Things Forbidden

by Maryam Diaab

“When you’re our age, son, all the decades just sort of roll into one, don’t they, Yvette?” my father laughed jovially.

  “Dad, I don’t think Yvette looks a day over twenty, right Jabari?” Dakari asked, looking Yvette up and down.

  “Not a day. Actually, I was wondering if you had a sister?” Jabari asked, gazing into Yvette’s face. “Maybe we could go out on a double date or something.”

  “No sisters. I’m an only child,” Yvette responded, shifting her weight from one foot to the other uncomfortably.

  “And what do your parents do?” my father asked.

  Yvette’s discomfort was palable, but she retained her poise. “I was raised by my grandmother.”

  “Your parents passed away then?”

  “My mother is a recovering drug addict, Mr. Riley. When I was growing up, she was unable to care for me, so my grandmother obtained legal custody of me.” Yvette looked him straight in the eyes, silently daring him to ask any more questions about her family. He didn’t.

  “I think we should eat,” I said, taking her hand and leading her over to the table. Platters of fried chicken, yams, macaroni and cheese, and collard greens were piled high, with a huge pitcher of sweet tea in the middle. “Don’t you guys have to leave soon?”

  “No, we don’t have anything to do, and why are you trying to rush us out of here, Ajani? I would really like the opportunity to get to know Yvette a little better,” my father said, sitting next to me and smiling as if he were glued to the chair and wouldn’t be getting up anytime soon.

  We ate in silence, with Jabari and Dakari leering at Yvette, my father staring at the two of us curiously, and Yvette’s foot tapping nervously under the table.

  “So, Yvette, Ajani tells us that you’re engaged. When’s the big day?” my father asked, breaking the silence. The twins snickered over heaping plates of food.

  “Um, in about two months, actually,” Yvette answered, pushing a forkful of greens into her mouth.

  “Now, does your fiancé know that you’re seeing my son?”

  “That’s none of your business,” I said, feeling myself become both angry and defensive.

  “Of course it’s my business. She’s seeing you, but she’s engaged. Ajani, from what I understand, your feelings for her go way beyond some weekend booty call. I just want to know what her intentions are.” He smiled, but his words were vicious. It was obvious that attacking Yvette had been his plan all along.

  “I’m not sixteen, Dad.” I pushed back from the table and stood up.

  “No, you’re not, Ajani, but right now, with this situation you’ve gotten yourself into, you’re acting like it. This woman sitting across from me that you claim to be falling in love with is getting married in two months, Ajani. Two months! Yvette,” my father continued, looking at Yvette with sincerity, “I’m sure you’re a very nice, intelligent, and obviously beautiful woman, but you’re not right for my son, and I would appreciate it if you, as the more mature adult in this situation, put an end to it.”

  “If you wanted Yvette out of my life, then why would you give me the keys to the Gorham’s Bluff house so I could spend time with her? It’s like you want me to believe that you care, but in reality, you want everyone to be as alone and unhappy as you have been!”

  “Mr. Riley, Anthony, Ajani is a grown man and we have an understanding. I have never lied to Ajani or misled him in any way,” Yvette interrupted, obviously trying to defuse a potentially explosive situation.

  “Yvette, he is thirteen years younger than you. His heart is in this…”

  “My heart is in this, too. I hope you don’t think I planned this. Do you think I wanted to fall in love with a college student when I’m only months away from getting married?” Yvette sat back in her chair and covered her hand with her mouth, no doubt realizing she just admitted to loving me. She had never said it before.

  * * *

  Yvette

  I knew Ajani was embarrassed by his family’s behavior at dinner, specifically his father’s outburst. The way he sat in silence eating his chicken and not looking up from his plate, I could tell that he was furious. I was completely horrified that our time together had gone so badly. The fact that I’d admitted to being in love with Ajani was a mistake of epic proportions, but I couldn’t take it back because it was the truth.

  After his father and brothers left, no words were spoken between us. Ajani closed the door behind his family and took me into his arms, hastily removing my clothing, his eyes never leaving mine. We silently decided to work out all of our hurt, anger, embarrassment and uncertainty in the bedroom.

  My tongue found his as Ajani carried me into the dark room. He placed me on the bed and kneeled down on the carpeted floor, slowly placing his head between my legs and finding my pearl instantly. I could no longer maintain the silence that floated between us as Ajani kissed and sucked, swallowing my juices to quench his thirst. I moaned loudly, twisting and turning, tangling myself in the navy-blue sheets. Ajani drank my explosion before removing his clothes and placing a condom on his erection.

  All the negative things we felt disappeared as Ajani’s strong body melted into mine. His hands touched every part of me, causing tremors to shake me to my core. As his center glided in and out of mine, it was as if he was driving himself deeper and deeper into my heart. With every thrust his purpose was clear; he did not want to lose me.

  I lay in the bed next to Ajani with his arms wrapped around me and his head resting comfortably on my bare chest. His blue-and-white striped comforter was tangled around my waist, and the smell of sex hung heavily in the air.

  “I’m sorry,” Ajani whispered. “I really didn’t think it would go like that.”

  I let my fingertips walk up and down his muscular back. “It’s okay, sweetie, don’t worry about it.”

  “I can’t help thinking about the element of truth in all the things my father said. This isn’t the relationship I want with you.” Ajani sat up and turned away from me. “I think about you marrying Terrence every day and it kills me. I know it’s inevitable and I know we have an agreement, but I am going to end up getting hurt. Hell, I’m hurting already.”

  “Ajani, this is difficult for me, too. I care so much about you and—”

  “Do you love me? Are you in love with me as you said at dinner?” he demanded. I hesitated. Things were getting out of control, feelings and emotions were being mixed in with common sense and reality. Trouble was brewing but I couldn’t lie to Ajani. Seeing the pain he was in tugged at my heart.

  “Yes, Ajani, I am in love with you.”

  “But not enough to end the bullshit of a relationship that you have with Terrence?” Ajani rose from the bed, his voice rising a few octaves.

  “It’s not that simple,” I answered weakly.

  “I’m sick and tired of hearing that same old-ass excuse, Yvette.” Ajani snatched on a pair of basketball shorts and looked down at me. “I don’t know if I can do this anymore.”

  I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. “Do you want me to leave?”

  “I want you to leave him! Call him,” Ajani said, searching for his cellphone in the pile of clothes on the floor. “Call him right now and tell him that it’s over between the two of you.”

  “I can’t, Ajani. We talked about this and we decided that we could never have a real relationship. And now you’re changing your mind?”

  “I can’t stand thinking about him touching you, kissing you, fucking you. It makes me sick.”

  “Then don’t think about it. Let’s just have a good time and worry about everything else as it comes along.”

  “So we’ll be having this same conversation in two months, when you’re in your wedding dress getting ready to marry some nigga who will never love you as much as I will.”

  “This is too much, Ajani. I’m not ready for this. I have to go,” I said, jumping out of bed and hurrying to the living room to search for my clothes.

  “Go ahead and do what you always do, run. When
things get thick you’re always out the door. You ran to Nashville when your man cheated on you; you needed space when you realized you had feelings for me. And now that you love me, watch the fuck out! Where are you running to now, Yvette?”

  I looked at Ajani angrily as I zipped my jeans. “I’m not running, Ajani. I’m going home because we are too angry to discuss this rationally. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

  “Don’t bother.”

  I turned around sharply and faced him. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “It means that I need some space. It’s my turn to think about what I’m doing with you.”

  Terrence

  24

  “Terrence, I need to talk to you,” Wendy said, coming up behind me and putting her hands on my shoulders.

  Her behavior had been strange lately. After that episode at the restaurant, she had become quiet and withdrawn, wanting only to eat, sleep and occasionally have sex—and that was only when I started dropping hints that I wanted to visit Yvette in Nashville.

  “Can’t it wait?” I asked, pausing Maternity Ward with my Tivo remote.

  “I think it’s waited long enough.”

  Something in her voice made me turn around, and when I did, I saw the tears streaming down her face. She looked tired and beaten.

  “What’s going on?” I asked, getting up from the couch and taking her hands. I really wasn’t in the mood for any theatrics, but how much sex would I get I if I acted like I didn’t care?

  “A few days ago, I passed out at work and Vivian took me to the emergency room,” she sobbed into my chest.

  “Why didn’t you tell me? Are you sick? Don’t tell me you’ve been walking around here sick for days and didn’t say anything.”

  “I’m not sick,” Wendy murmured, looking up at me. Her dark eyes were sad and uncertain, and something in them immediately told me what the problem was.

  My mind flew back to all the times my body had become one with hers. She had told me she was on the pill and I believed her; I believed her so much that using protection never crossed my mind.

  “You’re pregnant, aren’t you?” My voice sounded strained and hoarse.

  Wendy nodded and then put her face into her hands.

  “You told me you were on the pill.” I was becoming angry. A little voice whispered in my ear that Wendy had trapped me, that this was her plan all along.

  “I was on the pill, Terrence, but they are not one hundred percent effective. You’re a doctor; you should know that.”

  “Of course I know that. But it’s only in rare instances that a woman gets pregnant if she’s taking the pill properly. Did you take some medication that would have compromised its effectiveness? Did you forget to take them?”

  “No, I didn’t do anything to cause this if that’s what you’re thinking. I’m just as surprised as you are, Terrence. As a matter of fact, the doctor ran the test three times before I would even consider the possibility of being pregnant.” Her tears were drying up, and the look on her face had changed from sadness to confusion. I’m sure she had expected a very different reaction from me.

  “If you are pregnant, the baby isn’t mine,” I declared flatly, getting up and walking to the other side of the room. At that moment, I couldn’t stand being next to her.

  “The baby is yours. Who else would be the father?”

  “How about Mr. Baseball? You know, that guy you brought over as your little decoy for Yvette’s benefit? You have probably been sleeping with him this entire time.”

  “No, I haven’t, Terrence! I haven’t even set eyes on Alonzo since that night, and even if I had, when would I have had time? I’m over here every second of the damn day.”

  “Not because you’re invited,” I spat out, before glancing over to an end table. A picture of a smiling Yvette looked back at me. The picture had been taken when we were happy, before things between us went wrong.

  “So now all of a sudden you don’t want me over here? Terrence, I can recall plenty of times that you’ve called my job looking for me. You wanted me with you just as much as I wanted to be here.”

  “Wendy, this is ridiculous. Arguing about how we got to this point isn’t going to change anything. We need to come up with a plan. What are we going to do about this situation?”

  She wiped her eyes and smiled hesitantly. “I thought this would be the perfect time for you to tell Yvette about us.”

  I laughed loudly; I couldn’t help myself. Her solution was absurd. “Why would I do that?” I asked, trying to catch my breath.

  “Because if Yvette knew the truth, the two of you could call off the wedding and then we could be a family-me, you and the baby.”

  I laughed louder. “Did you plan this, Wendy? Have you been plotting to get pregnant so that you could break Yvette and me up?”

  “No! I just think that you would be happier with me. I’m here, Terrence, and I have been since Yvette left you for some job opportunity. I’ve been the one taking care of you. Cooking and cleaning and washing your clothes—I’ve been doing it all while you keep Yvette up on some pedestal. She’s not an angel, Terrence, and it’s about time you realized that.”

  “Obviously you know something that I don’t, and since we’re being all honest with each other, let me know. What has Yvette been doing?”

  “Why should I tell you anything? Whatever I say about Yvette isn’t going to change you. You’ll still adore her and still consider me a booty call.” The tears began flowing again, Wendy’s chest heaving up and down with each sob.

  “You’re more than a booty call,” I said, trying to reassure her.

  “Don’t play me like I’m stupid, Terrence. You can’t sweet-talk me. Don’t pretend you care about me or this baby while hoping I’ll tell you who Yvette has been shacking up with.”

  Wendy stopped and shook her head. “Look, this isn’t about Yvette. It’s about us, and I just want…”

  “I’m not making any decisions about us until you tell me what I want to know. Who Yvette has been shacking up with?” I folded my arms across my chest and waited.

  Wendy drew in a deep breath and looked at me desperately. “I love you, Terrence. Why won’t you see that I’m the one for you?”

  “Who is Yvette down there with?”

  “She’s seeing some twenty-one-year-old college guy. Remember the guy who was in her office when you went to Nashville to see her? That’s him, and she claims she’s in love.”

  My mind quickly rewound to that day in Yvette’s office. I remembered the guy quite clearly, but I refused to believe what Wendy was telling me. “You’re lying,” I said, sitting on the love seat across from the couch. “You’re only telling me this because you want me for yourself. You have this fantasy of me, you and this baby becoming some kind of family, and you want your best friend, my fiancée, out of the way.”

  “I’m not lying, Terrence. She’s been seeing him for several months now. He’s trying to convince her not to marry you.”

  “Yvette would never cheat on me.”

  “She would and she is, and nothing you can say will change that fact.”

  “Get out!” I said, glaring at her contemptuously. “Get out of my house.”

  “You can’t throw me out, Terrence. We haven’t talked about the baby.”

  “We don’t need to talk about the baby. I really don’t give a shit what you do. I have let this go on too long as it is, and now you’re lying about Yvette and claiming I’m the father of your baby.” I shook my head. “What have I gotten myself into?”

  “You will not leave decisions about this baby up to me, Terrence. I need help!”

  Quickly, angrily I dug deep into my pocket and pulled out my wallet. “You want my help?” I hollered, my enraged voice filling the loft. “This is the only help I am prepared to give.” Pulling three hundred-dollar bills from my wallet, I threw them at her one by one. “I am telling you that we will never be a family. I don’t love you and I never will. Now take this money,” I thr
ew another bill, hitting her in the chest, “and get rid of that baby!”

  Yvette

  25

  My life had become very lonely. Ajani meant what he had said about taking some time to think, because he hadn’t called me since our spat a week ago. No flowers or little notes, either.

  Jordan said she saw him at a party, some kind of luau where all the college girls wore string bikinis and the guys walked around with video cameras and liquor bottles.

  “How did he look?” I asked before realizing that I sounded completely ridiculous and lovesick, but I didn’t care. I missed him.

  “As cute as ever. He had on this little fatigued Speedo and boots. It was hilarious, but I understand what the attraction is. He didn’t leave anything to the imagination that night,” Jordan laughed. I frowned.

  “I’m just kidding, don’t get so upset,” Jordan said, walking over and patting my hand. “And where were you? I thought you and Ajani were joined at the hip.”

  “We had a fight. He said he needed some time to think.”

  “Did it have anything to do with Terrence?” Jordan asked.

  “It had everything to do with Terrence. Ajani wants me to break off the engagement so that we can have a real relationship. I told him that just isn’t a possibility.”

  “But I thought you two decided that you were both content with the way things were going,” Jordan said, going to the copy machine and preparing the school’s weekly parent newsletter.

  “That was what we decided, but all of a sudden Ajani’s asshole of a father starts ranting and raving and puts all this stuff into Ajani’s head and poof…” I said, throwing my hands into the air. “Ajani says he needs some time.”

  “Can you blame him?”

  “Of course I can. We had an agreement.”

  “Yvette, you’re not dealing with a contract or suspending a student. You are dealing with a man with real feelings, and things change.”

  “Jordan, I am completely aware that things change. My feelings for Ajani have changed, but I can’t lose sight of the bigger picture here.”

  “Which is?”