by Natavia
I wiped my eyes. “Can I ask you a personal question?”
“What’s up?”
“Why are you married to someone you are not in love with? Everyone sees it but him. Why don’t you tell him?”
“I feel like I shouldn’t have to tell him because he already knows I do love him but my heart doesn’t belong to him, never did. I’m content with where I am. If you can’t have the one you love then you have to settle for the one you like. Besides, he is not in love with me either. I want a man that will help me plant a garden, not buy me flowers. Guys like Ashaun mistake lust for love. He is all about image. He wants the baller life that consists of fancy cars, houses, clothes, and having the baddest chick on his arm. It’s hard to explain but now I’m stuck with him. Ashaun thinks what he feels is love but I’m no dummy. Ashaun loves with materialistic shit and not from the heart. He thinks buying me cars and shit is love but it’s not. I want conversations I want to cuddle and watch movies, shit like that. Ashaun might cook for me or cater to me but that doesn’t matter if your heart is not in it. He does things out of guilt,” she explained.
I shook my head. That was one fucked up situation that I will never understand.
“So who is this other guy?” I asked.
She laughed. “Girl, you have to pay close attention because he is right in your face. Besides it’s too late.”
“Okay, since you’re being all secretive and shit, does he still love you?” I asked.
“Of course he does. I can see it in his eyes.”
Corey
“What’s up, my nigga?” I slapped hands with Killa.
Killa was a young nigga too. He just turned twenty-two. He was my right hand man. We’ve been boys since high school. We met when I was in the ninth grade and he was in the tenth. We both played on the varsity basketball team. We were the youngest niggas on the team. We were that nice. I even got a scholarship but I was kicked out for selling drugs on campus. My brother was giving me a lovely allowance but I wasn’t into handouts. I could have gotten drafted to the NBA but the streets sucked my ass in.
Killa never made it to college. One night, at a house party a few years back, some shit got popping off. Killa was shot in the leg and his dreams were ruined. Killa said ‘fuck college’ and started grinding. He got the name Killa because he murdered every single last one of the niggas that did the drive by.
“Shit, chilling, yo. What you got to eat in this motherfucker?” he asked going to the fridge.
This big motherfucker can eat too. He wasn’t fat though he was tall, thick, and cocky motherfucker. When we go to clubs, people ask for his autograph and groupies be riding him because he looks just like The Game.
“You better tell Quayla’s ass to cook for you. Nigga, you stay hungry,” I joked and he laughed.
“So what happened between you and that Damon nigga? They said you fucked that nigga up badly and Koran’s bitch ass could barely walk,” I said.
“He was talking real G-style. I had to show that nigga what was up. Now this nigga is telling motherfuckers he’s going to rob me the next time he sees me. Only thing that nigga going to get from me is a bullet. I’m going to dead that nigga, closed casket type of funeral,” he stated seriously. “Where the fuck were you anyway?” he asked.
“When the MFH calls, you know I got to make my bread.”
MFH stood for Murder for Hire. It has a secret list of motherfuckers that needed to be X’d off. It was some Mission Impossible type of shit. It was another world that people didn’t know existed. Politicians, drug lords, and celebrities always put a hit out on that special list. I complete these missions two or three times a month. I always give Royal thirty percent of whatever I make because he looked out for us when we were younger. He doesn’t like taking the money but I give it to him anyway.
“You’re a crazy ass nigga for that weird shit you be on,” he laughed.
“I am a crazy motherfucker then. While y’all were busting heads and shit, I was making 250 Gs. This cracker ass fool wanted me to kill his wife so he could inherit her family businesses and estates. She had that old money; you know the type that got rich off of slaves. He wanted her die slow and painfully. I injected three ounces of snake venom in her veins. This bitch turned almost every color you can think off. White folks got the nerve to call us colored though,” I laughed.
Killa shook his head “You are a sick motherfucker. What kind of snake was it?”
“A Black Mamba.”
“You’re going to hell nigga,” he tells me.
“I vacation there. Check this out, though, this broad had the nerve to offer me her white ass pussy thinking I was going to change my mind. I told her that I don’t fuck anything that doesn’t tie her scarf up like Tupac’s at night.”
Killa roared with laughter. He almost had tears coming out of his eyes. “You mean to tell me you wouldn’t fuck a white woman?”
“Fuck no. Asian, Puerto Rican, white, none of that shit. If you learn your history, nigga, you wouldn’t either. Anyway, what spot are we hitting up tonight? I know you didn’t drive all the way up here to raid my fridge.”
“I’m trying to slide through Stadium,” he answered.
“Yo, you stay trying give these bitches your bread.” he waved me off.
“Who else is going?” I asked because we always roll deep whenever we go out.
What the fuck we need bodyguards for when all the niggas we rolled with are goons? I didn’t believe in that shit any way. If a nigga catches me slipping then that’s what it is. A nigga can’t live forever. In this life, you have to accept what comes with it and there’s no need in cheating it. I don’t believe a nigga can save me unless he is some type of god or some shit. If you bleed like I do, why the fuck do I need to feel safe with you? My brother told me that shit .he also told me it was best to move silently or with your niggas. We lived our life like regular niggas.
“Ashaun, Royal, Fitz, and a couple of other niggas,” he stated.
“Awww shit! My nigga Fitz’s fat ass stepping out tonight?”
Fitz was one of Royal’s homeboys. He controlled the shipments but his girl Kimmy kept him on lock. He does what he has to do then he goes home. I guess she didn’t want anyone to get a hold of her money train with her gold-digging ass.
“That’s what I said when Royal told me he was coming. But anyway, is shit good with you and Ashaun yet?” he asked.
“I’m good as long as that fuck boy don’t say shit to me. After we got into that big ass fight at the dealership, we might never be cool.”
A couple of days after I left Tee-Tee’s house few months back, I caught up with this nigga at his and Royal’s dealership. When he tried dapping me up, I snuffed his ass. It took seven niggas to break us up. I was trying to take that nigga’s head off. He must be keeping it on the hush because my sister doesn’t know we got into it.
“That shit was wild but we all are supposed to be Fam. You’re going to have to deal with him eventually. That’s your sister’s husband and we all break bread together. We can’t be beefing over no bullshit. Empires start crumbling when motherfuckers start going against each other. I feel where you coming from though. I would’ve fucked him up too then dapped him up later. We’re all brothers. That shit is affecting all of us too.”
This nigga got the nerve to talk but I’m not going to even let him know what I know. He can talk all that brotherly love shit all he wants too. I knew what was popping off when we were younger.
I got up because I wasn’t even trying to hear that bullshit. Fuck Ashaun! if that nigga even looks at me wrong, my two twin Berettas are going to make that nigga dance and I’m not talking about two-stepping either.
****
We were in VIP and everybody was partying. I love the ladies but I don’t fuck with strippers. These hoes better not even think about sitting their dirty asses on my lap. Royal was excited because Cam was pregnant. I was happy for my brother because he finally found a down chick. Cam was a good woman, b
ossy even, but she was cool. We all grew up with her.
Ashaun was smiling and having the time of his life while I was sitting here mad as a bitch. He fucked my girl and he was supposed to be my nigga. I was mad as fuck. I know they said bros before hoes but I love that damn girl. If she were just a piece of ass, I wouldn’t care. I would’ve dropped the bitch off with him. My finger was itching to shoot his ass. I even started sweating. Killa must have read my mind
“Yo, chill the fuck out. You look like you ready dead that nigga,” he scolded me.
Good thing I drove my own whip instead of riding with him because I was ready to go. I can’t be around this bitch ass nigga without wanting to merk his ass. I dapped everyone up except for him then told them I would get up with them later.
“Damn nigga, you can’t even chill with your brother?” Royal asked.
“Come on, my G you know I can’t be around clown ass niggas too long. My trigger finger was starting to itch.”
“Motherfucker, what? You threatening my life now? Is it that fucking serious now?” Ashaun asked.
“Yeah nigga, it is that serious. We were supposed to be boys, nigga. You fucked my girl while she is pregnant with my seed. You’re walking around here like shit is gravy. If another nigga had fucked your wife, your Mexican ass would’ve been running around here trying to merk shit.”
He stood up. Ashaun was only an inch taller than me. I crossed my arms and mean-mugged him. That was my stance to let niggas know that I’m ready for whatever. Royal jumped up and pushed Ashaun back.
“Ay yo, chill.”
I laughed “Yeah, bitch nigga, chill before you end up missing like your bitch ass cousin.”
“What the fuck did you say?” he asked turning red.
“Nigga, you heard me loud and fucking clear. You feeling gangsta, my G? You know where I live and how I live. We can shoot it out, fight it out, or even stab it out. I’m down for whatever.”
He just grilled me. He knew not to fuck with me on that level. He wasn’t a punk but he couldn’t see me. He wasn’t nothing but a spoiled pretty boy who never even struggled before. He came from a family that had money. His father was a plastic surgeon and his mom was a nurse. I can’t understand why this nigga was trying to be a goon.
“I get at y’all niggas later. It was good seeing you, Fitz. Tell Kimmy to let your big ass out more.” I dapped him up again then left.
I was on my way home and I realized Tee-Tee hadn’t called me today. As a matter of fact, she hadn’t called me in a few days. That was not like her .even though I barely answer when she calls, she never gives up. She better not be with another nigga. I shouldn’t even be thinking about her. Even though I moved on, I still love her. Myla is cool and all, but she is just something to do.
“Hello?” Tee-Tee answered the phone. I could tell she was asleep.
“What nigga you laid up with?” I snapped. She was silent for a while.
“Corey?” she asked, now fully awake.
“Who the fuck else you got calling you this time of night?”
“What the hell do you want? Make it quick because I am tired,” she snapped.
“You haven’t called me in a few days. What’s up with that? I could’ve been dead or some shit.”
“But you are not, so good night.”
She hung up in my ear. I called her back six times and this bitch ended up turning her phone off. I was mad as fuck. I wasn’t the type of nigga to get rejected. Her ass fucked up. She needs to be trying make shit right with me. I made a detour. If Tee-Tee was laid up with a nigga, I’m going to jail. I texted Royal to let him know to have our lawyer and bail money on standby.
When I walked into her bedroom, she was sleeping peacefully on her side. Her hand was cradling her belly. She looked beautiful. I was supposed to be cradling her but she had to fuck everything up. I laughed to myself because she had her scarf tied around her head like Tupac’s.
I took my Prada loafers, socks, pants, and sweater off. I only had on my briefs and wife beater. I wrapped my arms around her. She smelled like Dove soap. She scooted her ass onto my dick. It hardened. She wasn’t aware that I was in bed with her. Tee-Tee was a heavy sleeper. For some reason, I felt more relieved and relaxed than I have been these past few months. I drifted off into a much-needed sleep.
“Agghhhhhhhhh!” she screamed.
I jumped up and grabbed my Desert Eagle that she kept under the pillow on my side of the bed.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” I asked her. I know I be driving her crazy but I hate when she is this upset. I don’t want her putting stress on the baby.
“You scared me, nigga. I didn’t know who the hell was in my bed. What is your crazy ass doing here anyway? You almost made me go into labor. Boy, I’m telling you that your ass need to get evaluated.”
I adjusted my morning wood. I have been in the gym like crazy lately. I can tell by the look on her face that she was pleased with my body. She bit her lip. I knew she wanted this dick. She was still staring at my wood. I made it jump then laughed. I had to piss. I blew her a kiss then went to relieve myself. My toothbrush was still in the same spot. She was waiting on a nigga to come back. All my shit was exactly how I left it.
“Why are you here?” she asked like she was annoyed.
“Damn, I can’t come over and check up on you?” I asked. She was starting to piss me off with her attitude.
“Whatever, fool. I know that you are up to something. I have shit to do today so, if you don’t mind, see yourself out.”
This chick was really smelling herself today. Now, all of a sudden, her little ass was trying to put someone out when, a few weeks ago, she didn’t want me to leave. I laughed at her simple-minded self. My phone rang. It was Myla’s stalking ass. I need to cut her off ASAP. She never let a nigga breath. She was eighteen; only two years younger than me, but all the girls I have ever fucked have been older. Tee-Tee wasn’t that much older than me though. She had me by two and a half years.
“Yo,” I answered.
“Where have you been? Why didn’t you come through last night?”
The questions went on and on. I didn’t even get a chance to answer the first question.
“Chill out with all that shit, shorty. Fuck is wrong with you? I didn’t come through because I didn’t feel like it. Besides, I’m not on anyone else’s time but mine.”
“Whatever. Where are you at now? You were supposed to take me shopping today, remember?” she snapped.
“I’ll get up with you later.” I hung up before she got the chance to cuss me out.
Tee-Tee was mugging me. Surprisingly she didn’t cuss me out for disrespecting her. I only answered the phone to see how she would react. Usually when a broad calls me, I don’t answer when I’m around her. I think her ass finally gave up on me. In some crazy way, I enjoyed when she would beg me to come back home. Now the shit is not funny anymore.
“I see you got things to take care of also. Lock the door on your way out.”
She wobbled past me. I grabbed her arm. “Yo, what the fuck is up with you? And check that attitude, shorty, before I check it for you. I’m here because I feel like being here. Since when was coming over a fucking problem?” I asked.
“There is not a damn thing wrong with me. I have plans for today and you are in my fucking way. Your black ass ain’t checking shit over here. I don’t belong to you. Get the fuck out of here with that bullshit. Call first next time. That’s why it’s a problem. You think you can be all up in my face like we’re cool. Nigga, I’m not fucking with you like that,” she snapped on me.
I chuckled. “I did call. Your baldheaded ass hung up on me then turned your shit off. I’m going let you be in your feelings since I’ve been carrying shit raw with you lately, but we can do without all that hostility in your voice. I don’t give a fuck if you don’t hear from me in a year. I can pop up when I feel like it,” I smiled. She knows she still loves her nigga.
“Well, did the light bulb go off i
n your head? That should’ve indicated that I didn’t want to be bothered when I didn’t answer. I’m in my feelings because you’ve been nothing but an ignorant fucker to me lately. The Only reason you are here is because you thought I was laid up with someone. Since when do you care about what I’m up to? Aren’t you doing you? Nigga, I’m a person, not a piece property. I have feelings too. You can’t barge in here after treating me like shit and expecting me to be cool with it,” she snapped back.
“Look girl, you’re going to chill the fuck out. Whatever you got to do today, I’m doing it with you. Plain and simple so get your sexy ass dressed. All that other shit you’re spitting is not even relevant.”
****
We were on our way to her parents’ house. Her mother was okay but her pops rubbed me the wrong way. I hate that nigga. If Tee-Tee fucks another dude again, I’m taking it out on her pops. I’m going to kill him, slice his big ass like a honey-glazed ham.
“Hey Mrs. Lori, how you doing?” I asked her mother.
She hugged me. “I’m fine, baby. How are you? I haven’t seen you in a while.”
“I’m good, can’t complain.”
Tee-Tee hugged her mother then kissed her cheek. They didn’t look anything alike. Her mom was tall for a woman. She stood at 5’8”. She was also light-skinned with brown freckles on her cheeks. She could’ve passed for a white woman with her reddish brown hair. Tee-Tee needs to get a DNA test done because that can’t be her mother. Tee-Tee was dark-skinned and her father was black ass fuck.