Inconvenient Affair

by Kruger, Mary

  It was Evadne, surprisingly, who had given it to him. Evadne, who belied her femininity by riding like a demon and by driving to an inch, had looked over all his horses and declared that he didn’t own one good team of carriage horses. At the time he had been annoyed, but soon he had resigned himself to the idea of buying her whatever she wished, giving her things to make up for the one thing he couldn’t give her. In town he would have gone to Tatersall’s, but that wasn’t possible now. However, Linwood, Thea’s stud farm, was just a few hours distant. He could ride over to see what she had available, could he not? There was surely no harm in that.

  With sudden energy, he rose from his desk. Yes. That was what he would do. If he accomplished nothing else, at least he would escape for a time the uproar Evadne’s visit had caused in his house. Perhaps he was making a mistake, but it felt like the first right thing he’d done in a long time. He was going to see Thea again.

  “Whose carriage is that, Keenan?” Thea asked as she rode into the stable yard, her trim figure in breeches and shirt tall and erect in the saddle. Riding alone over her land, she had escaped for a time from herself. Now her interlude was over. Time was beginning to heal her, though. She no longer winced when she thought of what she had done; that particular sore spot wasn’t so tender anymore. She was human, and she’d made a mistake. A bad one, certainly, but she needn’t atone for it the rest of her life. At the same time, she didn’t regret what had happened. There was a woman inside her whose presence she had never suspected. Jeremy’s passion had brought her to life, making Thea feel whole. Though it had been a long time since she’d been a girl, she felt as if she’d grown up in the last month. She had learned a great deal about herself and had survived. If there were times when life seemed empty, lonely, she ignored them. She had everything she could want. It was time to go on with her life.

  “Visitors, ma’am.” Keenan took Daffodil’s reins as she swung down to the ground. “Interested in our horses.”

  “Oh? Customers, do you think?”

  “Sure, and they might be. A gentleman and two ladies.”

  Thea made a little face. “And I dressed like this. Please deal with them, Keenan, until I change.”

  “Aye, ma’am. Come, Daffy, let’s get you rubbed down.”

  Thea smiled briefly as he led the mare away and then turned, striding out of the stables toward the house. As she reached the door a figure stepped in front of her, blocking the way. Though the sun was at his back, she knew him instantly. “Jeremy!” she exclaimed, and all her hard-won peace fled in an instant of blinding knowledge. How could she go on with her life, without him?

  Chapter Twelve

  “Hello, Thea.” Jeremy smiled, his eyes traveling over her leisurely. “That is an interesting outfit.”

  Thea flushed, confused by his presence and her memories. “I—to exercise the horses—it’s more practical,” she stammered.

  “Of course.” His eyes held amusement and something else, something she didn’t want to identify.

  Oh, lord! What was he doing here, when she’d just started to get herself back? Unbidden, the memories of the night they had shared came back, making her cheeks turn pinker, though she rarely blushed. “I—I’ll go change.”

  “Don’t bother on my account,” he drawled.

  Thea took one look at his face and fled. “I’ll be with you presently,” she said, looking back in time to catch a definite look of appreciation on his face. Oh, lord, she had never been so mortified in her life, she thought, but inside her a tiny spark of warmth glowed. No matter how she fought it, no matter how wrong it might be, she was glad to see Jeremy again, glad that he still cared about her. It could never be, she knew that. She also knew that seeing him like this, in short fragments of time with others present, would eventually destroy her. For now, however, with her new-found awareness of what she felt for him, she would take what she could get.

  The warmth died abruptly as she ran into the garden to reach the house. There, strolling along the paths, was Evadne, fussily dressed in a ruffle-trimmed spencer of deep pink over a white muslin dress. With her was her mother, and a small child. Thea stopped dead and turned, but too late. “Mrs. Jameson!” Agatha called. Thea turned, a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. Of all people for her to see. She wondered if her guilt and joy showed on her face.

  “Mrs. Powell.” She forced herself forward, smiling. “What a pleasant surprise. You’ve come from Moulton to visit?”

  “Oh, no.” Agatha frowned. “That is a most singular costume, Mrs. Jameson.”

  “Work clothes, ma’am.” Thea kept her voice level with an effort. “I was about to go change.”

  “But you don’t have to,” Evadne said sweetly, and Thea briefly clenched her fists, at the smirk on the girl’s face. “We’re here on business, you see.”

  “Oh?”

  “Yes. Stanton has promised to buy me a team for my carriage and when I heard he was going to come here to select them, I just had to come along.”

  Thea let out her breath. “I see.” Some of the pleasure from her encounter with Jeremy faded. He hadn’t come to see her, then. For one crazy moment she had thought—but that was clearly a dream, only. “Who is that with you?” she asked, looking past Evadne to the child, who hung back, her eyes huge and her thumb stuck resolutely in her mouth.

  Evadne waved a hand in dismissal. “Oh, that’s Stanton’s daughter. She wanted to come along.”

  “And why not?” Thea smiled at the little girl. “Why should adults have all the fun?”

  “Make your curtsy to the lady, Gillian,” Agatha said, sharply. A rebellious look crossed the child’s features, to be replaced by one less definable, but more disturbing. The child was terrified, Thea realized, watching her drop a quick, clumsy curtsy.

  “It is a pleasure to meet you, Miss Vernon,” she said, gravely, holding out her hand. Gillian looked at it a moment, unsure what to do, and then put her small hand into Thea’s, giving her a sweet, shy smile. Her father’s smile, Thea thought. Gillian looked so like Jeremy, Thea’s heart warmed to her instantly.

  “Well.” She stepped back. “I must change. Why don’t you come inside? You must be thirsty after your drive.”

  “Don’t mind if we do.” They followed her inside, Agatha’s small, sharp eyes darting everywhere. Thea wondered, as Lydia greeted them, if Agatha were doing sums in her head. It was a relief to leave her unwelcome guests and reach the privacy of her room, if only for a little while. She needed some time to recover from the stunning realization that had struck her when she’d seen Jeremy, and which had turned her world upside-down.

  A few moments later, attired in a gown of muslin sprigged with tiny blue flowers, with white frills at neck and cuffs, Thea came back downstairs, patting a strand of hair back into place. It was not her ordinary working garb, but somehow she hadn’t wanted to don the more sober, business-like gown she usually wore when meeting with prospective customers. Hanson informed her that the ladies had returned outside, and so she went to the stables. Evadne was standing in the stable yard, smiling up at Francis, and the others were nowhere to be seen. Thea slipped into the stables, breathing in the familiar, comforting scents of leather, fresh hay, and horse. Within it was shadowy and dim, and it took a moment for her eyes to adjust. Then she saw him, and her heart leaped painfully.

  Jeremy. He was standing with Keenan, examining the forelegs of a young colt. Thea watched his hands move expertly along the horse’s flanks, and her heart contracted at the sight. No dandy’s hands, soft and white and pampered, but working hands, a man’s hands, hard and square and capable. Capable, too, of gentleness, as they caressed her. No, she mustn’t think of that. He had made his choice, and it wasn’t her.

  Jeremy glanced up at that moment. “Fine piece of horseflesh here.”

  Thea smiled and came forward. “We think so,” she said, surprised her voice sounded so normal. “Fast, too. If he keeps up, we may enter him at Epsom.”

  “Hm.” Jeremy
looked at the horse with new respect. “I’d heard good things about these stables but I didn’t realize you’d progressed that far, Thea.”

  “Mr. Keenan and I have worked very hard. Miss Powell said you are here to choose a pair of carriage horses?” It was a safe subject. Before, she’d been able to talk to Jeremy about anything. Now she felt stiff, uncomfortable, as if he were a stranger. He wasn’t, though. She knew him too well.

  “Yes.” Jeremy sounded stiff, too. Surely he couldn’t be as uneasy as she was? Not when he’d got what he wanted. “I thought I’d ride over to see what you have. Of course, once Evadne knew why, she had to come along.”

  Thea forced a smile. “Well, of course! They’re to be her team, are they not? Now, let’s see.” She frowned a bit. “I’m not sure I’ve anything suitable, not if you want a matched pair. I do have two young blacks, but they haven’t been trained for a carriage.”

  “She has her heart set on a team of grays.”

  “Perhaps you can persuade her otherwise.”

  “If I’m lucky,” he muttered.

  Thea turned to him, a question in her eyes. He wasn’t looking at her, but instead was rubbing the forehead of a rawboned chestnut in his stall, and Thea’s heart turned over again. He looked so unhappy. No matter what had happened between them; no matter his reaction to it. She loved him. She would wipe that look from his face if she could, wrap her arms around him and cradle his head to her breast, comforting him, loving him. When had she started to love him? It seemed now that she had loved him forever. It didn’t excuse her behavior at Rochester Castle, but it did explain it. She had been blind. It had taken only a brief moment of discovery for her to recognize it, too late. For he was taken, and the best she could hope for was to become his mistress. Never! she thought, revolted. She would not share him with anyone.

  “Here’s a beauty,” Jeremy said.

  Thea came out of her daze. No matter how she felt, she must not let him see. “Yes, that’s Daffodil,” she said, smiling. “My mount.”

  “Sweet tempered, isn’t she?”

  “Yes, and a sweet goer. And she’s not for sale. Now, here’s one of the horses you might want to consider.” She stopped in front of a stall holding a handsome, fine-boned black mare, whose eyes rolled at their approach.

  “Bit nervy,” Jeremy said. “I’m not sure how she’d be in a team.”

  “Perhaps not. She’s a fine jumper, though, and she does respond well to training, but you’re right, she is high-strung. No matter, there’s another over here,” she said, conscious that she was chattering.

  “Thea,” Jeremy said, laying his hand on her arm, and she went very still. “I didn’t ride all this way just to look at horses.”

  Thea didn’t look at him. “We’ve discussed this, Jeremy.”

  “I know.” He pulled away, running a hand distractedly through his hair. “But Moulton seems flat. Empty.”

  “Even with Evadne?”

  “Not fair, Thea.” He put his hand on her shoulder, turning her to face him. “Thea—”

  “Stanton? Oh, there you are.” Evadne was briefly framed in the sun-lit doorway, and Jeremy and Thea both turned. Francis followed in her wake, an odd look on his face, Thea thought. She looked up at him questioningly as he came closer.

  “I’ve told Miss Powell I didn’t think we have anything she’d like,” he said. “No grays, I fear.”

  “I want grays.” Evadne’s lower lip was thrust out as she stopped in front of Daffodil’s stall.

  “No, but I’ve seen one or two that might do, if we can find a match,” Jeremy said. “There’s a nice black over here—”

  “I don’t want blacks! Nasty dark things.” She pointed at Daffodil. “I want this one.”

  “She’s not for sale,” Thea said quietly.

  “Of course she is, this is a commercial establishment, is it not?” Evadne said, looking very like her mother as she glared at Thea. “Stanton, I want this one.”

  “I’m sorry, Evadne, but if she’s not for sale,” Jeremy began.

  “I want her!” Jeremy frowned, and Evadne quickly lowered her voice, smiling up at him and batting her eyelashes. “Pleath?”

  Jeremy looked toward Thea. “It’s out of the question,” Thea said, crisply.

  “Please?” Evadne opened her eyes wider. “You can change her mind, Stanton.”

  “No, Evadne. You’ll have to do without this time.”

  “Ooh!” Evadne stamped her foot. “You’re heartless!” She whirled away, bits of hay swirling about her as she ran.

  Francis looked uncertainly from her to the others and then turned. “I’d best go after her,” he said, going out.

  Jeremy rolled his eyes and then turned, his hands shoved into his pockets. “I’m sorry, Thea. She’s a bit spoiled, I’m afraid.” He smiled. “You wouldn’t consider selling?”

  “No.” Thea’s tone was decisive. “You’ll have trouble with her, Jeremy.”

  “She’ll learn,” he said grimly, turning away.

  Thea gnawed at her lower lip. He was unhappy, and would be unhappier yet. She could ease his misery, a treacherous little voice said. She could give him the love he would miss. “I hope so,” she said briskly, dismissing the sweet fantasies as she moved toward the door. “Was there anything else you wished, Jeremy?”

  “Hm?” Jeremy glanced up, and his face cleared. “Yes. I’ll have to be thinking about a mount for my daughter. It’s high time she learned to ride.”

  “Doesn’t she know how?”

  “No. She has an aversion to horses. I can’t imagine where she comes by it. Her mother was a notable rider.”

  “But, wasn’t she thrown?”

  “Yes, and it was her own fault.” Thea gave him a questioning look. “I had a stallion I allowed no one else to ride. He was nervous and bad-tempered. Truth to tell, I couldn’t always control him. One day when I was home on leave, I had him saddled for me. Daphne mounted him instead, when the groom’s back was turned. She’d always wanted to ride him.” He was silent for a moment. “I had been detained at the house, and by the time I reached the stables, it was over. Apparently the stallion began bucking and rearing as soon as Daphne mounted, and she was thrown to the ground. Her head struck a paving stone. She died a few hours later.”

  “Jeremy, I’m sorry,” Thea said, after a few moments, and Jeremy shook himself.

  “It’s past. But I want Gillian to ride and to learn her limitations, so she’ll never be tempted to do something so stupid.”

  “Of course.” Thea’s smile was sympathetic. “You’ll need something gentle, then. Have you a pony for her?” she asked, as they emerged from the stables into sunlight. Francis and Evadne were standing a little distance away, she with her head bent while Francis talked, and Thea looked curiously at them.

  “Yes, she has one. Never took to it, though.”

  “Hm? Oh, your daughter. Well, not everyone likes horses, Jeremy.”

  He frowned again. “I won’t pamper her on this. If she can do nothing else, she must learn to ride. Gillian!” he called. “Now, where the devil is she?”

  “Here, Daddy!” Gillian ran around the corner of the stables and skidded to a stop.

  “Where were you?”

  “In the kitchen, Daddy.”

  “Did Cook give you some of her macaroons?” Thea said, smiling.

  Gillian smiled shyly in return. “Yes.”

  “We’ve been discussing choosing a horse for you,” Jeremy said, and the child’s smile faded, to be replaced by a wary look that startled Thea. “What do you think?”

  “Do I have to?”

  Jeremy frowned. “Yes. I saw one you might like when you’re older.”

  “No!” Gillian broke free of Jeremy’s grasp as he started toward the stables. “Don’t make me go in there, Daddy!”

  “Gillian! That is enough! Now we’ve talked about this,” he said, his tone moderating. “Remember I told you there’s nothing to fear about horses?”

  “Yes,
Daddy,” she whispered.

  “Jeremy, must it be today,” Thea began, and he gestured her to silence.

  “You said you’d be a big girl. Now, come. We’ll go inside.”

  “I won’t!” Gillian pulled back, her mouth set, reminding Thea of Evadne at her worst.

  “Gillian—”

  “I won’t and you can’t make me!” she cried, and turned, running.

  “Gillian!” Jeremy started after her, and then stopped, at the touch of Thea’s hand on his arm.

  “Let her go, Jeremy. She’ll come to no harm,” she said.

  “She has got to get over this,” Jeremy said through clenched teeth.

  “Jeremy, she’s a child. A little girl. Weren’t you ever afraid of things, when you were little?” She looked up at his set jaw, seeing a stranger. “She’s terrified.”

  “Yes, well, she’ll have to learn not to be.”

  “Was that Gillian I saw running just now?” Agatha said, coming up to them.

  “Yes.”

  “The child wants manners, Stanton. She needs a mother.”

  “Oh, honestly!” Thea exclaimed, and strode away, conscious that the others were staring at her in surprise. She would have expected such an attitude from Mrs. Powell, but to find it in Jeremy shocked, and enraged, her. Poor little girl, she thought, fuming. An uncaring father, and a selfish, spoiled stepmother. How people could treat a child like that, when there were so many others who wanted children and would cherish them...

  Thea stopped that train of thought, a lump in her throat. It did no good to think about that, her longing for a child. She’d do what she could, instead, to help Gillian.