Things Forbidden

by Maryam Diaab

  “I haven’t met him, but I’m sure he won’t last very long,” Terrence predicted.

  “What are you talking about?”

  “I’m just saying that Wendy is known for loving and leaving them. I don’t think that you should start planning any couples’ vacations,” he said, his voice dripping with sarcasm and skepticism.

  “Don’t be like that. You have never met this guy. He could be the one.”

  Terrence didn’t seem too convinced.

  We spent the rest of the afternoon in bed. While Terrence was as inattentive and selfish as ever, I tried to make the time fly with thoughts of Ajani.

  “How are the wedding plans coming?” Terrence asked as we dressed for the evening.

  “Good. Everything is right on schedule,” I lied, pulling on a green camisole with cream-colored lace trim. Jeans and pointy-toed heels finished the outfit.

  “Good, good. Just let me know if there’s anything I can help you with.”

  There was plenty he could help with. Since my relocation to Nashville, the wedding preparations had come to a standstill. My heart just wasn’t in it.

  “I think someone is knocking on the door, Terrence,” I said, touching up my hair.

  “Okay, I’ll get it.” After a few minutes of listening to voices and laughter in the living room, I made my entrance.

  “It’s so good to see you, ’Vette! I know it’s only been a few weeks, but it feels like forever,” Wendy said, walking over and hugging me.

  She looked fabulous in her low-cut black dress and strappy sandals. “Let me introduce you to Alonzo Rivera,” she said, turning to a tall, muscular man.

  “Very nice to meet you,” he said in a Latin accent. He shook my hand and held, shaking it a little too long. “I’ve heard a lot about you and it’s a pleasure to finally meet you, Yvette.” Alonzo’s eyes traveled the length of my body and lingered on my cleavage before stopping at my face. I shifted uncomfortably but smiled politely.

  “Anyway, Yvette,” Wendy said, “we have a lot to catch up on so why don’t we leave the boys so they can talk about sports or whatever.” She had noticed Alonzo noticing me and wanted to deflect his attention. She linked her arm through mine and we went into the bedroom.

  “You look great, as always,” I said, sitting down on the bed.

  “So do you. You’re actually glowing. You and Terrence must have had a hell of an afternoon.”

  “No, not exactly.”

  “Trouble in paradise?”

  “No, everything is okay for the most part. I’ll tell you what I’ve been up to after you tell me about Alonzo.”

  “He’s cool. I met him at a fundraiser for the mayor a few weeks ago. He pitches for the Tigers.”

  “He’s cute.”

  Wendy raised an eyebrow. “Don’t you have enough on your plate? Should you really be trying to eat off mine?”

  “What’s that supposed to mean? Please don’t think that I’m interested in Alonzo. I have my own issues.”

  “That’s exactly what I’m talking about. You have Terrence and the frat guy you’re seeing,” she laughed, probably trying to lighten the tense mood she had just created. “How’s that going?”

  “We had dinner last night. He came over to my apartment and cooked for me.”

  “This sounds like it’s becoming a lot more than a harmless friendship.”

  “Wendy, I can’t lie; I do like him. I like him a lot. I know I shouldn’t, but I do. The whole idea is completely absurd. I mean, I’m engaged and he’s twenty-one years old.”

  “This guy must be Morris Chestnut, Taye Diggs and LL Cool J all rolled into one,” Wendy joked.

  “I have honestly never met anyone like him.”

  “Your eyes are sparkling, Yvette. Are you sure that the two of you only had dinner?”

  “He kissed me.” I could feel myself blushing.

  “He kissed you, and you didn’t tell him to stop?”

  “I didn’t ask him to stop, because I didn’t want him to. Wendy, I can’t stop thinking about him.”

  “This relationship you have with Terrence is doomed. I think you need to call off the wedding. Terrence might be seeing someone from the hospital, and you’re in Nashville kissing a high-school student.”

  “He is not in high school, and I am not calling off the wedding. Not now, anyway. I just think that Ajani is something that I have to get out of my system before I walk down the aisle.”

  “So you’re planning to sleep with him?”

  “I’m not planning to do anything. I just can’t stop thinking about him, and if something happens naturally, then I’m not going to try to stop it.”

  “I’m positive that when you get back to Nashville you are going to meet up with Ajani and sow your oats.”

  “Do you think that’s wrong?” I asked her. “After all Terrence has put me through, don’t you think I should do something for myself?”

  “I think you have some decisions to make, Yvette. Maybe you should talk to Terrence.”

  “I don’t recall him discussing his little fling with me! I don’t even remember him telling me he was lunching with some tramp at Flood’s the other day!”

  With that, she and I left the room and joined the men for dinner. For the next several hours, I tried to ignore Alonzo’s inappropriate looks, but at the same time I sensed a strange vibe between Terrence and Wendy. I hoped that she wasn’t planning to drop any hints about Ajani and me.

  Around midnight, Wendy and Alonzo left and Terrence beckoned me to bed. Instead of joining him right away, I dashed to the guest bedroom and locked myself in, cellphone in hand.

  “How are you, Ajani?”

  “I’m good. How are you?” he answered.

  “I’m fine. I got your message this morning.”

  “Yeah, I’m sorry I called so early, but you had been on my mind all night. Actually, you’ve been on my mind since the last time I saw you.”

  “Ajani, I’m nervous about what’s happening with us.”

  “I feel you. You’re getting married. I know I should back off, but I can’t.”

  A knock at the door made me almost jump out of my skin. “Is everything okay, Yvette?” Terrence asked from the hallway.

  “Yes. I was just freshening up. I’ll be out in a second,” I replied, disappointed that I had to cut my call short.

  “You have to go?”

  “Duty calls, but I’ll be back in Nashville tomorrow evening.”

  “I want to see you,” Ajani said. The urgency in his voice made me quiver.

  “Tomorrow night?”

  “Whenever. When you’re free, I’m free.”

  I wanted to hear what he had to say. I needed to know where this was going. “My flight gets in at nine. I’ll come by your place after that.”

  Part 2

  4 months Pre-nuptial

  Yvette

  16

  My intention was to meet Ajani at his house and engage in an evening of hot, butt-naked sex, but as I flew the five hundred miles back to Nashville, I chickened out. As badly as I wanted to push my boundaries and test the waters with a sexy young thing like Ajani, I could not bring myself to do it. Not yet, anyway.

  After a long cellphone discussion with Wendy, I decided it would be best to put some distance between Ajani and me. The honest truth was that, at only twenty-one, he was literally more than I could handle. When we were together, he was like walking sex. And when I looked at him, when I talked to him on the phone, his hard body against mine was all I seemed to think about.

  “Hi,” I said, taking a deep breath, trying to strengthen my resolve.

  “How are you? How was your flight? Are you on your way?” he asked, sounding adorable as ever.

  “Ajani, I don’t think I can come.”

  There was a pregnant pause, and I knew that he was thinking carefully about how to respond to my unexpected announcement.

  “Why not? Is everything okay?” he finally asked, concern in his voice.

&nb
sp; “That’s the problem. I’m not sure if everything is okay.”

  “Yvette, I’m confused,” Ajani said, sounding confident again. “I thought we enjoyed each other’s company the last time we were together.”

  “We did. I enjoyed being with you very much, Ajani, but that’s what I’m having issues with. What we’re doing, what we’re getting ourselves into is dangerous. I’m afraid that it’s going to get out of hand.”

  “Yvette, I think you’re putting too much thought into this. Just come over. We’ll watch a movie, talk, whatever. I promise I’ll keep my hands and my lips to myself.”

  “I can’t. It’s not right, Ajani.” The battle between Terrence and Ajani—old standby versus fresh meat—was raging violently inside my heart, causing me to hesitate before continuing. “I think we need to put a little distance between the two of us.”

  “And what does that mean?”

  “It means that I’ll call you when I’m ready—if I’m ever ready.”

  “If you’re ever ready?” Ajani asked, sounding completely thrown. “This is silly, Yvette. Okay, I get the fact that you don’t want to come by my place, but this over-the-phone stuff just isn’t working. There’s a Starbucks near Vanderbilt University. Can you meet me there in twenty minutes? I want to hear what you have to say, but not over the phone.”

  I heard the urgency in Ajani’s voice, and some of my resolve melted instantly. I was supposed to be concerned about the age difference between us, but I was the one behaving like a silly schoolgirl. “Okay, Ajani, but I can’t stay long.”

  “Fifteen minutes is all I need,” he said me before hanging up.

  Navigating the streets of Nashville, my mind stayed fixed on Ajani, wondering what he would be wearing, what he would smell like, and whether our lips and tongues would meet again.

  I saw him through the window of the coffee shop before I found a parking space in the crowded lot. He sat at a small table near the window, a baseball cap pulled low over his eyes.

  “It took me a few minutes to find a parking spot,” I said.

  Ajani looked up from his Slam magazine and smiled slightly. “I’m glad you decided to show up.”

  “I can only stay for a little while. I have to go to work in the morning.” I sat down and pulled my chair closer to the table. The place was pretty much empty, with only three or four people sitting in overstuffed armchairs sipping coffee, typing furiously on laptop computers or reading wrinkled newspapers.

  “Now what’s going on with you, Yvette? I understand that you’re engaged and you’re thirty-four, but none of that seemed to matter a couple of days ago,” Ajani began, getting to the point.

  “Ajani, things between us are moving very quickly, and they honestly shouldn’t be moving at all.”

  “You shouldn’t fight what feels right, Yvette. Make yourself happy; do what makes you feel good.”

  Looking at him from across the table, his cologne caressing my senses and making me senseless, I imagined him making me feel good over and over again. I had to shake my head several times to rid myself of the erotic fantasy.

  “Yvette, what’s the real reason you want to cut me out of your life? Is it that you won’t admit that there’s something between us?”

  “If we had met years ago, before I met Terrence and if you were just a little older…”

  “You can’t turn back time, and I’m never going to be your age. We need to concentrate on the here and now, and you need to give us a chance.” Ajani spoke with such conviction and determination that I almost let myself go there with him. Almost.

  “What is it that you want from me? I can’t just call Terrence and tell him that we’re not getting married because I’ve kissed a college student. We’ve been alone together twice, Ajani, aside from your observation sessions. I can’t leave someone I’ve spent twelve years with on a whim.”

  “Nobody is asking you to leave him. What I am asking you to do is explore the possibility of you and me.”

  “So cheat on him?” I asked, wanting to clarify his last comment.

  “If necessary.”

  We looked at each other. His eyes bore into my soul, and it was impossible to hide from them. I wanted Ajani more than I’d ever wanted any man, but I knew the potential for trouble that could bring.

  “Come back to my apartment with me.” His voice gave me chills.

  “I can’t. Just give me some time, some space to sort out my thoughts…”

  “How much time, Yvette?” Ajani asked, impatience evident in his voice.

  “I’m not sure. Everything is happening so fast, and right now I just don’t which way is up.” My nervous laughter filled the coffee shop. “So no more flowers, okay? Or little notes. I just need some breathing room.”

  “Yvette, I’m not going to beg you. If what we have is meant to be, then you’ll be back.” Ajani leaned back in his chair and opened his magazine. The conversation was obviously over.

  “Ajani, I’ve got to go,” I whispered, standing up and grabbing my purse from the table.

  He rose immediately and tucked his magazine under his arm. “At least let me walk you to your car,” he said, holding the door for me and guiding me out with his hand on the small of my back.

  “I guess I’ll see you during my last observation then,” he said when we reached my car. It was obvious that he was telling me in so many words that there was no way he was going to give up so easily. The intensity of his stare caused me to drop my car keys on the pavement.

  Ajani, always the gentleman, bent down to retrieve the keys. On his way up, he placed both hands on my car, trapping me in between. He was so close I could feel the electricity of our attraction jump from him to me. He slowly removed his left hand from the car and placed it low on my hip, sending tremors through my body.

  “Yvette, you know it’s not over between us, don’t you?” he whispered, his mouth dangerously close to my skin.

  “I’m taken, Ajani.”

  “I don’t care, and deep down, neither do you.” He used his other hand to pull me close, so close that I felt his heart beating.

  “I want you to let me go home,” I responded weakly, attempting to block out the feeling I’d be giving up what really made me happy if I let Ajani go.

  With a soft, seductive nibble on my earlobe, Ajani backed away silently. A faint smile graced his face as he handed the keys over and walked away.

  I drove home as if my life depended on it. Taking deep breaths along the way, I tried to suppress my growing sense of regret for turning around and not going after what I wanted. After explaining to Ajani that I needed things to cool off between us, I thought I would feel relieved. Instead, I wanted to call him back and tell him how strong my feelings for him were becoming. Since the night Ajani and I kissed, I’d been caught in a mind-numbing place between extreme guilt and suffocating desire. And with what just happened in the parking lot, desire seemed to be winning out. I could still feel his touch; hear his whispered words in my ear. If I didn’t regain control of my hormones immediately, I knew without a doubt that I was going to end up drowning.

  * * *

  Ajani

  I wanted to tell her what I felt. I wanted to say that she was the most amazing woman I had ever known, but even to me my feelings seemed a bit premature. I followed her lead and pretended that this distance she wanted didn’t faze me, because I knew—we both knew—that it wouldn’t last long.

  After arriving at my apartment, I sat in silence on my black leather couch for hours. I looked around the room at the flowers, candles, and the champagne—all in anticipation of Yvette’s visit, and I became angry and hurt all at the same time. A month ago, I would not have gone to all this trouble for a woman, but Yvette Brooks did something to me I couldn’t explain. She made me want to settle down, take care of her, have a house, picket fence and a couple of kids…the whole nine yards. It was scary realizing that I was losing control of both my heart and my head faster than I wanted to.

  “Dakari,
I need to talk to you,” I said quietly into the phone, trying to disguise my hurt and anxiety over Yvette’s rejection.

  “Not at one o’clock in the morning you don’t. Call me back around noon, Ajani.”

  “It’s important. Yvette was supposed to come over here after her flight got in, but she called and told me she couldn’t come. Then we met at a neutral place, and she goes into this big thing.”

  “Why? Did she give you a reason?” Dakari asked, yawning loudly into the phone.

  “Some bullshit about needing to put some space between the two of us.”

  “Oohh…Are you over there getting a little too serious about her?” he laughed, sounding slightly more awake. “Could it be that Ajani Riley is letting a woman get the best of him?”

  “No, I’m not mistreating her if that’s what you mean. That’s not what I’m about,” I said, looking at the chocolate-covered strawberries on the coffee table.

  “Since when?”

  “Since I met her. She’s not like the rest of the women I’ve dated, Dakari.”

  “You’re right. She’s old and engaged.”

  “I’m serious. I like her. I more than like her, and I’m not trying to fuck this up.”

  “Ajani, you’re living in a fantasy. There is nothing to fuck up, because the two of you don’t have a relationship.”

  “She likes me, too, why else would she say she needed to put some distance between us?”

  “That’s just a nice way of telling your ugly ass to beat it.” Dakari laughed loudly at his own attempt at humor.

  “She wants me, and it’s driving her crazy.” Maybe all hope wasn’t lost; I just needed to figure out how to turn things around.

  “In my opinion, you’re going to end up getting your heart broken,” Dakari warned. “I think you should call that chick Lisa and let her take your mind off ‘Granny’ Brooks.”

  “I don’t know what possessed me to call your ignorant ass. Why don’t you call Lisa? That bitch is crazy, anyway. Do you know she’s been calling here ever since she ruined Yvette’s jeans at that party? She showed up outside of my educational law class offering to suck my dick.”