by True, Holli
“You’re mad,” he said. Though it wasn’t a question.
“I’m frustrated,” I corrected him.
“I guess I can see why you would be.”
“You guess?” Was he kidding? “Eight days have passed, Jonah. How do you expect me to feel?”
He didn’t say anything.
“Look, I get it if you’re not interested in me, Jonah. Trust me, it’s totally fine. And I appreciate everything you did tonight, I really do. But I want to make it perfectly clear that I’m not interested in being your little play thing.”
He wasn’t finding humor in anything I was saying anymore, his expression was downright somber. “I’m not that guy, Hailey. And for you to think that you think I am, that I’ve even given you that impression, to be perfectly honest, it makes me feel disgusted.” He shook his head, his eyes firmly on mine.
“I’m not going to lie, Jonah, it hurt my feelings. I mean, I thought we had a great date, but you’ve clearly been avoiding me.”
“I wasn’t avoiding you.”
“Really? Well, what exactly would you call it?”
He took a deep breath, hesitating. “I’d call it fear.”
It was the last thing I expected to hear him say.
“I’d call it confusion,” he continued, leaning forward, resting his elbows on his knees, cradling his head in his hands. “But more than anything, I’d call it pure stupidity.”
“Well, I definitely won’t argue with that last one,” I muttered, pursing my lips to suppress a smile.
He laughed once, “I didn’t think you would.”
It was my turn to focus my attention on the crackling fire. Sighing softly, I contemplated my next question for several minutes, fearing what his answer might be. I couldn’t even look at him as the words escaped my mouth, “Did I misread what happened between us that night?”
“No,” he said instantly, reaching across, taking my hands in his. “I loved every minute I spent with you,
Hailey.” The reflection of the flames danced in his eyes, if I didn’t know better, I would’ve believed they were actually smoldering. He slowly raised my hands to his mouth and kissed them softly.
But I couldn’t forgive him so easily.
“Your first answer was fear. What are you afraid of?”
His jaw twitched. “You.”
Another unexpected response. I tried not to smile, but it was impossible. “Are you trying to flatter me?”
“Flatter you? No. That would imply I didn’t actually mean what I said.”
I liked him even more for that answer. “Why are you afraid of me?”
“I’m new at all of this and it’s scaring the hell out of me.” Jonah looked uncomfortable answering the question. I believed what he was saying, his eyes showed his honesty, but I also believed that he wasn’t saying everything.
“Could you possibly be more vague?” I asked, laughing under my breath.
“I don’t know how to say it.”
“You could at least try.”
He smiled. “I am trying.”
“Sorry,” I said, feeling my cheeks flush.
“I just, I wasn’t expecting to wind up here.”
“Do you mean in general or tonight?”
“Would you hate me if I told you both?”
“Maybe,” I said. His eyes flickered to mine. “But I’d get over it.”
“Well, at the risk of you hating me,” he said, smiling all the way to his eyes, “I have to be honest and say both.”
“I like honest.”
Jonah looked amused. “When I met you, I had no idea the kind of lasting affect you’d have on me.” He squeezed my hand. “That’s what I like.”
My heart fluttered in my throat.
He continued. “While I have no interest in having you be my ‘play thing’, I have to make something clear to you, too.”
He had me intrigued.
“I know I screwed up. And I’m probably going to keep screwing up. But I need you to be patient with me.”
Taking my time, I bit my bottom lip before responding, “I think I can do that.”
“I was hoping that would be your answer.”
And with that, I forgave him wholeheartedly. “Well, now that we’ve cleared up that I scare you, confuse you and make you a stupid screw-up with my so-called ‘lasting affect’, there’s something else I have to ask you.”
He waited patiently.
“Were you following me tonight?”
His jaw tightened clenched. “I saw you leaving the library.”
“You were there?”
He nodded slowly.
“So, you did know it was me?”
“Yes, I did. I had a bad feeling about Matt and the guys he was with. So, I followed behind to make sure you were okay.”
“I didn’t see you.”
“I know.”
I took a deep breath, processing everything he was saying. “The thing is, Matt’s harmless. I’ve known him for years.”
“He didn’t look harmless.”
“Tonight was just... Actually, I don’t know what tonight was.”
Jonah shook his head slowly, “You were afraid of him, Hailey. I saw the fear in your eyes. Don’t make excuses for him and what he did.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat and nodded. Truth was, I had no idea what would’ve happened had Jonah not shown up. Thank God I would never have to find out.
“You’re right,” I said softly.
“Hailey, if he...” the pain in his eyes tore at my heart. He looked down at his hands again, “I just couldn’t handle anyone hurting you.”
I didn’t need anymore answers from him. Without hesitating, I reached out and caressed his beautiful face with my hands, leading him closer to me. Anticipating his kiss, I closed my eyes and all at once, everything made perfect sense.
- 6 -
pull me down
JONAH
Hailey crossed her arms in front of her and looked down. They were in the corner of the crowded cafeteria in the only area that offered an ounce of privacy. She looked visibly uncomfortable standing before Matt, who was completely disheveled. He clearly hadn’t slept much. His eyes were bloodshot and he was still wearing the same clothes he had been wearing the night before. Physically, he looked like he had been to hell and back. It should have been a consolation, but my desire to kick his ass hadn’t subsided.
“I don’t even know where to start,” he said, the muscles on his face strained. He dug his hands deep into the pockets of his filthy jeans, switching his weight from side to side. “I can’t remember all of the details from last night, but what I can remember, I’m not proud of.”
Hailey kept her eyes focused on the ground. She wasn’t going to give him an inch, I was silently cheering her on from my seat. That’s my girl, I thought to myself, trying not to smile. The last thing I needed was for anyone seated around me to know that I was eavesdropping on a conversation not meant for my ears.
“I am so sorry, Hailey. I have no idea why I acted that way or did what I did...” Matt slowly shook his head. “I feel sick about it.”
“You feel sick?” she finally broke her silence and glared up at him, her expression a mix of anger and disbelief. “Do you have any idea what you put me through last night?”
“No, I can’t even imagine what you must think of me now. I deserve it, I do. I am so sorry. My God...” he pressed his palms to his face and rubbed hard, turning the skin around his eyes red, blotchy and wet.
“Wow,” I mumbled in disgust, my eyes locked on Matt. “Pulling out all the stops, aren’t you dick?” I had just blown my cover, but I couldn’t help myself.
“What are you talking about?” Ben asked in confusion, trying to follow my gaze.
“Did I miss something?” Shayne suddenly asked, watching Hailey and Matt with intrigue.
Hailey exhaled heavily, unable to hear anything we were saying. It was obvious she was beginning to cave to his apology, it was most like
ly the tears that sealed the deal. “I know it was the alcohol, Matt. You’re lucky it was me and not some other girl who doesn’t know the real you. That’s the only thing that saved you from some broken bones last night.”
A slow smile spread across his face as he nodded. “You’re pint size, but I don’t doubt you can pack a punch,” he said, trying to crack a joke.
“What a douche!” I couldn’t believe this guy.
“I didn’t mean from me, Matt. I was talking about Jonah. Remember him? The guy that had you pinned within an inch of your life last night?”
Matt recoiled for a moment, the realization took a little time. “The guy...” he slowly nodded.
“Jonah,” she said again.
I loved hearing my name on her lips.
“That’s who that was?” the remorse in Matt’s tone now absent.
“He wasn’t your biggest fan to begin with,” Hailey said shaking her head. “Things are far worse between you two now.”
“Great,” Matt mumbled, “you mean I have another person to apologize to?”
Hailey rolled her eyes, “I know that must be really devastating for you. Sorry if I don’t feel bad for you.”
It was obvious Matt regretted his words instantly, “That’s not what I meant, Hailey. I’m repulsed by how I acted, I’ll apologize to anyone I managed to piss off, offend or hurt.” He struggled to get the last word out. “I just can’t believe I let it go that far. Especially with you. I know it’s a lot to ask, but do you think you can ever forgive me?”
The last thing I wanted her to do was accept his apology. Every part of me was screaming at her to keep her distance, to tell him no, to walk away. But she didn’t. She remained there for several minutes, looking undecided on what to do. I wished I could know what she was thinking and sway her final decision.
Hailey glanced around the cafeteria, her eyes settling on our table. She raised up her index finger, signaling that she was almost finished. Shayne hadn’t taken her eyes off of her since spotting her a few minutes before, clearly eager to know what was going on. She was almost as protective of Hailey as me, which made me like her even more.
I didn’t like her being across the room with him. The distance between us made me feel uneasy, not keeping a watchful eye on her wasn’t an option. It had taken everything in me to let her go alone, the only thing that had kept me in my chair was that I trusted him not to hurt her more than I trusted myself not to hurt him.
Hailey turned her attention back to Matt, her expression softer. “I think you should rethink frat life,” she finally said.
“No more drinking,” he said, holding up his hand as though he was taking an oath.
She rolled her eyes, “I know you, remember? I don’t buy that for a second.”
Matt laughed, shrugging his shoulders with ease, “I figured it was worth a try.”
“Look,” she said in all seriousness, “if we are going to be friends, I don’t want your false promises. I forgive you, but I can’t forget what happened. It’s going to take time for me to trust you again.”
Matt nodded, “I can accept that.” He smiled at her, his mood instantly switching, “I want to make it up to you. Can I start by treating you to dinner? Strictly as friends, of course.”
Hailey looked over in our direction again, “I don’t think that’s a good idea, Matt.”
“Please,” he pleaded. “I have to make this right.”
“That’s just it. You can’t make it right. All you can do is keep your word and change the person you’re becoming. Because the person you were last night,” she shook her head as she looked him straight in the eyes, “I don’t want him in my life.”
He looked at her as though he was taking in every word she was saying, but I didn’t buy it. After a long pause he finally nodded. “I hear you, I really do. Just, meet me at Mavens tonight, please. I’m begging you. Let me try to fix this situation.”
Hailey sighed heavily, “Shayne and I will meet you there at eight.”
My heart dropped to the pit of my stomach.
“Looks like you’ve got some competition,” Ben said, nudging me with his elbow. “This should make things interesting.”
. . .
I knew the code. Protect under any circumstances, guide without distraction and guard until death. The code had been instilled in me from the very start. It was our duty and why we were created. The code was our one and only purpose. What I was about to do, had nothing to do with the code. Though much of what I had been doing lately hadn’t.
Tonight wasn’t curiosity pulling me to her, it was jealousy. This new side of myself I had discovered was going to take some time getting used to. Questioning my actions was new for me, as they had always been based on instinct, not emotion. My intentions for the evening were anything but admirable and deep down, I knew it was wrong to be there. But, I also knew that it wasn’t going to stop me from following through with my plan.
They were sitting at a round table across the room when she spotted me, standing near the entrance with Ben. Hailey whispered something in Shayne’s ear, never taking her eyes from me, then she stood and started closing the distance between us. I couldn’t read her expression, which made me start to second guess my decision to crash her evening. I met her somewhere in the middle, landing the attention of Matt, who looked anything but happy to see me.
“I can’t believe you’re here,” she said, a slow smile revealing itself.
“Yeah,” I said, returning the smile, “what a coincidence.”
“Are you here with somebody?” she asked, peeking around me.
“Some guys from my dorm,” I said passively, “they’re getting a table.”
“I’m here with Shayne and Matt, you should come say hi,” she said, gesturing over her shoulder.
“Matt, huh?” I said, glancing over to him, meeting his eyes for a split second. “Sober, I hope?”
“Sober, embarrassed and desperate trying to make it up to me,” she assured me. “He actually wants to apologize to you, he feels really bad.”
“Then it looks like he’ll have the opportunity to do that,” I said, ready for my chance to exchange words with him.
You could cut the tension with a knife. Matt apologized, though it felt forced. His words said one thing but the tone of them said another. Much like my acceptance of his apology, it was only to appease Hailey, who looked on with nervous anticipation.
The conversation beyond that was stifled and conflicted. After twenty minutes of forced small talk, Shayne prompted Hailey to go to the restroom with her. Hailey hesitated, eyeing both of us closely. She was clearly concerned we were going to kill each other if she wasn’t there to mediate us. But Shayne was adamant that Hailey had to go with her, so she finally caved.
Matt, who had barely said three words to me since his apology, suddenly turned to me and started firing off questions. “So, you go to Oregon, too?” he asked, keeping his eyes locked on mine.
“Yup.”
“What year are you?”
“Junior,” I said, wondering how long he was going to keep it up.
“What are you going to school for?” he continued.
“An education.”
“Funny,” he said, though his tone suggested otherwise. He suddenly turned to me and looked me straight in the eyes. “You’re very evasive.”
“Am I?” I squared my stance to match his. In height we were pretty equal, but I had at least a few inches on him in shoulder span.
“You can’t even answer a simple question.”
“Let’s just call this what it really is, Matt. An interrogation.”
“I’m just looking out for Hailey.”
“Well, I think you and I both know I’m not the one she needs to be worried about, don’t we, Matt?” I stood and walked away from the table before he could respond, but I could feel his eyes burning into my back.
Judging by the way he kept watching me, I could tell he didn’t trust me anymore than I trusted
him. Though my opinion of him was warranted and his opinion of me was merely an assumption. He should have been thanking me for keeping his supposed friend safe from his drunken advances, but it was clear he wouldn’t be thanking me for anything regarding Hailey. I couldn’t help but wonder if he was truly sorry for all of the damage he had done.
As Hailey and Shayne returned to the table, she noticed my absence right away. When she spotted me, she walked toward me, earning Matt’s full attention. He watched her every move, appreciating the view a little too much. This only fueled my hatred of him. When she made her way to me, I swooped her up in my arms and planted a tender kiss on her lips directly in front of Matt, just to make it clear who’s lips belonged on hers. It was a cheap shot, but I was taking it.
Matt’s jaw tightened, his mouth pressed together to create a thin line. I could physically see him trying to remain calm, his eyes locked on mine. But his cold, hard expression was lost on me, it didn’t affect me in the least.
When she looked up at me, her eyes pierced mine. I wanted her to look closely—but not close enough that she could see through the facade. “I’m glad you’re here,” she said softly.
Her words spoke right to my heart. “I’m glad I’m here, too,” I said. “I like spending time with you.”
She tried to conceal her smile, but it was too late, I had already seen it. “You have to stop doing that to me,” she said, looking down.
“But you look adorable when you blush.”
“Seriously,” she laughed, pushing me away, “you’re embarrassing me!”
I laughed with her, cherishing that very moment. Little fragments of time might be all I would ever have with her, but I would carry them with me forever.
She fell silent, glancing past me in Matt and Shayne’s direction. Her smile quickly faded. I turned and looked over at them myself, seeing the two of them sharing a laugh.
“I think I need to tell her what happened,” Hailey muttered, still watching them.