Breathe

  “Did you want to leave town because you felt guilty?”

  Oh. My. God.

  My heart has stopped beating.

  I feel my face pale and fall the floor. I have no idea what I'm feeling at this moment. I can't believe he would think this.

  I look up to him. Speechless. I don't know what to say that will make this better for anyone. Every answer I have will piss him off so much he'll go after Patrick. I can't let that happen. For his sake and for Patrick's life.

  He's staring at me with a blank expression. I can't read him. I need to know what he's thinking. I need to know he trusts me enough.

  Without a word, he drops his head, stands, and leaves the room. The door closes so quietly I barely hear it. I'm left in the room alone.

  I have no idea what just happened. Does he not trust me? Did I just ruin everything with Linc?

  I can't breathe. I can't feel. All I can hear is a faint ringing between my ears.

  Some might call it stunned stupid. I call it dead but breathing.

  Fuck Patrick.

  He ruins everything.

  Chapter Thirty-two

  Daylight is coming and morning is greeting me with her bitchy, annoyingly yellow orb. I'm not sure how long I’ve been sitting in this spot. I haven't slept. I haven't moved. I'm not sure I'm even breathing. My breath left when Linc walked out on me.

  “Gracie.” I hear someone talking.

  “Gracie. Look at me.” I turn my head up.

  Rafe is here.

  He puts a pathetic smile on his face for my sake. “Gracie, you look like ass.”

  I let out a half laugh. “Thanks.”

  Rafe says nothing in return. Just pulls me from the chair to the floor and into his lap. I curl into him.

  “In case you're wondering, Linc is still here. He didn't leave last night.”

  I look up to him. “He's still here?”

  “Yeah. He slept in his office.”

  “Oh.”

  “You want to tell me why?”

  I shake my head against his chest.

  “Alright. You want to make out a little.”

  I start to giggle, which is a foreign feeling right now.

  We sit in silence as time passes. I have no idea how long we've been like this. Rafe has been patient, but I can feel him start to squirm beneath me.

  “Uh, Grace?”

  “Yeah?” I whisper.

  “I think my legs are dead,” he deadpans while poking one of his thighs. I roll off his lap and awkwardly lay on the floor. “I'm going to get my bag and take a shower. I'll be right back.”

  I nod against the carpet. How pathetic am I?

  “Arrrrrrrrrg,” I growl at myself and pinch my eyes closed.

  After a short time, I hear the door open again and footsteps enter the room. They stop behind me. I'm suddenly lifted into strong arms. I don't even bother to open my eyes.

  “I can't do this anymore,” I mumble almost incoherently.

  “What can't you do, Grace?”

  “I can't keep hiding and running away from things. I can't keep having everyone clean up the messes I make. I can't keep getting angry over the littlest shit. I'm sabotaging myself and my love for you.” I'm not even sure that’s what I'm saying. I'm thinking it, but I'm so tired I don't know for sure if I'm actually speaking it.

  I'm placed on the bed and the duvet is spread over me. Sleep is taking me quickly. I look forward to the dark. I feel safe in the dark. I can’t be blinded by the reflections off the glass of my broken walls.

  The bed caves behind me and I feel a kiss on the soft spot below my right ear. Just before I fall into darkness, I faintly hear a low voice whispering in my ear.

  “It’s okay to breathe.”

  TO SAY THAT I FEEL hungover is an understatement. I feel beyond that but not from drinking. The throbbing in my head is mocking me by pounding harder with every blink of my eyes. I'm really starting to think my body hates me right now.

  Traitor.

  After a few minutes of fighting with myself, I blink my eyes open. Slowly sitting up, I assess the bedroom: The sun is up. The room is dim. The bed is cold. And I'm alone.

  I reluctantly get out of bed and head straight for the shower. Entering the bathroom, I notice a large vase filled with pink lilies. I grin not knowing what they’re for but not caring either. I hop in the shower and turn the water as hot as I can stand. Washing yesterday off of me is the best thing for me right now.

  After the invigorating shower, I walk out into the vast room in my cozy robe and make way to the closet to get dressed for the day. On top of the dresser on my side of the closet is another vase filled with yellow lilies. Another grin slides across my face. Not taking too much care in what I wear, I dress quickly.

  I'm starting to feel better about this day.

  I can do this. I can go on. I don't need anyone saving me or protecting me. I can do it myself. I feel empowered.

  I am woman, hear me roar. Or at least hear me purr.

  This is a first for me. I'm not sure where these new feelings came from, but I don't care and I don't question it. Miles can't clean up after me forever. I won’t let him. And Linc...well, I don't even know where we stand right now. He may not even want to bother with me anymore. After Patrick and now the thing with Ryan, I'm not sure what I'm going to do.

  As I pass the sitting area I notice yet another vase on the little table filled with orange lilies. I don't know what I did to deserve all these flowers, but I certainly don't mind getting them. I’m a damn lady after all. And ladies like to get flowers.

  I drag my ass out into the kitchen to get a snack and stop dead in my tracks before I even get there. I turn to the living room. My mouth drops open as my eyes blink rapidly. This can't be real. This has to be a dream. After gathering my thoughts and pulling myself back to reality, I sweep my eyes through the vast room. Vase upon vase of lilies in every color imaginable are placed on every surface and in every nook and cranny possible. I step further into the room and walk around looking at each vase one by one. I slowly turn a complete three-sixty just like in the movies. They’re perfect. I sit on the sofa and stare at the room.

  “Oh my,” I whisper as I fold myself into the cushion.

  Just breathe.

  “They're amazing.” I whip my head around to see Rafe leaning over the back of the couch.

  “They are.”

  “He did this for you.”

  “Where is he?”

  “Not sure.” Rafe shrugs and jumps over the back of the couch lading on the cushion next to me. “He left late this morning and hasn't been back since. He wanted me to give you this.” He handed me a small card and put his arm around me.

  I open the little envelope and pull out the equally little card.

  A lily for every moment that I've thought of you since I fell in love with you.

  I re-read that sentence over and over until the words blur from my tears.

  “What happened last night?”

  “I fucked up.” I clutch the card to my chest.

  “He thinks he did.”

  “No. I did. He laid it all out there. All his feelings. He told me about Rebecca and what he was doing in Boston.” I turned so Rafe and I are facing each other. “He has a son.”

  “Huh?”

  “Yeah. He has a ten-year-old son.” I take a deep breath. “It's Kennedy.”

  “Wait a sec. His brother is his kid? That's some fucked up backwoods shit.”

  “He's not his brother,” I snap back. “We all just assumed he was. He's actually his son, with this Rebecca person.”

  “Oh, damn.”

  “Yep. And I made it worse by pressing him about her.” I sigh. “I just wanted to know if he wants to be with her now that she’s back in the picture. They have a history, which is drama filled to say the least, and they have a son. That’s a bond that I can't touch. How do I compete with that?”

  Rafe looks around the room. “Judging from the looks of the apartme
nt, I don't think you have anything to worry about.”

  “I don't feel so sure about that. I showed him the pictures that I was sent and he showed me a set of his own. They were of me and Patrick in the park before you showed up.”

  “Fuck.” He shakes his head.

  “He asked me what happened. I told him that he kissed me but I didn't kiss him back. Then he asked if I left because I felt guilty.” Tears start to wet my eyes again. “I was so stunned that I became speechless. I didn't answer him. I couldn't answer him. If I told him what really happened then he would go hunt Patrick down. I don’t feel guilty because I didn’t kiss him back. I want nothing to do with him. I want Linc.

  “I didn’t answer him so he left the room and I haven't seen him since. I screwed up, Rafe. How could I have been so stupid? I make him wait for sex. I didn't tell him I love him back after he told me many times. He gets jumped because of me. I leave for the Hamptons and don't let him come with. I get drunk to forget about him and let Ryan be stupid and ruined us in the process.”

  “I'm not so sure about that.”

  “Why do you seem so confident about how Linc feels? Did he say something to you?”

  “I think you've forgotten that I’ve been here this whole time. From the moment Ryan left until now.” He scoots closer to me and takes my hands in his. “I called him, Gracie.”

  “You called him?” I tilt my head. “When?”

  “When we were at Mercury. When you traipsed off onto the dance floor and ditched me.” He looks hurt. “The bartender girl called him but got no answer. Brody was bartending that night, too, so he called him after that. No answer again. I called him and got him to answer. I told him to get his ass here or shit was really going to hit the fan. He got to the apartment after I had put you in bed. I explained our night and the previous few days. He was frantic. I tried to get him to wait until today to talk knowing that you both needed time to cool off and calm down. But you know Linc. He listens to no one.

  “I didn't see him again until early this morning. He’d slept in his office; if he even slept at all. This morning, he walked right past me as I was getting my bag and went straight to the bedroom. I followed him just to make sure he didn't do anything stupid. He picked you up off the floor, put you in bed and lay with you until you were sound asleep. He walked past me again and asked me to have a talk with him. I told him about the situation with Patrick in the Park. After that, he left in a hurry and didn't come back until later with a few delivery guys and Brody. That's when all the flowers came.”

  “Oh.” I had no idea Rafe had seen all this happen.

  He nodded. “Yeah. I helped him place them around the apartment. We didn't say much to each other. But what he did tell me is that he's sorry for the way he's been acting for the last week or so.” He squeezed my hands tighter. “He's crazy about you and now he's afraid he's lost you. He's a wreck.”

  Tears fall down the sides of my face at their own free will.

  “He hasn't lost me,” I whisper.

  “We need to find him and tell him before he does something stupid.”

  “He won't do anything stupid. He's probably just at the gym getting out some aggression.”

  “Gracie, there's something I haven't told you yet.”

  “Since when do you keep anything from me?” I search his eyes for answers.

  “He called Miles this morning and they were talking about Patrick.” Fear fills my body and I start to breathe heavily. “I'm not exactly sure what's going on. I couldn't hear the whole conversation, but I think he's with Miles right now.”

  I jump up and move quickly towards the front door.

  “Where are you going?”

  “To find them or Patrick. If they get to him before I can, they're going to hurt him or God forbid kill him.”

  “Then I'm coming with you.” He follows me into the foyer to grab our jackets and we race out the door.

  I knock frantically on Thomas' door, hoping he answers quickly. “Thomas, I need you to take me to find Miles.”

  “Right away.” He grabs what he needs and we all head down to the garage. I call Miles on the way.

  “Hey, Gracie,” Miles says nonchalantly.

  “Miles,” I say exhaustedly. “Is Linc with you?”

  “He is. Why? Is something wrong?”

  “Yes. No. I don't know. Is he okay?”

  “Yeah. We're at the office. What's wrong with you?”

  “Nothing. I'm just worried after our fight last night and with all that Patrick stuff and the pictures...”

  “Gracie. Stop. No need for you to worry. We're taking care of all that.”

  “That's what I'm worried about. Please don't hurt him.”

  “Hurt who?”

  “Patrick. Please just leave him be. I haven't heard or seen him since the day in the Park. I've let it go. You two need to let it go, too.”

  “Uh uh. Not going to happen.”

  “Please,” I beg.

  “No, Gracie. There are things that you don't know that need to be handled and unfortunately they involve your dear, dear ex-fiancé.” He sounds so cold.

  “What things?” Silence falls between us. “What things, Miles?” I demand.

  “Where are you?”

  “In the car with Rafe and Thomas coming to find you.”

  “Go back to the apartment. We'll be there when we can.”

  “No.”

  “Grace, go back to the apartment! We'll be there soon.” The bastard hangs up on me.

  “Gah!” I scream just as Thomas' phone chimes. He turns around the block in the direction of my apartment. “I'm guessing that was Miles.”

  “Yes. He says to take you back,” he comments while looking at me through the rear-view mirror.

  I guess I’m going back home.

  Chapter Thirty-three

  “Where in the hell are they?” I yell. I've been pacing the living room for the last hour. It's been two and a half since we turned the car around and came home. “We'll be there soon, my ass!”

  “Gracie, they'll be here when they can,” Olive says to me. She came over with Briar at my request. I need as many of my friends around me as I can get. “Maybe something came up at the office.”

  God bless her, but she's damn crazy if she thinks something just “came up”.

  “Screw this. I'm calling them.” I run into the bedroom, grab my phone and dial up Miles. It goes straight to voicemail.

  I quickly dial Patrick. Again, voicemail. This can't be good. Pacing back and forth in my bedroom, I try to think of what else I can do.

  Aha! Brody.

  I quickly dial his number.

  “Hello?”

  “Brody. Hi, it's Grace.”

  “Grace. It's nice to hear from you. How do you like the lilies?”

  “Have you seen Linc?” I blurt out dismissing his question.

  “What do you mean? I was with him this morning. The last place I knew him going was Jersey.”

  “I talked to Miles and he was with him at the Stratton building. They were supposed to be at my apartment three hours ago. No one is picking up their damn phone.”

  “Let me check his schedule.” I hear him rustling papers and tapping on a keyboard. “Huh. He cleared his schedule today.”

  “The whole day?”

  “Yeah. That's odd. I didn't know he did that. Let me make a few calls and get back to you. Sit tight, okay?”

  “Okay. And Brody, Patrick isn't answering his phone either.”

  “Shit,” I hear grumbled on the other end. “I'll call you when I know something.”

  “Thanks.” I disconnect, falling on the bed and closing my eyes to block out the world. If only for a few moments.

  I must have drifted off to sleep because I'm startled awake by loud commotion in the living room. With my phone still clutched in my hand, I leap from the bed. Before I can get to the door, Rafe comes charging in with my coat in his hands.

  “Gracie, we have to go!” he yells
as if he's out of breath.

  “Go where?” I ask as he pushes my coat up my arms.

  “Fairview. Something's happened. We have to go. Now!”

  “I don't understand,” I reply as he shoves me out the door and down the hall. He stays silent as we make our way down to street-level. Thomas is there, waiting for us. He helps me into the car and Rafe follows.

  The ride to the hospital in New Jersey was eerily quiet. Rafe isn't saying anything. He just grips my hand tightly. A million and one things are running through my head.

  Pulling up to the front, Rafe jumps out and drags me with him. Passing the front desk, I spot Daddy standing by the bank of elevators.

  “Daddy? What's going on?”

  He encircles me with his arms and pulls me in tight. “We'll find out soon, Gracie.”

  The three of us step onto the elevator and let it guide us to the eighth floor. As we step out I’m greeted by every face that is familiar in my life. Miles, who has a bandage on his left forearm, is speaking with Amy in hushed tones. Olive is standing next to Brody and Cal with Asher nearby texting on his phone. Hayes is leaning on her mother's shoulder. Grant is off to the side talking animatedly on his phone. Parker is at the desk talking to a nurse while Landon is hugging Briar in a corner. I keep scanning the vast entryway. I don't see Linc. My family is here. His family is here. Panic hits me square in the face and slides throughout my entire body. I start to shake as every terrible scenario ever known to man plays through my head.

  Daddy grabs my hand and squeezes tight as my breathing increases to the point of panting. All of my will power is being taken just to keep the air flowing through me. Somewhere around me I hear whispering.

  “We need to tell her. She needs to go to him,” I faintly hear Rafe say.

  “Maybe we should get her calm first,” someone else says. I think it was Briar.

  “No. She's the only one that can help him right now. She's the only one he wants to see,” a deep voice says. I'm not sure who that is.

  As the whisper fight continues around me, all the voices start to mesh together into a buzzing sound in my ears. I can't take this. I need to know what's going on. I need to see Linc.