by Mia Kayla
The phone went dead.
I blinked and stared blankly at my cell.
What the hell just happened?
I FOCUSED ON THE CLOCK on my microwave. It was five thirty p.m. Evan would be picking me up at any minute.
I was surprised Jimmy hadn’t called back. Part of me wanted to call him, but I’d thought better of it. Moving on meant not worrying about Jimmy Brason’s concerns with my dating life.
I checked myself one last time in the bathroom mirror. For tonight, I’d chosen a knee-length black skirt and a gray scoop neck blouse. At the sound of a knock, I fluffed my hair one more time and then headed for the foyer.
Right before I turned the knob to let Evan in, nervous butterflies stirred in the pit of my belly, and I blew out a breath. I hadn’t been on a formal date in such a long time. For some reason, this date really felt like the end of my chance with Jimmy—not that I’d ever had one in the first place. This was a true date though, my new beginning where I was giving another guy a chance.
I took a calming deep breath and cleared my mind. “Hey,” I said once I’d pulled the door open.
Evan’s eyes crinkled as he smiled, taking me in. I admired his lean, muscular machine in his crisp navy blue suit.
“Hey, beautiful.” He leaned down, kissing me on the cheek. “You look amazing.” His eyes took me in a way which made my cheeks warm.
I moved, so he could step into my apartment.
In the next second, he whipped out a dozen long-stemmed red roses that he’d hidden behind his back. “Ta-da.” He grinned. “Beautiful flowers for a beautiful girl.”
I laughed at his charming ways and took the roses, bringing them to my nose and taking in the scent of the flowers. “Let me put them in some water.”
He trailed behind me as I stepped into the kitchen.
“Nice place you have here.” His eyes moved to take in my quaint small apartment that I had grown to love.
His head turned to the collage of pictures hanging on the wall. Most of the pictures were of my family, including Jimmy. I crossed my fingers and toes that he wouldn’t crack some joke about Jimmy, ask about Jimmy, or even mention his name. When he turned back in my direction, I released a silent sigh of relief.
I reached for a vase under the sink, feeling his eyes following my every move. “Thank you for the flowers.” I bit my lip, and exhaled a nervous laugh. I suddenly remembered why I didn’t enjoy dating. I hated the attention.
“I picked a great place for dinner tonight. They just opened. It’s called Delsa, an American-Asian fusion place. Heard of it?”
I dropped the bouquet of flowers in the vase and angled myself to face him. “No, but it sounds yummy.” I didn’t want to sound like a loser and tell him the truth—that I didn’t get out much and that there were many places in Chicago that I hadn’t heard of or been to.
Running my hands down my cotton skirt, I noticed I was more business casual compared to his formal attire. “Should I change?” I asked, suddenly feeling self-conscious. “I feel underdressed.”
“No,” he said quickly. “You look amazing. Trust me. I’m going to have the most beautiful date tonight.” He reached for my hand and gave it a squeeze.
“Okay.” I gave him a small smile.
He glanced at his watch. “Let’s get going. I don’t want to be late.” He placed his hand lightly on my back, ushering me out the door and leading us to our first destination of the night.
My cheeks hurt from laughter. Evan was making this shy girl laugh—not just laugh, I was full-on giggling like a loon in the middle of the restaurant. I guessed all it had taken was a good cup of strong coffee to awaken my goofy side and kick my timid side to the curb.
I sipped my coffee, smiling at the joke he’d just cracked.
The warm drink mixed with my flan was divine, like a small party in my belly, which contributed to my good mood.
I dipped my fork in the Asian sweetness and felt my smile falter as I remembered that Jimmy’s favorite dessert was flan. I didn’t know why he crossed my mind at that instant. Maybe it was because every time we went out to dinner and flan was on the dessert menu, that was what he’d order.
“Hey.” Evan placed his hand on top of mine.
I felt the tiniest sensation of warmth. It was nothing compared to when Jimmy touched me, but it gave me hope.
I realized I had blanked out on him. “Oh, sorry.”
He gave me a guilty smile. “Sorry, I like to relive my college years. Did I say something offensive?”
“No.” I shook my head. “Just…thinking.”
“Of Jimmy?”
I laughed as he’d nailed it on the head. I could have denied it, but I didn’t. “Yeah. I mean, he doesn’t really approve of us.”
Evan tapped his fingers against his chin, smiling warmly. “I like the sound of that.”
“What?”
“Us.” His eyes were tender as a small smile played on his lips.
He was handsome, and there was no doubt any girl in the universe would love to be in my position. But when I looked into his green eyes, I kept seeing Jimmy’s chocolate-brown eyes.
Clear mind. Clear mind. Clear mind.
Evan blinked, looking flustered. “I don’t mean to put you on the spot and make you uncomfortable. I think, by now, you’ve got a sense of how much I’m into you.”
I shied away, touching my hair in a nervous manner. His flattery warmed me. I couldn’t help but compare the tiny microscopic warmth that Evan made me feel to the unbearable heat Jimmy could make me feel from just being in the same room.
“And I know that this”—he motioned his hands between us—“whatever it is, is putting a strain on your relationship with Jimmy. That’s why I called him before our date.” A knowing grin crossed his face.
“What?” My eyebrows shot up to the ceiling as I dropped my fork against my plate. “You didn’t.” I couldn’t hide the shock from my tone. I groaned inwardly, imagining the call. It could not have gone well.
“I did.” He smiled big as though this was comical.
“And?” I prompted. My heartbeat pounded in my chest as I wondered how much violence had been spewed over their call.
Evan frowned jokingly as if trying to remember. “What did he say?” He grinned as he got fake clarity. “Something about cutting off my balls and feeding them to some wild animal. Or was it feeding me my own balls? Was that it?” He shook his head and chuckled. “I can’t remember.”
I stiffened as my mouth dropped open before I started giggling. “I’m sorry. I can totally picture him saying that.”
He let out a carefree laugh. “Don’t worry about it.” He leaned in with a devilish glint in his eye. “My balls aren’t going anywhere.” He winked.
“That’s good. Keeping your balls intact is important.” I blushed, wondering why I’d just said that. “I mean…” I looked at the table next to us, feeling the tips of my ears warm. “You know what I mean. You’ll need your balls. Nobody wants you to lose your balls, especially not to the animals.” Stop saying balls! I dropped my face into my hands as I felt my whole face redden.
He let out a booming laugh, a deep belly laugh that had the corners of my mouth lifting. I peered up at him, watching as he swiped the tears from his eyes.
“Can we please stop talking about balls?” I said, plucking at my shirt to cool down.
“Sure.” He chuckled. “As long as we can stop talking about Jimmy and just enjoy the show.” He glanced at the watch on his wrist. “We should head out soon.” He raised his hand for the check, getting our waitress’s attention. Leaning into the table, he said, “I can tell we’re going to have a great time tonight.”
I felt my shoulders relax, and I couldn’t help but smile. I hoped he was right.
The Phantom of the Opera was the best show ever. I was enthralled by the actor who had played the Phantom and the actress who had played Christine. When the lights flipped on at the end, I was the first one standing, clapping, and wi
ping my tear-filled eyes.
“Oh my goodness. I’ve seen that show four times, but I believe that cast was by far the best!” I squealed, tugging on Evan’s sleeve. I bounced on my toes, animated as though I’d seen the show for the first time.
His smile matched mine.
I continued gushing, “Did you like the show? Didn’t you think Christine was amazing? She’s so beautiful, right?” My excitement spilled over as I turned into a giddy blubbering mess.
I turned to Evan as my smile widened. “Did you love it?”
“I did.”
He interlocked our fingers before pulling us through the crowd to leave. I didn’t think twice of it, still on my high from the show.
“Mostly, I enjoyed watching your reactions,” he said.
I’d been so engrossed that I didn’t even notice him observing me. I’d been a little shy when my tears started spilling over during “All I Ask of You,” but I had been too consumed with the scene to even catch his response to the show.
“Sometimes, when I’m watching in a theatre, I feel like part of the play.” My insides lightened as a memory rushed to the surface. “My father loved the theater. He took me to my first show, Hairspray, when I was in high school.” The pain in my chest and the dizziness I usually felt when I thought about my father was not present, which led my thoughts back to my birthday with Jimmy.
Evan peered down at me and squeezed my hand. “Why are you so unbelievably cute?”
I glanced down at our connection, feeling a little awkward. I didn’t want to overanalyze things, so I flexed my fingers and rewrapped them around his. “Do you even have to ask such a question?” I sassed.
He shook his head, a look of amusement crossed his face. “Stupid question. My fault.” He laughed as he brought my hand to his lips.
When we got into the car, I chattered on about the play, reliving all my favorite parts and narrating the details even though Evan had seen the same show just minutes ago.
When we pulled in front of my apartment, I stopped talking. I bit at my pinky nail and stared out the window in front of me. My burst of cheeriness had vanished, replaced with a slew of anxious butterflies in my belly. Maybe I had escaped the first date without a kiss, but I had a strong feeling I wouldn’t now.
He shifted the gear to park, and my palms began to sweat.
“I had a wonderful time tonight, Bliss.”
“Thanks.” I clenched my hands in my lap. Here it is. He’s going to think I’m a terrible kisser. Oh God.
“Let’s do it again sometime,” he suggested. Leaning into me, his lips parted.
“Okay.” I widened my eyes like a scared cat, pressing myself back against the seat.
He glanced at my lips and angled himself closer toward me. I sensed a slight hesitation from his side.
“It’s not my usual thing, and I don’t normally ask, but…” He came closer, only inches away from me. “Can I kiss you?”
I peered up at him, my heart beating loudly in my ears. My voice was barely audible as my answer came out in a whisper, “Okay.”
I blinked a couple of times before he closed the gap between us, and my eyes fell shut. His lips were soft, and his expensive musky cologne filled my nose. As his mouth lingered on mine, my pulse surprisingly quickened, and when he pulled away, he was breathless, and I was, too.
His kiss was soft and sweet just as he’d been the whole evening. But it paled in comparison to Jimmy’s kiss, but if I had to admit it to myself, there was a brief spark, and a fire had to start from somewhere.
A smile crept up his face. “I’m smitten with you, Bliss Carrington,” he said before turning to step out of the car.
He opened my door, and I held his hand as he escorted me to the entrance of my building.
“I really did have a great night tonight,” he said.
His words flattered me and had my heart skipping a few beats. The green of his eyes caught the overhead light shining from the lamppost, and I smiled back up at him, realizing that the night had been perfect.
“Me, too,” I replied.
He wrapped his arms around my lower back and ducked in to give me another kiss. This time, there was no hesitation on my part. I let him do it because he deserved that perfect after date kiss, one where I wasn’t clamming up, scared as though I were on trial.
My hands moved from his arms to his chest.
After a second, he broke away, a bit unsteady. “I’ll see you again,” he breathed.
“Mmhmm,” I mumbled. I wanted a chance to see where this would go, if this one spark could turn into a fire. “Thanks again.” I glanced back one last time, waved, and then stepped inside my building.
Just inside the foyer, I rubbed my bottom lip with my pointer finger, thinking about the differences between Evan and Jimmy, their mouths on mine, how they each made me feel. They were almost like night and day, but I knew I was slightly overanalyzing.
It was just a kiss, I reminded myself, and a sweet kiss at that. Maybe Jimmy was wrong about Evan.
With a girlie happiness bubbling inside me, I pressed the elevator button to take me to my floor. The tingle on my lips remained, but my mind jumped back to the very first time I had ever been kissed.
Past—Fourteen Years Old
It was the summer after eighth grade graduation. We were sitting at our spot by the lake, enjoying the warm breeze on a sticky afternoon.
“Just kiss me,” I said, peering up at Jimmy. Then, I tightly clenched my eyes. When nothing happened, I blinked them open.
Jimmy was trying to contain his laughter, biting his lip, as two dimples popped on his cheeks.
“What?”
“You don’t pucker up and squeeze your eyes shut like you’re taking a hard crap.” He chuckled. “Kissing doesn’t hurt.”
I narrowed my eyes at him. I had the urge to throw something at him. “I don’t care. Just kiss me,” I ordered, squeezing my eyes tighter and waiting for it to happen, to feel his slimy lips on mine. I wanted to get it over with. The agony of the anticipation was killing me.
I huffed and glared at him when he burst into laughter.
“It’s not funny,” I snapped, crossing my arms in front of me.
He wiped his eyes with the backs of his hands. “Sorry, but it is.” He held his stomach as his chuckles started to die down. “Why do you want me to kiss you so bad?”
“Because,” I whined. “I don’t want to go to high school without having been kissed. I don’t want to be that girl.”
“Oh, Boo. No one’s gonna make fun of you because you’ve never been kissed.” He squeezed his hands into fists. “Not when I’m around at least.” He narrowed his eyes, telling me he’d keep the teasers away, even though he was smiling.
“Why don’t you want to kiss me?” My voice was saturated with annoyance.
I wanted Jimmy to kiss me because he was plain ole Jimmy. Kissing him wouldn’t mean a thing. There would be no complications. He was always safe. He’d kissed every girl in the dang school. Here I was, wanting him to do me a favor and plant a small one on my lips, and he couldn’t even do that, not even for his best friend.
“You’ve kissed every skank in our school, and you don’t want to kiss me. Why?” I pressed. I couldn’t help the whine in my voice. I let out an exaggerated sigh.
“Because I love you too much, to infinity and beyond.” He demonstrated by extending his arms and spreading his fingers. A new expression came over him, and his face went a light shade of pink. “Plus, I don’t like those girls the way I love you. Anyway…” He went quiet. “Why do you want it to be me?”
“Because you’re the only boy I know,” I admitted, slightly embarrassed. “I mean, the only boy I talk to.”
After a beat of silence, I lifted my chin. So what if he didn’t want to kiss me? “Fine. Don’t kiss me. I’ll go get someone else. No big deal.” I glanced out at the lake, feigning nonchalance, even though it was a big deal. I wasn’t about to look for some random dude to kiss.
“Well then, do it already,” I huffed.
And he did.
He pulled me in and pecked me on the lips. I was stunned, frozen, as I experienced my first real kiss with my eyes wide open. It happened so fast that he didn’t even give me a chance to react.
When he pulled back, he blinked as if he’d just woken up from a dream. Then, he glanced down at my lips and went in again, slower this time. This kiss was different than the first. A tingling sensation started at our connection and spread throughout my whole body. His lips were warm and soft, not slimy as I had expected. After a few long seconds, he released me, seeming dazed and breathless.
I didn’t know why, but my pulse raced as though I had been sprinting, and my cheeks were on fire. It was weird.
So, this is what they’re talking about? Wow. Just Wow.
He backed away and lay down as if it was no big deal. “There. Done. Now, you don’t have to kiss anyone else.” A small smile graced his lips as though he thought this was humorous.
After a beat, I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand, pretending that the kiss hadn’t fazed me. “Uh, gross. Seriously, why do people kiss anyway? That wasn’t fun.” It was a lie because I couldn’t explain what was happening to me. It scared me, how much just the touch of his lips had sent my whole body into a frenzy.
I turned away and used my hair as a curtain to cover my flushed cheeks, my pulse still racing. I focused on the lake, debating if I should jump in and cool my cheeks that were burning up.
He laughed. “That wasn’t a real kiss anyway,” he mocked, leaning up on his elbows, as we sat on the grass. “A real kiss involves tongue.”
Tongue? Is he joking?
Then, all I could picture was Jimmy’s tongue in my mouth.
“Ew! Gross!” I squealed to cover up my thoughts. I shot him a look as though he were crazy. The fire on my cheeks spread, the heat stretching to the tips of my ears.
“What?” He chuckled. “It’s kinda fun.”
I widened my eyes at him and slapped his shoulder. “You’re so weird, Jimmy.” My eyebrows scrunched together as I wondered which girl had had Jimmy’s tongue down her throat.