me and the girls away, I understand,” Rosmanda said, her voice trembling at first, but growing firmer as she continued speaking. “But I’m a much wiser, better woman now. Was I stupid? Yes. Was I brazen and wicked? Absolutely. But I am no longer any of those things. I know the position I’ve put all of you in, and I’m deeply sorry for that. I’ve begged God for forgiveness, and I ask it of you, too. But pulling apart my adolescent sin will not give you a clear insight into the woman I am today.”

  Miriam blinked at her and she thought she saw a smile at the corners of Levi’s lips.

  “And who are you today?” Stephen asked, his voice low.

  “You know me,” she replied. “I’m a mother to my girls. I’m your daughter-in-law, and I work hard to be of use to you in any way I can. And I will marry again so as not to be a burden to you—if I can.”

  “And if this gets around, what man will take you?” Miriam murmured. The question, though harsh, sounded only forlorn.

  “An older man, perhaps,” Rosmanda said, and an image rose in her mind of the old husband her sister had married—face lined, hair gray, skin already sagging . . . “A pious man, I hope. A man who is firm but fair. Who will help me raise my daughters and will forgive my wayward past.”

  “There is time enough for that,” Stephen said with a sigh. “What will we do about Jonathan? That’s the question right now.”

  “I’ll deal with him,” Levi growled.

  “You will not go fight with an Amish brother,” Miriam snapped, and then she sighed. “No matter how very satisfying it might feel right now . . .”

  Was Miriam siding with her, just a little? Rosmanda felt her gaze mist again, this time in hope. Were they willing to protect her from this tumble from grace? Would they be the family shelter that she so desperately needed? If so, she dare not jeopardize this.

  “And with your injury, you aren’t much use in manhandling anyone,” Stephen said curtly. “No, you’ll have to speak to him yourself, Rosmanda.”

  Her heart sped up, and she licked her lips nervously. “I’ve been very clear with him so far. I’ve told him I don’t return his feelings and that what he wants is wicked. I have not led him on in any way—”

  “But he’s still here.” Stephen turned a steely gaze onto her. “The biggest threat to your reputation right now is his very presence in Abundance. I think we’re past placing blame. If anyone is going to convince him to leave, Rosmanda, it will be you.”

  And her father-in-law was right. She knew it. But by confronting him again, she’d be putting herself into the public view. There would be curious stares. There would be stories passed along. And she’d confirm the wild things he’d been saying just by being seen to take them seriously.

  But what else could she do?

  “It would appear that this Mary needs any help she can get.” Stephen pushed the
envelope toward her again.

  “I’ll go with her,” Levi said. “She’ll need a man from our family to be present for this, just in case a witness is necessary later.”

  “What about an elder?” Miriam said, turning toward her husband.

  “Bishop Graber hasn’t asked her to include elders,” Stephen replied. “He’s asked her to send him home. I’ll trust her father’s wisdom on that. He knows both this Jonathan and the wife.”

  Rosmanda looked over at Levi, and his warm gaze enveloped her for a moment. She would be expected to fix this—and she wasn’t sure that she could. Jonathan’s preoccupation with her was more about his own unhappiness than it was about her, and she knew it.

  “We’ll go in the morning after chores,” Levi said. “The sooner this is dealt with, the better.”

  Chapter Fourteen

  Rosmanda clutched her hands in front of her as Levi flicked the reins and the buggy started. Apparently, Jonathan had been eating his meals at a local diner and sleeping at the hotel. Where he got the money for this extravagance, Rosmanda had no idea. If he was getting into debt, it would only hurt his family when they were forced to pay it off. The Amish avoided debt, but then, they also avoided extramarital affairs, so maybe she shouldn’t be looking to Jonathan for typical behavior right now.

  “You all right?” Levi asked.

  They turned onto the main road and Rosmanda looked back toward the house. She couldn’t see anyone, and likely no one was at the window watching her leave. She missed the days when she could count on her mamm and daet to be her support. Her in-laws loved her—she knew that—but it wasn’t the same. She missed home.

  “Rosie?” Levi said.

  “Yah,” she said, turning toward him with a forced smile. “I’m fine.”

  Rosmanda kept her hands firmly in her lap, and a good eight inches between them on the seat. He’d hold her hand if she put it down between them, but she didn’t want that. Her mother- and father-in-law were supporting her right now both financially and through this scandal, and she wouldn’t toy with that. She’d promised that she’d find a good, honest, Amish man, and she’d do just that.