Love & Devotion

by Jove Belle

  KC tucked her hair behind her ears, a newly developed nervous habit, picked up their breakfast, and stepped in. She passed too close and lingered too long. Emma was a magnet and she was helpless to resist. She should have been polite, given Emma room to breathe without inhaling her toothpaste, but she couldn’t bring herself to move away.

  “Hi.” She pressed a shy kiss to Emma’s cheek and internally berated herself for not going for her lips. “I brought breakfast.” She held the bag aloft and smiled hopefully. Food and coffee were always a safe bet with Emma.

  Emma eased into the room, brushing across her body as she moved. KC held perfectly still, not even daring to breathe. She’d parked herself too close to Emma, and it took an extreme effort to let her move away without dropping their food and pulling Emma close again.

  “Come on.” Emma led her to the kitchen and took the bag and coffee from her. “Thanks.” She set them on the table then faced KC fully wearing a small smile that made her look like she knew a secret. A happy secret.

  Emma wound her arms around her waist and pulled her into a hug. She sighed happily and relaxed for the first time since their shared dance in Austin.

  “Can I kiss you?” Emma asked, her breath hot and hopeful against KC’s neck.

  “God, yes.” She sounded too eager. Too relieved. And too much like she’d learned nothing. She pulled away but held Emma’s hands in hers. She couldn’t give up contact completely. “But we should talk first.”

  “Yes. We should.” Emma turned two kitchen chairs to face one another and sat. She gestured to the other, indicating KC should join her. They sat close enough to touch.

  She unwrapped Emma’s sandwich first and handed it to her, then her own. She took a bite and chewed carefully. She’d thought about nothing except being with Emma, talking with her, and once again she found herself speechless when she should be following through.

  “I think,” Emma sipped her coffee, “I think you should go first.”

  She nodded. “Makes sense.” After all, Emma had said what she needed to in Austin.

  She took a deep breath. “First, you need to know I’m not playing. I wouldn’t risk our friendship if I didn’t think this could go somewhere.” She chose her words carefully. She didn’t want to sound like she had a U-Haul waiting in the driveway. She loved Emma but wasn’t sure exactly what that meant anymore. Co-habitation might be a part of their future, but she wasn’t ready to promise forever. “I want this to work. I don’t know what will happen, but I’m…I’m here.”

  Emma surged forward and caught her in a forceful kiss. It started sloppy and lacked technique and migrated to a slow, languid exploration. Emma eased her tongue into her mouth and she forgot all about talking. She forgot her own name. Hell, she forgot to breathe. All that existed was Emma and her lips and her silky, smooth, erotic tongue. She grabbed Emma’s shoulders to pull her closer. She wanted to climb inside of her.

  “Oh, hello, KC. I thought I heard the doorbell.” Emma’s mama breezed past them like it wasn’t unusual to find the two of them connected by their tonsils.

  She flew back and sat in her chair, completely dazed and hoping for a miracle. Her mouth would start forming words at any moment, she knew it. Emma pointed at KC’s mouth, then used her thumb to show her there was something on her lip. She ran the back of her hand over her mouth and wipe away a generous amount of drool and dignity.

  “Hi, Mrs. Reynolds.” She finally found her voice, but it was a much squeakier version of her normal self. Her heart pounded. The combination of being worked up suddenly, then dropped just as quickly, left her spinning.

  Mrs. Reynolds rinsed out her coffee cup and set it in the sink. “Are you here to help Emma pack?”

  She nodded. She was still trying to catch her breath, so a nod would have to work.

  “I don’t know why she’s in such a hurry to put her things in boxes. She’s not leaving for another two weeks.”

  “That’s not very long, Mama,” Emma said.

  KC’s mood shifted from giddy to somber. “No, it’s really not.”

  “Yes, well, I have a house to show.” Mrs. Reynolds dropped a kiss first on KC’s head, then Emma’s. “I’ll see you girls in a few hours.”

  When the side door that led to the garage clicked shut behind Mrs. Reynolds, KC sagged in her seat. “Fuck.” She laughed to let out some nervous energy. It worked like the release valve on a pressure cooker. If she didn’t release some tension, she might very well explode. “I guess I should have asked if your mom was home.”

  “I should have said something.” Emma smiled and took a bite of her sandwich.

  “So, are we done talking then?” She hoped not. She still wasn’t sure what it all meant.

  Emma shook her head, chewed faster, then swallowed. “I don’t think so, but maybe we can just talk about things as they come up?”

  She liked that idea. “Okay. If you ever question anything, promise you’ll ask me.”

  Emma set her sandwich on the paper wrapper, wiped her hands on a napkin, then took KC’s hand in hers. KC was all in favor of handholding.

  “There is one more thing.” Emma hesitated. “I won’t share. If we’re doing this, you don’t get to see other people.” She spoke quietly, but her gaze never wavered.

  “Of course not.” She understood Emma’s point, but it hurt. Apparently, Emma believed she was ready, but only to a degree. She still had to work through a layer of distrust before she’d believe KC was capable of being in a committed relationship. How long would it take for Emma to trust her? Would Emma always be waiting for her to fuck up? She debated pointing out that she’d always been monogamous in relationships; she’d just never demanded the same from others. Somehow, that didn’t seem any better so she kept the comment to herself.

  She held Emma’s hand tight and kissed her as gently as she knew how. She used that brief meeting of lips to communicate every ounce of love, devotion, and patience that she would never be able to adequately express with words. She pulled away before it could escalate into an expression of lust rather than love. She wanted her message pure and undiluted by hormonal influx.

  Emma chased her lips when she finally pulled away. She brushed their lips together for one last, soft kiss, then sat back. Emma left her eyes closed for a few seconds. When she opened them, they were dark and needy.

  “I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of that.” Emma touched her fingers to KC’s lips and smiled. “Ever.”

  “Me either. I can’t believe we waited this long to start.” She tried to tease, but given the reason they had waited, the joke fell flat. “We’ll just have to make up for lost time.” She winked and kissed Emma quick and easy, like they’d been doing it for years. It occurred to her that technically they had been. She and Emma had shared a casual physical layer to their relationship forever, but she had been blind to what her need to constantly touch Emma really meant.

  “We should go upstairs.”

  She smiled far too eagerly. She’d been in Emma’s room lots of times. The mere mention of it shouldn’t make her heart race out of control. “Okay.” She stood quick enough to knock her chair backward.

  Emma laughed. “I appreciate your enthusiasm, but I’m only inviting you to pack boxes.”

  “Right.” Heat rose through her head. She hated to blush. She grabbed her coffee and made a beeline for the stairs.

  Emma touched her arm, a gentle request for her to stop. Emma kissed her lightly and said, “I think you’re adorable.”

  Great. Adorable was a far cry from sexy. But it was better than annoying and obnoxious, so she said, “Thanks.”

  Emma laced their fingers together and they walked to her room hand in hand. Boxes lined the hall leading to Emma’s bedroom, and the reality of Emma’s impending move set in. It was easy to talk about in theory. Since returning from her four years of college in Las Vegas, Emma had talked nonstop about moving to Austin. It was a fantasy. Faced with the physical evidence that it was happening, KC stopp
ed short.

  “You’re really leaving.”

  “I am.”

  “Well, I think that sucks.”

  “The timing could be better.”

  “You could stay?” She knew the answer before she asked the question, but Emma needed to know that she wanted her here.

  Emma smiled and shook her head. “You could come with me.”

  It took everything in her to not scream Yes! the second the invitation was extended. But she thought about her family, about everything they were going through, and especially about how much of herself she’d given up to be with Lonnie. She wasn’t very fond of that version of herself, and Emma had made it clear she didn’t like that part of her either. As much as she wanted to, following Emma to Austin was the wrong thing to do. At least for now. She needed to be sure of herself before she got lost in another woman again. Even Emma.

  “I wish I could.”

  “Me, too.” Emma looked as sad as KC felt.

  “But Austin’s close. I’ll visit so much you’ll get sick of me.”

  “Ha. I doubt that.”

  “And you’ll come home on the weekends, too.”

  Emma hesitated, then said, “I don’t know, KC. I’m going to be busy. This new job is going to be really demanding.”

  “So demanding they’ll expect you to work weekends?”

  “Probably, yeah.” Emma shrugged. “The news doesn’t wait for Monday.”

  “What’ll happen when I come visit then?”

  “You’ll get to know Austin while I’m at work, and you’ll get to know me when I’m not.” Emma smiled seductively and KC almost forgot how frustrating their conversation was proving to be.

  “I don’t want to drive five hours to get to know Austin.” She fought to keep her voice level. None of this was new information. She knew how demanding Emma’s new career would be. She knew how much Emma wanted it. And she knew how much Emma had sacrificed and was willing to keep sacrificing, in order to make it work. It was unfair to whine about it at this point.

  “Of course not, but it might be the best I can do. Not everyone can have a job like yours, KC.”

  “What does that mean?” When she chose her job, it had been a matter of right time, right place. She hadn’t gone looking for it so much as she’d stumbled across it and recognized a good thing when she saw it. Emma had always been driven, always talked about a future in television production, whereas KC wasn’t particularly passionate about anything. She’d decided on a degree in English lit because she liked to read and writing essays came easily. Not until three weeks away from graduating did she really consider that school was ending and she’d need to do something with her degree.

  She got a Masters of Education to make her employable but didn’t get excited about education until a friend mentioned the online K12 program as a potential employer. She’d been lucky. Some other teachers spent much of their time trying not to scream about their working conditions. Still, that didn’t mean it was a pushover job, so Emma’s jab confused her.

  “It means that while you get to telecommute, set your own schedule, and have summers and holidays off, the rest of us have to report to an office and be accountable for the time we spend there.”

  “I don’t have the summer off.” Her defense was weak and she sounded petty, but the words still came out. “I’m teaching summer classes.”

  “But you don’t have to.”

  “I do if I want to eat.” Her employer was ideal in terms of flexibility, but unlike some schools that spread the pay over twelve months, KC didn’t get paid if she didn’t work. Period.

  Emma sat heavily on her bed and held out her hand, an extended olive branch inviting KC to meet her halfway. KC sat next to her and pulled Emma’s hand into her lap. She traced random patterns over the back of her fingers.

  “I know the timing sucks, but what else can we do? I’m committed and I have to go. You can’t leave here. We need to work with what we have or this will never last.” Emma kissed her hand. “And I really, really want this to work.”

  “Can we define exactly what this is?” KC asked.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Are you my girlfriend? Or are we dating? We never really decided that part.” She never moved this fast in a relationship. She was quick to escalate the physical and held back the emotional. With Emma, the opposite needed to happen. If she slept with Emma only to discover it was a game, it would leave her completely gutted.

  “What do you want?”

  “I want you to be my girlfriend. I want to know that while I’m here and you’re there, you’ll say no when some cute girl asks you out.” She pictured Maria and grimaced. Emma had a pre-existing dating pool in Austin.

  “I promise.”

  “Yeah?” Relief flooded her. Emma always kept her promises. “Me, too.”

  “Good.” Emma pulled her into a hug and nuzzled her cheek against hers. “We can make this work.”

  “We have to.” KC agreed because she didn’t have any other choice.

  *

  KC felt even stranger when she rang Emma’s doorbell the second time in one day. They’d worked together through part of the afternoon, but she’d left a few hours ago to get ready for their date. Emma had offered to come along then to save her the trip, and when she declined, Emma offered to meet her at the restaurant. Frankly, Emma’s need to be practical was screwing with KC’s groove. She wanted to woo Emma, and wooing rarely aligned with practical.

  She juggled two bouquets and a bottle of wine into one arm and straightened her hair with the other hand. She hoped to God Emma liked what she’d done with it, because it would take years to grow back to its former length. That afternoon, she’d left Emma and gone straight to her daddy’s barber. No messing around with an in-between bob. She’d had it all cut off and gelled it straight up. Emma needed to answer the door and tell her if this haircut had the same effect as the last time she had short hair.

  Instead of Emma, Mrs. Reynolds answered the door. “Oh, KC. Come in.” She held the door open with a bemused smile.

  KC stepped across the threshold but didn’t go any farther. She had a point to make about her intentions, and charging up the stairs to continue where she and Emma had left off earlier in the day wouldn’t send the right message. “Thank you, ma’am. These are for you.” She offered Mrs. Reynolds the smaller of the two bouquets and the bottle of wine.

  KC had never worked so hard to impress a girl’s parents before and was traveling uncharted territory. But she remembered Owen’s moves back when he’d been courting Kendall. He’d arrived to their first date with a firm handshake for her daddy, a box of chocolates and flowers for her mama, and flowers for Kendall as well. Her daddy had been impressed, her mama swooned, and Kendall promptly fell in love.

  Mrs. Reynolds took her gifts and her smile grew about a mile. “Thank you, KC. Emma will be right down.” She headed toward the kitchen but then turned back. “Your new haircut looks fetching.”

  KC ran her hand through her hair and could feel a blush rising in her cheeks. “Thank you, ma’am.” She hoped Emma responded as well as Mrs. Reynolds. “I’ll wait right here for Emma.”

  A few hours ago, she had been upstairs with Emma. Yes, they’d worked hard packing her belongings, but they’d also spent plenty of time getting to know each other in a new way. She’d never kissed anyone so much in such a short period of time. She was officially addicted. The memory made her blush harder, and she felt awkward waiting in the foyer of a home she practically grew up in. Mrs. Reynolds’s light laughter in the other room as she filled a vase with water didn’t help at all.

  KC heard Emma on the stairs before she saw her. When she came into view, KC grinned like a fool. She couldn’t believe how lucky she was that a girl like Emma had agreed to date her, and she was infinitely relieved that she hadn’t missed the opportunity completely.

  Emma wore faded denim jeans, polished boots, and a plain black T-shirt. KC was in love. As much as she liked it
when Emma put on her pretty red dress, she loved Emma like this, with her hair flowing down her back and dressed to enjoy herself. This was the Emma she had fun with.

  “Hey.” KC barely managed a whisper. The weight of what they were doing settled in her chest, and it felt good and solid. Emma, perfect and beautiful, wanted her, and she’d be damned if she was going to blow it. She stepped forward and met Emma at the foot of the stairs. She held out the flowers and said, “You look great.”

  “So do you.” Emma ignored the flowers and played her fingers through the tips of KC’s hair. She kissed KC lightly. “Did you do this for me?”

  She shrugged. “Do you like it?” The haircut had been as much to declare a change as to please Emma.

  “I love it.” Emma continued to toy with her hair for a few more moments, then seemed hit by sudden awareness that she was still holding flowers. “Are those mine?”

  She nodded and swallowed. She shouldn’t be so damned nervous. “Yes.”

  Emma kissed her again and lingered on her lips just a fraction longer. She left behind the sweet taste of strawberry lip gloss. KC had never noticed the flavor before. She released the flowers to Emma and smiled, dumbstruck by Emma’s kisses.

  “I’ll put these in water.” Emma laughed and joined her mama in the kitchen.

  Perfect. Now they’re both laughing at me. Their laughter was good-hearted, but she was still embarrassed. No amount of laughter, however, would convince her that Emma wasn’t worth the effort.

  “Ready?” Emma returned and took her hand lightly.

  “KC?” Mrs. Reynolds followed them to the door. “You don’t keep Emma out too late, you hear?” The glint in her eyes assured KC she was teasing, but she took the warning seriously.

  In her most somber voice, she said, “No ma’am, I won’t.” She wanted to take Emma home and keep her close through the night, but she couldn’t. The easy affection that allowed them to sleep in the same bed without escalating to a sexual encounter was long gone. She wanted Emma in the worst way, and she wouldn’t let herself give in until they were both sure it was the right time.