Dirty Love & Filthy Lies

by C. Shell

  We haven’t spoken since, and that was two days ago.

  And it’s not because I haven’t tried. Ashton had only been gone an hour before I was blowing up his phone. I left so many voice mails that his mailbox stopped accepting anymore. I’m desperate to tell him my side of the story. It’s what I should have done from the beginning.

  Becca finally stole my phone from me and wouldn’t give it back until I promised to calm down and stop acting out. She was right in doing so, but it still pissed me off. I already miss him, which sounds crazy.

  Maybe I am crazy.

  Patience has never been a virtue of mine, so waiting for him to call me back has been pure torture. Ashton must think I’m the worst kind of person. He’s not too far off the mark, but I wouldn’t have agreed to Conner’s demands if I had a better option. The college should contact me any now with their decision on the financial aid. As a back-up, Becca has been helping me hunt down a better job. If I end up paying for my sister’s education, then I will need all the help I can get.

  “I’m out of here,” Becca announces, dragging my thoughts back to the present. “Promise you will call if anything bad happens. Even if they’re just being annoying assholes. Patrick and I will drop everything to come and get you.”

  “It’ll be fine.” I smile back at her despite the apprehension I feel about tonight. I don’t know what I would do without Becca. She’s the glue holding me together. It’s comforting to know that she’s always got my back. “Don’t worry about me.”

  She runs a ran through her pink hair, the strands lighter now than they were a few weeks ago. Becca reminds me of Tinkerbelle, all cute and full of spunk. “Have you spoken to your sister anymore? I know you’re trying to protect her, but Bella needs to know what’s going on.”

  I’m already shaking my head before she can finish her sentence. “My sister has enough on her plate at home. Mom’s got a new boyfriend, and he sounds like trouble. Bella needs to concentrate on her schooling and keeping out of mom’s way. I created this problem, so it’s my job to fix it.”

  “This is not your fault,” Becca argues, her hands fisted on her hips. Her face is a mask of seriousness as she stares at me. “If anyone is to blame, it’s Conner and his psycho father.”

  “Yeah, maybe, but I shouldn’t have taken his father up on his offer to pay for Bella’s schooling. I knew better than to think there would be no strings attached. The world doesn’t work that way. Nothing is ever free.”

  “I won’t have you playing the martyr,” she huffs. “College board be damned. We will work this out and Bella will be fine. She is a strong girl; she can take a hit or two. One of these days will have to step back and let her live life without knowing there is a parachute available to always save her ass. You can’t always come to her rescue. No one helped you and look how far you’ve come.”

  I bob my head. I want to argue with Becca, but a small part of me knows that she’s right. It’s just that Bella has always been the shy, sweet type. From the time she was born, I stepped up and looked after her. Mom sure as hell wasn’t fit to do it. It’s always been she and I against the cruel, hard world, and I want to do this last thing for her. After college she can find her own path, but until then I’ll still be here making sure she lands on her feet.

  “You better get going,” I warn her. “You’ll be late if you don’t.”

  “Be careful.” Becca yanks me into a hug.

  I hold on to her tight before showing her out the door. Conner will be here soon, and I still need to finish getting ready. I can’t imagine tonight being anything but miserable. I’m not in the mood to play nice. Like a lamb being thrown to the wolves, dangerous men in expensive suits will surround me. I’ve been doing my research since this all started. The firm Conner’s family is part of is nothing but a glorified mob.

  They wield the law like it’s their personal playground, making up rules, and greasing hands wherever they go. Witnesses have come up missing, and bodies have washed up on shores. The people they protect are the worst kind and thanks to Conner I’m now in their crosshairs. I haven’t told Becca any of this yet. If she knew how bad it is, she would lose her shit. I’m still having a hard time wrapping my head around it all. All I know is that I’ve somehow got to be smarter than them. It’s them versus me, and I’m not going down without a fight.

  Staring into the mirror, I slather on another layer of mascara when a rapid knock on the door almost causes me to poke my eye out. Guess it’s show time. Cursing my shaky nerves, I wipe at the smeared glob of mascara as I stumble over to the door and throw it open.

  “Almost done. Just need another minute to…” My voice trails off, unable to finish my thought when I notice not Conner, but Ashton standing at my door.

  I blink to make sure my imagination isn’t running rampant. It’s him. It’s really him. My heart stutters in my chest before kicking into high gear. I can’t believe he’s here. Despite the shadows under his eyes, he looks good. Really good.

  The Henley pullover he wears is crumpled as if he slept in it. His pair of low riding jeans hug his long legs and my eyes greedily eat up every inch of him. He stands before me with his hands shoved deep in his pockets and a broody expression on his handsome face.

  I want to jump into his arms and never go, but I’m not sure he wants that. I don’t know what to do. “I’m so glad you’re here,” I tell him, my eyes prickling with tears. I’ve missed you so much. I tried calling, but I’m sure you know that already.”

  He inches forward but doesn’t reach for me and my stomach plummets. I’m not a beggar, but I could learn. Anything to get back to where we were.

  Word vomit gets the best of me and once I open my mouth, I don’t know how to stop. All my worries and fears come tumbling out. “I have so much to tell you. I should have told you everything from the start. I was stupid and scared of losing you. My life is beyond complicated right now. The main thing you should know is that I don’t love Conner. I did at one time, but I things hadn’t been right between us for a while now. I wouldn’t be going tonight if I didn’t have to.”

  “Emma,” Ashton barks, interrupting me. I blink up at him. “I need to tell you something.”

  I take in his serious face, and my mind draws a horrible conclusion. “Oh, shit.” My voice cracks along with my heart. “Are you here, to break up with me?” I shouldn’t be surprised I knew this was a possibility. Nothing good ever lasts.

  A muscle in his jaw ticks. “I’m not here to break up with you.”

  My brows pinch together. “You’re not?” Hope makes my heart beat a happy tune.

  “No,” he sighs, raking a hand through his hair. He looks exhausted, like he hasn’t slept in days. Join the club. It’s hard to sleep when you can’t turn your mind off. Even the holistic shit Becca shoved down my throat last night couldn’t bring me peace.

  I can’t decipher the look on his face and that unnerves me. “I need to know what’s going on. I heard all your voicemails and read your messages, but I need to hear it from you.” He pierces me with a glare. “All of it. No more holding back on me.”

  Talk about bad timing. I’ve been praying for this moment, and of course it would have to come when I’m about to leave. To go on a date. With my ex. I have the worst luck.

  Tears lodge in my throat. Taking Ashton’s hand in mine, I pull him into my room and shut the door. “I don’t have much time. I’ll give you the Cliffs Notes version.” I point to the bed behind him. “You should probably take a seat. It’s a lot to take in.”

  “Just spit it out,” he gripes. “I’m not a child, I can handle it.”

  And with that, I tell Ashton everything.

  And I do mean everything.

  I keep to the facts and talk fast so I can get it all out before Conner arrives and we’re interrupted. By the time I’m done, I feel as if it sliced me wide open. My pathetic life is exposed for the world to see and it sucks. I don’t do vulnerable well, never have.

  Ashton’s jaw sh
arpens, and he starts curses up a storm, his hands fisting in his hair, making the unruly strands stand up every which way. It only makes him look hotter. Stalking over to where I stand, Ashton grabs my hand and lifts it to his chest. His heart is beating as fast and as strong as mine, and that makes me warm all over.

  He stares down at me and I’ve never seen his eyes so soft. “I’m upset that you felt like you couldn’t talk to me.”

  I laugh, the sound hollow and wrong. “My life is a classic Jerry Springer show,” I point out. “No girl should come with the baggage I have. I thought once you found out what I was dealing with you would run for the hills.”

  “You didn’t give me a chance,” he argues. “Instead of being honest you kept me in the dark.” Shaking his head, Ashton glances at his watch and lets out a low growl. “Fuck. He will be here, won’t he?”

  The he in question doesn’t need explaining. I sigh heavily, feeling as if the weight of the world is on my shoulders. “Unfortunately, yes. Then it’s off to The Godfather’s house.”

  A heavy silence hangs in the air, and his expression grows cloudy. When his eyes shoot to mine, I flinch at the pain flashing back at me. I hate that I put that look in his eyes. I don’t know how, but I will fix this. All of it.

  I will earn Ashton’s trust back, if it’s the last thing I do.

  I cup his face in my hands and place a tender kiss on his lips. “You know I don’t have a choice, right? Until the school agrees to help or I have a better plan in place, this is my only choice.”

  He takes a step back and rubs at his temples. “I could help,” he hedges. “I have some money in savings. It’s not a lot, but it would pay for Bella’s first year. It would give you some time and we can make out a payment plan, something that works with your tutoring income.”

  I bury my head in his chest. I don’t deserve Ashton. He sure as hell deserves better than me. “I love that you want to be my white knight but isn’t a fairytale. I have to fix this on my own.” My voice cracks. “I’m not taking your money. Your business is finally taking off. I’ve heard your plans and you need every cent of that money to expand and make it happen. I appreciate the offer, but I need to do this my way.”

  He sighs. “Emma…”

  “I’m not accepting it.” I bite my lip to keep my emotions in check. I don’t have the time needed to fall apart right now. It’s almost show time, and I need my wits about me to survive this dinner. “Thanks, but no thanks.”

  He breathes, kissing my hair. “We’ve still got a lot to talk about, but it can wait. I had to come see you tonight. I didn’t want you to go off with him without letting you know how I feel.”

  My heart pounds loud in my ears. If this were a movie, the music would change tempo to something dramatic and the cameraman would zoom in on us. Thank god it’s not because I probably look like a complete mess.

  I swallow past the lump in my throat. “And now that you know everything, what are you thinking?”

  He throws me a hard look, his jaw tight. “Like I want to spank your ass and fuck you until I’m the only man occupying your thoughts.”

  I gape at him. Holy shit balls. My thighs clench. That sounds hot. And so much better than sitting through a dinner with a bunch of rich picks. Relaxing a little, I lean into him. “So, you’re not still mad at me?”

  He smiles, and it’s wicked. “No such luck, cherry girl. I’m fucking furious.” Ashton’s tone might be harsh, but his touch is soft as he strokes my cheek. “My knee-jerk reaction was to find your shitty ex-boyfriend and rearrange his face. I don’t normally enjoy violence, but the need to make him hurt is keeping me up at night.” Leaning down, he kisses my neck. “That’s when I realized just how much you mean to me. You’re mine, Cherry Girl, and I’m a stingy bastard. I don’t like others touching what’s mine.”

  As his warm lips skim my neck and all coherent thought leaves my head.

  I exhale, my eyelids fluttering.

  I shouldn’t be flattered that Ashton wants to hurt Conner for me, but I am. His possessiveness is a turn on. My thighs are on fire, and my nipples have pebbled against the lace of my bra. Ashton’s body presses against me, and I melt. And then he kisses me. His mouth assaults mine, his lips demanding as his tongue dives in and lays claim to every moan tumbling from mouth.

  Everything inside me lights up like a Christmas tree. Aston’s hips roll into mine and the hard ridge of him rubs between my legs, making my clit throb with need. My heart races, and my breathing turns erratic. Shamelessly, I meet his thrusts, grinding myself against his erection. God, he feels good. I close my eyes and dig my nails into his shoulders as my desire soars.

  I’m so fucking close. Just a little more.

  A hard rap on the door has us both freezing. Neither of us has time to pull away or adjust our clothing before Conner strolls through the room like he owns the damn place.

  I glower at Conner, but his eyes aren’t are me, they’re on Ashton. The tension in the room is tangible as the two of them stare each other down. It reminds me of one of those old western movies where the outlaw and the sheriff meet in the street at noon for a showdown with guns drawn. Conner would be the outlaw in that scenario.

  “Ever heard of knocking?” I grumble, finally able to find my voice. “We shut the door for a reason.”

  “We have plans. Let’s go,” Conner retorts, cocking his head to the side as he watches me. “And fix your lipstick. Mom won’t approve of you arriving to dinner looking like you just sucked on a cock.”

  Ashton lunges at Conner, but I step in his way, using my whole body to push him back before he makes contact. Not that I wouldn’t mind seeing Ashton throttle my ex. I just don’t trust Conner not to press charges against him.

  “Watch how you talk to her,” Ashton growls. “Emma might be on your arm tonight but understand me when I say that she isn’t yours anymore. She’s mine. And you better not fucking forget it.”

  Conner rolls his eyes. You can almost choke on the hostility rolling off him. “You’re nothing but a rebound fuck,” he spats. “I get that you only have a high school diploma, but surely even you can understand that?”

  “Are you shitting me?” I fire back, flexing my jaw. He’s out of his mine if he believes that.

  My entire body vibrates with anger. I take a step forward and poke him in the chest. “Conner, you might have a fancy education and more money than you know what to do with, but you are a fucking tool,” I yell. “You are not the man I thought you were, and I was stupid to waste so many years on you. Ashton isn’t is a rebound fuck,” I say, my tone biting. “He’s the man I’m falling in love with and no matter what you hold over me, that will not change.”

  Conner levels me with his eyes, his patience gone. “You keep telling yourself that,” he growls. “I don’t have time for this shit. Get your ass moving or we will be late.”

  Conner slips out into the hall, and I can breathe once again. Ashton wraps a possessive arm around my waist and tucks me in close to his body. His forehead meets mine, and I breathe in his calming scent. “My phone will be on me all night. Call if you need anything,” he tells me.

  Tears burn my eyes. I hate leaving after we just made things right again. “Will I see you later?”

  He lets out a sigh. Tipping my chin up, he looks down at me and the look on his face makes my blood course hot through my body. “I’ll be waiting here for you when you get back.”

  “Emma!” Conner yells from the doorway, making me startle. “Let’s go.”

  I shrink for a second, but then I straighten my back and my resolve. I can’t let Conner get to me. With a deep breath in and out, I calm my nerves and get my shit back together.

  This is for Bella. I can’t let her down.

  I give Ashton a quick peck on the lips. “You’re welcome to stay as long as you like. I don’t expect Becca to be back soon. Just lock the door if you leave.”

  Ashton’s gaze zeros in on me, his smoldering eyes practically burns my dress off my body.
A delicious shiver skates down my spine. “I’m not going anywhere,” he states, tone smug. “When you’re done with this clown, I’ll be waiting here for you. I plan on spending the entire night making love to you. By the time I’m done, there won’t be any trace that he ever touched you. From here on out, I want to be the last person you see when you close your eyes and the first person you kiss when you wake up.”

  I lift my head, staring directly into his golden-brown eyes. I swallow hard, fighting back emotions I don’t dare name.

  “I’m counting on it,” I tell him.

  I slip out the door and jog to catch up with Conner. How Ashton and I got this serious so soon, I’m not sure. It all feels surreal. But I like it. I like him. More than I probably should. We’ve got so much going against us but pulling away from Ashton now would be the equivalent of cutting my heart out.

  I don’t want to lose him.

  Chapter Twenty- One

  It’s amazing the things money can buy.

  The Thompson dinner party is as lavishly decorated and as boring as I expected it would be. Sparkly chandeliers drape from the ceilings, a full band it set up in the living room, an obnoxiously large ice sculpture sits in the entryway surrounded by bouquets of fresh flowers that smell divine. People dressed to the nine’s mingle around while dozens of trays of exotic d’oeuvre and expensive flutes of champagne are passed out by men dressed in head to toe black suits.

  I should get an Emmy for the performance I’m putting on as the dutiful, proud fiancé. It’s sad how easily people can be fooled. They only see what they want to see.

  If they took the time to study us thoroughly, they would notice the way I stiffen up every time Conner touches me or the smoldering anger in my eyes when he talks about how excited he is to give me his last name. He even told some old bitty that he planned on naming our first son after his father. I lost my composure on that lie and choked on my champagne.

  Everything about tonight is too much. My smile is wearing thin, and my nerves are rubbed raw. I just want to get through this dinner and get back to Ashton. The thought of him and the promises he made is the only thing keeping me together.