Desire

by Simone Sowood

“I guess you need to get going home,” I said, playing with his hair.

  “Unfortunately, I have a meeting at seven in the morning.”

  “Stay with me.” I kissed his neck.

  “I would, if I could. Come home with me. How will I get to sleep without you against me?”

  My heart filled with his words. He made me feel better than I’d ever felt in my life. Certainly better than Matt ever had.

  With Matt there was always a sense he wasn’t fully in the relationship. Which, of course, it turned out he wasn’t since he’d been living a double life and lying about who he was to con me out of as much of my money as possible.

  With Jay, I only ever got the sense that he wanted me. Just me. And nothing else. Like I was the only woman he’d ever been interested in in his life.

  “I’ll miss you,” I said, meaning it.

  Maybe I should go back to his. But I hated the idea of leaving my condo, of abandoning it after killing myself to make the mortgage payments. I didn’t want to live off him, or anyone. I needed to pay my own way in life, and there was no way I could financially contribute to his ridiculous mansion. I doubt I could even afford the electricity bill.

  Jay lifted my body off his and I stood beside the chair. He stood and hugged me tight before doing up his pants and shirt.

  “I can stay a little longer.” He brushed his hand down my arm, the warmth filling me.

  We cuddled together on the sofa, flicking through TV channels without seeing any of them. My eyelids became harder and harder to keep open. It was so cozy in Jay’s arms, I couldn’t bear to tell him to leave so I could go to bed. Instead I worried how tired I’d be for my second day at my new job, but I’d get through it. It was all worth it to have more time with Jay.

  He kissed my hair and he said, “It’s late.”

  I knew he was right. It was after midnight on a Monday. He had an early morning meeting, and he still had to drive to his house. Though by the looks of his McLaren sports car, I somehow doubted he’d stick to the speed limit and it wouldn’t take him long to get home.

  “I guess you’d better get going,” I said.

  “I’m not going anywhere.”

  “Really?” I said, excited.

  “If you won’t come home with me then I have no choice, I have to stay here.”

  “Thank you.” I hugged him and kissed his cheek.

  “How could I leave you?”

  Cuddled up against him in my bed was the best feeling in the world. Happier than I’d ever been before, I drifted off to sleep.

  Chapter 5

  You’d better be coming out tonight

  I hadn’t seen my friends since the evening of the date rape drug at the nightclub. They’d been so supportive of me after the mess I was in when the sex photo of Jay and me became all the rage on the internet and I found out Jay Mickle was actually James McAllister, the billionaire owner of the company I worked at.

  I would not have made it through those weeks without their support. I owed them so much. Especially Marla, who worked all her headhunting contacts to find me another job. And Jenny and Sam for being with me, day and night, keeping me sane.

  Of course!!!

  Jay had stayed at my place every night. Every area of my little condo had now been christened with our relationship. He worked a lot. Usually he didn’t show up until eight or nine and was gone before my alarm went off in the morning. Going out with the girls would only mean two or so extra hours without him. I hope I could cope. And that he wouldn’t mind.

  Sorry, have to go out with girls tonight

  I waited anxiously for his response. It would be the first evening we’d chosen to spend apart since the night club. I wasn’t sure how he would react to the news. Except it was normal for people in a relationship to do different things. But I didn’t know, with him everything seemed much more intense.

  Be careful. Watch your drink. I will come pick you up and walk you home. J

  I let out a sigh of relief. It would be great to see Jenny and Sam, but I couldn’t wait to get home and see him.

  * * *

  Sam and Jenny were already at our usual Friday after-work bar.

  “Hey stranger,” Sam said, jumping up to hug me.

  “I’ve missed you,” Jenny said, squeezing me tight.

  “How’s it going at CQ Francis?” Sam asked.

  “It’s good, so far. No one has let on they’ve seen the photo anyway, which was my biggest worry.”

  “Well that counts for something,” Jenny said.

  “It’s the best I could hope for.”

  “Who cares? You looked hot in the photo, and man are you one lucky girl to have a guy like him. He is ripped,” Sam said.

  I blushed. Didn’t I know it. Somehow he looked even better naked than he did fully dressed, which seemed like an impossibility.

  “I’ll get us drinks,” Jenny said.

  “No! I’m getting them. I owe you both a whole lot of drinks to thank you for all you did for me.”

  “Don’t be silly,” Jenny said.

  “I mean it. I am getting the drinks. Is Marla coming?”

  “She couldn’t make it. I think she’s found a new man too,” Jenny said.

  “Lucky her. Everyone is getting some but me,” Sam said.

  “Jenny’s not…” I started to say.

  “Oh yes she is! See what happens when you hole up with a man for two weeks?”

  “No! Who?” I asked. Jenny was my best friend. How did I not know she was seeing someone? Although she ran through men like water, so it was not all that surprising.

  Jenny blushed.

  “Collin,” Sam blurted.

  “Of course. Let me guess, you hooked up the night of the club.”

  “Maybe,” Jenny said, “Or maybe it was a few weeks before and that’s why he comped it all.”

  “A few weeks before? Why didn’t you say anything?”

  “Because you’d fallen apart after the email. How could I have told you then? ‘Hey, I know your boyfriend turned out to be a liar but guess what, I have a great new one.’” She was right. She couldn’t have said anything, I was a basket case for those weeks between the email and the night club.

  “There’s more,” Sam said.

  My eyes flared at Jenny.

  “It’s Collin.”

  “What do you mean Collin? Oh my God, do you mean Collin Collin?”

  Jenny nodded.

  “Okay, I need to hear this story. I’m getting all the drinks tonight,” I said and walked to the bar.

  I opted for margaritas. Normally we reserved them for special occasions, because the cocktails were overpriced in this bar, and every bar. But tonight I wanted to pay them back for their support.

  “Whoa, margaritas. What’s the occasion?” Sam asked.

  I laughed. “Just a big thank you for everything you two did for me.”

  “Stop it, Abbie. You’re our friend. We’d do anything for you,” Jenny said.

  “Okay, enough about paying people back. Let’s drink,” Sam said, raising her glass.

  “Cheers,” we all said, chinking glasses.

  “So, what’s his house like?” Sam asked.

  “Oh my God, it’s so big I get lost in it. And there’s a whole cinema where the curtains open and close and everything.”

  “Nice,” Jenny said.

  “I’m surprised you made it out of the bedroom,” Sam said laughing.

  “So am I,” I said.

  “Okay, spill. What’s he like in bed?” Sam asked.

  “What do you need to ask that for? The answer is all over the internet!” Jenny said.

  I laughed. “All I’m saying is it’s better in real life.”

  While we were sitting there, I realized I never did send Jay the crotch shot I’d taken on Monday and accidentally sent to Jenny. While Jenny and Sam were busy chatting, I took out my phone.

  Looking forward to tonight

  The second I hit send I started laughing. Giddy with th
e thought of what his face must look like right now. My phone beeped.

  I can almost taste it. J

  I could not believe he responded like that. It was good, and I wasn’t complaining, I thought he’d be too, um, professional.

  “What’s on your phone? Is he texting you?” Jenny asked.

  “Tell him to leave you alone. You’re out with your friends,” Sam said.

  I turned red. I must have been grinning like a crazy lady at my screen at the thought of him staring at his screen and wanting me right now.

  Sam burst out laughing. “What nudie shot did you send him now?”

  Busted. “The one from Monday morning. I realized I hadn’t sent it.”

  “What, the one you sent me? I thought that was just between the two of us. I don’t feel so special anymore,” Jenny said.

  “I’m getting more drinks.” I stood and made my way to the bar.

  I plunked three more margaritas on the table and sat down.

  “Thanks honey,” Jenny said.

  “It’s the least I can do,” I said.

  “Stop being so hung up on keeping score. You don’t have to pay us back for what we did. We didn’t even do anything! Just gave you a shoulder to cry on,” Jenny said.

  “I can’t help it. I hate owing people stuff,” I said.

  “We’re your friends, you don’t owe us anything. Would we owe you if you let us cry on your shoulder?” Sam said, her head moving so much it caused her long curls to bounce around her.

  “No, but that’s different,” I protested.

  “How? You are being silly,” Jenny said.

  “I can’t help it. I hate the feeling of being indebted to people. You should hear what happened at Dish.”

  Sam rolled her eyes, but she leaned in to catch every detail. “Here we go, what silly thing did you do at Dish?”

  I told them the story of how it cost me four hundred bucks because I demanded to pay the tip.

  “You’re a fool,” Sam said.

  “Don’t be so stupid, that money is nothing to him. He doesn’t care. The only person who cares is you,” Jenny said.

  Maybe they were right. But I couldn’t help it. After my parents were killed in the car accident when I was seventeen, it had been so important for me to not feel indebted to anyone. Afterwards people treated me like a charity case, and I hated it. They wanted to do this and that for me, and I all wanted to do was put my head down and work hard to get on in life. Nothing more. I needed to achieve things for myself. I didn’t want handouts from anyone.

  “Just because my boyfriend is rich doesn’t mean I’m not going to pay my fair share in the relationship. I’m not going to take advantage of him for his money.”

  “There’s no way he cares!” Sam said, frustrated with me.

  “If he cared about money, he wouldn’t be ordering eight-hundred-dollar bottles of wine. It’s a no brainer,” Jenny said.

  “That doesn’t matter! I will not be a gold digger!”

  “Abbie, you need not to be so hung up on paying for things. People want to do things for you. You don’t owe them anything,” Jenny said, stroking my forearm.

  I downed my drink, which was quite a feat given the amount of liquid still in my glass. “I’m getting more drinks.” I stood and left the table.

  First, I had to pee. I made my way to the restroom and sat on the toilet. I buried my face in my hands. I never asked to date a rich guy. I never sought him out. Would being with him always make me feel inadequate?

  I suspected I knew the answer. I would never be able to contribute to our relationship. My fingers went to the diamond around my neck. The diamonds he gave me on a whim because they were pocket change for him. How did I fit into that? Give him a box of Turtles for Christmas? And that would be somehow comparable?

  * * *

  We switched to wine, the margaritas were going straight to my head, and I needed to be able to walk in a straight line to get home.

  * * *

  The three of us danced, but all I could think of was Jay. I smiled at them, hoping they couldn’t sense my desire not to be with them right now. It was a cliché, getting a new boyfriend and ditching your friends, and I didn’t want to be a cliché. Instead I danced, dreaming that Jay was watching.

  I stifled a yawn. We’d been in the bar almost five hours and I hadn’t exactly had much sleep that week. Not that I was complaining.

  When the song ended, I pulled the two of them off the dance floor and back to our table.

  “I’m so tired,” I said.

  “Are you ditching us?” Jenny asked.

  “Look at her, she’s been up all week screwing her new boyfriend. Poor thing needs her beauty sleep,” Sam said, laughing.

  I laughed. “Ain’t that the truth.”

  “Okay, missy, go home to your man,” Jenny said.

  I hugged both of them. “Thank you both so much for everything. I love you both so much.”

  “Whatever drunk lady, go home,” Sam said then smacked my behind.

  I left the bar and headed home. After a block I realized Jay said he’d come pick me up at the bar. Oh well, I walked home from it every Friday night for years, I wasn’t worried.

  Chapter 6

  I turned the corner and came face to face with Calvin. My heart pounded in my chest. What was he doing here? On this street on a Friday night? I picked up my walking pace.

  In an instant he was in front of me, blocking my way. I was sure he still blamed me for getting him fired from Force McAllister. But I thought he’d worked his aggression out when he’d emailed the photo of Jay and me having sex to the entire office.

  My pulse pounded in my ears as I tried to sidestep him.

  “Well, if it isn’t the boss’s fuck toy,” he said, snarling.

  “Leave me alone, Calvin.” I tried to sound forceful.

  “Even after all his lies, you’re still fucking him.”

  “What lies?” Why did I engage him? I need to get away from him.

  “You mean you don’t know?”

  “Know what?” He burst out into maniacal laughter and I willed Jay to appear.

  “The man has secrets.”

  “How would you know?” I spat the words at him.

  “Let’s just say a friend told me.” This was crazy. Calvin was crazy. I tried walking around him again, but he blocked me.

  “What do you want from me?”

  “It’s not you I want something from.”

  Enough of the riddles. I pulled out my phone.

  “Calling your boyfriend, are you? James McAllister, the lying liar,” he laughed.

  “Yes, he’s only around the corner. He’ll be here in a second.”

  “Suit yourself, but I’m only trying to help you. You’re trusting the wrong person. Be careful. Watch out for his lies.”

  Calvin smirked then disappeared into the shadows. I put my phone away and speed-walked home.

  I tried to make sense of Calvin’s words, which was difficult in my drunken state. Why was he there, on that street? He’d made me feel threatened, but then he said those things about Jay. Was Jay hiding more stuff? Telling more lies? I didn’t believe it. Didn’t want to believe it. Calvin was crazy. But how did he know so much about Jay?

  I walked into my condo. Jay jumped up from his position at the little dining table to greet me.

  “Beautiful, why didn’t you call?”

  “Sorry, I left kind of fast and forgot.”

  “You have to phone me, I need to make sure you’re safe.”

  “Safe from what?”

  “Everything.”

  “Don’t worry, I’m home safe and sound.”

  Except for the run-in with Calvin, but I decided not to tell Jay about it.

  “Good, I couldn’t bear anything happening to you,” he said as he slid his hands around my waist and kissed me.

  I melted into his arms, forgetting all about Calvin. Now the only thing that mattered to me was Jay.

  Chapter 7


  “Let’s go, I want to get out on the water early.”

  I followed Jay out of the condo and down to the street. He parked in the pay parking lot just down the street. I was glad he’d gotten the hint from having his car keyed and didn’t park in the no-parking zone in front of my building now.

  We approached a deep blue Bentley.

  “Where’s the other car?”

  “Being painted.”

  I laughed. “How many cars do you have?”

  “Several.”

  “I’m surprised you don’t have a chauffeur.”

  He gave me that look again. The one he gave me every time I say something normal and naïve that betrays my ignorance about having money.

  “I have a driver but I only use him when I need to get work done while I’m moving. Otherwise I drive myself because I enjoy it.”

  I laughed. Of course he did. I had to stop being so surprised at these things.

  As soon as we were out of the parking garage, he floored it. The car rumbled and my body pushed back into my seat. I gripped the door handle as Jay wove his way in and out of cars, never stopping for a yellow no matter how far back we were.

  We arrived at the marina, and I plodded along behind him, slack jawed at the sight of all the boats. Yachts and cabin cruisers of all sorts. Jay led me to the biggest cabin cruiser in the marina, which didn’t surprise me. He plunked the picnic basket down on the boat.

  It was a huge boat with a deck at the rear and sundeck on top. The name Bourbon Chaser was written across the back. Jay started untying it.

  “Why’s it called Bourbon Chaser?” I asked.

  “My parents used to own racehorses, and Bourbon Chaser was the best. He won every race he entered.”

  “Wow,” I said. Racehorses? He must have come from money. I knew less than nothing about horses. Other than that Matt would sometimes talk about them. I’d always tuned him out.

  “I thought you said you made your fortune on your own, without any help from anyone.” From his kneeling position on the dock, he looked at me.