by Izzy Shows
I chewed on the inside of my cheek for a moment before I let it loose and took another bite of my sandwich. "You make some good points. I'll look into it, I promise. I'm going to find out what's going on, and I'm going to put a stop to it."
Fred locked eyes with me. "I think we both is knowing that you already knows what is going on. You just is not liking it."
"I'm not killing a friend without giving him a chance to defend himself."
"Would you be givings anyone else this opportunity?"
The piece of sandwich formed a lump in my throat that I had to swallow painfully down. I hated how Fred could get straight to the heart of the matter. Because yes, there were a few people I would give this opportunity to, but if it was someone outside of my friends, someone that I could somehow identify but didn't know well, chances are I'd be charging them down without a second thought.
"I'm going to bed, Fred," I said, grabbing up the plate with the half-eaten sandwich and stalking up the stairs. My anxiety gave me the energy to get up and throw away the rest of my food, toss the plate in the sink, and make it into my bedroom.
But I didn't have the energy to undress, so I just threw myself, boots and all, onto the bed. I was out in seconds flat.
13
I woke up several hours later, my muscles sore and tense. Mustering up my new energy, I pulled myself out of the bed and stretched to get some life back into them. I walked over to the dresser and grabbed my phone, it was emitting that light that meant I'd missed a call. I must have really been out of it to not wake up when it rung, normally it cut through my nightmares.
I was getting used to them, though my sore muscles were testimony to the fact that they had me tossing and turning throughout whatever sleep I managed to get.
Mal was the call I had missed. I punched in his number and lifted my phone to my ear.
"Blair?" It was the first thing he said, so he must have my number programmed into his phone. Most of my friends had given up on that, what with all the times I'd had to change it whenever I ran through one of my cheap phones. It served a dual purpose though—it meant no one could track me down.
I'm not paranoid, I'm prepared.
"Hey, I saw you called."
"Did you forget you're supposed to come over and work on Lilith?"
I checked the old clock on my wall. Six o'clock. Shit. "Sorry, it's been a long day already. I'll be right over." I shut the phone before he could ask me about the long day. I didn't want to get into it over the phone, just in case Kailan could hear me. I didn't want him getting involved in the werewolf attacks, he had enough to worry about with the Utakar.
Leaving my room, I saw Kailan on the couch with a book in hand.
"I'm going out. Don't get into any trouble while I'm gone," I said as I grabbed my keys off the coffee table. My car might still be at Local House, but I intended to get it back.
"Yes, sir," Kailan said. Cheeky bastard. At least he didn’t salute.
I left the house and walked to a bus stop, pulling out a cigarette. It would be here in about fifteen minutes, which meant I had some time to kill. I lit the cigarette and leaned against the pole that marked the stop. There was no one else around, no one to watch, so instead I focused on the sky above, the birds flying overhead.
They were beautiful, free in a way that no one else was. They didn't have to worry about things like work or money. Their lives were simple, eat, sleep, survive. I guess in a way, so was mine, it just felt a lot more hectic than the effortless movements of their wings flapping on the air above.
"You could fly, too. We could be great."
The dark voice slithered into my mind and I gritted my teeth. I had to do something about the mark, about the way it spoke to me, but I didn't know what. The obvious answer was to tell Mal that the mark had evolved, that it was talking to me now. But I didn't want to do that, because it felt like I was giving him more leverage. Something to use against me in the future.
Deep down, I knew he wouldn't do that, but it didn't change the fear.
The bus pulled up then. I stubbed out my cigarette—damned chain smoking habit of mine, I was on my third one—and climbed aboard, paying my fare, and taking a seat. It didn't take long to get to Local House and once I had my car again it didn't take me long to get to Mal's building. The bastard lived in a bloody penthouse, as if he hadn't flaunted his wealth enough when he'd bought the compound for the sole purpose of training me. It bugged me, though I would never say anything to him about it. I had come from a world where money was this unattainable thing, something that you had to scrimp and save, something that would never be enough. And he had it in excess, because he was a billion years old or something like that.
I buzzed his floor once inside and waited until the light turned green before climbing into the lift. Tension filled my body immediately—I had a habit of breaking lifts—but I concentrated on breathing. In through my nose, out through my mouth. Count down from ten. Whatever I could do to keep my energy levels minimal and not fry the technology that was pulling me up to the top of the building.
Miraculously, I managed to make it to his floor without breaking anything. I was more than happy to get out of the lift, and he was there waiting for me.
"It's good to see you," he said, with a genuine smile on his face.
"You saw me yesterday." I pointed out, walking past him into his suite. "Let's get down to business."
"Just like that, no warm greeting, no how've you been?"
I turned to look at him, narrowing my eyes. "I saw you yesterday." I repeated the words, because it seemed that he hadn't heard me the first time.
"Yes, and for all you know, I could have conquered a city in the time that passed."
"You didn't."
"How would you know?"
"I know you," I said with a smirk. Mal had been busy with Lilith, I knew that much. He wouldn't have left her alone if he could help it, certainly not to go gallivanting off on some meaningless adventure.
"Well, you're right, but that doesn't mean you don't have poor manners."
I arched an eyebrow. "And? What's new?"
"You seem on edge," he said, his voice soft as silk.
"Maybe because I am," I said, and with that I turned around to walk towards Lilith's room, hoping he would drop it. We had work that we needed to do, there wasn't time to sit around parrying banter. Truth be told...Well, maybe there was time, maybe I just didn't want to give in and have a conversation with him. I didn't know how to be around him anymore, didn't know how to get back to what was normal between us. Normal was him flirting with me, but if he did that, then I would think he was trying to make another move, and then we'd fight...
I sighed. It wasn't fair. Damn him and his kiss. Damn me for wanting another.
I shook away the thought and opened Lilith's door, stepping inside. I heard Mal enter behind me.
"How have you been?" I tried not to smile as I offered the words Mal had wanted to hear to Lilith instead.
Her only response was to glare up at me, though.
I came over to crouch in front of her and she flinched away.
"Get away," she said, venom in her words. "Get her away from me." Her eyes focused onto Mal, her voice pleading.
I reached out and gripped her chin, turning her face back to me. "He's not going to stop me, Lilith. You're the only one who can do that, and you know how. All you have to do is have some control."
She whimpered. My heart contracted, pity bleeding into my concentration. I didn't want to have to hurt her, I didn't want to do any of this. Mal was the one who had asked for my help, he was the one who wanted to fix her.
Sure, I wanted the opportunity to talk with the great and powerful Lilith, but in my heart, I didn't think that was a real possibility. I believed she was gone forever, and this shell of a woman was going to break before we were able to make her better.
Still holding her hand, I reached for the power within me. Pure energy, magical energy, the kind she was addicted to
. It hurt like hell, the slow moments of it all was practically killing me to drag it up and through my body to push it down through my fingertips.
To tempt her. I had to grit my teeth to fight from gasping at the pain, something I had come to know very well but still it hit me every time. Magic was not supposed to be easy to use, the pain was a constant reminder of the control that was necessary to wield it.
"No, no, no," she said, shaking her head in an attempt to loosen my grip and break free of me. I held her still, keeping the magic going so that it was right under her nose. She might have said no, but this was just the first minute. I knew her, I knew that she was going to break down and want to feed.
Please don't do it. The weak thought entered my mind. Because as much as I knew that she was going to lose the fight waging inside of her, I wanted her to win. I wanted her to prove that she could win against this, that there was something worth saving inside of her. That she wasn't the broken woman I knew her to be.
I wanted to be wrong.
Lilith gnashed her teeth together, yanking her chin free of me and straining away so that her cheek was pressed against the wall she was chained to. "No!"
Hope flared.
She lunged.
I was on my feet before she had a chance to get near me, snapping the energy out and back into me so that the temptation was gone.
Disappointment began, and I shook my head slowly. "Damn it, Lilith."
"No, no, no, I'm sorry! I am sorry. Please don't do it, please, please, please..." She began to sob, straining at her chains to try to clutch at herself.
My heart squeezed, but I shoved aside the pity that I felt and came near her again. She tried to move away, but my fist was in front of her face already.
"Sicco," I said. The draining began, her energy funnelled out of her and into me, tearing at her skin to escape her. I could see it in my mind's eyes as it flowed into my fist and spread through my body, aware of the taint it created within me.
The mark on my wrist burned as if affronted at the sensation of having to share my body with another power source, but I ignored it. It was only a temporary situation, I would purge her essence from my body soon enough.
Lilith howled in pain, her sobbing did not fall on deaf ears. I knew how much I was hurting her and I hated myself for it. And maybe I hated Mal for asking me to be a part of this, certainly for judging me for the way I was going about it. He didn't like what I was doing, and I don't think he believed that I didn't like it either.
Finally, I stopped, and Lilith collapsed against the wall again. Her breathing was laboured, chest rising and falling too quickly.
I'm sorry. I wanted to say the words, but I couldn't. I couldn't let her know that I was weak, that I didn't want to be doing this, because there was always the chance she would use that information against me. I didn't know how, but I didn't trust her with it.
I gave her a few moments to breathe and let the pain fade away before I reached for my magic again.
"You're going too fast, Blair," Mal said with an edge to his voice.
"I'll go as fast or slow as I want, or you can do this on your own." My tone had an answering edge, one that he backed down to.
Lilith was glaring at me with crazed eyes, a promise of murder in them. I told myself I didn't care, but that wasn't quite the truth. I didn't want her to hate me, but that ship had sailed a long time ago.
And then I heard the creaking.
Distracted, I looked away from her to her chains just in time to see them break from the wall, so I was not prepared for the weight of her body coming crashing down on me.
"You will be mine," she said, her lips twisted into a vicious snarl as she opened her mouth.
I felt the call in the pit of my soul, where the pain began. She was calling my soul out of me so that she could devour it. I tried to think of how to fight her, but I felt powerless as I lay there.
It was Mal who came to my rescue. Lilith flew back against the wall, her back hitting first and her arms splayed wide in a Jesus pose before she slid to the floor. His arm came under me and he cradled me there, his other hand held with fingers spread wide in Lilith's direction. I could see that she was immobilised, but I didn't know what magic she was working.
"Are you OK?" His eyes searched mine, frantic.
I smirked. "You're worried about me."
"Screw you."
"You wish."
"I do."
For a moment, we were normal.
14
I sat on Mal's couch while he fixed the chains that Lilith had broken out of. I felt awkward and out of place, part of me thinking that I should just leave now. We weren't going to get any further with Lilith today, that much was obvious. There was too much in her just now, she wouldn't be receptive to the training. I should go home and purge the energy that I had taken in. It was jumbling around me even now, fighting to take control, fighting to meld with the power that I had on my own. It was a conscious effort to keep it separated.
Mal came out just as I was standing. He frowned.
"Where are you going?"
"There's no reason for me to stay..." My voice trailed off at the look on his face. "I have other things I need to do, and she isn't going to listen to anything I say or do right now. We both know that, Mal."
"That doesn't mean that there isn't anything for us to talk about."
"Like what?"
"For starters, I think you need to get her energy out of you. You said you have other things you need to do, so I doubt you have the time to go home and rid yourself of it."
My cheeks flamed. I had never purged the energy in front of him. For some reason, it made me feel vulnerable. "Mal..."
"What?" He lifted an eyebrow. "You don't want to do it in front of me." It wasn't a question but a statement.
"No, I don't," I said, looking down at the ground. "I don't want you to see me like that."
"Like what?"
"Vulnerable."
He crossed the room so that he was close to me, invading my space. My heart sped up, my breathing became shallow, and I was all too aware of him. I took a step back—or tried to, I ended up falling back onto his couch, so that I had to look up at him. My mouth went dry at the sight of him over me, and I felt a clenching inside of me that I knew had no business going on.
His eyes had taken on a dark tint, so that they looked like molten gold, and I knew that his thoughts were running on a similar vein as mine.
This was dangerous.
Give in.
No, can't do that. Won't do that.
My heart kept hammering against my chest, and the minutes stretched on in silence while we stared at one another, neither making a move or saying anything. Neither breaking the spell. I could feel in that moment, that if he tried something...
No, can't think like that.
My tongue flicked out to wet my dry lips and his eyes narrowed, zeroing in on my lips. Whoops.
"Blair..." His voice was raw.
My lips parted, desperate for a breath of air.
I wanted him.
He stalked away from me then, breaking the spell but not the tension in the room. He went out his balcony door, I could see his knuckles go white as he gripped the railing. His chest was heaving as if he'd run a marathon, and I knew that he was battling his desire for me.
I sent up a silent prayer to whatever gods might be listening as a thank you for giving him the control that I apparently did not have. After several more minutes passed I stood up and walked out to stand on the balcony with him, though I stayed near the door so as to give him his space.
"Mal—"
His hand came up in a sharp curve, cutting off whatever I was going to say. "No. Not ready."
I swallowed. I didn't want to push him, I knew how that would end. He might have control, but he was still a man. No, worse than that, he was Fallen. He wasn't used to having to control himself, he wasn't used to being denied. He'd never come out and said that, but I sensed it about him.<
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I let the silence grow between us again, deciding to wait for him to talk first. It took a long time, but he finally turned to look at me, his face perfectly composed, not a single hair on his head out of place. Not at all tormented by desire as he had been mere moments before.
"When are we going to talk about this?" He crossed his arms over his chest, eyes narrowed. I took a step back, intimidated for the first time.
Not out of physical fear, but a much deeper one.
"We're not going to. I don't want to talk about it," I said.
"You're just going to ignore what's between us?" He said, advancing on me.
This time, I refused to take a step back, holding my ground. I wasn't going to show weakness, because that would acknowledge that there was in fact something between us, and that was dangerous.
"There's nothing there, Mal," I said, my voice a soft whisper. "Just drop it."
"Maybe I don't want to."
"Well, I do!" I glared at him, resisting the urge to stomp my foot childishly. He was going to listen to me, damn it.
He turned away from me again, shaking his head. "You are a willful, petulant child."
That hurt. I was glad he had turned away from me, that he couldn't see the flicker of pain on my face at being called a child. I knew that, comparatively, I was eons younger than him. I didn't have the worldly experience that he did, I hadn't seen the rise and fall of empires like he had. To him, I knew nothing.
It didn't stop it from stinging, though.
"Then give up," I said, shrugging my shoulders though he wasn't looking at me.
He sighed, looking up at the darkening sky. "You need to purge the energy, Blair. Allow me to help you with that."
"Yes, let him help you. Give me back your body." The mark spoke to me again, an insidious whisper that scraped at the insides of my mind. A shiver ran down my spine and I did my best to push it to the side. I knew I should ask him for his help...I shoved that desire aside. Not now, not after that confrontation.
"Fine," I said, knowing that he wasn't going to drop it, and also admitting that he was right. I wanted to go see Geoff after this, figure out what was going on with the werewolf attack, clear his name. I didn't have the time to go home and make it there before the club got to full swing.