by True, Holli
You did this to her! The words roared within me in pure hatred.
How bad had she hit her head? I gently felt around the nape of her neck and the back of her head, looking for any sign of blood. Finding nothing, I allowed myself to feel a brief second of reprieve before the internal lashings started in again.
“Jonah?”
Relief flooded me. “I’m here, I’ve got you.” I tried to reassure her that everything was okay, but not knowing the extent of the trauma she had suffered, I simply didn’t know.
Her eyes flickered all around between blinks before finally focusing on me. “Is this a dream?” she asked a moment later. Her voice was small and it sounded disoriented, which didn’t surprise me at all, given the circumstances.
“No,” I said patiently, “you’re not dreaming.” She began to wiggle in my arms, trying to sit up on her own, but I refused to let her go yet. “Stay still,” I instructed her, “you hit your head.”
This seemed to trigger the realization that her head was in pain, as she instantly reached up to what I assumed was the area of contact. She winced as soon as she touched it, sucking air in through her teeth. And then her eyes opened wide, “The tree!” she exclaimed. All at once she tried pushing off of me again, struggling to examine the rest of her body for injuries.
I unwillingly released my hold on her, immediately feeling the emptiness in my arms. Saying nothing, I watched as she brushed a hand over her arms and legs. It was obvious that they were eager to find the scrapes and cuts that should have been there, had she actually stumbled over the tree. The absence of them seemed to cause a different sort of alarm in Hailey.
Not standing, she turned around to face me, scooting backwards to get away. She didn’t stop until she was backed up against the fallen tree, which startled her. “It was you,” she declared, her tone unreadable. “You were the one chasing me.”
“No,” I said automatically, realizing there was no way for me to explain what had really happened and why I was there. “I mean, it was me behind you, but I wasn’t chasing you.”
Hailey shook her head, suddenly frantic, “What the hell, Jonah?” She scrambled to her feet, looking shaky. “I don’t even... I don’t...” Her eyes suddenly rolled back and her body slumped forward, the ground seemed to be pulling her downward with incredible force.
Realizing what was happening, I jumped to my feet and rushed to catch her before she made contact with the ground, barely reaching her in time. I lifted her up into my arms, cradling her against me, feeling whole once again. There was so much to sort out, but none of that mattered right now. Getting her back to her room in one piece was my only concern at the moment.
The rest would have to wait.
- 13 -
edge of desire
HAILEY
Agonizing pain. It was radiating from the back of my head, all the way down to the tips of my toes. All of the muscles in my body felt achy and tender, even the slightest movement was excruciating.
Why does it feel like I’m floating? I thought to myself.
You’re not floating. You’re on your bed, the little voice in my head reassured me.
“Put me down!”
You are down.
“Liar!” I snapped as my hand grazed the familiar feel of my comforter. “Ow!” I yelped instantly.
You’re going to be fine, Hailey.
“I don’t feel fine,” I grumbled into the darkness. I blinked twice and then glanced over at Shayne’s bed. It was just light enough that I could see her platinum blonde hair peaking out from beneath the covers she had pulled over her head. She was exactly as I had left her before I’d gone out for my run.
Wait. My run. All at once my memories on the trail flooded my head, the facts mixed together with the fears I had felt as I had been chased. Did that really happen? Or had I dreamed that? I couldn’t make sense of any of it. My head was swimming with all of the details. I couldn’t think straight, no matter how hard I tried to unscramble the mess in my mind, the more and more jumbled it became.
Get some rest.
“But my head is pounding,” I mumbled, my voice hoarse.
You hit your head, but you’re okay, the voice responded again.
Yes. All the pieces were starting to fall into place. I had hit my head. I was running... No, I was being chased! My blood turned to ice. “He grabbed me!” I cried out, lost in the memory. My hands balled into fists instinctively, clawing at the fabric of my comforter. “Oh my God, he caught up to me, I couldn’t run fast enough to get away.” The sobs started rolling uncontrollably, causing my whole body to quake with emotion.
Hailey, you’re safe.
“I’m safe?” I repeated with uncertainty, suppressing the tears that were fighting so hard to fall.
“Yes, you’re safe. I’m here.”
Wait. Was that...? “Jonah?”
The voice hadn’t been in my head at all, it was him. It was Jonah. All at once, I wasn’t scared anymore.
“What are you doing here?” I asked, blindly reaching out for him. I couldn’t see him, but I knew he was there, close to me. I could feel his presence. It was familiar, comforting.
There was a long pause before he answered, “I couldn’t let you get hurt.”
I felt his fingers softly on my temple, slowly gliding down toward my chin. My blood tingled beneath his hand, he had no idea what he did to me. I inhaled sharply, my breath catching in my throat. My pain all but forgotten.
But a nagging memory in the back of my mind nudged itself forward, insisting I acknowledge it. Reluctantly, I replayed the sequence of choppy clips through my mind. Running. Darkness. The dark object ahead. Being chased. Being grabbed. Struggling to be freed. Jonah.
And with that, all that had happened was as clear as day in my mind. Everything.
“It was you,” I said, my voice barely above a whisper, my eyes getting heavier with every passing second.
Determined to close, I knew I couldn’t fight the weight of my eyelids much longer. But I didn’t want to sleep. I had so many questions and things I wanted to say, I feared he wouldn’t still be there when I woke up. Part of me, the rational side, knew I should be terrified of him, he was the one who had grabbed me, after all. But every other part of me, including my heart, knew that Jonah would never, ever harm me.
As much as I wanted to press him for answers so I could make sense of everything, I was losing the sleeping battle and I knew that I had to surrender. So, with eyes closed, I mustered all of my strength to reach up to caress his beautiful face and say the one thing I had feared I’d never be able to say to him again.
“I love you.”
. . .
How long have I been awake? Or asleep for that matter? It’s light outside. But I’m so tired. My head hurts. I just need to sleep a little while longer. Just five more minutes...
. . .
The room was dim, the only light coming from the window, which wasn’t much. Was it still morning? Wait. It couldn’t be... What time was it? I wanted to check, but my entire body hurt and my head was throbbing, so I decided to just lie still for another moment.
I glanced over at Shayne’s bed, expecting to find her there, but her bed was vacant. Her comforter and sheets tangled together and tousled about her bed. Of course. She flat-out refused to ever make her bed, “There’s no point!” she’d always say, rolling her eyes.
It wasn’t often that she beat me out of bed in the morning. More often than not, she would wait until she had only fifteen minutes to get to class, then she’d throw on last night’s jeans and pull her short hair into two tiny pigtails. She called her look college chic. Somehow she managed to pull it off without looking disheveled, a skill I knew I would never master. But with no effort, she had.
A persistent pain pulsed in my head and my neck felt stiff. A dull ache radiated through every inch of my body, impossible to ignore. I dreaded the very thought of moving. What happened?
I racked my brain, trying to clear the fog th
at had consumed my mind. Various thoughts, memories and dreams started popping up, one invading the other, mixing together, causing nothing to make sense. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to concentrate harder, with more determination.
There were a few concrete details I remembered without question, I couldn’t sleep this morning, so I went for a run. I knew better than to take the trail when it was dark and I could kick myself for doing it now, but it was too late to change what had already happened. The only other thing I remembered was the fallen tree. Because it was so dark and because I had managed to spook myself into believing someone was behind me, I didn’t see it until it was too late.
So then I must have tripped over it. That would explain why I hurt from head to toe. Yes, I decided, that is the only logical explanation. However, it didn’t explain how I had managed to wind up safely back in my bed.
As I thought this, Jonah’s face appeared in my mind. It was a botched memory making a feeble attempt at being relevant. He was holding me. Or maybe he was carrying me? It was too dark to really see. He was there with me, that’s all that I could really make of it. Maybe it wasn’t a memory at all and just wishful thinking or a dream?
My mind skipped to another thought. Jonah by my bedside, his fingers tracing the length of my face. His lips lightly kissing my forehead before whispering in my ear to get some rest, his words laced with a mix of concern and reassurance. I love you, too... his words echoed in my head, as if they were to be caged there forever.
That was far too vivid to be a dream or my imagination. Oh. My eyes shot wide open. Jonah had been here. With me. But how? And where was he now?
I surveyed the room again, it didn’t take long for my eager eyes to land on the one thing they were suddenly so desperate to see. There, sitting in my desk chair, was Jonah. His jaw clenched tight, every chiseled line exposed. He was leaning forward with his elbows on his knees, his hands clasped together with his two index fingers pressed to his lips. He was looking down, his eyes focused on something I couldn’t make out from across the room. I wasn’t certain, but he looked deep in thought, distant.
Was this a dream? Or was Jonah really here? The lines between my dreams and reality were blending together, I couldn’t distinguish what was real and what was simply in my head anymore. I closed my eyes again and counted to five in my head. When I peered back over at him, I half expected to discover he was merely a figment of my imagination, what I didn’t expect was to meet his gaze. My breath caught in my throat and I instantly felt butterflies in my tummy. Distracted, I couldn’t help but wonder if he was at all aware of the effect he had on me? It was quite alarming, really.
“Hey,” he said softly, his brows furrowed, exposing his concern.
It was a struggle to sit up, but I managed. “Hi,” I whispered back, suddenly aware of how dry my throat was. “I need water,” was my immediate response.
Jonah nodded and retrieved a water bottle from the mini fridge under my desk. I smiled my thanks and proceeded to drink until more than half of the bottle was consumed. Much to my surprise, I felt dehydrated, the water only made me more thirsty. In a matter of seconds, the water bottle was empty. Before I could ask, Jonah was already prepared with a second bottle.
“Thank you,” I said, my voice already sounded less hoarse. “Where’s Shayne?”
He shrugged his shoulders, “She didn’t say.”
“Really?” I found it odd that she would leave with Jonah there and me asleep. I’d have to lecture her on that when she got back. “What time is it?”
“Five.”
“In the evening?”
He nodded.
“Are you kidding me?” I exclaimed.
He didn’t respond to my question. “How are you feeling?” he asked cautiously, burying his hands deep into the front pockets of his jeans. Looking at him, I was at a loss of words. With the soft sunlight from the window at his back, it outlined him like a perfect halo. He looked positively divine. More like a God than a human.
“I’m fine,” I lied, still not entirely sure what had happened.
Jonah frowned and slowly shook his head. “You’re not fine,” he said sternly, “don’t even try to pass that off with me.”
“I’ll live.”
Jonah looked visibly frustrated. “I am so sorry.”
“Sorry? What reason do you have to be sorry?”
He opened his mouth to speak, but after a moment of deliberation, he closed it again, clenching his jaw. Whatever he had considered saying, he had surely changed his mind. I tried not to get lost in the distraction of his jaw as it twitched.
Look away, I reminded myself, switching my focus down to lace pattern of my comforter. “I don’t even actually know what happened. There’s a million little details in my head, but I can’t make sense of any of them.” I rambled on, trying to make light of the situation.
He was silent long enough that I grew impatient and looked up, meeting his eyes once again. My heart skipped a beat. Yet another reason to be distracted.
“It’s all my fault, “ he finally spoke in a low, even tone. His expression was unreadable, I instantly wished I could know what was going on inside his head or at least decode his cryptic words.
“What are you talking about?”
He tore his eyes away from mine as he spoke, “I couldn’t let you go alone. It wasn’t safe. But... I didn’t get to you in time,” he said quietly.
I held up a finger, signaling him to stop talking while I dissected his every word. My mind instantly flicked through the series of memories involving Jonah again, his words triggering more. I remembered turning to look over my shoulder one moment and nobody being there, but the next, there he was. He had grabbed me, not to attack me, I now realized, but to protect me from making contact with the tree. There hadn’t been time enough for me to react, one second my feet were on the ground, then we were midair. Sure, he had scared the hell out of me, but he hadn’t harmed me in anyway. In fact, had he not been there... I shuddered at the thought of being injured and alone in the dark on the trail. Not a happy visual.
“But you did,” I argued gently. “You got to me just in time.” Despite the pain I felt and the small bump on the back of my head, I knew I wasn’t seriously injured. If he hadn’t been there, things would have been so much worse.
I lifted my arms to emphasize my point, as I did, my eyes caught the red blotches all over the sleeves of my sweatshirt. A horrified gasp escaped my mouth before I could stop it. I frantically pulled the fabric back, expecting to discover my arms covered in bloody wounds. But there was nothing. Not even a scratch.
“It’s mine.” He answered the question without me needing to speak it, referring to the blood.
Remorse set in. I hadn’t even considered what kind of injuries Jonah must have sustained. Given the amount of blood I was wearing from him, I could only imagine how bad it was. How was he not the one bedridden? I shifted my attention from my stained sweatshirt, up to where he stood.
“Are you okay?” It was a dumb question, but the only one I could manage to ask.
“Yes, I’m okay.” His words sounded strained as they left his mouth.
“I don’t believe you,” I blurted out, throwing my covers back to get out of bed.
“You need to.” He held his hand up to halt me and I was assuming, to also reassure me. But it didn’t do either, once his raised arm revealed blood stains on his once gray shirt. Some areas were darker than others, exposing the abrasion areas.
“Believe you?” I asked dubiously.
He nodded in response.
“Look at this blood!” I suddenly felt like I was on the verge of hysteria. “I’m covered in it, Jonah! So are you!” I exclaimed, pointing at his rib cage.
“Hailey,” he said calmly, “I’m fine. I promise.”
I shook my head in disbelief as I clambered out of my bed. I had to bite my bottom lip to keep from whimpering like a baby. There wasn’t a chance in hell he was fine. No way. “You must be in sh
ock,” I muttered through clenched teeth.
“Would you please get back into bed?”
“No!” I glanced down at the blood again, it was everywhere. And it was freaking me out. I had to get it off my body or else I was going to scream.
“Let me help you,” Jonah said calmly, carefully tugging at the fabric as I slid my arms out of the sleeves. He lifted it over my head with ease, no sign of pain in doing so at all.
What the hell?
“Thanks,” I mumbled, raising a suspicious eyebrow at him.
He kept his eyes away from mine as he inched past me, my sweatshirt in his hand. His back exposed his lies. I counted seven crimson spots, some bigger than others, from his broad shoulders all the way down to the small of his back. Yet, he moved with ease as he mindlessly tossed my ruined sweatshirt into the hamper. Saying nothing, he turned and walked back to where I stood, keeping a noticeable distance between us. I couldn’t help but think it was intentional.
“Are you hungry?” he asked. It was such a random question, it caught me off guard.
“No,” I said, shaking my head. I couldn’t even begin to think about food right now.
“Well, you should really get back into bed.”
“I’m not tired,” I said stubbornly. He didn’t look satisfied with my response but I didn’t care.
My mind was racing with a million questions, I was just trying to decipher which one to throw his way. I wasn’t getting anywhere with his injuries, so I decided to loop back around to a question that had been burning inside of me. “How did you know I went for a run?”
He looked stunned by my question, but he recovered quickly. “I saw you leaving the dorm,” he said with a shrug of the shoulders.
“So, you just happened to be outside of my dorm at five a.m.?”
He nodded, unaffected.
“You expect me to buy that?”
He nodded again.