Reckless (The Reckless Series)

by True, Holli

  “Don’t allow yourself to be drawn into their world, Jonah. It’s a dangerous game to play.”

  “I know what I’m doing,” I said flatly, wishing he’d just answer my question. The last thing I needed was to hear about the risk of getting involved, that ship had long since sailed. I was more than involved. There were no two ways about it.

  “And I trust you have your reasons.”

  “I do.” I didn’t elaborate and he didn’t press the matter any further, though his eyes were speculating.

  “The blackout phase occurs when you transition back to your Guardian form. There’s no connection between us and the person we are linked to when we are in the blackout phase. They remain without influence and guidance for a period of time. You can understand why this is a dangerous scenario to be in.”

  “How long?”

  “Depends on the length of time you detach yourself from our world. But I would say it’s equivalent to about half.”

  “Half of the amount of time spent as a human?”

  “Give or take.”

  “And we’re completely cut off from them? They can’t hear us the entire time?”

  He shook his head. “Nothing. When you remove yourself from our world, it takes time to enter back into it fully. The longer your stay away, the longer it takes.”

  “And what about phasing back into human form when you’re still in the blackout?”

  Leo was looking increasing uncomfortable with my questions and I could tell he was growing his own list of questions to interrogate me with. “Well, that’s impossible. Think of the blackout as a state of limbo. You’re in between the two worlds, not adhered to either one. Phasing back isn’t an option until you’re fully back in the world you belong in.” He emphasized the last part of his sentence, but I pretended not to notice. “There’s a lot of risk to consider, Jonah. If something were to happen to Hailey while you are in blackout, the results can be detrimental.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, say you were phasing back and a terrible accident happened that ended Hailey’s life on Earth, she’d move on to her eternity and you’d be forever bound in the in-between.”

  Separated for eternity? I remained silent as I tried not to show the affect his words were having on me. But the very idea of not spending eternity with Hailey shook me to my core. I had more questions about the blackout phase, but there was a whole other set of questions flooding my mind that I couldn’t hold off any longer.

  “What do you know about becoming a Fallen?”

  “Jonah!” he exclaimed, terror immediately filling his eyes. His physical response indicated that he assumed I was asking in regards to myself.

  I instantly shook my head. “Not me, Leo,” I assured him in a calm, steady voice. “His name is Ethan. He’s the Guardian of a boy Hailey has known most of her life, a school friend.”

  The tension in Leo’s stance calmed slightly as he processed everything I was saying. “Your questions have me very concerned.”

  “I'm concerned, too. That’s why I’m coming to you. I just want to protect Hailey, but I need to know what I’m up against.”

  Leo hesitated, “Did Ethan tell you that he wishes to become a Fallen?”

  “Not exactly, but I have no doubt that it’s what he has planned. Matt, his assignment, has been lurking around Hailey a lot over the past few months.”

  “You mean she encounters him on a regular basis?”

  I nodded. “They go to the same college, so it’s impossible to avoid him completely. At first, I thought Matt was just going through a rough patch, getting mixed with a bad crowd. But then, last night, I got to see the whole picture. Ethan’s using alcohol as a way to impair Matt’s judgement, influencing him to harm people. Mainly Hailey.”

  Leo stiffened in his seat again, “Did he hurt her?”

  “No, I stopped him. It’s the second time I’ve had to intervene.”

  Leo raised a hand to his forehead, his voice sounded strained, “And you believe he’s targeting Hailey?”

  “I have no doubt. He warned me to keep an eye on her and that he would be watching her, too.”

  A grim expression washed over Leo’s face as he stared back at me. He opened his mouth to speak, but it took him awhile to finally say the words. “You’re not going to like what I am about to say.”

  “Just tell me.”

  His jaw twitched as he faintly nodded. “If Ethan is targeting Hailey, she’s in grave danger. To become a Fallen, it’s not just about hurting a human, Jonah. It’s taking another human’s life.”

  The world around me stopped. I felt the ground beneath me open up and swallow me whole. “Ethan wants to kill Hailey?” I could barely say the words.

  Leo shook his head, “No, you see, Ethan can’t be the one to do it. He has to influence Matt to do it. It’s the only way.”

  Rage boiled up within me. “Not if I kill Matt first,” I said through gritted teeth.

  “Jonah,” Leo said, placing a gentle hand on my shoulder, “you can’t do that. Harming a human goes against the code.”

  “But I can’t just stand by and let them hurt her, Leo. I won’t!”

  He shook his head slowly. “You’re not understanding me.”

  “If it comes down to Hailey or them, I will choose her every single time. And nothing will ever change that.”

  Leo hesitated for a moment before responding in a quiet, somber voice, “But if you kill Matt, you’ll be damned.”

  His words weighed heavily on me. “But if it’s to defend Hailey—”

  He shook his head, silencing me. “No, Jonah. Killing a human, in her defense or not, is a direct violation of the code. If you turn your back on that, then there’s nothing left for you. She will have eternal life and you will perish.”

  My eyes flickered over to Hailey. She was still standing at the sink, chopping vegetables. Her mom hadn’t noticed, but Hailey’s hands were shaking as she clutched the knife she was using. And I knew in that very moment that I couldn’t let her continue to live in fear.

  “I love her, Leo.”

  “Of course you do,” he said with disregard.

  “No, you’re not hearing me. I don’t mean the same way you love Christy and Abram loves Tom. Not as her Guardian.” I turned to face him, so he could see and feel the truth in my statement. “I’m in love with Hailey.”

  The color slowly drained from his face as he stared back at me, speechless. He didn’t have to say anything, I already knew exactly what he would have said to me anyway. And quite frankly, I wasn’t in the mood to hear it.

  “So, as you can see, I’m a walking violation at this point. The code doesn’t hold much clout with me anymore.” I rolled my shoulders in defeat, “And I’m sorry to disappoint you, but if I have to turn my back on the code to save her— I will. Even if it means sacrificing myself to do it.”

  - 21 -

  no rest for the wicked

  HAILEY

  It felt strange to be back at school. Winter break had been bittersweet. In just three short weeks everything had changed. All that had happened barely seemed real, it was almost as though I had imagined it all. So many amazing things had transpired between Jonah and I, our relationship had grown in ways I never dreamed possible. And our love for one another was stronger than ever. But we both knew there was a storm brewing on the horizon and it was impossible to ignore that it was coming straight for us. It was only just a matter of time.

  The girl who had left campus three weeks before was not the same girl who had returned. Yet, no one seemed to even notice. My innocence was gone. Part of it I had surrendered to Jonah, when I had attempted to give all of who I was to him. But the rest of it had been robbed by Matt, when he had stripped it from me in an attempt to take what would never be his.

  A shiver shot down my spine at the thought of that morning. No matter how hard I had tried, I couldn’t escape the memories, they haunted me in both my head and my dreams. It was the scariest thing I had
ever been through, though I doubted it would be the scariest thing I would ever face.

  Jonah had warned me of the danger that was looming ahead. He had explained everything that had happened that I couldn’t see and filled me in on all that he had learned from Leo. Of course, he had no way of knowing what exactly Ethan had planned, all he could do was shoot in the dark and guess. This made it nearly impossible for either of us to be truly prepared for it, which kept us both on edge at all times.

  What I still hadn’t figured out was how I would manage to avoid Matt entirely, especially since we had a class together. More than that, how would I manage to sit in class and pretend like nothing had happened between us? How could I possibly pretend that everything was fine when I had fought for my life against him only a week before?

  As I extended my hand to open the door to the lecture hall, it was trembling so hard that I couldn’t control it. “I don’t think I can do this,” I mumbled under my breath, drawing my hand back in a tight fist.

  I’m right by your side, Hailey. Jonah had been trying to reassure me all morning, but my fears were getting the better of me.

  “But I’m scared,” I whispered back.

  I won’t let them touch you.

  Chills shot through me. Them. Not just Matt, Ethan, too.

  “Excuse me,” a girl said from behind, trying to get past me so she could go to class.

  “Sorry,” I muttered, stepping to the side, supporting my back against the wall. I watched wordlessly as several other students filed in. To my relief, not one of them was Matt. It wasn’t until Professor Mills arrived that I forced myself to walk through the doors. I chose a seat in the far corner of the hall, within a group of students, where there were no other vacant chairs nearby.

  Just as Professor Mills cleared his throat and started his lecture, I sighed with relief, certain I had dodged a bullet. And then the door opened. In hobbled Matt, he was on crutches and he had a cast on his right foot. The mere sight of him turned my blood to ice. I wanted to run screaming from the room, getting as far away from him as possible. But I couldn’t do that, no matter how strongly I wanted to. In an attempt to stay seated, I gripped the seat beneath me, clutching so tight, I was positive I was drawing blood.

  “Sorry I’m late,” Matt offered Professor Mills, waving a crutch at him before sitting in the first vacant seat he could get to.

  I barely recognized him anymore, he looked positively awful. His hair was disheveled and not in an intentional way, it looked more like he had just woken up and rolled straight out of bed. The smile he had so often worn was nowhere to be seen, his face looked gaunt and pale, causing the deep purple shadows under his eyes to appear even darker. If I didn’t know better, I would have guessed he was suffering from extreme exhaustion, though a severe hangover was likely what he was struggling with, if not something much, much worse.

  My stomach turned.

  Professor Mills eyed him up and down, clearly displeased to be interrupted. He gave Matt a faint nod and then picked up where he had left off. Unable to focus on anything Professor Mills was saying, I sank down in my chair. I dug my fingers into the wood even tighter, ignoring their painful resistance. I didn’t know if Matt had spotted me across the room or not, but I wasn’t about to look at him again. Of course, with Matt being there, it meant Ethan was there also— which made me fear for Jonah’s safety, too. I wanted to talk to him, so I could have reassurance that he was okay, but I couldn’t say anything. All I could do was force my eyes forward and give the outward appearance that everything was fine while silently screaming on the inside.

  It was the longest hour of my life. Everything that Professor Mills said was completely lost on me, I hadn’t heard a word of it. I was so distracted by things I couldn’t see, worried about Jonah and hyper aware of every noise in the room. When I finally heard Jonah’s voice in my head, I nearly jumped out of my skin.

  Don’t hesitate after class, Jonah instructed me. Get as far from here as you can, as quickly as possible.

  I nodded my response as inconspicuously as I could, relieved he was okay. My attention was immediately switched to the clock on the wall, I watched it as though my life depended on it. The second class was released, I bolted for the door, maintaining a cushion of people between myself and Matt. I tried to blend in with the crowd of students, keeping myself close against the wall. Keeping my eyes down, I avoided all eye contact, holding my breath until I was finally out the door.

  Wasting no time, I walked as quickly as I could away from the room, knowing Matt would be delayed due to his crutches and apparent broken foot. As I rounded a corner into a long corridor, I eyed the exit ahead. Feeling anxious, I picked up the pace. Just when I thought I was in the clear, someone grabbed my arm, which jolted me backwards.

  “Let go of me!” I screamed, flinging my arm away, making contact with gangly boy, who happened to be walking too close to me.

  “Watch out!” the boy hollered, shooting daggers with his eyes in my direction. But I ignored him, my heart racing and my defenses in high gear.

  “What the hell, Hailey?” exclaimed Shayne, her shocked face matched the tone of her voice. Both her hands were up as a protective shield as she took a small step backwards.

  “Shayne,” I whispered, a flood of relief washed through me as I caught my breath for the first time in an hour.

  Her hands slowly dropped to her sides and she inched in carefully, “What was that all about?”

  I buried my face in my hands and shook my head, trying to sort my thoughts. “Nothing,” I finally said, biting my lip to keep from saying more. My eyes darted between her and the people that continued to come around the corner. It wouldn’t be long before Matt was one of them. I had to get out of there.

  She eyed me closely, the concern was all over her face. “Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine,” I assured her. “I just, I have to go.”

  “Then I’ll go with you,” she said flatly.

  I opened my mouth to protest, but there was no time. With a reluctant nod, I turned on my heel and bolted from the building, Shayne at my side. Ignoring the falling rain, I didn’t stop moving until we were several buildings away, tucked safely within the confines of the dance hall. As we climbed the numerous flights of stairs, the wet soles of our shoes squeaked beneath our feet. It was the only noise being made between the two of us.

  When we reached the third floor, I went to the end of the hall and dropped my bag on the long bench along the window. With a deep sigh, I sat down and stared at my hands in my lap. Shayne sat beside me, folding her leg underneath her, so she could turn to face me. Saying nothing, I waited for her to break the silence.

  “What’s going on with you?” she finally asked.

  The tension I was feeling clung tighter around me, it felt like I was in a stranglehold. “Nothing,” I replied carefully, meeting her eyes.

  “No. What happened back there wasn’t nothing. Did something happen to you?” her voice was soft and compelling, comforting me in ways she would never know.

  “Why would you ask me that?”

  “Because of the reaction you had when I grabbed your hand,” she shook her head gently, “that wasn’t normal. That was fear.”

  I inhaled sharply, feeling my heart pulse in my chest. There wasn’t anything I could say, so I said nothing. My silence solidified her fears. I heard her gasp, but I couldn’t bring myself to look at her.

  Tell her, Jonah encouraged me.

  Looking back down at my hands, I nodded softly for Jonah, though Shayne didn’t know it was for him. I took a deep breath and allowed the words to flow out of my mouth, relaying the events that had unfolded with Matt. Exposing everything that I could about what had happened, I gave her all of the gory details, only leaving out the things I knew I couldn’t say about Ethan and Jonah.

  “He’s dead,” she said through gritted teeth.

  I reached out, grasping her clenched fist in my hand. “Don’t do anything, Shayne. I only told
you for your own safety, because you need to stay away from him. The last thing I want is for something to happen to you.”

  “So, why haven’t you gone to the police?” she demanded.

  I had been dreading this question. Without her knowing the whole story, my reasoning for why I couldn’t, didn’t make any sense. “I thought about it,” I said slowly, shrugging my shoulders. “I don’t know, it’s complicated.”

  “Sounds pretty cut and dry, if you ask me. His ass belongs in a jail cell.”

  “I don’t know—”

  She cut me off, “Don’t you dare make excuses for him.”

  “No, I’m not,” I said firmly, “but it wasn’t Matt. Not the Matt I know, anyway. He was so wasted and so out of it, he wasn’t thinking straight or thinking at all, really. I honestly think he’s being influenced to do bad things, because the Matt that I know, he’d never hurt anyone.”

  “But he did, Hailey. He hurt you.”

  “But it wasn’t him, Shayne. I know that doesn’t make sense to you, but I need you to trust me.” I said, struggling to get my point across. If only I could tell her everything. “Please.”

  She hesitated, sighing heavily. “Fine. We won’t go to the police. But there’s no way in hell we’re letting him get away with what he did to you.”

  “Wait, Shayne, what you do you mean?” I asked with uncertainty.

  “I’m calling Julian.”

  “The fake ID guy?”

  She nodded, grabbing my hand. “It’s your turn to trust me, okay?”

  The next morning I walked out of our dorm building, my attention immediately drawn to the rainbow of colors that surrounded me. My fingers grazed the bright blue sheet of paper hanging on the wall before me and I couldn’t help but smile. I had to give it to Shayne, her idea was not only brilliant, it was absolutely perfect. Glancing around the area, I noticed at least a dozen other people eyeing the neon papers. They were impossible to ignore.

  Julian had come through for us in a big way. Once Shayne explained what we were trying to accomplish and why, he happily donated fifteen thousand copies of a flyer Shayne had designed. It featured Matt’s picture with the words ‘NO MEANS NO’ in bold, black letters across it. Thanks to Julian— and the help of a few others— we spent most of the night blanketing campus with the bright papers. Plastering them on all of the buildings, benches, poles and any other surface we could find.