“I-I-I’m so sorry,” I stuttered, still staring at her. “I don’t know what came over me.”
I did know: this was a routine I used to do with Melanie. Whenever I had to leave, I gave her a quick kiss because it’s something that I liked to do when I was in a hurry. I liked to demonstrate that while I needed to leave, I still had time for one kiss. I loved doing that, but I could only do it with someone I cared about. I wanted to care for someone the same way I used to care for Melanie. But this wasn’t Melanie. She wasn’t my wife. She wasn’t someone I cared about.
I shook my head, trying to forget those thoughts, and gave her another weak apology before darting out of the house and off to work. Once in the car, I looked back to the house and saw her through the window. She seemed to be watering some of the plants in the house. She looked so beautiful, treating them as carefully as I would.
I sighed at the sight, trying to ignore the thought that popped unconsciously into my mind. I really wouldn’t mind going home to her.
Chapter 5
Regan
It had been a mostly uneventful day. Stephanie had slept for most of it; we did watch a few movies though, this time Disney movies because she loved Disney. But who didn’t? Even if it was evil, you couldn’t help but love it. The songs, the dancing, the funny characters, the love story.
When Stephanie fell asleep again I was so bored. I’d already gone through their DVD collection, twice. I sat back on the couch, trying to stay quiet because I didn’t want to wake her up. Three- year-olds needed their rest; otherwise, she would be cranky the next day, and I found myself not wanting to make Evan’s relationship with his daughter any harder than it already was.
“So how’s everything going?” Sarah asked, perky as ever. I called her after I ran out of all other options. It was either Sarah or solitaire, again.
“Well, it’s really boring when the kid is sleeping, but she’s a sweetheart when she’s awake. She loves Black Widow. She has all these Barbie and Ken dolls that she turned into superheroes.”
“Oh Lord, that kid will go far in life!”
“I know, she’s just such an angel,” I said, a small smile in her face as she remembered the epic battle they had reenacted earlier in the day.
“And the father?” Sarah finally asked, her voice prying and I just shrugged, trying to figure out where I stood on him. My dislike for him wasn’t as strong as it had been when I first started out, but could I say that I like him? That might be going too far.
“Well, he’s not as annoying as I thought he would be.” I finally settled on that.
“But still annoying?”
“Well a little, but also…surprising.” I finally settled on the word. Yes, Evan Bale was definitely full of surprises.
“Surprising? How is he surprising?”
“Well, you may or may not believe this, but we got to talking while Stephanie was taking a nap and…”
“And what?” Sarah prompted, after I was silent for too long.
“He knows Elvish.”
“What? Seriously?” My friend said, disbelieving.
“I’m serious. He knows Elvish.”
“No way,” she said with a laugh. “Regan, it looks like you found your nerd soul mate!”
I was about to reply when I heard the door opening.
“Shit, gotta go!” I said, quickly hanging up the phone, putting the DVDs back where I found them and running out of the room. I quickly made my way downstairs, trying to hide my smile as Sarah’s words echoed through my head. Soul mate was taking things a little too far, but I rarely found anyone as into that stuff as I was. I went to the kitchen where I left a book I had started earlier and pretended to read it.
“Hey,” Evan said tiredly as he walked in, dropping his briefcase on a chair and walking over to the cabinet to pull down a glass.
“Hey,” I replied simply, looking at him briefly then at the book. My heart skipped a beat when I realized I had it upside down. I quickly turned it over, hoping he hadn’t noticed.
“How was she today?” he asked me, his voice weary as if he’d had a long day at the office and my heart went out to him a little.
“Better, I put Finding Nemo on for her. It usually makes her sleepy.”
“Yeah, I know. Don’t know why, though,” he said with a baffled shrug before turning back towards me.
The silence stretched on way too long between us and the memory of that strange peck on the cheek from earlier kept trying to rise in my thoughts. I squashed it back down as I jumped up.
“Well anyways, I have to go, so pay up.”
I extended my hand expectantly toward him as he handed me my salary. After that, I quickly waved goodbye and proceeded to leave, but his voice stopped me in my tracks.
“Hey!”
I turned to him out of curiosity and saw him shifting uncertainly on his feet for a while. It was odd to say the least, usually the guy just behaved like an arrogant prick.
“I was wondering if you…would like to go out.”
He said those words ever so softly, his arm rubbing the back of his neck and his feet still shifting. He wasn’t serious, right? The guy who was a jerk to me most of the time. No way.
I couldn’t help myself, I burst out laughing, not noticing the look of offense that crossed over his handsome features. It was too freaking hilarious. Oh shit, I hadn’t laughed this hard in such a long time. I had a lot of difficulty breathing and my eyes started to water. Every time I thought I'd caught my breath, I couldn’t help but laugh harder.
“Good one,” I responded, still snickering, drying my tears. Thank God I hadn’t had any water to drink, I think I might’ve actually peed my pants from this joke.
“It’s not a joke. I’m really asking you out.”
I shook my head at his words. “Well forgive me if I’m not falling for it.” I chuckled and waved goodbye. “Catch you later, Evan.” I turned to leave again, humor still lifting my lips up into a slight grin.
“Please.” I heard him call out, stopping me again, and I turned again. “I’m genuinely asking.”
I was about to laugh again but then I saw the look in his eyes: there was no lie, no joke. There was only sincerity. I desperately looked for something that might tell me he was lying as my own smile faded quickly. Any moment, any moment now, he would burst out laughing and say gotcha. I waited a little bit but no such moment actually came.
What the hell? He was kidding, right? This guy, Evan, wanted to go out with me? Seriously? When we had done nothing but mostly argue? I raised my eyebrows in disbelief, but looking at his face, that disbelief vanished. I looked at the man’s expression and it seemed to be full of hope and fear of rejection. Shit, the guy was really serious.
“I might not have time today,” I said, struggling for something, anything to say to his surprising request. It was a poor excuse, I know.
“Well it doesn’t have to be now,” he said quickly, taking a step towards me. “We could go out some other day, when you feel like it…I’ll pay, if that’s what you’re concerned about.
I stood with my mouth gaping and trying to rack my brain to know what to say to this. I seriously didn’t know how to answer him. What the hell was I supposed to say? Why did I even have to say anything? I was within my right to refuse. Just say no, what’s the worst thing that could happen? You get fired? Big whoop, you have another job. But a stupid part of me didn’t want to refuse the request; it didn’t want to refuse him.
I felt my heart flutter in my chest. Thinking it over, I could tell my lack of answer was killing him, but I just couldn’t force the words out of my mouth. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly before giving him my answer, not even really knowing myself what it would be until the word was out.
“Okay.”
He nearly collapsed in relief and I could hear a deep exhale. No doubt he had been holding his breath. It almost made me want to laugh, but then I remembered what I was doing and it made me want to take back what I had said.
Well tough shit, no take-backs, especially when he started showing that goofy grin of his. I quickly looked away; I was not embarrassed by how much he felt like he'd just got his greatest wish fulfilled.
“That’s great!” he said, standing up straight now, all confidence and arrogance once again. “Just great!”
Damn it, why couldn’t I just tell him I changed my mind? Oh right, I didn’t want to. But I did not feel so good and important when he kept looking at me like that. It was just a stupid date, right?
“Name the place,” he said suddenly, surprising me with another one of those killer grins as he stared at me.
“What?” I asked, almost getting lost in my thoughts.
“Name the time and place and we’ll go. I’ll make all the arrangements.” He elaborated, looking at me expectantly now.
I raised my eyebrows at him. He really did seem eager about this. He must have finally noticed my confused expression, so he started clarifying. “I want to get to know you, so please just let me know.”
“What if I pick an expensive place?”
He shrugged, “I can pay for it.”
“What if the food sucks?”
He shrugged again. “No reason not to have fun, right?”
I was very tempted to turn around and just forget about this, a part of me already regretting my decision, but something in his expression had me rooted to the spot. I couldn’t just leave him like that, hanging there, waiting for my word. Besides, the guy was decent when he wanted to be, and a little funny too. And I knew he loved his daughter more than anything else in the world. He was a really nice person to talk to when he set his mind on behaving like a nice person. Well, what harm could it do, right? It couldn’t be that bad.
“I’ll think about it,” I said, still stalling for more time. He just smiled at me, slow and mysterious and full of a heat that had my whole body flashing like fire.
“Great, let me know what you decide then.”
~~~~~
“You’re kidding?” Sarah said. I was back at my apartment by now, having fled Evan’s house as fast as I could. We were discussing what Evan had said to me and what I had said back.
“I know, he just showed up today and all of a sudden, he’s all, ‘I like you.’” I said, through a mouthful of cereal. “Can you believe it?”
“Well, maybe he really does like you?” Sarah said tentatively.
“Oh please,” I said, rolling my eyes even as I spoke. “I know why he’s doing this. He’s feeling down because his wife left him and now he’s trying to bounce back. I’m just the rebound girl, so no I’m not taking him up on his offer.”
“I didn’t say you should.”
“I mean, why would I even consider it?”
“Then don’t.”
“There’s no way I’d ever want to even be near the guy. Outside of work, I mean. His daughter is great,” I said, my mind tumbling in circles, arguing with itself as much as with my friend.
“Then don’t be.”
“And his body is not that hot, I shot back.
“It’s not,” Sarah said, and one glance at her face said she was fighting back laughter at our back and forth. Finally, I shot her a mocking glare.
“Good Lord, Sarah, what’s with you trying to get me to go out with him?”
Sarah smiled in amusement. “You’re not really thinking of going out with him are you? I mean, not really.”
I stood silently for moment, thinking over what he had said. He had sounded sincere, and we did have a few good laughs. Plus, he knew Elvish! He was cute, smart, and funny when he really wanted to be. I sighed, running a hand through my face. Then I thought over how he was after speaking with his ex. He seemed so vulnerable and sad; it just tugged at my heart. I remembered how lost he looked when his daughter wouldn’t talk to him. Now that I thought about it, he did seem to have that same look when we were at the grocery store. How didn’t I see it then? I mean, he did behave like a jerk and I have no regrets about calling him out on his bullshit, but I wonder if maybe he was feeling the same way as he was yesterday. There was so much more to him than I first assumed.
“I just don’t think he’s all that bad. I mean, should the guy stop being a dunderhead? Yes. Does he need a little comfort in his life? Yes.,” I said, knocking off the list on my fingers. I opened my mouth to keep going, but Sarah’s words interrupted me.
“Look I’m just saying, getting involved might over-complicate things.”
I stopped, sighing as what she was saying sunk in. But there was a part of me that kept arguing. “And I understand that, but I just…I want to know him better. You have no idea how well we get along when we really try. And by that I mean when he’s not acting like a total arrogant asshole. He enjoys about almost all the same nerd stuff I do. He likes voicing his opinions on important matters. And if you were to see the way he loves his daughter, Sarah, you’d understand.”
Sarah sighed in resignation. “Well it’s not like I can tell you otherwise. I just hope you know what you’re doing. I mean, what if you’re right, what if you’re just the rebound girl?”
“It’s possible. But who knows?” I replied slowly.
I smiled in gratitude; yeah, I knew there was a huge chance of that. Maybe the guy just wanted to be with someone who would take his mind off of his wife. Maybe I just happened to be that person because I was the closest one he had. I sighed through my nose, thinking it over. On the one hand, I could just say no; maybe even quit and never have to see his face again. On the other, I really loved spending time with his daughter. I enjoyed going over there, and occasionally, I enjoyed myself around him.
Yeah, maybe he was just using me, but it hasn’t been the first time I’ve gone out with someone like that. I never minded much. I enjoyed the sex and I knew it wasn’t going to last. Maybe this time was the same thing. I knew the score going in. I wouldn’t let myself get hurt. Then again, I don’t think I would actually find out if I didn’t agree to it first.
“I’ll be okay,” I replied smugly, maybe even a little arrogantly. Sarah just shrugged again before we finished our food and went to watch some movies.
The pictures played on the television, and all the while I couldn’t stop thinking about him. It was one of those things that you had a gut feeling that it was a mistake. It twisted inside you, screaming at you that you were doing the wrong thing, but you just didn’t want to pay attention to it.
That’s what this was: the feeling I felt twisting in the pit of my stomach. I’m no stranger to mistakes, and this would certainly not be the last one I'd make. Besides, what better way to find out whether it was a mistake than to make it. I won’t know until I try, right?
~~~~~
My mind drifted back to the first night when Evan had first asked me out on a date, and I had thought that I wanted to see whether this was a mistake like my gut told me, or something different. Well that feeling in my gut grew with every second. It made my heart bounce when I finally agreed to go out with him a few days later. He seemed genuinely happy about it, but it sort of gave me butterflies in my stomach. Or maybe it was just that feeling again, growing even more insistent. That still didn’t mean I wasn’t worried that maybe this really was a bad idea. I was definitely worried.
I don’t know what I was doing, just agreeing to go out with my boss and forgetting myself. I mean seriously, what was I doing? Here I was, dressed all nice for the guy, going to a fancy place and all. What was I even doing here? I hated dressing up all nice! I did keep my box braids though. There was no way I was getting rid of those; they took forever to get them just right and beautiful as always. Plus, they looked good with my golden dress. It hugged my curves and I knew I looked good. And then I wondered why I cared so much, shaking my head at myself. God, I hoped this wasn’t a mistake.
I walked through the restaurant slowly, taking in the glittering chandeliers and crisp tablecloths. I had always wanted to come here, but never had the time or money. Good thing the boss was paying. Paying
his nanny to be here with him on a date. It just dawned on me that he was my employer, I was his employee, and we were here on a date. An actual date, not just hanging out while Stephanie was sleeping and talking about the different dialects of the Elvish language. I almost wanted to turn around and run to my house, but I forced myself to stay, if only out of wanting to avoid not showing. I wasn’t the type of person to leave someone hanging. No one deserved that.
Deep breaths Regan, you can do this. I straightened myself up and went over to the receptionist.
“Good evening,” the woman said with a smile. “How may I help you?”
“I have a reservation,” I told her, rubbing my hands together nervously. Gosh, why was I sweating so much?
“Name please?” she asked, distant but polite.
“Oh, I’m here with Evan Bale,” I replied, the woman nodded, looking through the list on the computer.
“Regan O’Donnell?”
“Yes that’s me.”
“Martin, take her to table eighteen please,” the woman said to a man nearby who gave a small bow and gestured me to follow him. I did so, impressed with how fancy the place was. The guy actually bowed! I went and followed him suddenly stopping dead, doubts once more threatening to overwhelm me.
“Wait, wait.” I said to myself more than to him, but he still looked back in surprise. “Maybe I shouldn’t do this. You could just tell him I got sick and had to go. But it has to be something believable: tell him I had to run to the hospital. No, I can’t do that to him, he’s a good guy, he doesn’t deserve me bailing. But he’s also a jerk sometimes, so maybe this will teach him a lesson. But he has gone through some bad crap, I don’t need to add to the pile. I know I’ll tell him I got my period. No Regan, you are not bailing. Do you think I put on too much make-up?”
I’m pretty sure almost everything I said as I rambled nervously didn’t register in his brain because he just looked at me with a confused frown. I suddenly remembered that this was a stranger and he didn’t understand that I was basically going through a panic attack. The guy didn’t need to deal with my crap either, so I just waved it off.
Not his baby: A BWWM Billionaire Romance Page 18