QUANTUM

by Imogen Rose

“What about Ella?” Olivia whispered.

  “David, can you go and get her?”

  “Get whom?” I asked. Mom and I looked at each other.

  David returned with something in his arms, some kind of pink snugglie. He came over to the coffee table where Inez put down a cushion. Gertrude went over and sat on it and waited, looking up at David. We were all looking at David.

  He carefully unwrapped the blanket to reveal a set of big eyes… oh, I was overcome. It was the cutest little Chihuahua since Gertrude had been a pup. David sat her down beside Gertrude, who promptly licked her. I reached over to pet her.

  “This is Gertrude’s niece,” Inez smiled. “She is a Wanderer and she has been assigned to Ella. I’m in no way saying that Gertrude leaving won’t break her heart, as it has yours, but this will help.”

  David came up and gave me hug. “It’s going to be all right, Poppet.”

  We were in a crazy hurry to get to the rink after our meeting with Inez. Thankfully Kellan swung by my house and picked up my hockey kit for me. I was emotionally drained; it was hard leaving Gertrude and the new puppy–who was fricking adorable–behind. Inez promised me that Gertrude would be waiting for me at my house after hockey. It was decided that Gertrude would leave tomorrow with David. There was no point in prolonging the pain of the upcoming separation. Thankfully, Gertrude would wander back and visit with us briefly in a couple of days. Inez did warn us that, although she was allowing this first visit, the visitations couldn’t be too frequent. It would apparently drain Gertrude both physically and emotionally. However, she would make it a point of visiting every couple of months.

  When we asked Inez about where exactly Gertrude was going, she was annoyingly evasive. I tried to explain to her my dad’s dislike of animals and that Gertrude wouldn’t be happy there, but she told me not to worry. Apparently everything had been taken care of to Gertrude’s satisfaction. My satisfaction seemed to be irrelevant. Oh well.

  I managed to draw on the annoyance of that thought, feeling myself grow more and more frustrated. By the time David dropped me off at the entrance to the rink, I was boiling over. Kellan was waiting for me with my kit. He came over to hug me, but must have felt my mood.

  “Hey, what’s up? You look ready to kill,” he said bemusedly, which added to my irritation.

  “Just a bit stressed. I have so much to tell you. Hang out after the game?”

  He nodded, as I quickly kissed his cheek and went in through the metal doors.

  What’s the best thing about playing for a girl’s team? Hanging out in the locker room with my team, instead of having to change by myself and being left out of all the locker room banter. The girls were super excited, as was I.

  “Ready?” I shouted, struggling into my slightly-too-small black and yellow Mountain Cats jersey. They had gotten my measurements all wrong; I’d have to get a new one. I glanced over at the C on my shoulder. Captain. I smiled.

  “Yeah, good to go,” shouted Tilda, our goalie. “Sure you can handle a bunch of girls?” she teased.

  I chuckled and threw my lip gloss at her. Then I deposited my pink helmet securely on my head and led them out. This was a seriously awesome bunch of players. It was too bad none of them went to Mountain View High. They seemed to come from the private schools in the area. I had gotten to know them a bit during summer camp. They seemed pleased to have me on the team.

  “Seriously, Arizona. You’ll need to get yourself a black helmet,” Coach Mims ordered, as we entered our box.

  I smiled back–I had no intention of doing that. Coach delivered his pre-game talk. I listened more intently that usual. I was the captain, after all. Better take things a bit more seriously. The usual butt-ending and body checks were not going to cut it. In fact, body checking was against the rules! So, I really had to pull my socks up and play differently, relying on my speed and stick skills, which would be difficult playing defense. I glanced up at the stands–everyone was there: Mom, Rupert, Kellan, Ella, David, Ariele, Ali, Maria. And wow, even Justin and Simla. I smiled and waved at them.

  It was awesome feeling the ice beneath me as we skated along during warm ups. When the whistle blew, I skated to the center for face off. We played well, but not well enough. We were young as a team and hadn’t had much experience playing together and it showed. I only spent two minutes in the penalty box for gently–yes gently, she didn’t even go down–body checking my opponent. The game ended in a draw, which was okay for the first game. I’d get this team into shape for the next one.

  The post-game locker-room antics were hilarious. Tilda started us off by shaking a bottle of coke and announcing that it was Champagne before she sprayed it all over us. A riot ensued. Thank goodness there were showers we could use.

  Kellan was waiting for me outside the changing room as I emerged with a crowd of noisy girls.

  “Hey,” I said, and walked into his arms and kissed him.

  “Is that the boyfriend?” Tilda snorted from behind me.

  “Yup,” he said. “Nice to meet you, ladies. Well done on the ice today. You were awesome.”

  “Oh, you’re hot!” Tilda retorted, looking him up and down. “What’s your name?”

  I laughed, “Kellan, cute isn’t he?” I said, and pinched his cheek really hard.

  “Shrimp!”

  “Shrimp?” repeated the girls, rolling their eyes and laughing.

  I shook my head. “Later, girls. See you guys at practice tomorrow,” I said, dragging Kellan toward the exit.

  “Nice girls,” he said, as we walked over to my yellow Jeep. Kellan had driven my kit over in it. “We’re heading over to my house for dinner. Your family, David, Ali, Maria and Ariele are already there.”

  “Do we have to go over right away? Can we talk first?”

  “Well, they are waiting. Hold on, let me call Dad and check.”

  As he called, I wondered how I’d fill him in on everything. In a way, I felt too drained to begin. It would have been handy, this one time, if he could read me.

  ~

  Olivia looked around Larry’s living room, happy to have everyone here to celebrate Arizona’s game. She’d not had a chance to talk to Larry yet, after the revelation that his wife, Catherine, had been a Sigma-W. She looked around and spotted him walking over to her, talking into his cell.

  “That was Kellan,” he said, putting the phone back into his pocket. “They are running a bit late and will be here in an hour or so. Kellan said we could go ahead and start without them, if we want. How is Ella holding up? Is she starving?”

  Olivia looked over at her tiara-wearing daughter and smiled. She was busy chatting with her friend Jonas. “She seems to be fine. She had a play date with Sally earlier, which wiped her out. She napped on the way to the rink, so she should be fine. She had a snack about an hour ago, and she’s been helping herself to all the delicious crudités.”

  “Good. How are you holding up? I heard about Gertrude. Inez told me.”

  “I am conflicted. I’m going to miss her like crazy like I did before, which is why I brought her here. I can’t keep her here now that I know she wants to leave. Where will she go, though? Surely not back to Dillard? That frightens me more than anything.”

  “I can’t imagine so,” Larry comforted her. “What does Dillard need a Wanderer for? No, there must be another plan for Gertrude. Whatever it is, she wants to partake in it. Inez would never force her.”

  Olivia nodded. “I just wish I knew. It would make it easier for me. But this is not about me; it’s about doing what’s best for Gertrude. I understand that, and also have her best interests at heart. I hope that she knows that she is always welcome back with us, anytime.”

  “I’m sure she knows that.”

  “Larry, what about you? How are you coping? I haven’t talked to you since you found out about Catherine….”

  “I’m okay, I guess. I’ve spent ages trying to figure it all out. How could I not have known this about my own wife? It was one thing you not k
nowing about Rupert, but I’ve known about Wanderers for a long time, yet I didn’t know my own wife was one! Was she a Wanderer plant? Did she even love me? Would we have met each other if the Wanderers hadn’t wanted me to work with you?”

  “How did you and Catherine meet, Larry?” Olivia asked. She had wondered before, but Larry always avoided talking about his late wife. It was too painful for him.

  “We met at a conference in Bern. I first noticed her when she was presenting her paper. I was mesmerized by her voice, so soft, but captivating. Then at the conference dinner, she came up to me and introduced herself. She said that she really enjoyed my talk….” He stopped. “She came up to me.”

  “That doesn’t necessarily mean that she was a plant,” Olivia protested. “Besides, no matter how or why you met, you both loved each other. You had a child together.”

  Larry’s eyes welled up. Olivia put her arm around him and walked with Larry to the library for some privacy. Once he had worked through his emotions, he pointed to the painting on the easel. “That’s her.”

  Olivia nodded. She’d seen the painting many times and suspected as much. “She was very beautiful.”

  “Beautiful?” said a little voice from the doorway.

  “Ella, yes. You are beautiful,” Olivia smiled. “What’s up? Where’s Jonas?”

  “Right here,” Jonas said, peering around the doorframe.

  “Dad sent us to look for you, though I think that was just an excuse to get rid of us. They all looked very secretive. They’re up to something,” Ella said, nodding her head and raising her brows.

  “Oh, I can’t imagine what. Let’s go find out,” Olivia said, shooting Larry a quizzical glance. He just smiled mysteriously. On the way back to the living room he walked up close to her and whispered, “We were going to wait for Kellan and Arizona, but this can’t wait any longer.”

  Everyone was huddled into a circle when Olivia, Larry, Jonas and Ella walked into the room.

  “Ella, we have something for you,” Rupert said as he moved to let the new puppy scamper out.

  “Awww, I love her,” Ella whispered gathering the puppy up in her lap. “Can I keep her? Can I call her Tallulah? She is so cute! Look she’s wearing a matching tiara.”

  ~

  We decided to drive over to my house. It was empty now that my family was over at Kellan’s. As soon as I opened the door, Gertrude sprang up on me and licked me half to death. My eyes filled and tears streamed down my face.

  “Shrimp? Come over and sit down,” Kellan said, ushering me to the couch while I held onto Gertrude. “What’s going on?”

  I told him the story, all of it, amid occasional sobs. Gertrude sat on me, licking off my tears.

  “Geez. This is unbelievable. Will she do the paw thing now if we ask her some more questions?” Kellan asked.

  “I don’t know. We could try.” I put Gertrude down beside me and looked her in the eye. “Gertrude, can I ask you another question?”

  She yawned and lay down, closing her eyes.

  Kellan laughed. “I guess not.”

  “It’s not funny,” I said grumpily.

  “I know. I’m sorry. You’ll see her again. We’re heading off to college next year anyway.”

  “I know,” I said, leaning into him. I put my nose to his chest and took a deep breath, he smelled so good. He cupped the back of my neck with his hand and pulled me in, brushing his lips against mine. I lost myself in him for a while. The best a-while I had all day, hockey included.

  “Shrimp, we better head over to my house, everyone is waiting. It was always meant to be a late dinner, but we’re now very late.”

  I reluctantly extracted myself from his arms and stood up. “Let’s take Gertrude with us.” I picked her up and carried her out to the Jeep.

  As I was driving, Kellan suddenly snapped, “Stop! Pull over.”

  My heart skipped a couple of beats at his tone. I was filled with dread. “What’s up,” I asked, once I had pulled into the hard shoulder. “Did I drive over something?” I asked fearfully.

  “No, no. Hold on just a sec,” he said, obviously gathering his thoughts.

  He looked seriously worried, his brows twisted into a deep furrow. I waited, getting more and more anxious.

  “Arizona, what if you disappear once Gertrude leaves?”

  I shook my head trying to get my head around to what he was suggesting. “You mean you’re wondering if I’ll turn back into the original Arizona Darley?”

  He nodded.

  Wow. I had never considered that possibility. Had anyone else? The Wanderers? Mom? It was possible that when Gertrude left, she would take Arizona Stevens with her. She had, after all, brought me here. What would happen to me? Would I evaporate into nothingness, never to exist again? It is entirely possible that I would, for all intents and purposes, die. Arizona Darley could emerge again. I had sort of stolen her life, after all.

  “Shrimp?”

  “Kellan, it hadn’t even occurred to me,” I said, looking over at him. “I guess you would have your real Shrimp back.”

  He got out of the car, slamming the door behind him. Sheesh. I shouldn’t have said that so flippantly. I got out of the car and walked around, put my arms around him and hugged him tight.

  “Kellan, don’t be angry. I didn’t mean it like that. I have no idea what’s going to happen. I can’t imagine myself being any other way now. I am Arizona Darley who plays hockey and loves you.”

  He nodded and brushed his lips against mine. “You are my real Shrimp,” he whispered into my ear.

  The game had been wicked. Since David was away, I was subbing as captain, sweet! I had laid out two of our opponents and gotten myself banned from the next game, but it was worth it. David was going to be proud of me–I think. I had managed to keep our spotless record intact. It sucked not being able to celebrate it with him, though. It had only been a few days but I missed him. Sheesh, I snickered to myself. I have changed!

  A lot had changed over the last year.

  ~

  Last year, as I watched David get back into the cab to head back to Newark airport, I felt so low. I had walked into the house, not really wanting to chat with Dad.

  “Hey, Arizona, where’ve you been? I was expecting you to be home. And what did you need all that money for?”

  “Dad, I’m tired. Can we talk about this in the morning?”

  “No, I have to go to Atlantic City again. I’ve been invited to another private poker game. Can’t miss it.”

  “Why not?”

  Dad looked at me like I’d lost my mind. “What are you talking about? I can’t miss it, you know that.”

  I sighed. I knew that? That being that he was a compulsive gambler and couldn’t say no to a game.

  “Anyway, where have you been and why did you need all that money?”

  “Well, I went to camp, remember? You were supposed to pick me up at the bus stop, at school.”

  He sighed. “Sheesh. I’m sorry, slipped my mind. How was camp?”

  “Pretty awesome, really intense. The digs were bad, roaches and all. We didn’t spend much time in them, though. When I got there, I’d already been assigned a roommate–Marie from Vancouver. She was a really nice girl, you know, sweet and demure, not at all what I’d expected. I was a bit worried that the rest of them would be all girlie-girlie as well. But Marie was the exception. The rest of the girls were loud and aggressive. Marie turned out to be really good on the ice, though. The scouts were all over her. It turns out that her mom is looking into a position at Princeton, so who knows, she may end up moving here. That would be cool. We could use her on the team, though the boys may eat her alive. Or not, she’s very pretty.

  “Anyhow, practice started at six in the morning every day, so we were up at five. The day started out on ice, followed by breakfast and theory, which was achingly boring, but could have been run by scouts so I tried paying attention.”

  “Good. Were you approached by any of them?”

/>   “Yeah, two. They asked for my contact details and said they’d be in touch.”

  “Let me know if they do. So what did you need the money for?”

  “Well, when you didn’t pick me up at school, I got Christian to drop me off at home. I went straight to bed. Then someone broke in….”

  “Broke in? Did you call 911?”

  “No, I didn’t have time. I heard glass shattering and thought it might be you, having forgotten your keys or whatever, so I came into the living room to have a look. And someone grabbed me….”