In Your Honor

by Heidi Hutchinson

  He stayed put for a few extra minutes, wondering when it happened that he had started to get old. He was never taking time off like that again. His body didn't bounce back like it used to in his twenties.

  He sat up slowly and removed his goggles, cleaning the snow off. He looked around at where his body had come to settle and was relieved to see he had made it to the bottom. He wouldn't have to go far to get back to the heli where he would have no problem announcing that he needed to return to the hotel. He didn't care if it made him look like a pussy, he needed a beer and hot shower.

  Serge didn't protest, and it wasn't long before their group all settled around a small table at the hotel bar.

  “No more vacation days for you.” Serge took a slow drink from his beer and set the bottle down.

  “Nope,” Shane agreed with a grimace. “I'm not as resilient as I used to be,” he added with a chuckle, and gingerly touched the purple bruise that was slowly spreading around his elbow.

  “I am headed back to Encinitas in a couple weeks. I rented a house with some people. You want to join us?” Serge asked casually.

  That guy never stopped. Shane wasn't even sure how old he was. Historic events placed him in his forties, but he seemed to have stopped aging when he reached thirty.

  “I should get back to the shop anyway. I haven't checked in with Clarke since leaving for New York.” He wasn't worried though. Clarke was more than capable of handling West Coast operations without him. In fact, he got the impression that Clarke preferred it when he wasn't there.

  She had started as an aspiring fitness model who interned at Billabong. Shane had made frequent trips into the building for different meetings and she was normally the one running the whole show. Impressed with her organizational skills and ambition, he hired her away immediately. She was young for the position he offered her, only twenty-four, but she was undoubtedly the perfect person for the job.

  “I'll drive down and catch up with you guys,” he agreed as he waved the waitress over for another beer.

  “You can bring your girl with you,” Serge suggested, and Shane actually felt himself blush slightly. I'm such a man's man, he thought sourly.

  “She's not my girl.” He smiled slowly. “Not yet, anyway.” That wasn't a half-bad idea though. He wondered where the DBS tour would be at that time. Would it be too forward to offer to fly her out to him? Yeah, she'd probably think he was insane. He smiled at the idea... her ears would turn bright red.

  ***

  Shane: how was the show tonight?

  Lucy: really great :)

  Shane: any more Newton originals?

  Lucy: lol, not yet

  Shane: that's a shame

  Lucy: soon ;)

  Shane: where will you be 2 weeks from today?

  Lucy: the schedule says somewhere in Washington

  we'll be between shows, have the week off

  Shane: spend that week with me

  Shane knew he was putting it all out there, but it was time. He wasn't getting any younger.

  The longer it took for her to respond, the more nervous he became. He debated whether or not to call her and try to explain what he meant. He knew what it looked like, he couldn't stop staring at the glaring black letters on the screen of his phone.

  Lucy: I don't understand

  Shane breathed a sigh of relief. He thought really hard about how to word the next message, but he realized that what he really wanted was to be honest. He liked her, he wanted her to know.

  Shane: some friends and I are spending the week in Encinitas

  you could lie on the beach and I'd teach you how to surf

  Several minutes passed before her reply.

  Lucy: what are you really asking, Brookings?

  Shane: if you'll be my date for a week of sun and surf, Lucy

  ***

  And there it was. Ten days of shameless flirting and skating around the issue. He'd first-named her and declared his intentions in a simple one-liner.

  Lucy felt her ears get hot, and she was annoyed that he could invoke that kind of reaction from a half a world away.

  She had no idea how to reply. She wanted to say yes. Badly. But her life had never been one for easy decisions.

  What would Blake say? Would he get mad? Would he even care?

  She ground her teeth together in frustration. Why did her mind always go to him?

  She had been spending more and more time with him, mostly writing. But sometimes they would just talk, like they used to, before everything went all pear shaped. He'd made it pretty clear he only wanted a friendship with her, and he'd done a good job at keeping up his end of the deal. Even when she would deliberately touch his leg or arm, he had no reaction. He maintained pure stoicism.

  He was over her. With a finality that made her heart clench like a fist.

  But sometimes... she'd catch him looking at her and she'd see the slightest hint of desire darken his eyes. Almost as if he were about to say something or pull her to him... and then the moment would pass, and he'd return to his usual, unreadable self. Besides, Lucy had a history of seeing what she wanted to see. Especially where Blake was concerned.

  Meanwhile, Shane had been making it pretty obvious that he was interested in more than friendship. But he hadn't outright declared it until this moment.

  Lucy chewed on her thumbnail as she weighed her options. On one side she had Blake, her oldest and closest friend who could still make her forget her name and turn her legs to jelly if he chose to invoke that power. But it had always turned tragic and she had no reason to believe it could be any different. Especially now, when he was proving how much they really were just friends.

  And on the other hand, she had Shane Brookings. Successful, good looking, charming and sweet. And he seemed to really like her.

  She could tell him no right now. And he'd probably be totally cool about the whole thing. But where did that leave her in the long run? Would she always be turning down potential happily-ever-afters in fear of losing Blake forever? Had he ever been hers at all?

  She felt strange tears burn her eyes as she accepted her reality. They really were done. And it was time to move forward.

  Lucy: I like that idea

  ***

  Blake was happy. Authentically, non-chemically, true to his core happy.

  He awoke every morning with the promise of a brand new day that he hadn't screwed up yet. He would get to see Lucy. And soak her in. Every particle of her. Her scent, her laugh, her voice.

  He was having a hell of a time keeping himself restrained. All he thought about most of the time was pinning her against the side of the bus and showing her exactly how much he still wanted her.

  But that wasn't the plan.

  The plan was to actually be a better person. And if in doing so, she gave him one more chance... he wouldn't mess it up again.

  In full disclosure, he had a nagging feeling in the back of his mind. He knew Lucy had been talking to Shane Brookings, and he was positive that the friggin' walking Greek god was into her. Actually, it would have pissed Blake off more if Shane wasn't into her. She was great, it should be noticed by everyone.

  But Shane was clear across the globe. And Blake was here.

  “You're early for sound check.” Greg eyed him up and down with a smirk. He knew why Blake had been hanging around so diligently. He was never far from Lucy.

  “Anything added to the set list?” he asked, looking over the big man's shoulder.

  “Nope. Same as always,” Greg reported.

  Blake sighed and shoved his hands in his pocket. He'd been trying for days to talk Lucy into doing one of their songs during a set, but she wouldn't budge. She had this annoyingly admirable quality of trying not to steal the spotlight.

  He couldn't relate.

  Blake was fairly certain that Taylor wouldn't mind, the guy was as reasonable as they came. He suspected that Lucy was using her good character as a mask for her insecurities. It was something he used to confront her
on in the good old days, but he was trying a gentler approach this time around.

  Blake sniffed at his own thoughts. Look at you, Diedrich, maybe you're growing up after all. Took long enough.

  “Hey!” Lucy burst over the wall and made both men jump. She giggled, a huge smile on her face. “Whatcha doing?”

  “Checking the set list.” Blake raised his eyebrows at her reprovingly.

  Lucy gasped loudly, “Stalker!”

  Both men chuckled, and she pushed up on her toes to lean further over to snatch the sheet from the table.

  “There is one, small correction.” She produced a pencil and scratched an addition onto the sheet. She continued to smile and handed it back to Greg.

  Blake leaned over to read the change and his heart lurched violently in his chest. It wasn't just a new song. It was a whole new set list.

  Five songs, four of which he had written with her, one he didn't recognize. He looked up at her, unable to form the questions that were racing through his mind.

  She grinned at him. “Mike talked me into it.”

  Blake was speechless. He wanted to hug her and yell at her at the same time. But he couldn't settle on one, and then she gave him a wink that nearly stopped his heart.

  “I'll do sound check with some old classics,” she instructed Greg who nodded, pleased at the turn of events. “I wanna save my new stuff for the audience.”

  Blake finally found his voice but she was already heading back to the stage. He jogged to catch up with her.

  “Lucky!” he shouted and she spun around, that gorgeous smile still lighting her face.

  “Why didn't you tell me?” he asked as he caught up with her.

  “It seriously just happened.” She laughed. “I came to find you first, but you were already with Greg, so it saved me some time.”

  She was coming tell him first. Hell yeah.

  “I'm so proud of you.” He wrapped his arms around her waist and lifted her in a hug. She hugged him in return and his heart soared. He pressed her soft body close to his and buried his face in her hair. All he wanted was to make her every dream come true.

  It was finally happening.

  ***

  Blake couldn't take his eyes off her. She kept it simple. Just her and a guitar, Mike was on drums. The lack of other instruments didn't seem out of place though, she held it together nicely.

  The first four songs he knew by heart because he had been there when they were written. The fifth song, the one she closed with, was brand new.

  Mike retreated to the side of the stage and came to stand next to Blake. Lucy sat down on a stool and adjusted her microphone.

  “She's doing great,” Mike murmured from beside him.

  Blake only nodded.

  “Last song,” Lucy laughed lightly, “then I'll be back to play with Taylor Stevens.” The crowd applauded and she smiled as she waited for it to quiet again.

  “I just wanna say thanks to y'all for being so sweet tonight and letting me sing my songs.” She made a couple of adjustments on the guitar.

  “This last song is...” She chuckled nervously and then cleared her throat. “Well, it's the last song.”

  She took a breath and her fingers danced lightly on the strings, pulling a delicate and complex melody from the instrument. Her voice joined in and Blake felt goosebumps break out on his arms and spread across his shoulders.

  The words, the depth, the feeling. This was as raw as Lucy came.

  It was a tribute to her mama. Blake's vision began to burn as he absorbed the tidal wave of emotion that crashed into him. He hadn't been expecting this. It was the most beautiful thing he'd ever heard.

  The song began to close and her playing slowed down, drawing out the last verse.

  “... I only ever want to be the best reflection of you... I only ever want to see the starlight streaming through...”

  She slowly stood up and the crowd exploded. She gave them a shy wave before heading in Blake's direction, her eyes watching the floor. A tech ran up on stage and took her instrument from her hands.

  Blake enveloped her in his arms and guided her down the steps. When they reached the bottom, she clutched him tightly, and he could feel the emotion start to wrack her small frame.

  He pulled her into an empty room and held her as she sobbed into his chest. No wonder she hadn't practiced the song beforehand. The authentic passion it took had to pour out of her. Because that was who she was. No fakery, no gimmicks. Pure heart.

  He tightened his grip around her, letting her sniff quietly into his chest. He felt her tears soak through his shirt and he thought how fitting that he was still the one to hold her when she cried. That after all this time and everything that had happened between them, she'd folded right into his arms when her heart was sad. It was a connection they had forged as children, and it was entirely possible that it would last forever.

  After a few minutes she pulled back and tried to wipe the tears off her face.

  “Thanks,” she peered up at him shyly. “I think I got some snot on your shirt.”

  The side of his mouth twitched up. “Not a problem.” He kissed the top of her head and continued to hold her. She took several deep, slow breaths and he tried to match each one with his own.

  “You sure you're gonna be okay to play again in a few minutes?” he asked, concerned.

  “Yeah, I just needed to let it out,” she replied, keeping her arms around his waist and resting her cheek against his heart. He liked that she didn't let go. That she felt safe and in no way uncomfortable in his embrace.

  They stood silent for a little while, then she sighed as she finally pulled away.

  “Better fix my face before going back out there.” She held up her hands to show the black mascara streaks that had rubbed off.

  “There is nothing wrong with your face,” he told her seriously.

  She only smiled as she reached for the door handle. He resisted the urge to stop her. He knew she had to get back on the stage, but this overwhelming instinct to protect her was threatening to take over.

  “Break a leg,” he croaked out instead.

  ***

  Blake played Double Blind Study's set with more exuberance than usual. When the encore finished, all he could think of was seeing Lucy again. He really felt like their bond was growing in leaps and bounds. It was so close to where they used to be, but it felt so much sweeter. Was it too soon to expect something in return from her? Was it too early to ask for forgiveness and another chance?

  Unable to resist seeing her, he climbed onto her bus just as they were taking off.

  “May we help you?” Chad asked, playing receptionist.

  “Hey,” Lucy smiled at him from the floor in surprise.

  “What the heck are you doing down there?” He laughed and kicked off his shoes, sitting down beside her. He envisioned sinking his fingers into her silky hair and trying to convince her to stay in the same bunk with him tonight. But then he remembered they weren't alone.

  “She likes to feel the road. Damn hippie,” Taylor joked.

  “What are you doing here?” she asked, her dark eyes watching him curiously.

  He noticed her phone resting on her stomach. “Waiting to hear from your daddy?”

  Her eyes widened slightly and she licked her lips quickly.

  “No, her dad already called. She's waiting for her boyfriend to call,” Chad replied, and Blake felt ice fill his limbs. Boyfriend?

  “Shut it, Chad.” Lucy glared at him. “He's not my boyfriend.”

  “Shane?” Blake stared at the floor, making sure to keep his face and voice even. Jealousy wouldn't do him any favors right now, and he needed to keep hold of himself. Even if it felt like someone had just opened a black hole in his chest cavity.

  “Yeah, Shane,” Chad sniffed. “God's frickin' gift,” he grumbled.

  “Would you quit?” Lucy sat up and smacked Chad's leg. She rolled her eyes and looked at Blake, waiting for his reaction. But he couldn't move. Or
speak. Or breathe.

  “Whatever. You're taking your week off to go see him. That sounds pretty official to me.” Chad yelped when Lucy reached over and twisted the soft skin of his calf.

  Blake focused on keeping his heart rate even. So she was going to see him. That changed things quite a bit, didn't it? Blake had felt so secure in the fact that Shane was far away. That had been naïve and short-sighted. Guess she wasn't feeling what he had been after all.

  “Where are you going?” he asked, feeling his jaw twitch slightly.

  “He's flying me to Encinitas. I already talked to Luke and he said you guys could pick me up in San Diego for the show.” It came out like a whispered apology.

  And Luke knew? Blake pushed down his feelings of betrayal and again focused on his breathing. He could deal with Luke later.

  “You're spending a whole week with him, must be pretty serious,” he stated flatly, trying to look as disinterested as possible even as the ice in his limbs made a slow migration to his chest.

  “There are a lot of people going. This would technically be our first date.” Lucy's voice sounded strained.

  He finally met her eyes and could see in their brown depths, those deep pools of passion that he loved so desperately, that she wanted his approval. She wasn't trying to hurt him, she was scared of his reaction. That was his fault. He had done that to her because of his actions in the past. No wonder she hadn't told him yet.

  With an effort, he softened his face. “He's taking you to one of the most beautiful beaches in the country for your first date? Sounds like a winner to me.”

  Relief washed over her features, making her look even more beautiful, which sent another pain through his lungs as he struggled for oxygen. She smiled slightly, and as if on cue, her phone lit up with a call. He nodded at her questioning face and she excused herself to the back lounge.

  Stuart, Taylor and Chad didn't say anything as the rumble of the bus filled the cabin. No doubt they could all feel the despair rolling off of him, and he appreciated their silence. Her laughter broke through from the back room intermittently and Blake felt his spirit die just a little more. So Shane could make her laugh. Dick.