by True, Holli
When she finally reached the table I was seated at, I remained in my chair as she starting wiping it down. She was so close to me, closer than I had allowed myself to be to her since that night in her dorm room. The worst night of my existence- the night that would forever haunt me.
She was so beautiful. How I had been so unaware all of those years, I would never understand, because now I was blinded by it. There were so many things I missed from her world. Scent, taste and touch, three senses I didn’t have when I was like this. Three senses that I desperately wanted back.
Unable to help myself, I tried to breathe in the sweet scent of her perfume, but there was nothing. As she wiped the area directly in front of where I was sitting, I leaned in closer, determined. Hailey suddenly withdrew her hand from the table, leaving the wet cloth abandoned in front of me. She peered closer at the skin on her arm, which was now covered in goosebumps. I immediately froze, fear paralyzing me in my seat. Could she sense I was there with her?
She took a step back and then spun on her heel, scanning every area of the room from where she stood. “Is someone there?” she finally asked, her voice sounding uneasy. Rebecca was still in the back room, her own Guardian, Fisher, had followed her there. It was just Hailey and I. She took another small step backwards, still surveying the empty coffee shop. With her back to me, I couldn’t see her face, but her tense stance gave away her increasing uncertainty.
I had to test my theory. If she had sensed me, it was when I had moved in close to her, which wasn’t something I had allowed myself to do in weeks. I stood from my chair and walked across the empty room, never taking my eyes off of her. As I increased the distance between us, she became visibly less tense. Uncertainty was still written all over her face, but the mild panic had dissipated. She slowly shook her head and muttered something under her breath before turning back toward the table, reclaiming the abandoned washcloth.
With her back to me, I moved in, once again. With every step I took toward her, my anticipation grew. Would she sense me again or was it simply a coincidence that she had before? I stopped when I was close enough to reach out and touch her, not that I actually could. Not like this, anyway. As she pushed in the first chair, she didn’t seem to notice I was there at all. I took another step toward her, positioning myself directly behind her, close enough that I could wrap my arms around her and hold her against me.
Hailey immediately froze, her breath accelerating by the second.
This meant one thing: her instincts were spot on and she could sense my presence.
A slow, crippling realization crept through me, growing bigger with every passing second, forcing me to see what I had done. Never, not once in our nineteen years together on Earth, had she ever sensed me being near her. This was all my fault. I was a fool to ever interfere with her life and I would forever pay the price for going against what I knew was wrong. Now everything was tearing at the seams, falling apart before me. And there was nothing I could do to stop it.
Nothing was certain anymore.
If only I had left her alone that very first night at the party. Everything would be different. It would have remained as it was supposed to be. But I had ruined all of it. Everything. Because of my own selfish desires and curiosity. Both of our worlds were now forever changed and I was to blame.
“I know someone’s here.” Her voice was barely above a whisper, but it rang loud and clear in my ears.
You’re safe, I assured her, speaking to her subconscious. Don’t be afraid. I knew she could hear my words through her sub-conscience, even though she didn’t know they were mine.
She inhaled deeply, her shoulders sinking downward as her breathing slowed to a normal pace. It took her a moment, but she made her way around the table, pushing in the remaining two chairs. “Get a grip, Hailey. It’s just your imagination,” she mumbled to herself, “there’s no one here.”
Great. Not only had I successfully tormented this poor girl’s heart, I had also managed to scare her. How many more ways could I possibly mess with her life? What was wrong with me?
I kept my distance as she made her way back to the counter, just as Rebecca appeared in the doorway to the backroom. “Ready?” she asked as she slipped into her puffy winter coat.
Hailey glanced sideways at her, meeting her eyes for only a brief second. “Yeah,” she said, sounding distracted.
“What’s up?” Rebecca asked, “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.”
“You look kind of pale,” Rebecca took a step toward her. “Did something happen?
Hailey shook her head, “No, I’m really fine. It’s just...” she trailed off, biting her bottom lip, staring blankly at the counter top. “I don’t know, never mind.”
“What is it?” Rebecca demanded, losing patience.
Hailey sighed heavily, “Have you ever had that feeling that someone is watching you, even though you know no one’s there?”
“Oh my God!” Rebecca’s eye widened, “I hate that! It totally creeps me out!”
“Yeah, well, it just happened to me,” Hailey said slowly, gesturing to the table she had just cleaned. “Actually, it happened twice while you were in the backroom. I want to believe that it was just my imagination, but...” she trailed off again, shaking her head, “it felt like someone was there with me. Like, I could feel them right next to me.”
Rebecca’s face scrunched up and she quickly shook her head back and forth, “That would totally spook me, too. But I’m sure it was nothing. Unless you believe in ghosts and all that.” She nudged her with her hand softly, “Maybe you’re being haunted?”
Hailey rolled her eyes, cracking a smile, “Well, that would explain everything.”
Rebecca giggled, “Just teasing. I don’t believe in that nonsense.”
“It felt so real, though,” she said, tucking a long strand of hair behind her ear, glancing around the room again. She still looked rattled.
Rebecca turned all of her attention to the seating area, her eyes panning across the space. “Do you think someone was watching you through one of the windows?” she asked, now sounding alarmed.
“I don’t think so,” Hailey assured her, “I didn’t see anyone anyway.”
“Well, then I’d sum it up to an active imagination and boredom,” Rebecca said with a shrug. “Why didn’t you just come and get me?”
Hailey shrugged, “I don’t know, I guess I should have. Maybe it really is just in my head. I feel like I’m totally overreacting now.”
“I’m sure it was nothing,” said Rebecca, retrieving her keys from her leather purse. “Come on, I’m driving you home.”
. . .
Hailey had trouble sleeping that night. She was restless while trying to fall asleep and once she did, she tossed and turned in her bed, waking up numerous times throughout the night. By five the next morning, she gave up, throwing her covers back and flinging her feet over the edge of her bed. It was still dark out, rather than turning on a light and disturbing Shayne, she rummaged through her dresser in the dark, retrieving a handful of items before disappearing into the bathroom.
I shifted uncomfortably in my chair, knowing I was the reason she couldn’t sleep. The only consolation I felt was that she didn’t actually know it was me. Things could really be catastrophic if she were to unveil that.
“Something’s eating at her,” Ben disrupted me from my thoughts, referring to Hailey.
“Yeah,” I responded, still distracted.
“Did something happen?” he pressed.
I opened my mouth to respond, but hesitated, trying to string the right words together so I could give him an honest response, but not reveal the whole truth. “She’s just got a lot on her mind, I think she’s trying to make sense of it all.” Ben seemed satisfied with my response, he didn’t press the issue any further.
A few minutes later Hailey reappeared, dressed in a pair of lightweight shorts and an old tee shirt, her hair in a long braid. She tiptoed around the small space,
retrieving two more items from her dresser, a pair of long socks and a sweatshirt.
“Looks like you’re going for a run,” Ben said in the darkness. Of course, only I could hear him.
“Appears that way,” I said, standing from the desk chair I had been sitting in all night.
Hailey gathered up her phone from the shelf above her bed and her running shoes from a basket by the door. With her arms full, she unlocked the door to leave. “See you later,” I said over my shoulder to Ben, trailing behind Hailey at a distance, leaving the darkness for a hallway of lights.
I waited patiently as she slipped on each sock and laced up her shoes in the hall. Her eyes looked puffy, exposing her lack of sleep. Despite this, she still looked radiant, though I wasn’t surprised in the least.
The rest of the dorm hall appeared to be sleeping, except for a group of three girls who were gathered in the rec room. Hailey smiled a hello as she passed them, I vaguely recalled seeing them before. She didn’t stop to chat, which told me she didn’t really know them. Just before reaching the exterior door, she slipped a sweatshirt over her head and then inserted the earphones attached to her phone into her ears. She fiddled with it for a moment and then we were on our way.
We entered into the darkness once again, my eyes quickly adapting to the change. The moon was only a sliver of a crescent, which provided no light. That wouldn’t help Hailey navigate her way this morning. I kept my distance as I followed behind her, waiting to see which direction she’d go, willing her to choose campus. There was still at least two hours before sunrise, I hoped that meant she would stay on the well-lit grounds of the University and that she’d opt out of her usual trail along Hendricks Park.
No such luck.
She turned left on the sidewalk instead of right, which meant we were going off campus. I closed in on the gap between us as my feet moved beneath me, the two of us now running an even line, though still at a safe distance apart. Our feet were in sync, but her steps were the only ones that made noise on the pavement. We fell into a rhythm as we ran along the dark residential streets, passing an occasional streetlight, but not a single person.
I hated that she had decided to go off campus in the dark and I especially hated that she was planning to wander into Hendricks Park. The trail wasn’t paved or lit and I knew it would be hard for her to find her way in the darkness. And why would she go alone at this time of day? I could only hope that she would change her mind once we got there. Did she not realize all of the things that could happen to her? I shuddered at the idea of her being in serious danger. Thinking about it was almost more than I could tolerate.
We turned off of Columbia Street and onto Fairmount Boulevard a few minutes later, which meant we were getting close. Hailey continued on, not slowing her pace, pushing forward into the darkness. She was running with such determination, it was almost as if she was running from something. This wasn’t a normal jog, this was an all-out marathon run.
I could see the mouth of the trail in the distance. It veered off to the right, away from the street we were currently on, into a thick forested area, leading up to the top of the small butte. Between the two, disliking both options, I preferred that she stay on Fairmount and completely forego the trail all together. Of course, if it were my decision, she’d be en route back to her dorm.
Stay on the road, I influenced her.
She glanced slightly to her right, her eyes landing on the trail, and then straight ahead, eyeing the road ahead of us. She kept a straight line as we got closer to the trail and just as I felt a wave of relief sweep through me at her decision to stay on the road, she changed course and turned just in time to make it onto the path. It was me who faltered and missed the turn.
This is a bad idea! I demanded, making my opinion known with more force. I was now several feet behind her and I didn’t like it.
My words to her were almost fueling her to press harder, she kept her head down and accelerated her speed even more. I followed suit and increased my own, but it wasn’t enough to catch up with her, it was only enough to keep the same distance between us. It made me anxious and irritable to have her ahead of me under these circumstances.
There was a sharp left turn and a small dip before the path really started to incline. Hailey retrieved her phone from her pocket and looked down at it, the bright light from her screen distracted me for a brief second. Fiddling with her phone slowed her speed down enough that I could make up ground on her and eliminate some of the space between us. The path was much more narrow than the road had been, which forced me to run closer to her than before.
Hailey suddenly glanced over her shoulder, her expression revealing a hint of fear. I was certain I was too close. The scared look on her face told me that she could sense me again. I decreased my speed slightly, just enough to put another foot of space between us. She shoved her phone back in the pocket of her sweatshirt as she raced forward, more determined than ever. The distance grew even more.
I grunted with pure frustration, her new awareness was complicating everything. If I couldn’t get close to her, how could I possibly do what I was created to do? Especially in circumstances like this, when she may need my help in a split-seconds notice. Could this situation get any worse?
A small whimper escaped her, the first sign that she was struggling to maintain her speed. She was going to exhaust herself running from the one thing on this Earth that would never, ever harm her. Me.
No one is chasing you, Hailey, I tried to reassure her.
She whipped her head over her shoulder again, her once graceful stride becoming more and more erratic. Her eyes narrowed in search of something they simply couldn’t see, stopping in the general area I was running in. The air in her lungs heaved in and out in short huffs, it was painful to watch her suffering for no reason, I wanted nothing more than to make her stop and catch her breath and make her see that she didn’t have a reason to be afraid. But I couldn’t do that without shattering everything in her world for good.
As we cleared a wide curve in the path, I could see a dark spot in the distance, which alarmed me. It appeared to be covering the width of the trail, but I couldn’t quite make out what it was yet. It was large, but it was still so dark outside, I doubted Hailey could see it. With her looking back more than she was looking forward, this heightened my concern.
Be careful! I demanded, straining my eyes to make out the shadow ahead. I pushed forward, fearing what lay ahead. As I moved in closer to Hailey, she started to panic again, but I couldn’t focus on that. She looked back once again, still searching.
Pay attention! I roared, finally seeing that it was a fallen tree that was covering the path. I ran as hard as I possibly could until I was finally within her reach. The tree only a few yards ahead.
Hailey, too distraught by her fear, wasn’t paying attention to the path at all. She was gasping for air, fighting to breathe, fighting to keep moving. Looking back again, there was no way she was going to see the fallen tree in time. It was large enough that if she were to stumble over it, the damage it would do to her fragile frame could hinder her dancing career or worst yet, end it. There was simply no way of telling how much damage it could possibly do to her. And there was no way I was going to let that happen.
She looked forward again, finally close enough to see what was ahead, but it was too late. Even though she was trying to stop, she was running way too fast and the tree was only steps away. It was now or never.
You don’t have a choice, Hailey needs you, I told myself as I willed my transition to occur. And in one split-second I went from invisible to human form. I didn’t have a second to spare.
My arms wrapped around her waist, pulling her tight against me, using my own body as her shield. Just before making direct impact with the tree, I pushed off the ground with my feet, twisting my body enough that we were both facing up to the black sky above, missing contact with the tree entirely. It felt like slow motion as we were airborne, seconds seemed like minutes, but
everything around us was a blur. Protecting her was my only focus.
Hailey’s arms and legs were flinging in all directions, but her efforts to escape my grasp were completely wasted, I wasn’t letting her go. She didn’t know it was me, she hadn’t had time to see. Her terrified scream pierced through the silence like a knife, it was excruciating to hear her fear aloud.
It was my body that slammed into the hard dirt surface, taking the brunt of the fall, my back skidding on the unforgiving rocks and sticks. It felt like thousands of ruthless razor blades slicing into my back, cutting their way through my flesh. But I ignored the pain, knowing it was only temporary. It was the loud thud of the back of Hailey’s head hitting one of the tree branches from the fallen tree that I couldn’t ignore. All at once her limbs went limp and her scream ceased.
My blood turned cold.
“Hailey!” I shouted, sitting upright, keeping my arms around her. Her petite body was slumped against mine, completely unconscious. Panic and guilt surged through me, I had failed her. She was hurt and I couldn’t tell how badly. “Open your eyes, Hailey! Look at me!”
But she didn’t.
“Open your eyes,” I pleaded, but I wasn’t only begging her. “Please, Hailey, open your eyes!”
My bones and muscles ached, a sensation I wasn’t accustomed to. The open lesions in my back burned as if they were on fire, it was painful, but I didn’t care. My wounds would heal, in a matter of minutes, they wouldn’t even be visible any longer.
Hailey was my only concern.
I hugged her body against mine, pulling her in as close as I could, cradling her against me. Emotions raged through me in a vicious, never-ending cycle. Anguish. Fear. Anger. On repeat. This was all my fault. Once again, I was to blame. Guilt was pounding down on me, I could feel myself sinking beneath the weight of it.