“It was a mistake, and I realize that now.” The woman tried to plead, but Evan interrupted her, his voice hard as steel.
“No, a mistake is forgetting a person’s name when you first sleep with them. A mistake is not calling someone after the first date. This is as far from a mistake as it’s going to get, because mistakes can be fixed. This can’t.”
“Evan...” she tried, and I could hear movement and then Evan’s curse.
“Don’t touch me!”
“Why are you so willing to forget all the good things we had?” There was a pout to the woman’s voice that had me cringing from where I still stood on the stairs, eavesdropping, even though I knew I shouldn’t.
“Because you seemed to have done the same thing!” Evan finally snapped.
“I know I did something wrong, but would you rather have your daughter spend time with her mom or with a total stranger?”
“Total stranger,” he said instantly. “Yes, I do, in fact. Because a total stranger showed her some support while her mother went off with her buddy.” The emphasis he put on that last word left me in no doubt of what he meant.
“…Look, if you don’t want to talk that’s fine, but at least let me take Stephanie back to my place.”
“That’s not going to happen, Melanie. Not now. Not ever.”
“You can’t keep her from me, she’s my daughter too.” The woman pleaded again and I just shook my head. I knew she was Stephanie’s mom, but she seemed like the last person that fragile little girl needed right now.
“You’ll visit her on the weekend, like we agreed. Until then, get the hell out of my house.”
There was another long, heavy silence full of unsaid words and accusations and I held my breath, intrigued to hear what came next despite myself.
“…Are you fucking her?” She finally said, and I bit back a gasp. Evan did a whole lot more than gasp as I heard his string of muffled curses.
“What?” He finally said, his tone slightly more normal.
“The new nanny: are you fucking her? You are, aren’t you.”
Evan groaned in disbelief. “I can’t believe you! I don’t want to get back with you and the first thing you do is ask me if I’m fucking my nanny? That’s it; get the fuck out of my house.”
“…Fine, but just know whoever she is, no woman will ever be like me. And Stephanie knows that in the end, she’ll ask for mommy, and you’ll have to tell her you pushed me away.”
“I didn’t push you away. You gave up on us. You cheated, not just on me, but on both of us, because you cared more about getting whatever you wanted than your own family…Now. Get out.”
I didn’t see anything. I only heard the woman’s heels clicking and the door opening before closing. Afterwards it was only silence, only Evan’s harsh breaths sounding in the kitchen as I wrung my hands together. Should I say something? No, best just to leave him alone to deal with his emotions. The last thing he probably wanted to see just then was me.
I didn’t want to bother the man, so I slowly walked back upstairs and a cold grip found its way in my stomach when I saw Stephanie at the top of the stairs. Damn, she’d heard too. The little girl looked at me helplessly, her blue gaze as wide as it could be on her pale face.
“That woman sounded a lot like mommy,” she whispered, tears in her eyes. I bit my lip and sighed, thinking over what to say. I reached to pull some hair away from her cheek, admiring her cute little face and those sweet eyes. I tried to put on my best smile, thinking about how to say things. How to explain something like that to a three-year-old?
“Sometimes grown-ups have differences,” I finally said, sighing as my heart ached for the little girl. “And sometimes you can’t fix them easily.”
“In my comic books, they always fix things,” Stephanie said, believing in right and wrong and that good always beats evil in a way only a child can.
“Yes, but in your comic books, it’s usually with their fists. There are some things that you just can’t fix by punching something.”
Stephanie started crying, big fat tears that dripped down her rosy cheeks. “I really miss mommy.”
I smiled sadly at her before lifting myself and offering my hand. “Come on, let’s go read one of your comic books.” There was nothing more I could say to her, nothing I could do to replace the mother she’d suddenly lost, or to ease that pain.
She took my hand, not knowing what else to do, and I led her to her room. By the time I'd finished reading to her, she had fallen asleep, so I settled her in her bed. I looked at my watch and noticed the hour was really late, a lot later than I had realized. Might as well call in sick.
I went downstairs to the kitchen to use the house phone, and a strange noise stopped me. I glanced around the dark room and found Evan, sitting at the kitchen table, shielded mostly by the deep shadows, crying. I cleared my throat, not wanting to disturb him. His head jerked up at the sound. Noticing me, he quickly moved a hand to his face, obviously trying to hide it.
“Can I use your phone?” I asked, as kindly as I could after an awkward moment. I may not like the guy, but I wasn’t about to beat him when he was down.
“Yeah, go ahead,” he said, his voice hoarse from crying, and he stood, turning away to pour himself a glass of water.
I didn’t waste any time, and didn’t have a clue as to what to say to him. Kids were so much easier than adults. I picked up the phone and dialed my work, informing my coworkers to tell my boss that I was sick. I hadn’t had any sick days, so I knew it was okay to take at least one. Hopefully, this wouldn’t count as one of those small ‘mistakes’ my boss was looking for as an excuse to fire me.
I noticed that when I mentioned calling in sick, Evan groaned quietly, and from the corner of my eye, I saw him rub his face. I didn’t say anything; I only continued talking, because, to be honest, I don’t think I could blame him. The guy looked completely destroyed.
“I’m really sorry,” he said, once I hung up, running his hands through his hair and messing up the perfectly styled locks. It made him look somehow even more handsome.
“It’s fine,” I tried to say.
“No, it’s not. I shouldn’t have asked you to...”
“Evan.” I kept my voice gentle, letting him know that I wasn’t angry. “It’s fine. Really.”
He looked at me helplessly before nodding and reaching into his wallet to take out some money, making sure to give me enough to compensate for the extra time I was there. I smiled in gratitude and didn’t bother commenting anything else. It was bad enough that I overheard everything that was said between the two: he didn’t need me meddling in his shit.
With a small sigh after my first day, which was way more exciting than I had ever thought, or wanted, really, I headed out the front door without another word.
That night I went home and spoke with Sarah, trying to get the conversation out of my head, but somehow couldn’t help but be drawn back to it. Okay, I would never excuse someone for behaving like an asshole, but now that I knew the whole story, I just couldn’t blame him.
Chapter 4
Evan
I had Melanie in my head since the day before, every time, thinking over her words. I'd been replaying our argument over and over again. I rubbed my face with my hands; I wasn’t supposed to have to deal with the woman again, so why did she have to ruin my peace? Why couldn’t she leave well enough alone? But more importantly, why did I let it affect me? Then again, it was really hard to forget the time you spent with someone and the life you had with them.
I groaned again, I really did not need this; I still needed to get to work.
God damn you, Melanie, I thought bitterly. Thinking she can just ask me to get back with her. We broke up for a reason, so why can’t she understand that? There was no way I would even consider going back to her. Not after everything that happened.
“Daddy?” I heard Stephanie say behind me, and her sweet voice calmed something in me.
“Hey pumpkin,” I g
reeted her, putting on my best smile as she walked over towards me.
“When are you and mommy going to get back together?”
Ah shit, I should’ve known. Her question hit me like a cannon shot, knocking me back on my heels. I took a deep breath, not sure how I should explain this to a three-year-old. Maybe I wouldn’t have to if her mother wasn’t such a horrible person. I took another calming breath. No, this wasn’t about Melanie anymore, this was about our daughter, and how to make it as easy as possible on her.
“Honey we talked about this,” I said, trying to keep my voice soft and soothing. “Mommy and I aren’t getting back together.”
Her big, blue eyes, so much like my own, welled with tears of confusion. “Why?!”
“Because baby, when adults have differences and can’t work past them, they have to split up.”
“But I want you both together!”
“Honey, that can’t happen.” I tried to keep my voice even, struggling to think of another way to say it so that she could understand. Hell, I barely understood it myself.
Why is it that I never know what to say to my daughter? I opened my mouth to say something else, but it was too late. She’d already turned and fled. Now she’s gone off running to her room. I heard a door slam and followed after her.
“Stephanie!” I called out to her. “Sweetie!”
I followed her as far as the doorway to her bedroom and thumped my head against the closed door and let it rest there. I really felt like a very crappy father. And the worst dad of the year award goes to…
“Having problems?” An annoying familiar voice interrupted my thoughts.
I turned, facing the person I least wanted to right now, but having no other choice. I did hire her after all.
“Can you please just help me? I mean, help Stephanie?” I asked, my voice making me sound more tired than I initially felt.
She regarded me with a cold expression, cocking her head to one side before shaking it at some unknown thought. After a moment, she went to the door anyway, where Stephanie had just disappeared through and now a smile in place and her voice sounding sweet when she spoke.
“Hey, Steph,” she called out, her voice so different from the one she used to talk to me, knocking on the door. “I brought those cookies I promised. They’re Thor’s favorite, remember?”
We both waited a long moment, but the girl didn’t open the door. She raised her fist and knocked again.
“Steph, don’t you want to have a tea party anymore?”
Miraculously, the door swung open, just enough to allow her to enter, but not me. I stare helplessly at her and Regan just looked back with a shrug of her own.
“It’s okay,” she finally said, taking some pity on me. “I’ll take care of this.” And then she walked inside, shutting the door behind her, shutting me out. I leaned my head against the door once more, wondering how she was so good with Stephanie, while I, her father, struggled with her every day. It almost didn’t seem fair.
I sighed, rubbing my hands across my face. I really did not need this right now. What I needed was a fucking drink. I stopped short, remembering I still had to work. While it was Regan’s day off from her other job, I still had to go, this time in the afternoon. I groaned and went to at least drink some coffee. Yep, totally didn’t need this right now.
A little while later I heard the upstairs door open and Regan come down from Stephanie’s room. She waved lightly when she saw me in the kitchen.
“She’s napping right now. Drank some milk, ate her cookies, and I read her one of her comic books and she was out.” She laughed softly; I couldn’t bring myself to laugh as well.
“Thanks,” I muttered quietly, with a nod in her direction, for once forgetting about my pride. It didn’t sting, that much, anyways.
“…Okay.” she said, and from the tone in her voice, I guess she didn’t know what else to say to that. At least I didn’t have to hear a sarcastic comment. I really couldn’t handle her sarcasm, and was grateful that she left it at that.
I glanced down at my gold watch, shining from my wrist, and realized it wasn’t time for her to leave. We both stood there, unsure. It left us both in awkward silence and I searched for something to say to break it, anything to ease the sudden tension filling the room.
“So um…” I spoke, still struggling, rubbing my neck. “Do you want something to drink?”
“…You got hot chocolate?”
“Yeah, sure.” I walked towards the cabinet, pausing for a brief moment as she spoke again, her tone once more biting. I guess our small prelude was over.
“So you wanna tell me what you did to upset her this time?” Regan folded her arms in front of her chest and leaned back against the edge of the counter top, waiting for my answer. An answer she didn’t deserve.
I sighed in resignation while I poured some hot chocolate for her. I had no interest in talking to this woman, but she was taking care of my child, and doing a hell of a better job than I was. Besides, they say talking helps, right?
“The same thing I did last time. I explained to her that her mother and I aren’t getting back together,” I said solemnly as I handed her the steaming mug of hot chocolate.
Regan took a tentative sip before saying anything. “I guess she didn’t take it well.”
I chuckled bitterly. “That would be an understatement.”
“Sorry.”
“Eh, at least she’s not a teenager, right?”
She smiled in sympathy; at least I'd hoped it was sympathy and not mockery.
“Is that why she was crying at the grocery store?”
The question threw me a little off, but I answered nonetheless, casting my thoughts back to that day - the day where we first met. “I think I should apologize for that. I really am sorry, it’s just… She thinks it’s my fault that I drove her mother away. And well, I can’t really explain things to her as they are. I was angry that you, a complete stranger, was able to comfort her when I couldn’t every time I tried.”
Regan stared at me for a long time, her eyes wide and focused on my face as if looking for some hidden meaning behind my words. But I meant what I said. Every single thing.
“Apology accepted,” she said, a kind smile on her face.
There was another long moment of silence between us, more comfortable this time. Less hostile. A moment later, I worked up the courage to speak again.
“So, what do you think?”
She tilted her head to side in that curious way she had. “Of what?”
“Of me. Of how I’m handling things with Stephanie. I know this is hard on her.”
Regan pondered for another minute before answering. “I think all things considered, you’re not doing such a bad job.”
“Well, thank you for that.” I said with a sigh.
“I still think you’re an asshole.”
“Noted.”
“But you’re an asshole who loves his daughter.”
I smiled at her, maybe a little too long. Oddly enough, things hadn’t been that tense between us for the past week. It was almost nice.
“So how do you do it?” I asked. “How do you calm her down?”
“I’m Scottish, I guess it’s in my nature. Besides, I spent the first fifteen years of my life babysitting for kids way more difficult than Stephanie. She really is a sweetheart.”
“So that’s why you have a faint accent.”
She laughed at that, tucking some of her box braided hair behind her ear. She looked quite cute if I thought about it. Her eyes squinted ever so lightly when she smiled, highlighting her blue/grey eyes so much lighter than my own deep ocean blue, and the sunlight shimmering from the window gave a beautiful glow to her dark skin. I shook my head a little, realizing just now how I was staring too much.
“I guess I don’t really notice it much,” she replied with another self-conscious shrug.
“Stephanie asked me once if you were related to Loki.”
Regan chuckled at my words
and it sent warmth spiraling through me. “Of course she did.”
I laughed along with her. “She really loves Marvel.”
“Who doesn’t?”
My laughter faded to a warm smile and I shrugged, a little abashed.
“Well, I’m more of a Lord of the Rings fan.”
“Oh I love that too!” Regan said excitedly, and I couldn’t help but get caught up in her enthusiasm.
Looking at her excited face when she said that it made me have the courage to admit what I hadn’t admitted even to Melanie. “I know Elvish.”
She choked on her drink before looking at me with wide eyes. “Shut up!”
“It’s true.” I shrugged again, feeling an odd relief at sharing something so secret about myself that almost no one else knew.
“You learned Elvish!?”
She began to laugh, and for once it wasn’t mocking. It was actually rather comforting, friendly, almost. It was nice talking to someone like this. Melanie hadn’t liked how I used to bring up my nerdish pleasures, the one thing that Stephanie and I had in common. Yet this woman went along with them. No wonder she and my daughter got along so well.
“Well, fun fact: I’m trying to see if I could learn Valerian,” she commented, bringing up one of my favorites, Game of Thrones. I grinned at her, impressed despite myself.
“You’re kidding,” I said, but she just shook her head.
“I’m really not. Oh yeah, I’m thinking about getting a Daenerys costume this Halloween.”
The time went quickly, and surprisingly easy between us. We spent the whole time talking about nerdish things. We got so carried away with our conversation that I almost missed the time. A quick glance at my watch had me jumping to my feet.
“Oh shoot, I have to get to work,” I said in a rush, my mind on how I was going to get there on time, darting for my stuff and without even thinking, pecking her on the cheek.
I froze. Wait, why did I do that last part?
She stared at me, dumbfounded. She looked really cute like that I had to admit...damn it, no! Stop thinking like that!
Not his baby: A BWWM Billionaire Romance Page 17