Men, Women & Children: A Novel

by Chad Kultgen

  Rachel said, “I don’t know. I can remember there was this interview that Anne Heche did where she said she talked to aliens in an alien language and everyone was saying her career was over because she was crazy and then 9/11 happened.”

  Chris said, “Who’s Anne Heche?”

  Don said, “She’s an actress. Was dating Ellen DeGeneres for a while.”

  Hannah said, “What else? Um . . . did you guys support the war in Iraq and everything?”

  Don said, “Well, yeah. I think everybody pretty much did. I mean, we didn’t know at the time that there weren’t going to be any weapons of mass destruction and that the whole thing was a big ploy to get more money for Bush and his oil buddies. We were just pissed off that we got attacked and the Bush administration did a real good job of making us all think that Iraq was behind it when in reality they had nothing to do with it.”

  Chris said, “How about, do you think there will be another attack in our lifetimes?”

  Rachel said, “I have no idea. I hope not, but it seems pretty impossible to stop people who are willing to kill themselves in the process of killing you, you know? I mean, if another terrorist really wants to walk into Westfield Mall with dynamite strapped to his chest and blow himself up, how can we stop him? We can’t, really. I guess we just have to hope that maybe the one good thing Obama might be able to do is make the world see us a little differently, and then maybe the terrorists won’t want to do those things anymore.”

  Chris said, “You got anything else, Hannah?”

  Hannah said, “No, I’m pretty sure we got enough. Thank you so much, Mr. and Mrs. Truby.”

  Don said, “No problem. I hope we helped you guys enough to get an A.”

  Chris said, “I think it’s one of those deals where everybody is going to get an A as long as they turn something in.”

  Don said, “Oh, well, then I hope you learned something,” and then he laughed.

  Chris said, “Do you want to go type some of this stuff out and start putting together our presentation?”

  Hannah said, “Sure.”

  Chris said, “Peace out.”

  Hannah said, “Thank you guys again so much for helping us out. And it was really nice meeting you.” Then she and Chris went back to his room, leaving Don and Rachel alone. Don stood up from his chair, moved behind Rachel, and started rubbing her shoulders. He said, “It’s weird how long ago all of that seems, isn’t it?”

  Rachel didn’t want him to touch her, but she felt guilty somehow about letting this fact be known, so she continued to allow him to rub her shoulders, her guilt tied in some way to the fact that they’d just recalled a moment of mutual trauma in their lives. She wished she could ignore the fact that it was her husband long enough to enjoy it. She said, “Yeah. It’s weird that enough time has passed that they have our kids doing school projects about it.”

  Don said, “I know,” and he leaned down to kiss his wife. Her guilt held her in place. She accepted his kiss and even kissed him back. Don’s surprise was too extreme to be hidden. He backed away from her, looked at her, and said, “I love you.” Rachel wasn’t sure whether she still loved her husband or not. She knew she wasn’t attracted to him in any way, but they had built a life together. He wasn’t a bad husband or a bad father. They were still friends on some level. She said, “I love you, too.”

  He took her by the hand and said, “Let’s go.” She allowed him to take her into their bedroom, still thinking about that morning of 9/11 when they were having sex, when there was no question in her mind that she loved her husband. She wondered if she would ever feel that way again. She thought about the years that had passed since then and about Don. She knew he hadn’t done anything to deserve the treatment he was getting from her. With that thought in her mind, she turned off the light in their bedroom, took off her clothes, and had sex with Don.

  In an effort to give him what she knew he wanted that night, she didn’t just lie still and allow him to grind his penis into her without reaction. She got on top of him, turned around so she was facing away from him, and rode him in the position she knew he enjoyed the most. She tried not to, but couldn’t stop herself from imagining Secretluvur’s penis in her vagina instead of Don’s. She found this to be beyond absurd, based on the fact that she didn’t even know what Secretluvur looked like—which made it clear to her, in that moment, that she at least had to meet him.

  Don watched his wife’s buttocks move as she had sex with him. He hadn’t seen them from this position in almost a year, and he was saddened by what he saw. His wife’s body was never perfect, but it had been, at one time, beautiful to him. Her buttocks were his favorite part. They weren’t muscular or amazingly shaped, but they were exactly what he liked in that part of a woman’s body, slightly flabby without being dimpled with cellulite, and easy to grab hold of while in certain sexual positions. All of that was gone. All Don could see was cellulite and an absence of form. He was almost too repulsed by the sight to conclude the act, but he was uncertain about when his next sexual encounter might occur, so he forced himself to continue. He fantasized about Stoya and tried to ejaculate as soon as possible, in order to end what he felt was a perversion of the sexual memories he had of his wife. While he was thinking about his penis entering Stoya’s anus, and the look of excitement and happiness on her face as he did this, Don was able to ejaculate after only a minute and forty seven seconds of being inside his wife. Both he and Rachel were relieved upon the conclusion of their sexual act.

  Chris sat at his computer desk while Hannah sat on his bed. He offered to transcribe the interview with his parents, based on the fact that he perceived himself to be the faster typist. The transcription took around forty-five minutes. After finishing, Chris turned to Hannah and said, “So should we work on how we’re going to present this, or . . . ?” Tired of wondering if Chris was ever going to make an advance, Hannah said, “Or . . . we could do something else.”

  Chris, still believing that Hannah had lost interest after their initial kiss and flurry of sexually explicit text messages, said, “Like what?”

  Hannah rolled her eyes and said, “Come here.”

  Chris left his computer chair and sat beside her on the bed. She kissed him, this time for much longer than their first kiss after the football game. Chris was more than happy that the second kiss of his life seemed to be better than the first. He could feel an erection developing as he grabbed the back of Hannah’s hair and pulled her head back hard. He had seen this maneuver employed in virtually limitless numbers of pornographic videos and the women always seemed to respond well to it. Hannah’s reaction was to say, “Ow, what are you doing?”

  Chris said, “I don’t know. Sorry.”

  Hannah said, “It’s cool. Just like you don’t have to be so . . . you know?”

  Chris said, “Yeah, sorry.”

  She took the hand that Chris had used to pull her hair and put it on one of her breasts, then said, “Here.”

  It was the first breast Chris had ever felt. He had seen countless breasts in the various videos he watched, of all shapes, sizes, and colors. He was surprised at how soft Hannah’s were. He was under the impression that breasts would be harder, like a flexed muscle. Hannah said, “You want to feel them under my shirt?”

  Chris said, “Yeah,” and put his hand under her shirt and then wedged his fingers under her bra until he flipped the cup up over her breast, exposing her nipple to his fingertips. His erection was full now as he felt Hannah’s naked breast in his hand. She said, “Do you like it?”

  Chris said, “Yeah.”

  Hannah said, “Have you ever had a blowjob?”

  Chris said, “Uh . . .”

  Hannah said, “It’s cool if you haven’t. I’m not expecting you to be, like, all experienced or anything.”

  Chris said, “Then no.”

  Hannah said, “Lay back.”

  Chris lay back on his bed as Hannah unbuttoned his jeans and pulled them down around his knees, followe
d by his underwear. She remembered the only other time she had performed oral sex as being a rather quick process that ended with an unexpected ejaculation in her face. Wanting to avoid a similar scenario, she said, “When you’re about to come, just tell me.”

  Chris said, “Okay.”

  Hannah licked the underside of Chris’s penis and noticed that it wasn’t quite as hard as it had been when she felt it prodding her through his pants. With each passing second, Chris’s penis became more and more flaccid. Hannah said, “Am I doing something wrong?”

  Chris said, “No. Just keep going.” Chris was embarrassed and unsure of why he was unable to maintain an erection. His mind could only conjure images of a pornographic video he had seen called Cockgobblers 4: Facefuck Mountain. The women in this video allowed the men to thrust their penises so far into their mouths that they frequently caused gagging, tears, and, on occasion, vomiting. This is what Chris wanted. This is what he thought of when he thought of oral sex.

  Hannah said, “This isn’t working. Do you want to try like squeezing my boob or something?”

  Chris said, “No, sit up against my wall,” as he positioned her on his bed, sitting with her back flush against his bedroom wall. He took off his pants and then said, “Now open your mouth.” Hannah did as she was instructed, and then Chris put his limp penis between her lips and began thrusting in and out of her mouth. After several seconds he began to achieve another erection.

  As Chris continued to thrust in and out of her mouth, he closed his eyes and conjured images from Cockgobblers 4: Facefuck Mountain, specifically the image of a girl with red ponytails crying as two men, each holding one of her ponytails, using them as handles for her head, forced their penises into her mouth at the same time.

  Hannah didn’t know how to react to the situation. She had been the initiator and the one to control the situation the first time she had performed oral sex. In this instance she felt as though she wasn’t even there. She felt as though Chris could have been inserting his penis into any inanimate object and there would have been little difference. This feeling wasn’t pleasant for Hannah, but she endured it because her end goal was to have sex with Chris—not specifically with Chris, but he was the best candidate for it, especially at this point. Hannah was determined to lose her virginity as soon as possible and to potentially have intercourse a few more times before the end of eighth grade. She thought there might still be a chance to lose her virginity that night.

  She reached up, pushed Chris’s hips back far enough to force him to stop what he was doing, and said, “Do you want to fuck me?” Chris did want to have sex with Hannah, but he was unsure if he could maintain an erection at that moment without reenacting something at least vaguely similar to a scene from Cockgobblers 4: Facefuck Mountain that contained nothing but aggressive and, in some cases, abusive oral sex. Chris said, “No, I just want to do this.” Hannah acquiesced and allowed him to insert his penis back into her mouth and continue to thrust.

  She looked up at him and saw that his eyes were closed. She looked around his room, noticing small details she hadn’t seen before as Chris used her mouth, adding a bit more force as their encounter continued. He had a small stack of CDs on his desk. She wondered why he had CDs, where he bought them. She assumed they were gifts from someone. She wondered who. She saw that he had an Einstein mouse pad and wondered if that too was a gift, or if Chris idolized Einstein in some way. She didn’t figure him to be the type who would.

  Chris thrust into her mouth as hard as he could three more times, bringing Hannah to the verge of gagging, until he began to ejaculate. He then pulled his penis out of Hannah’s mouth, giving her the opportunity to cough and choke as he ejaculated on her face and in her hair.

  Chris put his underwear and jeans back on and then offered Hannah a box of Kleenex. She said, “Thanks.” Chris said, “No prob. Do you want me to like, you know, go down on you or something? I mean, I could probably do it. I think I know how, kind of.” Hannah had never had a boy perform oral sex on her, but was slightly too traumatized by the sexual encounter she’d just experienced to consider anything further. She said, “You can next time. I should probably be getting home,” as she wiped the semen and tears from her face.

  Chris said, “Oh. Okay. I’m just saying, I mean, I’ve never done it before, but I’m not opposed to it or anything. I really wouldn’t mind.”

  Hannah said, “Yeah, it’s cool. Next time. Can I use your bathroom, maybe?”

  Chris said, “Sure, it’s just right around the corner. I’m pretty sure my parents are in their room, so you should be good.”

  Hannah went to the bathroom. As she cleaned his semen out of her hair, she thought about what sex would be like with Chris, what it would be like to lose her virginity to him, if this first encounter was any indication. Even if it was, she didn’t really care. She needed to lose her virginity this year, and she felt like she was close to being able to do it with Chris. She finished her clean up and went back into Chris’s room.

  Chris said, “Do you need my dad to give you a ride home or anything? I can get him.”

  Hannah said, “No, I just have to call my mom. She’ll pick me up.”

  Chris said, “Okay, cool.”

  Hannah called her mother and then sat on Chris’s bed with him for another fifteen minutes before her mother arrived. They talked about their school project for the entirety of the fifteen minutes, choosing to evade any possible conversation about what had just happened between them.

  Once in her mother’s car, Hannah received a text message from Chris that read, “I luvd ramming my cock down ur throat.” Hannah replied to Chris’s text message with one that read, “It made my pussy so wet—next time I want u 2 fuck me.” Chris replied with a text message that read, “Send me a pic of ur pussy.” Hannah replied with a text message that read, “Not til u fuck it.”

  Chris turned on his computer and attempted to masturbate while watching pornography depicting regular vaginal entry sex between one man and one woman. He was unable to maintain an erection through the process and ultimately was only able to ejaculate while watching a video of a bound woman having live eels inserted into her vagina and anus.

  When Hannah got home, her mother said, “So how was the project with Chris?” putting an emphasis on Chris’s name that denoted romantic interest on her daughter’s part. Hannah said, “It was fine.”

  Dawn said, “Just fine? Did you guys, like, totally make out?”

  Hannah thought about telling her mother everything that happened but instead said, “No, we didn’t, like, totally make out. We just worked on the project.”

  Before she went to sleep, Hannah turned on her computer to see if there were any new subscribers to the members-only section of her website. There were none.

  chapter

  ten

  Patricia Beltmeyer had only hosted three meetings of her Internet watch-group, Parents Against The Internet. Each of these meetings generated what Patricia considered moderate interest, attracting anywhere from three to six parents of her daughter’s classmates. After increasing her group’s visibility by introducing an e-mail list as well as through fliers she left in Principal Ligorski’s office each week before her meetings, Patricia hoped that the fourth meeting of PATI would yield a higher number of attendees. In anticipation of a more robust turnout, Patricia ordered two large cheese pizzas from Papa John’s and asked Allison Doss’s mother, Liz, if she could bring over a few pies from Marie Callender’s, where she worked. Liz had attended two of the last three meetings. She had only a general interest in policing her children’s use of the Internet, but found the group to be a welcome opportunity for social interaction outside of her family and coworkers.

  Liz was the first attendee to arrive. She brought with her two pies, a lemon meringue and a blueberry. As she handed the pies to Patricia she said, “So does it look like there might be a few more people tonight?”

  Patricia said, “I can’t be sure, but I think so. Did yo
u get a chance to do any of that stuff we talked about last week—adult passwords for your family computer or anything?”

  Patricia had a list of computer and cell-phone protocols that she recommended all parents follow in their own homes, and with their own children, in order to ensure what she called an Internet-safe environment. Liz had implemented exactly none of these protocols. She had little knowledge of computers or technology in general, and despite Patricia’s tutoring in these meetings, Liz retained too little of it to be able to apply it when she returned home. Beyond that, she had almost no concern that her daughter, Allison, or her son, Myron, were being exposed to any of the risks Patricia seemed to be concerned about when they used the Internet. Liz viewed these meetings as nothing more than a chance to get out of the house and talk to people who were not a part of her immediate family.

  Liz said, “It’s going pretty good. Seems like my kids are safe.”

  Patricia said, “And what about your husband?”

  Liz said, “What about him?”

  Patricia said, “It’s not just your kids who are at risk when they use the Internet or cell phones or video games. Your husband is at risk, and so are you, Liz.”

  Liz couldn’t imagine how she would ever be at risk as far as her use of any of the things Patricia mentioned was concerned. She said, “Oh, well, I’ll keep that in mind next time I check my e-mail. How do you keep your family safe?”

  Patricia said, “Well, my husband doesn’t use the Internet, really. He’s kind of old-fashioned that way, I guess, and, you know, I make my daughter give me all of her passwords, and I monitor every text message and e-mail she gets.”

  Liz said, “Are they here tonight?”

  Patricia said, “Ray’s playing poker with some friends, and Brandy’s up in her room. I tried to get her to help me tonight, you know, to show everyone that you can still be a cool parent to your kids and keep them safe from the Internet at the same time, but she has a lot of homework to do, so she’ll probably be in her room all night.”