My Soul to Keep (The Soul Keeper Series - Young Adult Paranormal Romance)
Page 16
Mrs. Cohen hands out a pop quiz on Oliver Twist. I busy myself with it and when the bell rings I hand in my test and squirm out of the crowd and as far away from him as possible. When lunch comes, I sneak off campus and eat lunch at a small cafe nearby. Emily is texting me. “Where are you?” “Sam says he's sorry.” “What happened with you two?” “Brennen you are worrying me.” I text back, “I am fine, I just left for lunch. TTYL.” It is enough to silence her queries for now. I know I will have to face him soon, but the wound he caused is too fresh. Sam sends a long message:
I know I screwed things up between us. I know I do not deserve your forgiveness. My emotions overwhelm me sometimes and make me blind to the pain I can inflict. I will give you some time and space if that is what you want. As soon as I shut my front door yesterday I knew I was being an ass. I turned back around, but you were already gone. What have I done? I can't believe I acted the way I did. I was stupid, and I will say it again, I am truly sorry. Yours, Sam
I read it and reread it until I have to leave and go back to campus. I still don't get why he acted that way. Dr. Kennedy could have a field day with him. After Spanish, I manage not to run into Sam the rest of the day and since this week is Thanksgiving we have off until next Monday. After school I go over to Emily's house so I can fill her in, otherwise she may show up on my doorstep tomorrow.
“Hey Bren, come on in.” Emily is already out of her school clothes and into a plain tee and sweat pants. We go straight to her room and shut the door. Her room is dim and decorated in a funky spastic vibe that screams her name with punctuated exaggeration. A neon pink dresser displays an array of expensive perfumes to small Happy Meal toys. Her mirror is home to a collection of scarves and her bed is stark white in comparison to the rest of the space. From her ceiling hang at least a hundred origami cranes, suspended by clear filament.
“So I kind of heard Sam's version of what happened and I am on your side completely.”
“I am going to tell him that we are over. I can't see being with someone who would ever treat me that way.” She slides onto her bed like a lazy cat. I spin around in her desk chair feeling more like a broken record stuck on repeat.
“I agree he was way outta line. But I wonder if he has a hard time dealing with emotional issues, you know after losing his mom and everything.” Per usual, Emily makes perfect sense.
“Well I can't stay long I have to get to the nursing home and check on Grandma.”
“Hey since Sam's is out of the question, you are welcome to come here for Thanksgiving.”
“Thank you for inviting me Em, but I think I am going to just spend it with Grandma.”
“Okay just so long as you spend it with those you care about.”
“Thank you, and if you don’t hear from me much this break, it’s because I need to catch up on some school work. I have to work on my essay and well you know.”
“Okay, well don’t work too hard. It is your vacation after all. Call me when you’re ready for a break.”
I leave Emily's and visit Grandma for a while. She doesn't know who I am today. She hasn't remembered me in a very long time. Her nurses think it won't be much longer, she has pneumonia again. Their prognosis doesn't help my bleak mood.
Once at home I write Sam a text. I get that you are sorry, but it is not enough. To know that you are capable of treating me with such blatant disregard shows me that you are not the man I thought you were. I forgive your anger, but I can't be with anyone who would ignore my more than valid fear of flying. ~Bren. I press send.
I keep telling myself that I am doing this to keep him safe. Instead I do something that I never thought I would do in a million lifetimes. I call Dr. Kennedy and ask her to come by tomorrow so we can talk. I need answers and she is the only one who seems willing to deliver them. She agrees to come over at noon. I turn off my phone because I don't want to read Sam’s reply or have him trying to change my mind all night. I toss it on my bed and change into a tee shirt and sweats. I think I will clean the house. The housekeeper crew comes in once a week and keeps the house as clean as a whistle, and I can't find anything that needs cleaning. There aren't even dust bunnies under the bed. Maybe I will cook something besides a frozen dinner tonight. I go to the fridge and find I am out of most of everything. The fridge looks like a blank white canvas. The door is filled with jars of jam, ketchup and condiments but nothing to put them on. I write out a list and decide to do some grocery shopping. I turn my phone back on before I back out of the drive way. Temptation takes over and I stop at the end of my drive way to read Sam's reply.
I didn't know you were afraid to fly, so it caught me off guard. You are the first girl I have ever had feelings for. When you wouldn't fly with me I felt like you didn't trust me to keep you safe and it hurt. Then when you said you couldn't lose me, for the first time I felt loved by someone. I didn't talk to you the whole way home because I was scared that I would say something that would lose you. By the time we got back, I knew by not speaking, I had ruined everything, Yes I’m an idiot. Please, Bren give me another chance. Great, why did I read that? I sigh and make my way to the store.
The grocery store was packed full of shoppers trying to gather the makings for their Thursday feast. I had been looking forward to cooking for Sam's family. I have to inch my way down the aisles, it's like five o'clock bumper to bumper traffic on a Friday in here. So I do what I usually do in traffic I let my mind drift to my problems. I am conflicted about Sam. I could easily take him back and teach him to talk through his feelings. Or I can stand my ground and keep him safe. I think about his dad and sisters who have already lost a wife and a mother, and between the dairy isle and the ramen noodle display, I decide I am going to keep him safe, even if it means being alone.
***
Dr. Kennedy arrives as promised at noon. She is dressed in jeans and a tee shirt and looks nothing like her usual button upped self.
“Thank you for coming Dr. Kennedy.”
“I am glad you called Brennen.”
I lead her into the formal living area and bring out a tray of hot tea and cookies.
“Tea?”
She nods. I pour her a cup and hand her the saucer. My subconscious begs me to spill it on her and I tamp it down. I pour myself a cup and sit on the plush blue-gray settee.
“Where should we begin?” she asks with her usual professional tone.
“I want to know everything you have to tell me.” She considers this as she sips on her tea.
“Very well then, what you need to know is that soon we will begin grooming you for your role as the future president. We have to make sure you are fit for the role and are on board with the agenda. Forget about your friends and focus on the very real part we need you to play in saving this world.”
“What is your agenda?” I will not be a puppet to something I don't believe in. She calmly rests her cup on her knee and stares blankly at me for a moment.
“We want to rid the world of nuclear weapons. We want to end hunger, cure cancer, and stop human trafficking all together. We want to reverse global warming. We have a very aggressive plan to save the rain forests, end pollution and restore balance to the environment,” she says it all like it’s a grocery list of things I can pick up at the local Sac-n-shop.
“Is that all?” I say full of sarcasm.
“No but that is the majority of the crucial elements.”
“And you think I can accomplish this in four years of a presidency?”
“You have no idea who you are or what you are capable of, do you?” I study the floor. I really don't see how all of that is possible. Many of those things have been problems that world leaders have tried to solve over generation upon generation with very little real change. “Soon you will realize your full potential.”
“I know you have many questions, but I need you to trust that the answers you seek will be given soon.” She takes a cookie and tries it.
“Is Elijah coming back... ever?”
“Ye
s, his role is crucial in our plan, but I am afraid that you two will not be reunited for several years.” Years… It reverberates in my head like loose change hitting the tile. My heart sinks.
“Can I ask you about something?” She nods.
“You and Elijah have both hinted that we will have a chance to be together. Can you tell me if we will ever be able to love each other?”
“What do you mean? You already love each other?”
“Argh, Elena, you know what I mean, Elijah and I forbidden to even share a kiss.”
“All I can tell you is this, you will always love Elijah.” She emphasizes the word always.
“Deep down I think I already knew that,” I say staring off outside the window. Elena seems to know much more about my future than Elijah ever did. Why would they keep so much from him? They seem to be very careful about what they will and won’t tell me. This is a clue in and of itself.
“What should I do about Sam? I am always afraid that the demons or the evil ones, whatever you call them, are going to hurt the people I get close to.”
“And your question is?” she asks tersely. Keep calm, I tell myself.
“My question is: Is my fear validated? Should I keep people away?” She considers my question for a long while.
“Yes.” Okay she is really ticking me off.
“Would you care to elaborate?” I chew off. She sighs and glances down at her long manicured fingers as if she were preparing to claw my eyes out. She doesn't give the overall impression she could be dangerous, but then again the duck-billed platypus, which is perceived to be considerably adorable by some, is also remarkably venomous.
“The demons, the evil monstrosities that plague your world, are merely curious. They don't know what it is we see in you yet, but they are on to the fact that we hold you in great esteem. Perhaps having a lifetime guardian has brought forth unwanted attention in the form of these attacks. The lengths we have gone through to keep you safe have only proved you more valuable in their eyes. There is no measure to say how far they would take their efforts to hurt you. So my advice to you is to keep a good distance between yourself and the ones you want to see stay alive, at least for the time being.”
I consider this a while. If I am to be the one responsible for all of the good things she says I am, then I suppose sacrificing a love life or friendship is not too much to ask. My life is no longer insignificant. A great joy is budding inside of me, giving me hope that this mess of a planet we live on has a real chance.
“Well Brennen I really must go. If you need anything else please call me.” She hands me a card with her cell phone number written on it. I walk her to the door. I glance at her BMW, remembering seeing Elijah in the passenger’s seat the last time. Years, I sigh. I miss him a great deal, however, I feel on the verge of a satisfying apex about to bloom. Now I just have to prepare because whatever truth will be revealed soon is bound to be something I would never have an inkling of imagining.
Chapter 14 ~ Home
I sit in front of the window leading to the catwalk and listen to the wave’s methodical chants along the shoreline. It is Christmas morning and the sky is gray and cold and doesn’t match my mood one bit. I pull the red plaid blanket tighter around me. It's cold up here but I am glad to finally be back in my own home, and just in time for the holidays. I see a small ship in the distance and watch as it sails off out of sight. I love everything about Christmas. Last night I went to midnight mass at church. We were each given a candle and after the mass they were all lit. The soft glow of the candlelight cast an amber glow onto everyone’s face. The congregation sang Silent Night and the sound of one hundred voices sweetly filled the night with their resonance. I wished I would have invited my friends to go along with me, but I have been trying to keep a good distance between us to keep them safe.
I get up and go downstairs to the kitchen. I pour myself a cup of coffee and sit on the sofa admiring the soft twinkling lights on my Christmas tree. There are just two presents under it. I purchased some new night gowns for Grandma and some cozy slippers for her feet. The center is bringing her by today to spend some time at home with me. A nurse being paid roughly half of her yearly salary to work on Christmas day will accompany her. It will be worth it. I finish my cup and go upstairs and dress for the day. I put on a cashmere ivory sweater over a red plaid shirt for a touch of Christmas. I twist my hair up and clip so that soft waves cascade around my crown, but are kept out of my way while I cook.
On the menu is roasted duck, sweet potato casserole, extra fine green beans with sliced almonds and cornbread. For dessert I make a gingerbread crusted cheesecake with praline topping and caramel sauce. I start by peeling the potatoes and starting them to boil. While that is going I snap the ends off of the beans. I crush the cookies for the crust and take the potatoes off the burner and drain. I spend the whole morning preparing everything to be ready by the time Grandma gets here. The doorbell rings at one O'clock and I go to answer it, taking off my apron along the way.
“Well look what we got here. Say this is a nice place you have here.”
“Thank you, won't you please come in, Ann Marie.” It still feels strange calling my grandmother by her first name but that is what she knows now. I shake the nurse’s hand.
“Hello I am Brennen. It’s nice to meet you.”
“Tabitha miss.”
“Tabitha please, make yourself at home.” I take their coats and hang them on the rack by the door. I hug Grandma's neck long and hard. She was always a hugger so she accepts it and pats my shoulder.
“Gra...Ann Marie, Tabitha, would you like some eggnog or tea.”
“Oh I love eggnog!” Grandma cheers out.
“I'll have a cup of tea, thank you.” Tabitha politely accepts. She is a young black woman with short curly hair, clad in festive red scrubs. She wears a small jeweled Christmas tree pin on her shirt collar. I direct them to the family room so that they can sit near the tree. I have Christmas songs playing softly in the back ground. I carry out a tray of eggnog and tea and serve everyone. I made some sweet and savory appetizers as well so I set those out on the oversized ottoman.
“Let's see, I have apple tarts and cheese straws, if anyone cares for an appetizer.” Grandma picks up one of each and sits them on the edge of her saucer. Tabitha follows suit.
“I am so glad you came, Ann Marie. I have missed you so much.”
“Well I have missed you too.” She doesn't know who I am, but her etiquette and deep southern manners have been ingrained into her very essence and would never allow her to confirm it.
“That is Brennen, Ann Marie, she is your granddaughter and this is your old house. You two used to live here together,” Tabitha explains, contrary to what I have been told to do.
“Oh I'm sorry dear; my mind isn't what it used to be.” Grandma looks around trying to remember her home. I hate this disease. Why can't we cure this too, if cancer is on my to-do list? The house is far from the way she left it. With all new living room furniture, it’s no surprise she looks around like a lost child. The walls are even a different color. It has been fun decorating, it was the only thing I had to do during Christmas break so I spent every waking minute planning out the details. My room has a peacock blue duvet and a tufted grey velvet headboard with a silver nail head trim. A picture of Elijah, Sam, Emily and me at homecoming is framed on the wall.
I bring Grandma a photo of the two of us sitting on the porch swing two summers ago. She smiles at it and hands it back to me.
“Are you still in school dear?” Grandma asks.
“Yes I have one semester of high school left and I am applying to Harvard in the spring. I have taken my SAT's and I think I did pretty well. I won't know for a couple more weeks.”
“Well, how about that, you really are my granddaughter, smart and pretty!” She laughs. It is a wonderful sound to have back in this house.
“And what is it you want to do after college?” she asks while sipping on her eggnog.
“I see, well I wish you the best of luck Brennen.”
“Thank you.” I hug her neck again. “How have you been lately?” Grandma looks to Tabitha for answers.
“The doctors say she is doing very well, she got over that pneumonia last month just fine. She is a strong spirited woman and she will fight it all the way down.” Tabitha gives her a knowing smile. I think she is fond of Grandma.
“Please excuse me while I serve dinner.” I get the duck and potatoes out of the oven and carve the duck to the best of my abilities, which is just shy of mutilated. My dad always did the carving.
“Well dinner is ready, shall we go eat?”
The women get up from the sofa, Tabitha taking my grandmother's elbow and leading her to the dining room. I decide to have dinner in the family dining room instead of the formal. It is just the three of us after all.
The duck is a bit on the dry side, but not bad considering I have never made a duck before. Elijah would have been impressed by my culinary feat. Yes Elijah, I baked just for you, wherever you are.
“Did I teach you how to cook?” Grandma asks.
“You sure did. Did you know this is your sweet potato recipe?”
“I thought so.” She smiles and takes another bite. Tabitha passes her the cornbread.
“Look here Mrs. Hale, fresh corn bread.” Grandma takes a piece. I feel so lucky to get one more Christmas with Grandma. After we stuff ourselves silly we go back to the living room. I let their food digest while I clear the table.
I join them in the living room. I give Grandma her gift to open. She smiles and accepts the package. She seems like she likes it.