In Your Honor

by Heidi Hutchinson

  Her red hair was still as vibrant as ever. Green eyes that matched his in shape, color and tone stared at him in shock and surprise.

  “Blake?” she breathed, like she didn't believe she was seeing what she was seeing.

  “Hey, Mama.” He tried to smile but faltered, feeling his vision begin to burn. This had been a bad idea. No way was she going to be okay with him just showing up, he should have called first. And then she was hugging him. Tears running down her cheeks, she wrapped him in her arms and he instinctively buried his face in her neck.

  “I have missed you,” she said as she held him tightly.

  “I'm so sorry I haven't—” he tried to apologize, but she pulled away to scold him gently.

  “Shh, just stop right there.” She put a finger on his lips. “My baby is home, I don't need apologies.” She wiped her face with her hands and laughed as she ran her wet hands down the front of her jeans. “Good Lord, look at me, weepin' like a choir girl.” She grabbed his hand and tugged him into the house. “I just finished supper, I hope you're hungry.”

  Blake wasn't sure if he'd ever be able to explain the lifting of his spirit that occurred in that moment. Mama's hug, her joy at seeing him, walking into the house he grew up in, the feeling of welcome that engulfed him, it was more than enough to alleviate his guilt for staying away for so long. Even if it was brief.

  She immediately went to work setting an extra place at the table and filling him in on all the changes he had missed while he'd been gone. She spoke swiftly, like she was afraid he was going to get up at any second and leave before she got it all out. His crooked smile was firmly in place as he listened to all of her words while eating the home-cooked meal that had been sorely lacking in his life.

  She'd replaced the cabinets in the kitchen and bought a dishwasher. The guest room upstairs was now an art studio where she taught some kids from town. She had sold her car and gotten a pickup. And the garden out back was double what it used to be. He smiled gladly as she handed him a second serving of roast beef.

  “Now that we got all my boring details out of the way, I want to know all about the life of my rock star son.” Her green eyes danced with mischief, and he knew that she had more information than she was letting on.

  “What do you know already?” he asked, amused at her wily nature.

  “Only what's all over your band's website. I stalk the fan forums pretty frequently as well,” she added with a snicker. “And Triny Newton stops by every couple of days with an update.”

  “So you know that Lucy is on tour with us then?”

  She watched him closely as he poured himself another glass of sweet tea, trying to keep his face even.

  “I have a feelin' that's what brought you home.”

  Blake clenched his jaw slightly. “You're not wrong,” he admitted quietly.

  “Well,” she spoke realistically, “what's stoppin' ya?”

  “A lot of things.” He shook his head. “Mostly myself.” He finished the last bite and sat back in his chair, staring at his clean plate. When he looked up at his mama she was watching him intently, that ever-knowing look on her face.

  “Have you told her how you feel?” she asked gently, and Blake felt his face get hot.

  “Not in so many words.” His voice was suddenly hoarse. “And there's another guy involved now.”

  Her smile softened as compassion took over. As if she knew all the things he was dreading and yet was now willing to face.

  “How long do we have?” she asked deliberately.

  “A week. Then I have a show to make in San Diego.”

  She slowly nodded her head. “You can do this, Blake.”

  Blake felt a hope begin to burn like a tiny candle flame in his chest at her words. He hadn't dared to believe that he might actually accomplish anything this week, but with that look on his mama's face... he was thinking about it now.

  “Will you help me?” he asked, his throat tight as he tried to swallow the lump that had seemed to settle there.

  “Baby, you don't even have to ask.” She smiled at him and pushed back from the table. “But first things first, let's do these dishes and then we can focus better on the serious stuff.”

  “Yes, ma'am.” He gave her a crooked smile and started to gather the plates and glasses from the table.

  As they loaded the dishwasher and he wiped down the table and countertops, they joked easily. He told stories about Sway, his mama's favorite band member, and delighted in hearing her easy laugh again. He left out the fight with Luke, as it didn't seem relevant and she would just worry.

  When they had finished, she led him out to the front porch and they sat on the swing together. The night air blew across them peacefully, bringing with it the smell of fresh cut lawns and someone's nearby barbeque, and Blake regretted staying away for so long. Again. He seemed to be regretting everything these days.

  “I remember when your daddy built this thing.” Mama ran her hand lovingly across the rough edges of the swing. “He was planning on making a business out of it. Said that it would make us rich someday.”

  Blake didn't answer, he knew the story well. But that's not what had happened, his daddy hadn't made anymore. He'd never gotten the chance.

  “Oh, I loved that man,” Mama said wistfully.

  “Don't you miss him?” Blake asked darkly.

  “Everyday,” she nodded in affirmation. “But it doesn't hurt like it used to.”

  The evening air stilled around them and Blake tasted bitterness in his mouth with his next words. Words that he'd always wondered but never dared to ask. “Would you do it again?”

  “Without a doubt,” she answered with her quiet southern conviction. She laid her hand on his arm and he refused to look at her, for fear he'd finally succumb to his unhappiness.

  “Is that what you're afraid of? That if you let yourself love Lucy, she'll leave you?”

  “No, Mama. It's worse than that.” He worked his jaw back and forth, grinding his teeth together, and then trying not to picture Lucy's calm face as she would press against his jaw to ease his tension. “I'm scared that I could leave her the way daddy left you. I can't handle the thought of her being alone.” He dropped his head slightly. “She shouldn't ever be alone.”

  “Oh, baby,” Mama squeezed his arm. “Your daddy didn't leave us. He was taken. You know that.”

  “Semantics,” he growled. “He took a job he knew was dangerous and you ended up alone.”

  “Blake,” she said sternly, and he finally looked at her. “You're plain wrong and you need to stop blamin' your daddy for your bad choices.”

  “You think I don't know how messed up I am? That I don't know my thinkin' is all backwards?” His hands started to shake and he looked down at his fists in his lap again. “I'm so damn ashamed of myself some days...”

  She let him sit in his own turmoil for several long minutes. Mama always did know when to let the guilt do the work for her. He huffed out a breath of discontent and turned to face her.

  “That's why I'm here,” he confessed. “I need help. I can't figure this out by myself.”

  Chapter 13

  Most of Me

  Lucy had a hard time tearing her gaze from the exquisite man driving the beat-up Land Rover to her left. She would glance at the traffic and passing scenery periodically, but it was all a swirl of sunlight and color. She was still having a hard time believing this was all real, it felt so much like a dream. That weightless feeling of existing in a surreal fantasy flooded her senses and caused her to question her mental stability. She couldn't wrap her head around the fact that someone like Shane wasn't just taking her on a date, but had gone out of his way in several different areas of his life to include her this week. Had put her in his life. Had arranged and planned and eagerly talked about her participation in his life when she felt anything but adequate.

  What the heck was he doing with her?

  He chose that moment to give her a wink, causing her stomach to do its now r
egular gymnastics routine whenever she was with him. Reaching up to the visor, he grabbed his sunglasses, sliding them onto his face with precision. He pushed a CD into the player and the interior of the SUV was favored with Brandon Boyd's vocals, causing Lucy's heart to stay at a low simmer.

  All the windows in the vehicle were down, making her hair blow all over the place. She couldn't have cared less. Gathering the wild, brown mess into a braid, she secured the ends with an elastic and dropped her arm out the window. She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply, trying to connect with the reality of the moment. The sun, the air, the tall, lean, aesthetically pleasing man who was driving. She wanted to be overwhelmed. She wanted it to be more than she could handle. That way, she would never forget it.

  “I can't express how great it is to have you here.” Shane's deep voice cut into her thoughts wonderfully. His words rolled across her already warm skin and made her feel welcome.

  She didn't hold back as she smiled at him openly. “I'm happy to be here.” She couldn't have meant it more.

  The conversation was light as they drove along, and she was happy that their easy rapport on the phone transferred seamlessly into the real world. Being with Shane was effortless. Completely angst-free and a whole new experience for her, as far as relationships went.

  When they pulled into the driveway of the home where they would be staying, Lucy nearly fainted.

  The wide, spacious drive was lined with palm trees and the large stone covered home was more like a mansion than a vacation home. But what would she know? While her father had been a very successful musician, it was never flaunted in front of her. Her parents had lived simply. If they had tons of money, she never knew. She'd gone from small town girl, happy with her one bedroom apartment, to living on a bus with a bunch of dudes and army-style showers. She probably should have expected something glamorous and over-the-top from the gold medal winning snowboarder.

  The Rover came to a stop and Lucy stared up at the house in awe. She looked over at Shane, who was watching her with that amused expression of his.

  “What are you thinking?” he asked, his voice that husky, intensely deep octave that made her shiver.

  “That we're at the wrong place,” she answered honestly.

  Shane grinned and opened his door. “C'mon, I'll show you around before it fills up with people.” He jogged around the front of the SUV and opened her door for her. She took the hand he extended and let him lead her into the stately vacation home.

  They entered through the kitchen and Lucy was positive she had never seen one so huge. It looked like something from a designer kitchen on one of those HGTV shows that Taylor was always watching.

  “This is Serge.” Shane introduced a man with a similar build but lighter complexion than Shane, who stood when they entered. “This whole thing was his idea.”

  “Pleasure.” Serge smiled warmly and shook her hand. His pale blue eyes met hers briefly before he looked at Shane apologetically. “There are two couples here this weekend, so I gave you two the main suite upstairs for some privacy.” He took a careful breath and Lucy wondered at his slight accent. European? “I did not know Harmony would be with Steve. I put them in the basement suite.”

  “Thanks, man.” Shane nodded his appreciation and flicked his eyes to Lucy quickly before looking back at Serge. “Oh, by the way, Clarke says 'what's up.'”

  “How is Clarke?” Serge asked, a small smile tugging on the corner of his mouth.

  “Still too young for you,” Shane replied with a grin.

  Serge shook his head and sighed, “Maybe I should drive up there and say hello while I am around.”

  “Don't toy with the girl's heart, Serge.” Shane's playful tone went serious. “You know she adores you and nothing can ever come from it.”

  Serge clapped Shane on the shoulder and gave a small, sad smile. “That is, unfortunately, the truth. You are a good man to look out for her.”

  Shane pursed his lips and looked down. There was a somberness to Shane that Lucy had never seen. He settled his thoughts and looked back up, his face relaxed again. “Do you know who else will be here this week?”

  “Not sure. Brady, Bo. Maybe Kip and Adam.”

  “Can I ask where you're from?” Lucy suddenly interjected. Serge turned his pale eyes on her curiously.

  “Norway. Mostly.” He gave her a playful grin and she felt her ears getting hot.

  “But Serge is a French name? Right?” Her heart was pounding, she was probably wrong. Why couldn't she shut up? “Never mind. I have no idea what I'm saying.”

  Shane laughed and hooked an arm around her waist, pulling her to his side. Serge's grin widened and he chuckled.

  “Yes, my mother is French. You are correct.” He laughed again and lifted his chin at Shane. “You better be careful with this one, Big City. She is beautiful and smart.”

  Lucy's ears were reaching a boiling point and she swallowed hard. Shane's grip around her tightened and she melted into his rock-hard side.

  “Don't I know it,” Shane chuckled. He pressed a kiss to her temple and pulled her towards the doorway leading into the rest of the house.

  “Stop being embarrassed,” he murmured in her ear when they were well removed from Serge's line of sight. “You're amazing and you have nothing to worry about.”

  She couldn't reply. Mostly because Shane's proximity had rendered her speechless. But also, did Shane know who he was? She wasn't worried about the other people this week. But she was a little nervous that Shane was going to figure out how much of a weirdo she was and he'd be done with her.

  She looked up into his amber eyes that were rimmed in a deep brown. The gold flecks highlighted his irises and she steadied herself in that gaze. No, he wasn't that guy. He wasn't looking for her faults and he wasn't disillusioned as to who he had asked to join him this week. He liked her. Flaws and all.

  He showed her the rest of the house, never letting go of her hand, and she was growing to like that connection more and more. His grasp was warm and strong and she liked how it made her feel safe and wanted at the same time. The house was enormous: a large game room, an open dining room, a living room with a fireplace, and several bedrooms and bathrooms scattered throughout.

  He led her upstairs to their suite and she wandered around it wide-eyed. It had a private stone balcony with a perfect view of the ocean, a large living room with a couch and a couple of overstuffed chairs, a massive four-poster king-size bed, and a bathroom with both a shower and jacuzzi tub.

  Lucy felt her heart rate quicken as she surveyed their living quarters for the next six days. It was gorgeous. And intimate. She hadn't thought about any of that stuff yet. Truthfully, she hadn't had time.

  “Are you impressed?” Shane asked as leaned one shoulder against the door frame and watched her walk around the room.

  “Are you kidding?” She grinned at him. “This is pretty swanky.”

  He chuckled lightly and pushed his hair back, looking almost sheepish. “You're awesome.”

  “What?” She laughed lightly, not know what had sparked that compliment.

  “I mean, most girls I've dated would not be satisfied with...” he gestured towards the furnishings in the room, “this.”

  She narrowed her eyes at him playfully. “I thought we'd already established that I'm not like most girls.”

  “We have,” he said as he took a couple steps towards her, “but I still enjoy the reminders.”

  She bit her bottom lip and looked away from his gaze. He was too beautiful to look at sometimes. He moved a stray hair off of her cheek with his index finger, drawing her eyes back to his.

  “I'm gonna go down and get our luggage. You be thinking about what you want to do first. We can go down to the beach or get something to eat or go shopping or whatever. You name it.” He held her eyes for a heartbeat longer than she thought she could handle. “Anything.”

  Backing away slowly, he didn't turn around until he reached the doorway, and then Lucy finally felt
like she could breathe again. She looked around the room, feeling the butterflies begin to violently ricochet in her stomach. She was sharing a room with quite possibly the most gorgeous and charming man alive. Seriously, what the hell is he doing with me?

  She walked out onto the patio and breathed in the ocean air, trying to figure out how to handle this. Her hands pressed against the sun-warmed stone railing and she closed her eyes.

  The sound of Shane reentering their room with their luggage reached her ears, but she lingered on the balcony.

  She felt the brush of his body as he leaned his back against the railing, joining her. She didn't have to open her eyes to know he was watching her, she could feel it.

  “I know what you're thinking,” he said, and her eyes opened slowly, wondering if that were possible.

  “Please don't worry about the sleeping arrangements. I already planned on sleeping on the couch.”

  “You did not.” She felt her lips pulling up into a smile. He was constantly surprising her.

  “Sure did. The moment I laid eyes on it, I knew it had to be mine.” The gold in his eyes was even more vibrant in the sunlight and he gave her a teasing smile.

  “How are you real?” she almost whispered, half afraid that if she asked it out loud, he might disappear before her eyes.

  “I could ask the same thing about you,” he replied, his voice rough. He smiled shyly and looked down at his feet and then back up at her. “I don't want you to feel any pressure. When I asked you to join me this week, all I was thinking about was spending more time with quite possibly the most incredible girl I've ever met. That's seriously it.”

  “I believe you,” she responded quietly, meaning it.

  One of his arms reached over and hooked around her waist, pulling her to stand in between his legs. He cupped her cheek with his other hand and touched her lips gently with his thumb.

  “Also, I want to kiss you.” He stared into her face intently and she felt her lips part in response. She wanted that too.