Reckless (The Reckless Series)

by True, Holli

  My patience was wearing thin, but I didn’t move. The doorframe was literally holding me up, my knees felt like rubber and my head was spinning with so many thoughts, it was making me dizzy. I didn’t trust that I could move from the place where I stood, so I waited for him to finish closing the gap between us. When he was close enough that I could reach him, I finally took a step forward, simultaneously wrapping my arms around his neck.

  “You have no idea what you do to me,” he said, his voice husky in my ear.

  Saying nothing, I pressed my lips against the sliver of skin that was exposed beneath his open shirt. His breath accelerated. Bringing my hands down to his broad chest, I slid them beneath the fabric and slowly pushed it off of his shoulders, until the shirt was just an afterthought on the floor. I hadn’t seen Jonah shirtless since the night at Fresh Press, when my entire world had spiraled on its axis. While I had tried not to stare at him that night, tonight was different. I wanted to drink in every last detail of him, etching every line of his body to my memory. As my fingertips drifted across his collar bone, my eyes caught a glimpse of the lettering on the left side of his rib cage.

  I read the words as he spoke them, “‘I will fear no evil, for Thou art with me’.”

  “Beautiful,” I whispered, my fingers gliding over the small, intricate calligraphy. The lettering was so fine and thin, unlike any tattoo I had ever seen. “I wouldn’t have guessed tattoos were a thing for Guardians,” I smiled playfully up at him.

  He returned the smile. “It’s more of a birthmark,” he said, his hand caressing my left ribs, exactly where my own birthmark was.

  I gasped softly. I hadn’t even realized they were both in exactly the same place.

  “We’re created with them,” he continued. “Not exactly a tattoo, though fairly similar.”

  I was intrigued. “Do you all have the same verse?”

  “No.”

  “Did you get to choose it?”

  “No,” he said again.

  “Hmm,” I bit my bottom lip to suppress the determined smile making it’s way to my mouth.

  “What is it?”

  I rocked my shoulders forward slightly, peering up at him. “It’s absolutely perfect. It sums up exactly how I feel about you.”

  And with that, my back was against the wall with Jonah’s hands framing my face, his lips pressed passionately against mine. Instinctually, my back arched and my arms pulled him in as close as possible. I was clinging to him as though my life depended on it and in so many ways, it did. Even with our bodies molded together, it wasn’t close enough. I wanted more. I needed more.

  As if he could hear my thoughts, Jonah pulled back suddenly, just enough that his lips were out of reach. “Wait, Hailey,” he said, his voice huskier than normal. “We can’t.”

  It was my turn to pull back, my arms loosening their hold, slowly drifting down the curves of his muscular arms. Oh my God. He was rejecting me. And it hurt, bad. I diverted my eyes away from his, looking down so he couldn’t see the tears that were already welling up in the corners.

  He pulled me close and kissed my temple, then his lips traveled down my cheekbone before settling at the hollow beneath my earlobe. “I love you. I love you so much, Hailey. And I want nothing more than to be with you in every way that a man can be with a woman.” I knew he was trying to comfort me, but his words were only making his rejection that much more painful.

  “That’s what I’m trying to give you,” I pleaded.

  Jonah shook his head gently, “You can’t give me everything when I can promise you nothing.” He reached up, cupping my face in his hand, turning my chin in his direction.

  “This... Us. It’s all I need.” I placed my hands on either side of his handsome face and looked him square in the eyes. “I want you, Jonah. But more than anything, I wanted you to want this, too.”

  “I do, Hailey. More than you’ll even know.” His words sounded so genuine and sincere, I had no choice but to believe him.

  “Then don’t deny me of this,” I didn’t care that I sounded needy, even on the verge of desperation. I knew what I wanted and the last thing I needed was him trying to talk me out it.

  Jonah leaned down and kissed the corner of my mouth before softly saying, “Once we cross that line, we can’t go back.”

  “I won’t want to go back. Not ever.”

  “You don’t know that.”

  “It’s a risk I’m more than willing to take.”

  “Well, I’m not. Not yet, Hailey. We’re still figuring out how to make this work, I don’t think we should complicate it even more by taking our relationship there right now.”

  “Wait...” I gently pushed him backwards so I could break free of his arms all together. “Do you still have doubts about us?”

  “I have concerns, yeah.”

  “I’m standing here, telling you that I am in love with you and I want to be with you and you still doubt how I feel about you?”

  “No, Hailey,” he stepped toward me again, holding me against his chest. “I don’t doubt for one second that you love me. And I never want you to doubt my love for you. I just... I fear that it won’t always be enough for you.”

  “How can you say that to me?”

  “One day, you’re going to want more, Hailey. God knows, you deserve it.” There was a deep sadness in his eyes as he looked at me. “But I will never be able to give you more than this.”

  There it was. The elephant in the room that had been following us around for weeks now. We’d managed to avoid talking about it, though neither of us could ignore that it was there. What would our future be? What did it hold for us? Would what we had together always be enough or was he right? Would there come a day that I would need more than the love he could give me?

  But I didn’t want to think about it tonight. I couldn’t. This was not how I had imagined the rest of our night would go. Our evening had been so beautiful, I refused to let it all be ruined now.

  “Hailey, I’m sorry—”

  I held my finger up to his lips, silencing him mid-sentence. “Don’t say anything more,” I whispered. Taking his hand in mine, I tried to pull him toward the bed.

  Jonah instantly tensed up, hesitating.

  “Just hold me, okay?”

  He took a deep breath, his stance relaxing as he exhaled. Saying nothing, he nodded and followed me to the bed, where I spent the rest of the night in his arms.

  . . .

  The buzzing was making me crazy. But it just kept going. Five long rattles in a row and then a few seconds of silence. Again. And again.

  I pried my eyes open, forcing my eyelids to part, despite their resistance. The room was black, only the soft green glow of an alarm clock illuminated the nightstand, beside the bed. It was just after five a.m. I had only been asleep for two hours. Why was I awake?

  “Jonah?” I asked in the darkness, feeling around the bed for him. But there was no one there but me.

  The buzzing started in again, simultaneously my phone lit up, shaking softly on the nightstand. I sat straight up, a wave of panic rushing through me. Why was I receiving a phone call at this hour? Had something bad happened? Instantly, my mom came to mind. If anything happened to her, I didn’t know what I would do.

  My hands scrambled for the phone, but by the time they got to it, the call ended. Six missed calls. From Matt. I groaned with pure frustration.

  I reached out blindly for a lamp switch, patting around until I located it. The light burned my eyes instantly, but it was the least of my worries. As they adjusted to the sudden brightness, I noticed a sheet of hotel paper waiting for me on the bedside table.

  Before I could read it, my phone came to life in my hands again. Without hesitation, I pressed the button to talk.

  “Hello?” I demanded, expecting to hear Matt on the other end of the line.

  “Hailey?” asked a deep, male voice. I didn’t recognize it at all, which worried me even more. Was it a paramedic calling me? An officer?

/>   “This is her,” I said. “Where is Matt?”

  “I know it’s late, or early, rather,” the unfamiliar voice said. “But he insisted I call you and only you.”

  “Is he hurt?”

  “No, he’s drunk, but he’s fine. He’s asking for you.”

  All at once, the panic that had been building inside of me dissipated, replaced with anger. “Well, I don’t care to speak to him,” I said, my tone cold and harsh. “Tell him I said to go to hell!” I ended the call abruptly and tossed the phone to the side, annoyed beyond words. What nerve! Why wouldn’t he just leave me alone for good?

  I sighed heavily, trying to bury the frustration I was feeling. Remembering the note, I picked it up, already knowing it was from Jonah.

  Hailey,

  I wanted to stay with you all night, but I needed to go back. As you know, I’m still with you, but I wish you were still in my arms. Going back is always the hardest part. Know I’d give anything to stay with you always. I’ll be back in the morning.

  I love you.

  “I love you, too,” I said, knowing he could see and hear me.

  Pulling the covers back over me, I settled back into bed, hoping I’d be able to fall back asleep. Before I could switch the lamp off, my phone started buzzing again. I declined the call. Two seconds later, it was ringing again.

  “Stop calling me!” I demanded into the receiver.

  “Look, your friend needs you.”

  “He’s not my friend,” I snapped.

  “Well, he has your number, so you clearly know the guy. He’s asking for you.” The voice on the other end of the line sounded as annoyed as me.

  “I don’t know what you want, or what he wants, for that matter. But, whatever it is, I’m not interested.”

  “He’s trying to drive. But, he’s totally wasted right now, practically passed out behind the wheel as we speak.”

  “What?” I sat up again. “So, take his keys.”

  “You think I haven’t tried that already?”

  “Well, you can’t let him drive.”

  “Right,” the man said, his tone curt. “Which is why I keep calling you. He’s asking for you.”

  “Can’t anyone else drive him?”

  “I don’t even know the guy,” he said. “I just happened to be leaving the party at the same time as him. But I do know he shouldn’t be driving anywhere. Not to mention, it’s about ten degrees out right now, if I leave him here, he’ll probably freeze to death in his car.”

  “You can’t just leave him!” I exclaimed, throwing the covers back, jumping out of bed.

  “He’s not my problem.” I couldn’t tell if he was losing patience with me or Matt, but either way, it was obvious it was wearing thin.

  “Just, stay with him until I get there! Please, just don’t let him drive and don’t leave him. God only knows what will happen if you do!”

  There was a long silence and for a moment I thought he’d disconnected the call. But then I heard him exhale heavily, “I’ll wait fifteen minutes, but if you’re not here by then, your friend’s out of luck.”

  “Where are you?”

  “Kramer Lane off of Rickard Road. About half a mile off of Rickard.”

  “I’ll find it,” I snapped. “Don’t leave him.” I ended the call abruptly and began dressing. I slipped my long sweater over the top of the lace nightie I was wearing and then pulled on my leggings. My boots were still unlaced as I grabbed my phone and purse and headed out the door.

  Fortunately, the snow had stopped, yet the roads were covered in a fresh layer of powder. It was still dark outside, the winter sun wouldn’t be rising for a few more hours yet. I had to drive slower than I liked, but I wasn’t about to get in my own accident in an attempt to prevent another. It took me twenty minutes to finally reach Rickard Road, which was out in the country. Kramer Lane wasn’t marked on the road, I had to rely on the GPS in my phone to find it. There were no street or city lights for miles, just a straight, bumpy road that seemed to be leading me out into bleak darkness.

  After a minute or two of driving, I spotted Matt’s SUV parked on the side of the road. One of the backdoors was open wide, but there was no sign of anyone, not even Matt. There was no other car in sight, I couldn’t even see any other tire tracks or footprints in the snow. With no house in sight, how he had wound up there, of all places, was beyond me.

  I slowed my car to a stop, keeping a decent amount of distance between my car and Matt’s and then switched on my brights. My hands were gripping the steering wheel so tight, my knuckles were starting to ache. Everything was eerily quite and still, it was starting to creep me out.

  “Now would be a great time to come back, Jonah.” I glanced around the car, waiting for him. I expected him to suddenly appear, or at the very least, talk to me. But there was nothing. No sign of him anywhere.

  As I turned my head back to Matt’s car, I saw movement. I screamed before realizing it was Matt, hobbling toward me. He stopped in his tracks at the sound of my scream, covering his eyes to shield them from my headlights, which were shining right at him.

  I was relieved to see him, glad he hadn’t driven off and that he was okay. But I was also furious with him, for all that he done and the fact that he was stupid enough to be in this situation. Not to mention, that he had dragged me into it, too. Though, despite how I felt, I didn’t want him to get hurt or hurt anyone else, for that matter.

  Matt suddenly lifted his hands up over his head and stood there, swaying slightly from side to side. I watched from the drivers seat of my car, trying to figure out what he was doing. When he fell to his knees in the snow, I knew I was going to be facing a belligerent Matt.

  He didn’t seem to hear me when I opened my car door and stepped out into the snow. As I walked up to him, I could hear him talking to himself. “That sounds like a bad idea... but I will... Yup... I think you’re right...” he erupted in laughter suddenly, nodding his head in an uncontrolled manner. “Tease, tease, tease... Please, please...”

  “Matt.” I said cautiously from a few feet away.

  “Tease means please...” he continued rambling to himself.

  “Matt!” I said, this time louder.

  He shook his head slightly, turning to look in my direction. It took his glassy eyes awhile to focus in on me, when they did, a slow, wide grin spread across his face. “We’ve been... expecting you,” he said, stumbling back up to his feet.

  “We? You’re alone. And drunk,” I reminded him. “Get in my car, I’m driving you home,” I said with little patience.

  “Bossy,” he slurred the word with a loud laugh.

  I wasn’t in the mood for his antics. “Just get in the car, Matt.” I moved around him, so I could close the backdoor that was still open to his car.

  “I lost my keys.”

  “You’re not driving anyway. Get in my car.”

  “Hailey,” he said, “I need...”

  “You don’t need your keys, Matt.” I turned to face him, to demand that he get in my car. What I wasn’t expecting was to find him moving toward me.

  “Please,” he begged with a pout, “just help me.”

  “I am helping you, Matt. Quit being an ass!”

  “Help me with my keys.”

  I sighed heavily, “I’ll look. You go.”

  “Okay,” he said with a nod, clumsily turning around, moving toward my car. “Back seat,” he said over his shoulder. I could only assume he was hinting at where they might be. Why would they be there, of all places?

  The lights from my car made it impossible to see anything in the shadows of his car. I felt around the floorboards and backseat for his keys, but came up empty. I continued to plead with Jonah, begging with him to show up. Matt was drunk enough, he’d never know the difference if Jonah appeared out of thin air. I just didn’t want to be there alone with him anymore. But the silence remained. It was all very unsettling.

  “Find anything?”

  I gasped in horror at the sou
nd of Matt’s voice, now directly behind me. I hadn’t heard him approach the car. Spinning on my heel, I found myself face to face with him. There was a distant look in his eyes that I recognized immediately. He’d had the same look months ago in the cemetery. My stomach curled in immediate fear.

  As he sneered down at me, I could smell the alcohol on his breath, the violating stench burned my nostrils. “Tease...” he said again, moving in even closer. All at once he had become inescapable.

  I took a step backwards, now pressed against the open door. There was a new fear growing inside of me. Not a fear for Matt, but a fear of Matt. “Get away from me,” I shouted, trying to push him back, but he didn’t budge.

  “Fight me,” he said cruelly, leaning against me, pinning me between himself and the door. “I want you to.”

  “Get off of me!” I screamed, shoving harder, twisting my body away from him, using everything I had to ward him off.

  “That’s right!” he said with excitement, unaffected by my defenses. His hands were all over me, one at my waist, tugging at the waistline of my leggings, the other at the small of my back, lifting me off the ground. As he moved forward, trying to force me into the backseat of his car, I started kicking as hard as I could, using every bit of strength within me against him. Landing one foot into his gut, he stumbled backwards, giving me the window I needed to run.

  “Jonah!” I screamed at the top of my lungs, running toward the bright lights. “Jonah!”

  And then a hand was over my mouth, making it impossible for me to scream anymore. With incredible force, Matt dragged me by the middle, squeezing so tight, I was certain his forearm was crushing my ribs. Tears of pain and fear began to fall. I was no match against him, even in his drunken state.

  He lifted me like I was a rag doll and practically tossed me through the open door. “I’ve been waiting for this for a long time,” he said as he entered the backseat, his words so sinister, they didn’t even sound like they were coming from his mouth.

  All I could do now was plead for him to stop between sobs. But he didn’t. He pushed all of his weight down on top of me, pinning my face down with one arm, using his other hand to pull at my leggings. My hands pushed, punched and clawed with desperation to break free. But his hands were more determined than mine and they were winning the fight.