Broken Lion

by Devon Hartford

“Ha ha. Did you spend all day thinking that up?”

  He scowled. “No.”

  “Actually, I was thinking we’d find the nearest freeway and go play in traffic.”

  He Frown Clowned. “I deserved that.” He took a step back and shifted his weight to the other foot. A genuine smile appeared on his face and he shook his head like he was amused by his own behavior. Believe it or not, Donald was a good looking man when he wasn’t frowning or scowling. “Sorry. It’s just… all this is so… confusing, you know?”

  “What do you want, Donald?” I really didn’t want to talk to him.

  “You really have changed since you started seeing this Lion character.”

  “I know. For the worse, right?”

  “Actually, you look different. You’re more tan, for one. But I don’t know, you’re happier. I haven’t seen you like this in a long, long time.”

  “Thank you.” We both knew it was true. The last few months with Lion had been the most continuous fun I’d had since before Daniel was born. That was ten years ago. Ten. Sad but true.

  “It looks good on you, Bee.” He hadn’t called me Bee in five years. Or longer. What was going through his head? Whatever it was, I didn’t like the looks of him.

  “Thank you, Donald.” Don Juan. His old nickname. I hadn’t called him that since forever. There was no way in hell I was calling him that ever again. Now it seemed like a cruel joke. Add our marriage to the list of ones that fell apart when the sex did. Those old memories made me miserable and I wanted to forget them. “I should really go. I need to get ready.”

  “Is your boyfriend on his way over?”

  “Who?” I was playing dumb.

  “Your boyfriend. Lion Maxwell.”

  “He’s not my boyfriend. He’s my friend.”

  “Is your friend on his way over?”

  “Yes, Donald. He is.”

  “That’s too bad.” His eyes traveled over my face like he was searching for something. “You really should wear your hair down more. I like it like this.” He reached up to touch it and grabbed a few strands.

  I pulled away. “What are you doing?”

  His eyes glimmered. He slowly lowered his hand. “Why didn’t you wear your hair down for me, Brigid?”

  “Because I was busy all the time and had a baby and didn’t wash my hair often enough and it was too gross to wear it down. Does that answer your question?”

  “I never thought you were gross. Or your hair. I always loved your hair. So bright and fiery. Like you, Bee.” Donald’s eyes were now definitely twinkling with his desire for sex. It was a look I knew very, very well. Houston, we have a problem.

  “Donald, you should go.”

  “What if I don’t want to go, Bee?” He stepped toward me.

  I backed up into the wall beside my front door. “Donald! Stop!”

  He pressed his chest against mine. Before I could get my hands up to push him away, he leaned in for a kiss.

  Smack!

  I slapped him without a second thought.

  “Donald! What are you doing?” I pushed him away.

  He snarled, his face red and angry. “The same thing I always did, Brigid. Trying to get you to pay attention to me without it working.”

  Ouch. It was disappointingly true.

  Donald wasn’t a bad man. Just irritating at times. But who wasn’t after eight years of marriage? The only consistently irritating thing he ever did to me was pressure me for sex. He never forced me. But he pestered me, even when I was exhausted from a thirty hour shift at the hospital. In the end, I was the one who withdrew first. Once again, one of the many reasons why trying to be Super Career Woman Mom had hidden downfalls. Everyone was given the same 24 hours in a day. There was only so much one person could do. Anyone with children knew quantity was more important than quality in the long run. Being there for someone day in and day out made all the difference. A present parent who made mistakes was better than a perfect parent who was never there. The same applied to relationships. In the last several years of our marriage, I was barely there. And when I was, I was too tired to engage with my husband. Looking back, I couldn’t blame him or hate him for leaving me. You could argue I had left the marriage first, without realizing it. All because I didn’t have enough hours in the day for everybody and I put my husband last.

  Donald sighed, “I don’t know what I was thinking. We both know you aren’t interested. I sometimes wonder if you ever were.”

  I felt bad for him. “That’s not true, Donald.” Maybe it was, but I didn’t want to make him feel worse than I already had during our marriage. He deserved better.

  “Tell me something, Bee. What should I have done differently?”

  “How about not divorced me,” I smirked.

  “No, I meant during our marriage. What should I have done to make you more interested?”

  “I don’t know, Donald.”

  “Should I have taken up karate?”

  “No, Donald.”

  He sneered and planted his hand against the wall near my head. It was obvious he wasn’t completely over me. I sort of felt bad for him. Sort of. He was making too much trouble in my life to deserve my full sympathy.

  “Don’t, Donald. You’re standing too close.”

  “I’m not going to try to kiss you again. You should know by now that I can control myself when it comes to you.”

  Way to make me feel guilty. It was depressingly true.

  “What the FUCK are you doing?!” Lion roared as he marched up the walk toward us.

  A jolt of jagged fright smacked my chest and I jumped.

  Donald turned slowly to face Lion, looking totally relaxed. “How are you, Luh—”

  Lion slammed a hand into Donald’s shoulder and he stumbled backward, catching the heel of his shoe on the door mat. He stumbled into the condo through the open door and landed on his ass. Lion dove through after him and was on top of him a second later. He already had his fist knotted in Donald’s polo shirt and his free hand hung in the air, ready to drop like a wrecking ball.

  “Lion! Stop!” I shouted as I ran inside.

  “Go ahead, Lion!” Donald shouted. “Punch me as hard as you can! Break my nose! Draw some blood! Knock out all my teeth. I’ll be sure to file a police report and take plenty of pictures. And I’m sure the judge will love them when I petition the court to give me full custody of Daniel.” Donald’s eyes were wild and I knew he meant every word.

  Lion still held Donald’s shirt in one hand and his heavy fist was about to fall on Donald’s face like a battering ram.

  “Lion Maxwell! You let him go this instant!!!!” I screamed so hard it felt like I tore a vocal chord. I didn’t stop to think about it because I was pulling as hard as I could on the shoulders of Lion’s shirt. The collar pulled at his neck like a leash.

  Lion growled and stood up, which surprised me and sent me stumbling backward. The back of my head was on a straight trajectory for the doorframe, but I managed to turn to the side at the last second. Unfortunately, I landed hard with my hands behind me. Both my wrists exploded with pain. The first panicky thought that shot through my brain: If I broke my wrists, I wouldn’t be able to perform surgery with pins and screws in the bones and casts on both forearms. What kind of physical therapy would I need? How long would I be out of work? If the fractures were severe enough, if there was nerve damage… Panic, panic, panic.

  “Are you okay?” Lion asked. Rage and concern fought on his face.

  Sitting up, I flexed and rotated both hands carefully, trying to sense any pain through the fog of adrenalin blinding my nervous system.

  “Brigid? Tell me, are you okay?” Now Lion was panicked. He knelt next to me, his hand on my shoulder. “I’m so sorry. I just… I was…”

  I glared at him. I was furious. How could he?

  Donald chuckled. “I warned you. I told you something like this would happen.”

  I didn’t know why, but the sound of Donald’s voice ate away at my last shr
ed of composure like battery acid. It was probably a combination of all those years of our failed marriage and his recent actions. I growled, “Shut up, Donald.”

  He shook his head and glared at me.

  Lion was clearly worried. “Are you okay, Brigid?”

  I flexed my hands some more and circled my wrists. “I think so. Can you help me up?”

  He grabbed me carefully by the elbow and hooked my arm around his neck and stood me up.

  Donald still lay on the ground. “Look at you two. Like Bonnie and Clyde.”

  “Shut up, Donald,” I hissed. “I didn’t make you try and kiss me. You did that.”

  “He tried to kiss you?!” Lion shouted.

  “Relax! Both of you!” I glared at both men.

  Donald smirked.

  Lion was confused but still angry.

  I locked eyes with him. “Calm. Down.”

  Lion was seething. “Fuck!” He whirled and punched a huge hole in my wall.

  “What the hell, Lion?! That’s my wall!”

  “Fuck!” He spun around and strode out the front door and down the walkway. He jumped into his Range Rover and gunned the engine before screeching tires and speeding off.

  “Nice guy,” Donald chuckled.

  “Thanks, Donald! Thank you for that! Thank you very much!” I was just as angry at him as I was at Lion.

  He smirked, “I may have been the first man to leave you, but it looks like I won’t be the last.”

  “Get out of here! This is all your fault!” I pointed toward the door. “Go!”

  “Mom? Is everything okay?” Daniel stood in the hallway to the living room, peering around the corner like he was scared to come out. “What happened? Was that Lion?” His eyes found the hole in the sheetrock. “Who broke the wall?”

  “Your good friend Lion Maxwell,” Donald said sarcastically.

  I snarled at him. “Go! Now! This mess is ninety percent your fault!”

  “Ninety?” He snorted. “Let me see. Who lost his temper? Who nearly knocked your head into the doorframe? Who nearly broke your wrists? Who punched a hole in the wall? I’ll give you a clue. Not. Me.”

  I wasn’t going to fight in front of Daniel. “It’s okay, Daniel. Everything is all right. We just had a little misunderstanding.” I hoped that’s all it was.

  Daniel stared at me, wide eyed and speechless.

  “Everything is okay, I promise.”

  He still stared. I didn’t think anything like this had ever happened to Daniel before. His father didn’t have a temper. None of the Wright family did. They held everything in. I wasn’t sure how Daniel would process all this. I wasn’t sure how I would either. No one in my family had a temper like Lion’s. It was foreign to me.

  Donald stood up and smoothed his slacks. “Now you know what kind of a man Lion Maxwell is. I hope he’s worth it.”

  I couldn’t decide if Donald wanted me back or just didn’t want Lion to have me. Either way, it didn’t matter. Donald wasn’t getting me. He’d made his choice two years ago.

  Now I had a choice to make about Lion Maxwell.

  Chapter 33

  BRIGID

  Daniel and I sat on the couch watching the Minions movie on DVD. It had become a favorite of his after Universal Studios. I wondered if it made him think of Lion. It sure made me think of him. He was all I could think about while we watched the movie.

  The last time Daniel and I had watched the movie together, he’d been laughing and talking with me the whole time. This time he was silent. I knew he needed to process the violence of what had happened before he talked about it. What all had he seen? What all had he heard? I didn’t know. But I knew that any amount was too much. He shouldn’t have had to witness any of it.

  I shouldn’t have had to either.

  Had I just met the real Lion Maxwell? Did he always punch walls when he lost control? Or did he punch people too? How often did he lose control? You never knew in the beginning. It wasn’t until you’d been with someone for a long time that all their unappealing qualities came out and you saw the real them.

  One thing was for sure: I wasn’t going to excuse Lion’s behavior. Donald had been right. No one made Lion knock Donald down or knock me down—it didn’t matter that it was an accident—or punch a hole in my wall. Lion did or caused all of it. It was unacceptable and inexcusable. His jealousy over Donald’s kiss was simply too much. He should’ve asked what happened first instead of exploding.

  I sighed with frustration.

  I didn’t know if Lion planned to apologize or never talk to me again or what. But he needed to do something or we were through.

  An hour into the movie, Daniel asked, “Why did Lion break the wall?”

  “Because he was mad at your father.”

  “Why?”

  That was a tough one to answer. All he really needed were the pertinent facts. “Your dad doesn’t like Lion very much.”

  “Why?”

  “You know how sometimes when you’re at Heather’s house playing with Josh, and Josh’s friends from school are there too, and Josh likes to play with them more than he likes to play with you?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Do you remember how much that hurts your feelings?”

  “Yeah,” he sighed.

  “It’s sort of like that. Your dad is scared you want to play with Lion more than you want to play with him.”

  “Oh. But I do like playing with Dad. Sometimes. Not all the time. But sometimes.”

  “Think about how it makes you feel when Josh doesn’t want to play with you. That’s not fun, is it?”

  “No.”

  “How does it make you feel?”

  “It makes me sad.”

  “It makes your dad sad too. When you don’t want to play with him as much as you do with Lion, your dad gets sad.”

  “Oh.” Daniel sat quietly for a while. “Does that mean I need to be nicer to Dad?”

  I smiled and kissed him on top of the head. “I’m sure your dad would love that. Make sure you tell him that the next time you talk to him.”

  “I will. So why was Lion mad at dad?”

  “For the same reason your dad was. I think Lion is afraid your dad doesn’t want you to play with Lion anymore.”

  “Does he?”

  Truthfully, I really thought Donald would be happiest if Lion disappeared forever. But I wouldn’t say that to Daniel. “I don’t think so, sweetie. I think your dad is confused right now. The best thing you can do to help is tell your dad you love him and be as nice to him as you can.”

  “Okay. Can I tell Lion the same thing?”

  “Yes. Be nice to both of them.”

  “I will,” he smiled. “Can I tell him I love him too?”

  “Who, Lion?”

  “Yeah.”

  I suddenly flashed back to Lion’s words the first time we’d had sex: There’s no going back after this. Truer words were never spoken. I was suddenly scared to death. Was I in love with an abusive man and was only now discovering who he really was? That would be horrifying. Worse, what about my son’s feelings? Was he getting attached to a man who didn’t belong in our lives? The idea made me nauseous. I didn’t want things to be hard on Daniel. He didn’t deserve more turmoil than he’d already endured because of the divorce.

  I looked at my son. His face was pure innocence.

  “You can tell Lion the next time you see him.” If you ever see him again, I added mentally.

  For the first time since it all started, I was questioning everything I’d felt for Lion Maxwell.

  Daniel and I went back to watching the movie. It didn’t take long for him to start laughing like he usually did. I wasn’t laughing at all, but at least he was letting go of the drama. I wondered how Lion was doing. Was he letting go too? Or was he building up a head of steam? Was he getting ready to retaliate? Go to war against Donald? Do something dangerous and destructive? I shivered at the thought.

  No, I didn’t think Lion was like that.r />
  Well, I hoped he wasn’t like that.

  Was I rationalizing? Was I in denial?

  I honestly didn’t know. My feelings for Lion were getting in the way. That scared me more than anything. Would my love for him blind me to his darker side? A side that was too dark for me or my son?

  I tried not to think about it. It was just too awful.

  Toward the end of the movie, I considered calling Lion, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to talk to him yet or at all. I’m sure he needed to cool off either way. I had no idea how long that would take. But I did know he needed to be the one to call me if this was ever going to work.

  When the movie finished, Daniel said, “What do we do now?”

  “I’m not really sure.”

  “I thought we were gonna do something with Lion.” His disappointment was obvious.

  “I did too. But I think maybe he needs some time to calm down.”

  “Oh.”

  “We can do something, if you want.”

  He shrugged.

  That’s how I felt. With Lion suddenly out of the picture, I was at a loss for what to do.

  My phone buzzed on the counter in the kitchen. I got up from the couch and picked it up.

  Lion: Can we talk? I need to apologize big time. I never do shit like that. I feel like an ass. Call me if you want to talk.

  I smiled at my phone.

  “Daniel?”

  “Yeah?”

  “I’ll be out front talking on the phone for a few minutes. Will you be okay in here?”

  “Yeah.”

  “You can play in your room if you want. Why don’t you get your LEGOs out?” Once Daniel started building with his LEGOs, he was totally focused on what he was doing. I wasn’t sure how my conversation with Lion would go, so I wanted Daniel distracted, just in case.

  “Okay.” He got up from the couch and went to his bedroom.

  I walked outside, already dialing Lion and feeling hopeful.

  “Hey, Brigid,” he answered with obvious relief.

  “Hey.”

  “So, I’m sorry. I mean, really really sorry. I totally lost my cool. I shouldn’t have acted like that.”

  “But you did.”

  “That’s not me, Brigid. I’m not that guy. You have to understand. I may be a beast in the cage, but I’m not a rageaholic. There’s a reason they call me The Calculator. I don’t just throw punches around without thinking.”