by Kiera Cass
I took her by both arms. “The truth is, he means the world to me. I won’t be so cruel as to lie to you. But he has to come in second place to Coroa. I took vows to serve Coroa, and I cannot leave my throne. Much like Etan, there’s no one left to take it. So, you needn’t fear. I am here, and he is there, and after this trip, you will most likely never see my face again.”
She looked down and then out to the garden. The blooms were still hanging on, but fall was upon us. Soon, everything here would go to sleep.
“You say Etan will always come in second place to Coroa. But I will always come in second place to you,” she lamented.
“No,” I insisted. “We went through something monumental together. It forged a friendship deeper than most. But we will part ways, and he will marry you. Over time, things will be different, I promise.”
This was not the conversation I’d imagined us having. I simply wanted to know her character better. But I knew my role in this world, and it painted me into one corner and Etan into another. If all I could leave him with was a confident bride-to-be, then that was what I’d do.
“What about Hagan?” she asked. “He seems incredibly kind.”
I laced my arm back through hers and kept us moving. Maybe if we just kept walking, things would somehow resolve themselves.
“He is. He’s perfect, really. Handsome, considerate, always thinks of me first. I can’t imagine another man in Coroa doing a better job as my consort.” I made a point of wording that carefully, and I wondered if she caught it. “Hagan will be my prince, you will be Etan’s queen, and I’d like to think that we could be friends.”
Her head tilted over, looking to me. “Really?”
I nodded. “Truly.”
She smiled, a cautious and fragile thing. She wasn’t a terrible girl. In some ways, things would have been so much easier if she had been.
“Have you ever made a flower crown?” I asked her. “Come, we’ll have to make you one for tonight.”
Thirty-Eight
THANKS TO SILAS, I’D LEARNED many things. I’d learned what love looked like. I’d learned that playfulness and seriousness could walk hand in hand. And, most practically, I’d learned that lots of things could be done with metal.
“This is quite pretty,” Nora commented. “Where in the world did you get a golden feather?”
I smiled at my reflection. “Oh, somewhere along the way.”
With the spaces left between the barbs, it was easy for my seamstress to weave golden thread through them and attach it to the front of my gown, all blindingly bright and beautiful. Someone might say it was ostentatious to have something so large laced into the bodice of my gown, but if I couldn’t come out and tell Etan how desperately I missed him, then I’d show him that he was directly by my heart at all times by whatever means I had.
I’d gone back to my traditional gold. I wasn’t sure, but I thought he liked me in gold. And though it was proper to wear my crown, I laced flowers from the garden into it, so I could try to be Hollis and queen at the same time. Tonight would be slightly less formal, and I wanted to leave him with images of me that he could hold close, no matter what came our way. And many things certainly would. Two different countries, two inevitable weddings, and years of ruling side by side but hardly ever speaking.
We’d survived so much already. We could survive this.
When I walked into the Great Hall, dinner was already in progress.
Two men from Isolte came up to me, bowing down to one knee. “Your Majesty, I don’t know if you would remember us, but we served King Etan when you came to confront Jameson. We know you played a huge role in finally bringing us a just king, and we are glad to see Coroa now has a fair queen. We wanted to pay our respects.”
They lowered their heads, showing more humility than I thought I deserved. “Gentlemen, you risked your lives more than once that day. It is I who should be honoring you.”
“Oh, no, miss,” one replied adamantly. “We’ve heard all about your bravery. His Majesty speaks so highly of you.”
I laughed. “Well, I know how hard it is to win his praise, so I will take that as the greatest of compliments. Please rise, sirs, and enjoy yourselves. I hope you’re feeling most welcome.”
They both came up, a strange expression on their faces. The one who’d been silent gestured haphazardly around the room. “I’ve been to Coroa countless times, and I’ve never felt so at home. I have to attribute it to having a fair and generous queen,” he said.
“Thank you, sir. That means a lot to me.”
They both nodded again and went to join the festivities.
Hagan found me as they left and walked around two steps behind me like a duckling. I found myself pausing to study him.
He was everything I told Ayanna. Attentive, handsome. And he would be a good father, I could see that. He had no great ambitions and didn’t ask for anything. From what I could tell, he didn’t seem bothered by the idea of having a wife who outranked him . . . he was as good as I could hope for.
“Look how well things are going, Your Majesty,” he said, gazing out upon the room. I followed his eyes, and he was right.
The last time the people of Coroa and Isolte met in this castle, there had been petty fighting and an air of mistrust over the entire trip. I saw those in blue toasting with those in red, people with dark hair clapping those with stark blonde on the back when they made a joke. It was so very . . . happy.
I was so wrapped up in my thoughts that I barely registered that someone had stopped in front of me.
“Your Majesty.”
I turned to the figure bent down but looking directly at me and started crying without a second thought.
“Mother!” I yanked her up and fell into her arms. Oh, I’d needed this. I needed someone to hold me and care for me in a way that no one else could. I needed someone who loved me.
“My turn.” I looked up to see Scarlet waiting behind her and I moved directly from one hug to the other. “I’ve missed you so much.”
“Not as much as I’ve missed you.”
They held on to me, there in the middle of the Great Hall, and for the first time in weeks, I felt whole. I knew they’d go back to Isolte, that I couldn’t keep them. But, for today, I had a family.
“Sorry we’re late,” Scarlet said. “His Majesty has given us duties at court, and there was a little hiccup. He’s been so good to us, we don’t want to let him down.”
Just over her shoulder, Julien gave me a polite nod, beaming as he looked around the room. I was thrilled to see he was still by Scarlet’s side.
I took her hand. “How is Etan doing? Tell me what you know he wouldn’t.”
Scarlet smiled. She really smiled. The girl who danced in my chambers had come back after all this time. “He’s doing so well, Your Majesty. You have nothing to worry about. He’s weeding out those who served in the Darkest Knights, and he’s been cleaning the city near the castle. Every day, he has a new idea of how to make Isolte better. People have embraced him with open arms, and we are a peaceful country. At last.”
The tension fell out of my shoulders. “Thank goodness. Then I have all I could ask for.”
Almost.
“Pardon me.”
It sent a thrill up my spine that I knew his voice under any circumstance. I turned and Etan was there.
“If I might steal you from your family, I think you and I should set the example, Your Majesty.” He held out his hand.
Beside him, Ayanna smiled, tilting her head, telling me this was fine. I looked back to Hagan.
He raised his hands in the air and spoke with an easy smile. “Who am I to contradict a king?”
“Very well,” I said, sighing.
As he led me out to the center of the room, the couples on the floor cleared for us. When we were standing face-to-face, I watched as his intent eye went over my face, doing what I knew I was doing, and putting every detail to memory.
Finally, his eyes fell on my dress. “I
always wondered what happened to that feather. It makes you look like a warrior. I rather like it.”
The music started, and the familiar notes of the song we’d danced to once before filled the room. Of course. We bowed and curtsied and stepped around each other. “I like to think it gives us a little luck.”
We moved to face each other again. “I keep our luck with me, too,” he said, reaching up to double tap the pocket on his coat. The golden fringe of a familiar handkerchief hung out of it.
I spun, keeping my eyes on his pocket. “I thought you said you lost it.”
He shook his head. “I never lost it. I just didn’t want to give it back.” Then, thinking better of it, he spoke again. “Well, I lost it once, and I tore my room apart looking for it. I don’t go anywhere without it in my pocket.”
“When did you become such a romantic?” I teased.
“I always was. You just hated me too much to see it.”
I playfully pursed my lips in thought. “I only really hated you for a day. Maybe.”
“I wish I could say the same,” he said, shaking his head. “If I’d known how limited our time was, how much it would matter, I wouldn’t have wasted it.”
“We have one more day. Let’s not make the same mistake.”
He nodded silently as we continued moving. Why had this dance felt so much longer in Isolte? The song was coming to a close, and he was going to lift me. This might be the last excuse I ever had in my life to be held by Etan.
He swept me into the air, eyes locked on mine . . . and he never brought me down. He just held me up, looking into my eyes, until the music stopped.
When he finally brought me down, the room was applauding our dance, and I was a little breathless.
A sea of eyes, and I could only see his. I felt myself leaning into him, closer and closer. He swallowed before looking away, and I found myself very much in need of a distraction.
“I suppose now’s as good a time as any. Here.” I took his hand and pulled him over to the side of the room with the windows. I nodded to Hagan and Ayanna, who were talking with their heads together. I wondered what secrets they were sharing. Whatever it was, they dropped them to join us. Some of the holy men were already there, being attentive as always.
“Langston, would you reveal the window, so I might show our guest.”
Though he had expressed his concerns over the new window at first, Langston couldn’t argue that our moment in history was unprecedented. He nodded to another man, who very enthusiastically reached over and pulled the drape. The sun was still a little high, but it lit the window perfectly. I watched Etan’s face as he took in the scene.
“That’s you,” he breathed.
I nodded. Yes, it was me. I was emblazoned in a red dress with my hair out behind me, standing just outside the castle. But the window was not simply a tribute to myself. In the background was the outline of dozens of men in blue, and just in front of them . . .
“And that’s me!”
I lowered my voice. “I will see you every day. And all the people of Coroa will know who you are, what you did for us.”
I watched his Adam’s apple travel up and down as he tried to keep his tears in check.
“This is too much, Hollis.”
“It’s all I can do. Nothing feels like quite enough.”
He was swallowing hard. “I love it. I love . . .” He looked down at me, never finishing his sentence.
We were trapped by our crowns, and it was an excruciating kind of pain to know just how much we loved each other and to be completely unable to do anything about it.
“If you’ll excuse me, Your Majesty. I think the excitement of the day has made me tired.” He turned so that his fingers gently brushed against mine and went from the room. Ayanna followed, and I couldn’t quite read her face. Was she sad? Disappointed? Whatever it was, it didn’t seem good. In her wake, Mother and Scarlet came up.
“That’s a beautiful gesture, Your Majesty,” Mother said.
“Can I please just be Hollis to you?” I asked, very near tears.
Scarlet wrapped her arms around my waist as Mother affectionately ran her hand over my hair. “Of course. You will always be my Hollis. But look at what you’ve become! And look what you’ve accomplished. Etan was fighting with everyone and everything; he’d given up on his life, and you saved it. And you! You confronted the monsters in your life and set horrific wrongs to right. You’re the first queen regnant in Coroa’s history, and, my goodness, just look around this room.”
I did. I really took it in.
“You have joined what most people thought never could be. That alone is an accomplishment for the history books,” she said.
Something struck me just then. Something stupid and reckless and maybe impossible. But I had nothing else to lose, so I was certainly going to try.
“Get Valentina. And Nora, too. I need you all. I need your help.”
Thirty-Nine
THE SUN WAS STREAMING THROUGH the windows, and I was still reading over the law. Mother, Scarlet, Valentina, Nora, and I traded the books to one another repeatedly, checking everything between the five of us.
Valentina let out a gaping yawn. “I don’t think it’s illegal. I just can’t be sure no one could argue your position. Nora?”
“The language they use is impossible. I keep needing to use the dictionary. Why don’t they write this out plainly?” she moaned.
Scarlet wiped at her eyes. “I didn’t see anything against it. But, you know, things started blurring together about four hours ago.”
“I think I may pass out,” Mother added.
“I know, I’m so sorry,” I apologized drowsily. “But everyone’s leaving this evening, so if I’m going to do something, I have to do it now.”
Exhausted but faithful, my friends and family turned back to the law books and history books strewn out before us. I felt like I was shooting arrows in the dark, trying to find something I wasn’t sure existed.
“Hollis . . .” Valentina’s eyes were suddenly sharper, and I watched as she read over a section of the law again. “Look at this.”
She handed one of the large books to me, pointing to a passage. I read it three times to make sure I’d gotten it right. “I think this is it . . . Valentina, I think you found it!”
“Oh, thank goodness,” Scarlet sighed. “Can I sleep now?”
“My bed is that way,” I offered. “All of you, get some rest. I’ll get someone else to dress me, Valentina. You’ve already done too much.”
She shook her head. “If you’re doing this, I can’t trust it to anyone else. Come on.”
I followed her to my room, where Mother and Scarlet unceremoniously fell into my bed. Nora, the sweet thing, fell awkwardly into a very large chair, and was out in seconds. I thought of the most recent sleepless nights in my life. One where we walked to Varinger Hall. One where Etan chased me as I ran for the border. One where I cried reading his letter explaining our situation. And then last night.
I refused to count any of those nights as wasted, but this one left me feeling so very hopeful.
Valentina laced me into another something red. So much of my wardrobe was red. I splashed water on my face, and she pulled my hair up, so it looked presentable. I stared at myself in the mirror, trying to steady my resolve.
“What’s step one?” Valentina asked.
“Hagan.”
She nodded. “Makes sense. How does it look?”
I surveyed everything she’d done. “Perfect. As always. Thank you.”
“Do you want me to come with you?”
I laughed at her drooping eyes. “No. I think I have to do this alone.”
“Oh, thank goodness,” she said, flopping onto a nearby couch.
I left her, moving swiftly through the still-quiet castle. There was a good chance that Hagan was still in bed, and I was about to give him the rudest awakening of his life. People bowed as I passed, making my way to his room. Once there, I stood, tel
ling myself with each new breath I was going to knock. It took several minutes for me to finally do it.
His butler opened the door, and once he saw me, he fell into a bow, looking very nervous.
“Laurence, could you please tell Sir Hagan that I am here. I will wait for him to dress if he needs.”
Laurence stood, handing a folded letter to me. “That won’t be necessary, Your Majesty.”
I took the note and cracked the seal, taking in a quickly scribbled letter.
Hollis,
I’m sorry. I know you want love, and so do I, and it doesn’t look like we’ll find that with each other. I’m so, so sorry. A better man might have been able to do it. I hope you find someone who can stand in the place where I cannot.
Hagan
Perhaps my first reaction shouldn’t have been relief.
“Did he say where he was going?”
“No, Your Majesty.”
I stood there for a moment, stunned. Not angry, just . . . surprised.
“If you learn, please let me know, so I might send my blessing. Thank you.”
I turned away, trying to think. I supposed it stung a little to find that even a crown couldn’t make life with me tolerable to Hagan. Then again, the same was true of me and Jameson. No, I wouldn’t hold this against him. Someday, I’d find a way to thank him. Really, that’s what he deserved.
With that done, the only thing to do now was go to Etan.
I kept imagining his rejection. If nothing else, he was devoted to Isolte, and his character was so strong that he’d be loath to hurt Ayanna. This could end quite badly indeed.
I swallowed and went up the stairway to his room. I did the same ridiculous dance in my head, saying I just needed to breathe a little more first. But in the middle of my useless ritual, I heard talking behind the door.
I knocked and was greeted by Etan himself. He was holding a piece of paper in his hands, looking perplexed. After he flung the door wide, he went back to using that free hand to tuck in his shirt and straighten his doublet. His hair was a wild mess, but it suited him.