by Mia Kayla
Gently laying me on the bed, he looked at me with hooded eyes. When his phone rang again, he reached for it in his back pocket, about to chuck it on the floor until something caught his eye as he focused on the screen.
When he drew back, a dimple flashed on his cheek. “Hold that pose, just like that, puckering your lips with that dazed look. It’s hot.” Then, he answered, “Hello? Ma?” He had one hand on my knee, the other holding his phone to his ear. “Oh, hey, Hilda. No. What’s wrong?”
His facial features fell, and the corner of his mouth pulled downward. His eyes narrowed as he stared at my comforter. When he moved away and stood, my knee felt cold. I sat up, wondering if everything was okay. He and Hilda shared a few more words.
“Get her on the phone,” he growled in a low voice, making me jump. “What do you mean?” His frown turned fierce. “I’m in town. I’m coming now.”
He hung up, his eyes hard. The passion in them from just a minute ago was gone. “I’m tired of always worrying about her. I’ve got my own shit to deal with.” There was visible tension in his neck and shoulders. “She acts like a child, but she’s a damn adult!” He went quiet for a few seconds before softly telling me, “I have to take care of some stuff. I need to drive home.” He cupped the sides of my face, his thumb lightly grazing my cheek. “I’ll be right back.”
He stalked into the kitchen, and I was right behind him. I wanted to ask him more details on his mom, but I didn’t. It didn’t matter anyway. I was sure it was a different version of the same story. A heaviness weighed on my heart as I empathized with him. We had the mother problems in common—the same worry, the same concern, but different circumstances. He stood there, still and helpless. I knew he didn’t want to leave me, but I also knew he couldn’t not go see his mom.
I touched his arm, wanting to calm him. I stepped into him, wrapping my arms around his lower back, as I tilted my head to meet his eyes. I stood on my tiptoes to kiss him, and I felt the tension in his shoulders slowly ooze out of him.
“I’ll go with you,” I offered.
He touched his forehead to mine. “No, Boo. Stay here.”
“No, I love you. I want to be with you, be there for you.”
After our revelation, there was no way I would let him out of my sight. I wanted to be there for him. My duty to stand by him was amplified now. “I want to spend every single minute with you until you leave for New York.” I rested my hand on his chest.
He held me and studied my face before finally letting out a long sigh. “Okay,” he whispered, running a hand down my back.
Leaning down, he pecked me on the lips. It was a short kiss. Nevertheless, it was a kiss that warmed my insides and stirred butterflies in the deepest part of my belly. The next second, he laced our fingers and led us out the door.
The city lights and chaos disappeared behind us as he held my hand, driving us to his mother’s home in my car. Since it was late, Interstate 90 was clear of its usual bumper-to-bumper traffic. Jimmy seemed to be deep in thought, and I squeezed his hand to console him, to let him know that I was here, but he didn’t glance over. He just continued to keep his eyes on the road.
My heart ached for him. He had dealt with this for so long. Ever since his father had left, Jimmy had taken on the role of a parent to his mother, a role he should have never had to play. We were well into adulthood, and Jimmy still had this responsibility.
Even though he didn’t want me to be here, there was no other place I wanted to be. I nestled as close as I could in my car, resting my head on his shoulder. It was only then that he looked at me with those sad brown eyes and seemed to realize I was there. He kissed the top of my head and turned to face the open highway ahead of us.
When we pulled up to his mother’s home, he turned off the ignition and angled his whole body to face me. “I need you to stay here, Boo. This is not something I want you to see.”
The disheartened look in his eyes tugged on the strings of my heart.
“I’m going inside, Jimmy. I’m not going anywhere that’s not with you,” I said softly but in a tone that let him know he couldn’t convince me otherwise.
He’d been there for me in my darkest moments with my mother, and I’d been there for him throughout high school after his father had left. Nothing was going to change now.
He just nodded, stepped out of the car and walked around to open my door. He assisted me out from the car and kissed our locked hands.
Hilda’s sweet face greeted us at the front door. I could tell she’d been crying, and her lip trembled as she spoke, “I’ve tried everything, Jimmy. She won’t listen.”
Hilda’s face had aged over the years. The top of her head was now covered in gray, her creased forehead and frown lines showing her weariness. She’d been here for too long. Her role of Jimmy’s nanny had changed to Claire’s caretaker.
Jimmy clenched his jaw. “Where is she?” His tone was harsh, matching the tenseness in his eyes.
“Upstairs. I’m sorry. I-I just didn’t know what to do.”
He placed his hand on Hilda’s shoulder. “You did the right thing by calling me.”
He kissed the top of her head. The woman had not only functioned as his nanny when he was younger, but she had become family, like his second mother.
Jimmy took the stairs two at the time, and I trailed behind. Banging and yelling rang down the hall, the noise and chaos coming from the master bedroom. When we stepped into the room, everything was in shambles. The three-tiered dresser was open, and clothes were scattered on the ground, on the bed, having been thrown everywhere.
“She cleaned the room, Jimmy.”
Claire’s eyes turned frantic as she barely registered us. She was pacing and wringing her hands. The next minute, she dropped on all fours, searching for something underneath her bed.
“I told Hilda not to touch my stuff. I told her to leave my things alone. It was right there—on my dresser.” She ducked under the king-sized bed and pulled out random findings before chucking them to the side. “Where are my damn pills?”
I gasped as she stood up and charged toward Jimmy, gripping his shoulders.
“Jimmy, I need my pills!” Hysteria was building in her voice, her eyes going wild.
She didn’t even glance in my direction. She had no clue I was here, in the room, witnessing the chaos.
Jimmy delicately held his mom, his face falling with the pain from his reality, and my heart broke for him.
His eyes turned hopeless as he peered down at her. “You’re fine, Mom,” he said, sadness leaking into his tone. “You don’t need that shit. How many times do I have to tell you?”
In that moment, he reminded me of a little boy, unsure of what to do. His eyes were so vulnerable, such a large contrast to his massive self. His look alone crushed me.
“I need them,” she cried, pulling at him, his arms, and his clothes. Every movement was desperate. “Please…I need them. Jimmy, please.”
Jimmy didn’t offer a response. He just stared at his mother as his shoulders sagged, tired and defeated. At his quietness, she stepped back, her chin quivering. Then, she stomped toward the bathroom. I heard things being tossed aside, things being broken.
Jimmy turned to me, his chin tipping downward, as such sorrow encompassed his face. “I need you to go downstairs, Boo.”
I sensed he was embarrassed, but there was no need to be, not when it was me.
“I’m not leaving you.” I needed him to know that I was still his rock, his anchor—now more than ever.
“Please,” he softly said. He released a heavy sigh and reached for my hand. “Please.” With a squeeze of my palm, he begged me with his eyes and pulled me toward him.
His forehead touched mine, and my eyes fell shut as I breathed him in.
“I can’t have you here when she’s like this. I don’t want you to see this.”
I knew that he didn’t want me to witness his mama’s drama, but he needed to know that he shouldn’t be ashamed, esp
ecially not around me.
I squeezed his hand back and peered up at him, staring so close that I could see speckles of white in his dark irises. “I’ll be downstairs, but just know, I’m here, okay?” I pulled him in and wrapped my arms around his lower back, deeply inhaling the crisp scent of his laundry detergent.
His arms tightened around me, and he lowered his head against the crook of my neck. “I know. I just don’t want you around this,” he whispered, his breath tickling my skin.
I didn’t understand why he wanted to keep me from seeing this. Though I haven’t witnessed his mother in this state before, it wasn’t like I didn’t know the truth about her issues. I’d known for years.
I didn’t want him to go through this alone, but this was his mother. He knew not to push me with my father, and I realized I needed to give him the same kind of consideration.
I pulled back, offered him a small smile, and went up on my tiptoes to kiss him on the lips.
When he released me, I met his eyes firmly. “I’ll be downstairs if you need me.”
I stood at the foot of the stairs, and it still felt as though I were in the same room with them because I could hear it all. Jimmy was yelling at the top of his lungs, and I heard the strong gut-wrenching sobs that came from his mother.
“I’m tired of this shit! You hear me? This is going to end, and it’s going to end today.” He wasn’t being mean. He was exasperated and the exhaustion in his voice was evident.
“I’ll be fine if you just give me my pills,” she argued back. “You’re just like your father. All you want to do is hurt me. I’m like this because of you, because you’re not giving me my damn pills!”
There was more noise, more things being broken, and I wondered when it was going to stop. I paced the marble floor, hearing the squeak of my sneakers as I walked back and forth. I tugged at my ponytail, twisting my long hair around my fingers, as I continued to pace.
“I think I’ve had more than enough patience with you, Ma. I’ve tried everything, including the guilt trip. I’ve told you that I don’t want to lose you to this, to find you dead on the bathroom floor. I’ve tried every tactic there is, and now, I’m giving you tough love. This is ending right here, right now.”
After that, all I heard was muffled conversations, and then it was silent. I continued to stare at the dark mahogany staircase. It used to be carpeted. Remembering that took me back to when we used to roll down the stairs on our stomachs. We couldn’t do that once Jimmy’s parents decided to remodel the whole house.
Hilda touched my shoulder, breaking me from my trance. “Bliss, Jimmy has asked that I call a cab for you.”
I tilted my head and glanced up the stairs as if he’d come down at any second. “I’ll just wait.”
“I’ve already called the cab. It’ll be here in a couple of minutes.”
I took a breath and chewed on my bottom lip. I didn’t want to leave. “I just need to talk to him.”
He was going through things, and it was selfish of me, not giving him his privacy now, but all of me wanted to be here for him. I wanted to tell him myself that I would stay stoic, right here, and wait forever in this spot until he settled things with his mother.
A disheartened expression passed over Hilda’s face. “Bliss, please,” she said, blocking my path to the stairs.
I bit my lip, my eyes moving up to the second floor. I searched her face for any indication that she’d let me pass, but she was firm in her stance.
She touched my arm. “He’ll call you, Bliss, when this is all done.”
A honking horn outside indicated that the cab was here. I chewed on my bottom lip. I just wanted to say good-bye. I just wanted to kiss him before I left. I wanted to give him a consoling hug, the ones he was used to getting from me.
The cab honked again, impatient.
“Bliss, the cab is here, honey.”
My eyes dropped to the floor as a lump formed in my throat. I let Hilda usher me out the door. As I stepped outside, I let my head hang, my eyes focusing on the brick pavement.
After I got inside the cab, Hilda shut the door behind me, and I looked up at the massive mansion one last time. Heat stung behind my eyes, an indication that I would break down at any second.
As the cab started to pull away, I glanced behind me and watched the distance between the car and the white mansion increase. We were about to turn from the long driveway when I saw him.
Jimmy burst through the front door.
“Stop!” I yelled to the cab driver.
The cab jolted to a halt, and I threw the door open, barely registering the cool night air nipping at my arms.
Jimmy charged toward the car in a full-on sprint, and I ran as fast as I could to meet him. Our bodies collided together. He lifted me by the waist, and I wrapped my legs around him. His lips automatically connected with mine as if we’d been kissing for years.
He cradled my face and passionately kissed me, savoring my lips with his. I melted into his arms, into his hold. When he pulled away, we were both breathless. Then, my feet connected with the ground, bringing me back to earth from that kiss.
“Sorry,” he breathed, gently cradling my head. “I know I told Hilda to call you a cab, but…I couldn’t let you go away like that.”
“I told you, I’m here for you. I want to be wherever you are,” I said softly.
There was still such sadness in his eyes. “You’re forever with me.” He reached for my hand and placed it on top of his jacket where his beating heart lay underneath. “You’re with me here.”
Something about his words was strange, and his tone made my chest tighten. I couldn’t place this ominous feeling that made me tremble.
He pulled me in and bent down, his lips meeting mine again. A shudder ran through his body, and I felt the wetness on his cheeks. My heart ached for him, for his issues with his mother.
When he released me, he whispered, “I love you so much, no matter what happens. Always know that, okay? I love you, Boo.” Then, he released me, and with a trembling hand, he cupped the side of my face.
I should have been processing his words. No matter what happens?
But my mind was still mush from being this close to him, from hurting for him. I just closed my eyes and leaned into his touch.
After I got back into the cab, I glanced out the back window, and I saw it. It was barely there, but I saw a change in Jimmy’s eyes. Still, I couldn’t name it.
Curiosity ate at me the entire way home. What was he trying to say? Why was he so insistent that I believe him? Of course I knew he loved me.
I couldn’t sleep that night. Jimmy said he’d call, and I was worried silly about him and his mom. I stared at my phone for hours, waiting for a text, a call, anything. I wanted to text him, to check up on him, but I refused to be the girlfriend who crowded him, especially since he needed this time to take care of his mother.
So, I lay awake for hours, staring at the red numbers on the digital clock on my nightstand. The minutes ticked by, but nothing came—no calls, no texts.
I experienced a lack of concentration for anything else, so I waited and waited until morning eventually approached, light trickling in through my curtains.
It’s only been five hours, I told myself.
I’d left his mom’s house at one in the morning, and it was now only six a.m. That still didn’t tame the anxiety building inside of me.
I got up and cleaned the house. All the while, I kept my phone in plain sight. I cooked breakfast and sat at the kitchen island, poking a fork at my food, as I focused on my phone. Every couple of minutes, I’d glance at the clock on the microwave.
I didn’t know what else to do. My house was spotless. The laundry was done. The more time that passed, the more nausea-building anxiety crept up my throat.
Finally, after looming over my phone for hours, around mid-morning, I set down my phone. I lay on the couch and curled up against the cushions, pulling the plush cream blanket over me.
I stared blankly at the TV, worrying about Jimmy. I couldn’t help it.
At some point, I blinked at the window, noticing that the sun was setting, and I hadn’t even eaten lunch.
Jimmy, what’s going on?
I reached for my phone. It lit up, the display indicating no missed calls. Disappointed, I laid my head back against the couch cushion. I willed myself to take a nap, so time would move faster, and I could wake up to the sound of a phone ringing, to the sound of his voice.
Sleep never came. I clutched my stomach as anxiety built from the anticipation of hearing his voice got worse. A gnawing feeling of dread was beginning to overtake my body. There was a pinch in the pit of my belly, and when I peered up at the digital clock, it was nine p.m., indicating that I should probably feed myself.
Even though I wasn’t hungry, I lifted myself from the couch and opened the fridge to search for food. I was in no mood to cook, so I pulled out turkey deli meat, cheese, and bread, and then I plopped down at the island to eat my boring sandwich.
The bland turkey only made that pinch in my stomach worse. I reached for my phone for the hundredth time and moved my finger over the screen. Enough was enough. I needed to reach out to him. I couldn’t function anymore while just waiting here. Without further hesitation, I texted him.
Me: Hope you and your mom are okay. Thinking of you. <3
I pressed send and focused on my phone for forever and a half, holding my breath as if my life depended on his reply.
Finally, the screen blinked with a response.
Jimmy: She’s okay now. Call you when everything’s settled.
I stared at the phone, and because I wanted to, because I needed him to know, I texted him again.
Me: I’m here for you. I love you.
I blinked, squeezing the phone between my fingers. I noticed a slight tremble in my hands as I waited, my eyes zoning in on the screen. I didn’t know why I’d expected him to respond. I just did—because he always did.
After ten minutes of forcing down the rest of my food, I took my phone to the couch and lay down, staring at the ceiling and clutching the phone as if it were my lifeline.