Journey to Honor

by Alexa Aston

  “It’s a fine way to celebrate your birthday, my lord,” Hudd said.

  His friend’s words, though meant to be kind, deflated Kenric’s high spirits. He might be making merry with food, drink, and dance—but his injured brother, who shared this day with him, was tucked away in pain above stairs.

  “I wish to dance, Sir Kenric,” Lady Jannet said.

  Hudd rolled his eyes since his back was turned to her and mouthed, “Be careful.” He excused himself and hurried off, taking Kenric’s tankard with him.

  Kenric reached out and took the girl’s hand, placing it atop his forearm. “Let us go enjoy the music, my lady.”

  He led her to the center of the great hall. The song had changed to a rotundellus and couples now paired off from the large circles.

  As they danced, Kenric became increasingly uncomfortable as Jannet gazed up at him in rapt adoration. He looked out across the floor, not wanting to meet her eye.

  “My lord, look at me,” she demanded.

  He lowered his eyes to hers. “Aye, my lady?” he said, keeping his voice neutral. He didn’t want to encourage attention from her in any way that might be misconstrued.

  “I love you,” she stated bluntly. “Now that you are a knight, we must marry.”

  Kenric surprised himself by keeping his feet moving. He said, “I shared my views with you earlier, my lady. I have no intention of marrying now or at any other time. My brother holds the family lands and title. I have committed to being a knight. I will not pursue a home with a wife and a family. Instead, I want to remain in service to your father.”

  A blush crept up her neck and stained her cheeks. “Am I not pretty enough?” she asked. “Is my bosom not large enough? Do I—”

  “Nay, my lady. You are perfect as you are,” he reassured her. “I am merely stating facts to you. I have not even been a knight a single day. I want to dedicate myself to service. I am not interested in women.”

  Her eyes narrowed. “But you go with the other soldiers to the village. I know ’tis there you find women to pleasure you.”

  He shrugged. “I do not deny it. That’s the way of men, but it doesn’t mean I plan to marry any of them.”

  “Kiss me,” she commanded.

  “Nay, I cannot.” He halted his steps. “You will make some man a good wife one day, my lady. But ’twill not be me.”

  She glared daggers at him and flounced off. Kenric could feel the eyes of others upon him as he moved from the center of the room. He spied Jannet marching toward her father. They conversed less than a minute before she nodded and left the great hall. Lord Forwin scanned the room and motioned Kenric over. He quickly responded, his step confident, but his heart hammered in his chest. What if the baron dismissed him? Or worse—what if the nobleman demanded that Kenric enter into marriage with his daughter?

  When he reached his liege lord, the man said, “We should adjourn to a quieter place, Sir Kenric.”

  “Of course, my lord.”

  The two men left the great hall. Forwin led him toward the steps that went up to the bedchambers on the floor above and to where Kenric believed they would speak—the solar.

  As the noise and music began to fade behind them, the nobleman said, “My daughter tells me that she has feelings for you. Are they returned?”

  Kenric tread lightly as he replied, “Lady Jannet is a fine girl and you have much to be proud of, my lord. Although I am flattered by her attention, I have no plans of settling down and offering marriage to any woman. I am committed in mind, body, and spirit to my knightly oath and your service.”

  Forwin’s fingers laced behind his back as they reached the upper corridor and started down it. “I thought as much. You are a soldier at heart, Kenric, with a good head on your shoulders.” He gave Kenric a wry smile. “But you are a second son. I must confess that I want a title for my girl. As a matter of fact, I have been in negotiations recently for that very event to occur. Just today, I received a missive that an agreement of terms has been struck with an earl of my acquaintance who is connected to the royal family. I believe he and Jannet will suit admirably.”

  Relief poured through Kenric as the tension left his body. “Then congratulations are in order. I think that would be for the best, my lord. Lady Jannet will have an esteemed place in the kingdom as a countess.”

  “In a different household where you will not be,” Forwin pointed out. “I know that she’s headstrong. I have let her have her way far too often, but what was I to do? She was a motherless child and I did what I could to make it up to her.”

  “You have been a wonderful father to your daughter. I know she will appreciate the match you’ve made for her.”

  They arrived at the solar. Forwin invited him inside, ushering him through the door.

  Kenric saw that Jannet awaited them, seated in a chair by the fire, her finger lazily circling the rim of a wine goblet. She stood eagerly, a smile on her face, believing she had gotten her way again and that her father had brought Kenric to the family’s private quarters to discuss their upcoming vows.

  “Sit,” her father instructed.

  She did so warily, glancing from Kenric to Lord Forwin, concern registered on her brow.

  “My dearest, I have spoken with Sir Kenric and I—”

  Jannet leapt to her feet. “Do not listen to him, Father. He believes that I am a child who doesn’t know my own mind. He thinks because he has no property that he could never be a husband to me. But I know a knight can purchase his own land if he has none of his own.”

  She gave them her most beguiling smile. “Surely you would not mind awarding Sir Kenric and me a parcel of land as our wedding gift? Or mayhap, we could simply live here inside the keep in a suite of rooms. You have no sons, Father. You could petition the king to name my husband as your heir.”

  Her lashes fluttered prettily. Kenric could see how Jannet had twisted her father around her finger over the years.

  “This cannot be, child.”

  Jannet’s jaw dropped. Kenric realized the girl had gotten her every wish before this moment. He said a swift prayer, thanking the Christ that a marriage had already been arranged for her.

  “But I love him!” she cried, her voice rising with hysteria. “We are meant to be together. Forever.”

  “Nay,” her father said. “Though Kenric is a good man and will be a great knight, I have bigger plans for you.”

  “Plans?” she said, uncertainty creeping into her voice. “What . . . plans?”

  Forwin smiled. “I’ve arranged for you to wed an earl with vast wealth and royal connections next month. I have worked many months on the details and we have now settled the matter. You will be a countess, Jannet.”

  She crossed her arms. Her bottom lip shot out. “But I do not want to be a countess. I want to be his wife,” she proclaimed. “Kenric is the most handsome man in all of England.” She stomped her foot. “And I want him, Father. No other. Do you understand? Break off whatever you have arranged with this earl.”

  Forwin sighed. “I know your wishes, but you must bow to my better judgment in this matter, my little love. Your soon-to-be husband is wealthy beyond imagination. You are guaranteed to have a wonderful life with dozens of properties and hundreds of servants. ’Tis what I want for you, what I have always wanted for you—the very best. And now I can give it to you.”

  “I cannot change your mind?”

  “Nay, child.”

  “Then I will refuse to marry this nobleman!” Jannet burst into tears and fled the room.

  “She is not happy with you,” Kenric said.

  Forwin shrugged. “I didn’t think she would be. I knew she would be upset, no matter when I told her the news. And I had no idea that she held such strong feelings for you.”

  “Neither did I, my lord.”

  “Women,” the baron said, snorting. He moved to the sideboard and poured each of them a glass of wine.

  Kenric took the offered cup and downed the contents in a single swallow.


  “We should return to your feast, Sir Kenric,” Forwin told him. “I hope the dark shadows of Jannet’s storm will not upset your happiness.”

  “Nay, my lord. I am thankful at all you have done for me this day. I look forward to many years in your service.”

  They returned to the great hall. Kenric noticed the doors to the keep were now thrown open and he heard music drifting in from the outside.

  “I believe the party has moved outdoors,” Forwin said.

  “Tonight is June’s honey moon, my lord,” he replied. “Dancing in the strong moonlight sounds very appealing.”

  “Put aside Jannet’s silly notions and enjoy yourself,” the nobleman declared.

  Kenric did as instructed. He left the keep and found the inner bailey filled with people, some milling about in conversation while others danced. He joined in the fun, linking arms with two pretty girls and dancing for the next few hours.

  Suddenly, a scream sounded. The music stopped. He saw a woman pointing to the parapet above. Kenric looked up and sucked in a breath. Lady Jannet stood balancing on the edge of the parapet, her eyes locked on him. The crowd murmured. Kenric felt their eyes burning into him and then looking back to Jannet.

  He must talk her down, whatever the cost, promise her anything.

  Even marriage.

  “My lady,” he called out. “Come down from there.” He stepped away from the crowd and came to stand directly below her.

  Jannet leaned slightly forward and her foot slipped. The crowd gasped. She clutched the stone behind her.

  Kenric thought her face would show terror. Instead, the moonlight playing upon it revealed madness.

  “I shall come up, my lady,” he hollered. “We can talk with one another.”

  “Talk? Of what?” She laughed harshly. “I am done with talk, Kenric Fairfax. I told you how much I love you. How I worship the very ground you trod upon. You know I live for your smiles. I want to wed you and bear your babes.”

  Behind him, the group that was gathered murmured uneasily. Kenric hated that Jannet played to this audience. He needed to get her alone and try to reason with her.

  “My lady, we should speak of these personal matters in private.”

  “Why?” she asked. “Why should I hide from the world how I feel about you?” Her voice rose in hysteria. “You are the man for me, Kenric. There could never be another but you.”

  “You barely know me.”

  “I know everything I need to know, my darling. You are perfect for me in every way.”

  “I am far from perfect, my lady, and I told you that you deserve a man better than I am. I wish to wed no one, least of all you, for I am dedicated to being a knight—not a husband. Your father has chosen your future mate already. Be a good, obedient daughter and wed the man he wishes you to. Come down from there now.”

  Kenric only hoped by mentioning her beloved father, Jannet would reconsider her words and actions. He believed that she would calm herself enough to step down from the parapet and away from danger.

  She gazed at him longingly, a wistful smile on her face. “I love you, Kenric Fairfax.” Her voice rang out loud and clear. “If I cannot be with you, I want no other man.”

  Without hesitation, Jannet flung herself away from the structure. She sailed through the air gracefully, as a soaring bird, her clothing billowing out behind her.

  Then she hit the ground with a thud, landing at his feet.

  A shocked silence quickly erupted into screams from every direction. As chaos swirled around him, Kenric knelt and lifted the broken body to him, cradling the dead madwoman in his arms.

  “Jannet!” a voice cried out.

  He recognized the agony in Lord Forwin’s single word. Suddenly, the baron stood beside Kenric. Falling to his knees, the nobleman wrenched his daughter from Kenric, rocking with her in his arms, tears spilling down his cheeks.

  Then Forwin’s eyes met his. “What have you done?” he accused, his eyes raging.

  Kenric had no words of comfort for his liege lord. Only shame filled him.

  “Get out!” Forwin cried. “Get off my lands! I wish never to lay eyes upon you again.”

  With a heavy heart, Kenric rose and stepped away from the grieving man as he held his only child close. Sorrow swallowed Kenric whole as he saw the shocked faces glaring at him, blaming him for Jannet’s death.

  Unsheathing his sword, he held up his booted foot and hacked off the new spurs he had received only hours ago, although it seemed as if a lifetime had passed since this morning’s ceremony. He did the same with the other foot as the hostile crowd watched. Picking up the damaged spurs from where they lay on the ground, Kenric decided he would keep them as a reminder of his lost honor.

  He only hoped that one day he would be able to reclaim it again.

  Chapter 4

  London—May, 1366

  Avelyn Le Cler sipped the last of her onion soup and returned the bowl to the table. She tore away a piece of bread the soup had been poured over and absently chewed it.

  “And then he said to me that he wanted a kiss!”

  “Hmm?” she said, turning to her table companion.

  Sela Runford huffed in disappointment. “I don’t think you’ve heard a thing I have told you, Avelyn. You will be gone this time tomorrow. Who will I share conversations with?”

  “You are friendly with many ladies at the palace, Sela. You know everyone, from the lowest page to men of state. You’re the one who introduced me to so many people when I first arrived at the royal court. If not for you, I would still be friendless, secluded in my bedchamber with no one but myself for company.”

  Her closest friend at court burst out laughing. “Avelyn, you really don’t see it. ’Tis what I adore about you.” Sela brought an arm about her friend and touched her cheek against Avelyn’s. “You are one of the most beautiful women in London. Everyone is suddenly nice to me because they know we are friends. I fear it’s the only reason any of the men pay attention to me. They simply want to grow close to you.”

  The words took her aback. “You’re exaggerating, Sela. You are lovely to look at and you have such a sweet disposition.”

  “But I have been here for years. You are the new treasure, only coming into the queen’s service last September. You are like a shiny, new bauble. People wish to know you. They have known me since I was a young girl because Father has been on the regency council since my birth.”

  Avelyn thought back on the last eight months. She had yearned to come to the court in London when she’d been buried in the countryside at Hopeston Castle. Her uncle, Geoffrey, had made that possible, gaining her a place in the queen’s service since he and his wife, Merryn, were favored by the royal couple.

  At first, she had enjoyed her time away from home, though she missed her mother and sister beyond measure. The queen had wished for Avelyn to stay at court during the Christmas season, so it had been a long time since she’d seen her loved ones. At least she had been granted permission to leave for Sandbourne tomorrow. Avelyn longed for the extended time with her family and was relieved she would not have to be a part of the royal court’s summer progress.

  “So what news do you have from your sister at Sandbourne?” Sela asked.

  “Elysande feels quite large and awkward. She claims her belly is as round as one of her mares before they give birth.” Avelyn shuddered. “I have seen those mares. If Elysande tells me the truth, then she may give birth to a full-grown man or woman come mid-June!”

  Sela giggled. “You said your sister loves horses?”

  Avelyn nodded. “She does. Elysande would rather be riding or in the stables than weaving tapestries or painting.”

  “That will change when her babe arrives,” her friend said knowingly.

  She thought on that a moment. “I know she will cherish her child, but I do not see Elysande ever giving up her horses. And Michael will indulge her in whatever she desires. He is madly in love with her.”

  Sela s
ighed. “I wish a man would see to my every whim. One who is handsome beyond words and as rich as Midas.” She grew thoughtful. “I believe Father is ready to arrange a marriage for me. He hinted about it in our conversation yesterday. What if we never see each other again, Avelyn? I would be so sad to lose you when I have only just found you.”

  “Mayhap, you should come to Sandbourne and visit while I am there. You would be most welcomed.”

  Her friend frowned. “I’m supposed to go on summer progress with the royal court. You are most fortunate in that the queen is allowing you to visit your sister and her husband instead of traipsing about England during the hottest months.”

  “Well, Elysande is due to give birth soon.” Avelyn paused. “I fear that I, too, will have a marriage arranged for me and these carefree days will be behind me.”

  “Will your uncle find you a husband and negotiate the marriage contract since your father has passed?”

  She shook her head. “Uncle Geoffrey has placed me in the hands of the queen. He trusts she will know which suitor I should wed.”

  A servant brought them the next course. They shared a trencher of pork in wine sauce, both growing quiet with their thoughts. Avelyn had noticed the queen studying her during the past few weeks and believed her time as an unattached young woman was drawing to a close.

  Agnes, Queen Philippa’s chief lady-in-waiting, stopped at their table.

  “The queen wishes to take a turn about the gardens. Be present to accompany her in a quarter of an hour.” She paused. “And her favorite silk handkerchief has turned up missing. Have either of you seen it? It’s yellow like the bright sunshine.”

  “I know the one you mean,” Avelyn said, “but I have not seen her with it in days.”

  “Of course you haven’t seen her with it,” Agnes snapped. “It wouldn’t be missing if you had.” The noblewoman sighed. “Keep your eyes out for it.” She looked to Sela. “And do not be late to the gardens.”