Desire

by Simone Sowood

  “Where’s your room?” I asked as we approached my door.

  “Down the hall.” He didn’t indicate which way down the hall.

  I stepped into my room and he closed the door, with him on the other side.

  Tired and confused, I climbed back into bed and fell asleep.

  When I woke, my eyes blinked at the weak sunlight. I wish I knew the time, but I didn’t have my phone and couldn’t see a clock in the room. I pushed the blue button, and Rosie appeared soon after.

  “Yes?”

  “Do you know the time?”

  “It’s a little after four. Is that everything?”

  “Is it okay if I go downstairs?”

  “Of course. I’ll let Mr. McAllister know.”

  Once she left, I got out of bed and went back to the dresser with the robes in it. I pulled the top drawer open and ran my fingers over the contrasting fabrics. With Sam’s voice in my head, I closed the drawer and opened the one underneath. It was full of underwear, bras and socks, of all fabrics and colors, all of them my size.

  I opened the next drawer, full of casual tops, all my size. The drawer underneath that was full of pants. My heart raced at the sight. I shut the drawers and went to the closet, the walk-in closet. Inside every rail was covered in dresses, skirts, blouses, smart pants. Every one of them my size.

  I staggered backwards until I bumped into the closet door frame.

  There was a soft knock at the bedroom door, and I rushed over to open it.

  “Jay.”

  “Is something the matter?”

  “All the clothes, why are they here?”

  “So you’d have something to wear when you felt a little better.”

  “But Jay… James. There’s enough here to wear something new every day for a year.”

  “I didn’t know what style you’d want, so I got an assortment.” Assortment. Unbelievable. The hair on the back of my neck prickled. Why did he do all that?

  “Oh, okay.”

  “Do you want to get dressed? We can watch a movie afterwards.”

  He flashed his beautiful smile at me, but more than that, his words were something to get me out of my isolation. I pushed my worries to the back of my mind.

  “I would love to watch a movie. A romance?” I said hopefully.

  “Sure, you can pick it. I’ll wait out here for you while you get ready.” He ducked back out the door and shut it behind him.

  I went back to the dresser and looked for something comfortable. Jeans and a T-shirt plus an oversized cardigan. All Gucci. Of course. I shook my head, and opened the door to find Jay waiting in the same spot as before.

  “You look beautiful.”

  “Thanks,” I said laughing. Jeans and a T-shirt after several days with no shower. Yeah, real beautiful.

  We retraced our last route, but went past the living area we’d sat in, down a long passageway and through a set of double doors. I blinked twice to make sure I wasn’t seeing things, and then realized of course, someone who spends three thousand dollars on lingerie is going to have a home cinema.

  The smell of popcorn and butter tempted my taste buds. Rosie stood to the side at an old-fashioned looking popcorn cart and scooped some of the popcorn into tubs for us.

  I turned around, looking for a place to sit. There were both sofas and high-backed single seats, enough to seat twenty people. I wasn’t sure which to pick, so hung back to follow Jay’s lead. He chose a single seat, and I sat in the one beside him.

  “What movie do you want to watch? Any one you want.”

  I was going to say Gone With The Wind or Breakfast At Tiffany’s. But a thought struck me, and I said, “Fatal Attraction.”

  He looked away from me, his head angled up, before turning back. “Okay.”

  * * *

  The movie reflected my anger. And hurt. Being lied to, then lied to again. But when Alex got that kitchen knife, I realized it was Matt I was so angry at. He had caused my hurt and pain. He had broken me, not Jay. Jay had saved me.

  I shook my head. Jay had saved me. But he also hurt me. He also lied. But he saved me. I was in his house. He didn’t want money from me. He didn’t seem to want anything from me. I had been there for days and he’d done nothing but take care of me.

  I became lost in my thoughts and didn’t see the rest of the movie. Why did my heart want Jay when my brain knew better?

  After the movie, we returned to the dining room for dinner. My body was still in need of restoration, and I ate all my roast chicken with mashed potatoes and vegetables.

  “You look tired,” Jay said from across the table.

  “I am exhausted.”

  “That’s normal. The doctor said to expect that.”

  I smiled at him. At all he’d done for me. Was it enough to make up for the lie? I didn’t know. After all, Jenny did say his motivation for lying was different from Matt’s, and understandable.

  “I think I’m going to go to bed.”

  “Of course, I’ll walk you up.”

  He took my hand, and I followed him back to my room. He let go of my hand and opened the door. I looked at him, my heart fluttering the way it had on that first night after D’Angelo’s.

  I searched his eyes, looking for a clue. Something, anything of what he was thinking. I only saw warmth.

  “Good night,” he said, and he kissed my forehead.

  * * *

  In the morning I felt much better again. Almost normal. Almost. I got out of bed and had a shower. Washed the days of filth off me. The water cleared my head as I held the diamond pendent in my fingers, which I had not taken off my neck once.

  Jay was so easy to spend time with. His touch was electric. And he saved me. His behavior during my time here had been nothing but that of a good old-fashioned gentleman.

  But he lied. Maybe if I could make him understand how Matt hurt me, I could understand the reason he lied.

  I tied my wet hair back, pulled on another Gucci jeans and T-shirt outfit, and went searching for Jay.

  “Abbie, you’re up. I hope that means you’re feeling better.”

  “Yes, thank you. I’m feeling a little more normal.”

  He came over to me and clasped my hands in his. He looked straight into my eyes, and said, “Stop thanking me.” I blushed. I had so much to thank him for.

  I took a deep breath. “Can we talk?”

  “Of course, come with me to the breakfast room and Rosie will get us some coffee.”

  Chapter 43

  “I’m really grateful for everything you’ve done for me,” I began after a drink of coffee. The words faltered, but I was determined to get them out. “My ex hurt me really badly. He lied to me. About who he was.”

  Jay didn’t move. I continued, “He lied about who he was, and you did the same. Well, lied about who you were. But Jenny, she’s right, she said your motivations for lying were different. Matt. He…”

  “You don’t have to tell me what Matt did to you.”

  “But I want to. I need to.” I paused. “My parents died when I was seventeen. I used the inheritance to pay for my education and buy my condo outright. It was supposed to set me up, to make my life easier. Then I met Matt.” I stared into my coffee cup. Embarrassed at what I had to say.

  “When I met him, he was studying to become a doctor. He was struggling to pay his bills, so I asked him to move in with me so he didn’t have to spend money on rent. Then after a while he was going to get kicked out for not being able to pay his tuition that year. So I took out a mortgage and gave him the money to pay his tuition arrears.” I looked up, Jay was shaking his head. His knuckles were white.

  “Before I knew it, I had a mortgage so large I could barely afford it. I couldn’t afford it. I mean, I can’t afford it.” Jay’s fist pounded the table, causing me to jump. I gulped and look at Jay, his nostrils were flaring.

  I continued, my voice shaky, “One day, Marla went to meet a new client about hiring for their finance department. It was a call c
enter operation. As she walked up to the entrance, Matt was there. The whole thing was a lie. He wasn’t studying medicine. He was selling solar panels over the phone. He wasn’t studying to be a doctor.”

  Jay came over and stood beside my chair. He cradled my head against his frame, and I let a single tear escape my eye. He pulled me to stand and embraced me. My head moved with his breaths.

  After a time, he said, “I’m sorry he did that to you.”

  My initial shame gone, I felt better. Relieved. Like maybe Jay understood me better. Understood why it was so crucial to be able to trust him. I wrapped my arms around him and pulled myself closer to him. Close enough to flatten myself as I melted into him.

  “Thank you,” I said, then kicked myself. Stop saying thank you.

  Jay tilted my chin up to meet his eyes. He said, “If there’s one thing I can promise you in life, it’s that I’m nothing like him. Nothing. Matt and I could not be more different.”

  I gave a little nod and lean back into his chest. All I wanted to do was close my eyes and be safe. Safe in his arms. James’ arms. We stayed like that some time, before sitting back down and finishing our breakfast.

  “I have a meeting I can’t get out of. I’m taking it from my home office so we can have lunch together. But in the meantime, make yourself at home. Rosie will see to all your needs.”

  “Okay,” I said.

  I plodded aimlessly around the never-ending house. Through room after room, some formal, some casual. I needed to think things over, I couldn’t deny my feelings any longer. Couldn’t deny his reasons for lying made sense. It was just hard. Hard to forget everything.

  Jenny would reassure me. I made my way back to my room to find my phone, but couldn’t find it. I buzzed Rosie.

  “Yes?” she said.

  “Do you know where my phone is?”

  “No, sorry. I don’t know. I haven’t seen it.”

  “Can you ask Jay, James for me?”

  “I’ll get him for you.”

  After she left I stood in the closet, examining all the amazing dresses. Jenny would go nuts at them. I stopped at one that stood out — a short, tight red satin dress with a plunging neckline and back. I would wear that to dinner and see where it led me.

  “Abbie?” Jay said from my bedroom door.

  “Thanks for coming,” stop saying thanks. “Sorry for interrupting, I can’t find my phone. Do you know where it is?”

  “It was lost at the club, but I will get you another one.”

  “Oh,” that sucks. “Thank you.” I groaned at myself.

  “Anything else?”

  I shrugged my shoulders. “Nope.”

  “I have a couple more hours of work to do before lunch. I’ll show you how to work the cinema and you can watch a movie.”

  “Sounds great,” I said, smiling. I was always up for watching a movie.

  He showed me how to work the apps and how to open the automated curtains, then I settled in to watch The African Queen. I’d seen it so many times I could recite most of the lines by heart.

  Humphrey Bogart and Katharine Hepburn bickered away, but I didn’t hear a word of it. I’d drifted into a trance of Jay. His trance.

  Silence snapped me back to reality when the credits finished rolling. I put another movie on. Funny Girl. Figured I needed a laugh.

  And I did laugh. My mind wandered to the photo in the email and smiled. That afternoon was amazing. The things he did to my body, and the way he’d made me feel were nothing short of incredible.

  The movie ended, and I realized how hungry I was. It must be well after lunch, and I was surprised Jay didn’t come looking for me.

  * * *

  After a couple of wrong turns, I found the breakfast room. No one was there, so I pushed the blue button.

  Rosie appeared.

  “Can you get me Jay?” I asked.

  “Of course,” she said and left.

  Jay came in a few minutes later.

  “Enjoy the movie?”

  “Yes,” I said and hugged him. I breathed in his clean scent, my body relaxed and I hugged him tighter.

  “Let’s sit, the cook has prepared more chicken soup to heal you.”

  I squeezed him, not wanting to let go. We sat across from each other, and he captured my eyes in his. My cheeks burned at the heat of his gaze.

  I steadied myself and said, “It’s so weird, I didn’t even know your name. To find out someone you felt so connected with wasn’t who you thought they were.”

  He put his spoon down. “I’m still that person. The one you are connected with.”

  We finished our meals, and I followed him into a cozy room with a plush sofa positioned in front of a fireplace. I sat on the sofa and watched Jay as he knelt to build a fire.

  With his back to me he said, “I didn’t like seeing you touch that other man. Seeing that other man touch you.”

  “Sorry.” Though I wasn’t sure why I was apologizing.

  He turned around and bore his eyes into me. “I don’t intend to see it happen again.”

  I shifted myself on the sofa, trying to escape his gaze. He turned his attention back to the fire and my muscles relaxed.

  The fire flaring, he sat beside me on the sofa with his body against mine. My chest fluttered at the contact. At his proximity. He put his arm around me and I leaned into him. Let his warmth comfort me though my insides were churning.

  He pressed my head to his lips. Kissed my hair, my cheek. He put his lips to my ear, lowered his voice and said, “I loved it when you called me Jay. When you screamed it in ecstasy. You’re the only person who has ever called me that. It felt… special. That just that part of me only belongs to you.”

  The words sent tingles rippling throughout my body. I could not resist him any longer. I turned my lips to his and kissed him.

  He responded with hunger. His hand gripped the back of my head, holding me to him. Not letting go. I moaned into his mouth at the lightning bolts he sent through my body.

  I ran my hand over the muscles in his arms and across his strong chest. I fought with his shirt buttons, trying to get underneath his shell.

  He stood, taking my body with him. I held onto his neck as he carried me out of the room, up the sweeping staircase.

  Halfway up the staircase he said, “The last time I carried you up these stairs, on that night, your scent mixed with the Clive Christian perfume drove me wild.”

  My eyes widened. What else happened that night?

  “Don’t worry, I didn’t touch you. I would never hurt you.”

  I squeezed him tighter and said, “I know. I trust you.”

  Chapter 44

  We passed my bedroom and went through a doorway near the end of the hall. He stood me beside the bed and kissed me. My tongue reached deeper into his mouth, wanting more of him. He broke the kiss, and I moaned in complaint. He bit at my neck in response before finding my lips once more.

  While we kissed, I undid his shirt buttons, exposing his beautiful six pack. I pushed my hands up and down the muscles and they tensed in response to my touch. My pussy moistened at the knowledge of what was to come. Of the way he would make me feel.

  Jay stepped back and pulled off my T-shirt. Reached around he undid my bra, then my jeans.

  “Ah,” I gasped as he pushed me onto the bed. I wiggled my jeans off.

  “I was hoping you’d wear a dress.”

  I thought of the red one. Later, for sure. He kissed up my belly, over my breasts, up my neck to my mouth. He slid his hand up the inside of my thigh then under my panties. I rolled my hips at the contact. Weeks without contact. Too long to go. Never again.

  His fingers traced over my lips, sending a shiver up my spine. My breath left me and I struggled to fill my lungs again. I gasped, searching for air but finding his lips. His fingers slid up and down my slit and he found my entrance.

  My heart thumped out of time. I was doing this. I wanted this. Him. I wanted him.

  His fingers entered me
at an agonizingly slow rate. Once inside, they moved at the same slow pace. Taunting me. Again. His other hand ran over my breasts and the curve of my hip.

  I reached down to find the outline of his hard cock through his suit pants. I clutched it like I was trying to pull it through the fabric, but Jay pushed my hand away.

  “Please,” I whispered.

  “Please what?” He asked, his voice stern.

  “Please,” I reached back to his pants, but he rolled onto his front, taking his cock from me. At the same time, he pushed his fingers a little deeper, drawing my attention back to them.

  I looked up at the ceiling and spread my legs as far as possible, wanting him deep within me.

  His thumb flickered over my clit and I buckled.

  “It’s been too long since I’ve had this pussy. This beautiful, tight pussy for me to bury myself in.”

  His voice in my ear, so powerful, so confident sent me into overdrive. I clamped down on his fingers and he moved faster. Not much faster, just not as slow.

  “Please,” I said again, grasping at his bicep.

  “I’m making up for lost time.”

  Jay moved down my body, kissing my skin as he went. He took each nipple between his teeth and flicked it with his tongue. His bite became stronger, sending a jolt between my nipple and pussy. My pussy walls became even slicker. I ached to feel his cock sliding in and out of it.

  His kisses carried on their journey, biting at the soft skin of my belly as he went. Hard enough that I acknowledged there would be bite marks tomorrow. He was branding me his. And that was more than okay.

  He reached the soft triangle of my pubic bone and carried on nipping me. He was so close, his mouth so close. I swallowed in anticipation, and knotted my hands through his hair for reassurance. I realized I was holding my breath but I couldn’t release it.

  His head moved down, hovering over my mound. I held his head harder, trembling. In one move he sucked my clit into his mouth and held the soft skin above it between his teeth. Exposing it to his mouth and the air.