Bird After Bird

by Leslea Tash

  I didn’t know what to say. My feelings were raw and it was more than slightly uncomfortable to have my game so well-described by my closest friend.

  I’d just spent an awesome day with Laurie and now to hear Janice tell it, I really was a man-eater or something. And did she really think I was serious about marrying Troy? Would anyone seriously believe I would do that? I guess some girls were gold-diggers, but I sure wasn’t. After all the criticism Janice had taken for marrying a millionaire, I was surprised she’d imply I would do the very thing she was accused of, so many times.

  “Ugh, traffic’s getting bad, Janice. I gotta go.”

  “See you tonight, baby?”

  “I’ll be there.”

  Chapter Twenty-two

  Laurie

  Wren’s friends were nice, if a bit hovery.

  “You wanna join us in the Pizza Shoppe?”

  I pointed to my dog in the back of the truck. “Gotta look out for him. Thought we’d get a pie to go.”

  “C’mon, Rhoda, I’ll go inside with you and order,” Wren said.

  I tried to give Wren some cash, but she shrugged it off, whipping a card out of her back pocket.

  A few minutes later, she returned with a big box and a pile of paper napkins. After we’d each had a slice, I noticed her friends had found my truck.

  “They’re really looking out for you, huh?”

  Wren turned to see Rhoda, and laughed. “Yeah, I guess. She’s quite the mother hen. Plus, she probably figures if you abduct me and I’m never heard from again, she’ll lose the Parker & Bash sponsorship for Crane Days.” She winked as she said it, then took a huge bite of pizza.

  “I don’t think I’ve ever seen a girl fit quite so much cheese into her mouth at once,” I said quietly.

  She mock-punched me in the arm, and we both laughed.

  “You’re still beautiful.”

  “I bet you say that to all the girls,” she said, wiping her mouth with a napkin.

  “Just the beautiful ones.”

  “Now, that’s honest. Damn, I should have bought some beers to go with this pizza.”

  “I like you, Wren.”

  “I like you, too, Laurie. But I’m going to have to go. It’s a long drive back up to Chicago and I’ve got a lot of work to do.”

  “It is a long drive, isn’t it?”

  She nodded. The distance between our homes was a mood-killer, for sure.

  “I want to see you again,” we said in unison.

  We both laughed, and it felt terrific. It felt deeper and richer than laughter. It felt like opening a door and tumbling headfirst into a pile of feathers. It felt like being hugged. It felt like finding money in your coat.

  “We’ll make it work,” she said.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t text you earlier,” I said, and she waved it off.

  Laughing with Wren, eating pizza with her alone in my truck, still half lousy from the lake water, being spied on by a dog and two bird nerds was the happiest moment I’d had in a long time.

  I had so many feelings inside me, I couldn’t wait to write about them. For the first time in a long time, though, didn’t want to write to Sylvia.

  Maybe there was no reason to, anymore.

  I turned on the radio and sang, Hap howling along with me.

  It was the happiest I’d been in a long, long time.

  I didn’t know long how long it would last, and in that moment, it didn’t occur to me that it might not. There was only the high.

  That and the question of how soon I could feel it again.

  Chapter Twenty-three

  Wren

  As I got ready for Janice’s party, I was still thinking about Laurie. He’d fielded Rhoda’s questions well in the short time they spoke.

  “You came for the cranes?” she’d asked. She looked at him like she expected a lie. So protective, God love her.

  “Actually, I’m training my pup to be a search and rescue dog, and I thought a little scent-training around all the water would be a good exercise. Loads of distractions, too.” He patted the dog on the head. “Maybe too many.”

  What had he named the dog? Hap. “Short for Happy,” he’d said, without a shred of cynicism.

  Anyway, Rhoda gave him the seal of approval. She liked his dog, although she did lecture him a bit about keeping him away from the cranes. If she only knew what happened—how we both ended up so muddy—she might not have taken such a shine to him.

  I was still thinking about it, toying with the idea of texting him when a knock interrupted my train of thought. I peeped through the hole, and opened the door.

  “Tee-roy?”

  “Sorry I’m late, but I called the restaurant and they said they’ll hold the reservation.” He came in and had a seat in my favorite chair. “You ready to go?”

  Shit. I’d forgotten we had plans. “Did we have a date?”

  He grimaced. “Yes, Birdy, we—“

  “Don’t call me that.”

  “Okay! Hey! Touchy today, are we? You start your period?”

  I thought about telling him I had, even though it wasn’t true. At least it would shut down any plans he had for sex later. “It’s Janice’s going away party tonight, and I was just heading out for her place.”

  Troy’s eyes lit up. He had been angling for me to introduce him to Janice’s wealthy husband for quite awhile. “No problem! I’ll cancel the reservation and we’ll go together, how about that?”

  It didn’t seem like I could say no, although I’m sure my face gave the thought away.

  “C’mon, it’ll be fun. I’ll forgive you for forgetting our date. What do you say?”

  I sighed, and moments later I was in the passenger seat of Troy’s Benz.

  Janice’s party was elegant, like everything she does. Their house north of the city was lit with a million twinkling lights; outside, they’d set up heaters to make the patio area comfortable on this chilly evening. The gardens were lit with string after string of tiny white bulbs, and hanging lanterns swung from tree limbs in the yard.

  “Wren!” Janice hugged me when we finally found her surrounded by guests.

  “Looks like I’m not the only one who’s going to miss you,” I said, giving her a squeeze and a kiss on the cheek. “The house looks amazing. So do you, as always.”

  “Thanks, dollface.” She backed away from me, holding my hands and smiling. “And you’re all aglow, just as I expected.” Her eyes found Troy, and she dropped my hands, her body language stiffening. “Mr. Parker.” She nodded.

  “Great to see you, Janice,” Troy said, thrusting out his hand for a power handshake. “Is Harold around? I was hoping to meet him.”

  She sighed, almost imperceptibly. “I’m sure you were.” She pointed to a gaggle of older, moneyed men in expensive suits. They were laughing it up, throwing back drinks at the outdoor bar. “Knock yourself out.”

  I wouldn’t have to worry about Troy for the rest of the night. He was busy shoving his nose so far up the butts of Harold and his friends, I thought for sure he’d smell like a fart all the way home.

  Janice was busy with her guests, so eventually I ended up in her study, kicking back and checking my phone. I surfed on a social media site for a while. My screen was filled with images of birds and artwork, two of my favorite things. I was just clicking on a link about found art—someone was collecting origami birds that had been left out in the wild—when my phone lit up.

  -Hey, beautiful-

  It was Laurie.

  I felt my heart in my throat. My mouth was dry. I had to have a sip of wine before I texted back.

  Hey

  -You make it home okay?-

  Fine. You?

  -Yeah. Would you laugh if I told you I sang the whole way home?-

  I did laugh. I felt myself blush. This man was bringing out feelings in me I hadn’t felt since junior high.

  No, I wouldn’t laugh. What did you sing?

  -Everything on country radio between Linton and Birdsey
e-

  Forever and Ever Amen?

  -Oh, definitely.-

  I smiled at the thought of him crooning along with Randy Travis in his old pickup.

  You have no game at all

  -I bet you say that to all the boys-

  I wondered how long this was going to last. He was either the love of my life or I was going to break his heart.

  I knew how to break hearts. I’d made a steady diet of them since high school.

  I wasn’t sure I knew how to keep them whole.

  -What are you wearing?-

  That surprised me!

  -Are you sexting me?-

  No, just send me a pic. I want something to remember you by until I see you again. In fact, you want to VideoChat?

  I looked around the room. There was a heavy door, but I’d never seen Janice close it. I got up and gave it a try, and it glided easily shut.

  Before I could get back to my chair, my phone was beeping for a video chat.

  I answered it, brushing my bangs away from my face and wishing I had time to refresh my lipstick.

  “Hey, sexy,” I said, watching his smile grow like a breaking dawn.

  “Hey, yourself. Wow. You’re even prettier than I remembered.”

  “Oh, Laurie,” I said, the sigh escaping before I could help it. How many glasses of wine had I had? Maybe one too many. “I think I miss you already.” The candor of my words surprised me, and I could see myself blushing in the cam. What was this country boy doing to me?

  “So it’s not just me.” He sounded as breathless as I felt. I wished I could reach through the phone and kiss him again. “God, I wish you were here right now,” he said. “I feel like a kid again, you know that? I might just drive up to Chicago tonight.”

  The door to the study opened, and a very drunk Troy staggered in. “Wren! Baby! I found you! You ready to go?”

  Laurie’s face scrunched, crumpling before me. “Um, I guess I better let you go,” he said.

  And then he was gone. That handsome, gorgeous, sweet and beautiful man was gone.

  I wheeled on Troy and smacked him in the face.

  “Damn it, what was that for?” His eyes sparkled with rage and he started to reach for me. I wasn’t sure I was going to like whatever he planned to do in response. I backed away, barely avoiding his reach.

  All I could think about was Laurie and the disappointed look on his face when Troy entered the room calling me “Baby.”

  “That’s for everything, Troy,” I said, slurring my words a little. Wow, I was a lot more drunk than I realized. “It’s for work and for everything. I don’t want to see you anymore.”

  It might cost me my job, but to hell with that. I was talented. I could work anywhere. He rubbed his cheek, his eyes flaring.

  Then Harold was at the door, asking if everything was okay. “Wren?”

  Before I could answer that yes, everything was just fine, Troy grabbed me and kissed me, thrusting his tongue down my throat. He tasted like bourbon and cigars, the flavors of greed and ambition. I didn’t want to make a scene, so I let him kiss me, and when I pulled away, Harold was gone. I felt like a drowning woman ten yards away from a fleeing lifeboat.

  I turned away from Troy and dialed my phone.

  “Who you calling, baby?” he asked, his fingers gripping my ass. Just my luck—the smack in the face had turned him on.

  “I’m calling you a cab, Troy. You’re drunk and it’s time you went home.”

  It was going to be tough at work from here on out, but I vowed in that moment that I would never again date Troy Parker. Job, schmob. I wasn’t for sale.

  Thankfully Harold hadn’t gone far, and at the sound of the word “cab,” he entered the study, as though on cue. Troy straightened his posture, pecked me on the cheek, and shook Harold’s hand before collecting his coat. He might be drunk, but he wasn’t stupid.

  That night I crashed on Janice’s couch. I dreamed of birds and dogs, of little paper cranes that came to life and flew above an endless marsh. I dreamed of Laurie’s photo pasted in Dad’s bird book. I dreamed I was on the Whooper’s nest again, but this time the bird book was in the middle of the reeds, soaking wet.

  Chapter Twenty-four

  Laurie

  When Wren and I got disconnected, I understood. Of course she hung up on me. She was with someone.

  Still, she’d answered when I called, hadn’t she?

  I smiled at the memory of her sweet face, how she’d lit up up at the sight of my ugly mug.

  Closing my eyes, I could smell her. Or, hell, maybe it was the muddy clothes in the hamper I could smell. Either way, it worked.

  I got out my sketch pad and my drawing pencils, and started another bird. This time a crane, followed by another. A mated pair.

  Dear Sylvia,

  This is going to be my last letter to you. It has to be. I’ve screwed up, holding on so long.

  See, I met someone, Syl. She’s not like you, and she’s not like anyone I thought I could fall in love with, but it’s happened. And I may have ruined it.

  I crossed out the words, crumpled the paper, and threw it in the trash. I sketched the birds again, this time in half the time and with more definition.

  Dear Sylvia,

  I’ll never stop loving you. You know that, right? But I’ve got to move on.

  Wherever you are, whatever form you’re in, I have to believe that if you’re watching over me, that you want me to be happy.

  I met someone that could make me happy. The thing is, Syl, she’s far away. In Chicago. Remember how I wanted to go to Chicago to go to art school? Remember how pissed off I was when I didn’t get in? They told me to keep working on my art and reapply, but I rushed to enlist. What if I had taken their advice and tried again? Would Rodriguez still be alive? Would you?

  The headline LOCAL SEARCH AND RESCUE TEAM DIES was forever burned into my mind. My mother had sent me the paper, but it crossed paths with me on my way home to the funeral, and it was the first thing I’d seen when I opened my mail upon my return to the front.

  That was the day I let Rod down. I just couldn’t get that headline out of my mind. What if I’d been there? What if I’d been by Sylvia’s side to help with Boomer? Maybe he wouldn’t have gotten in trouble in that burned out building in the first place.

  Sylvia had been so proud of being part of the national FEMA team, of being called up to do search and rescue around the region. Half her letters while I was deployed were about Boomer and their training, about who they’d searched for, about the few survivors and the many corpses.

  In some ways it was a lot like Iraq, from the sounds of it. It scared me. I was proud of her courage, but I worried she’d get hurt.

  When my worst fears came true, it was too much. Too much being shot at every day and too much to go back to after what I was working to defend was taken from me.

  But I was starting to understand now that the person I had gone to war to defend would never want me to live like this. Alone. I felt better once I’d adopted Hap, but something was still missing.

  That something was Wren.

  The thing is, Syl, I’ve pussy-footed around this long enough. You never should have gone to that last search. When we Skyped and you were so excited about being asked, I told you I didn’t like it, and you took it all wrong. You said you had every right to be a hero, just like me.

  I’ll never say this publicly, never tell anyone how pissed I was that you didn’t keep yourself safe at home, waiting for me, but I’ll say it now. When you got yourself killed, a part of me died with you, Sylvia. When I returned to the field I was so fucking distracted that I didn’t follow orders, and my friend died.

  Tell me how that’s fair. Tell me how that’s heroic.

  So much waste.

  And I’ve let it waste me ever since.

  But, good Lord, Sylvia, I’m tired of shrinking, waiting for things to be safe enough. I want to live, Syl.

  What was that thing you used to say? “I’m happier
than a bird with a French fry.” Well, I’ve had my moments lately, Sylvia, and they’ve all been with this girl from Chicago.

  So I have to let you go. I’ll never forget you, but I have to move on. I hope that’s what you’d want for me.

  Birdy

  I could barely wait for morning to hit the road. I left the letter in a rest stop halfway to Chicago, next to a duck pond.

  Chapter Twenty-five

  Wren

  Laurie texted me from a truck stop somewhere in Indiana.

  -On my way!-

  “You’re coming here?” I called him back immediately.

  “I don’t blame you for hanging up on me. You were on a date or something, right?”

  “But I didn’t hang up on you! And not really. Sorta, but it’s over.”

  “Oh. Well. Okay!” I could hear the smile in his voice. “Good to know. I wanted to see you, anyway.”

  “Good.” I wondered if he could hear the huge grin that was hurting my cheeks.

  “Text me your address? Figure I’ll make it into the city about the time you finish up with work.”

  I wanted to see him, to touch him—to make that connection again. I wanted him—but I wasn’t sure I wanted a long distance fling. Too inconvenient. Too fast.

  In the past I hadn’t worried about “too fast” with a man. Not since college, when I’d resolved myself to use them before they could use me.

  But Laurie…if Laurie was driving all the way to Chicago to see me in his old green truck, that was some new territory, altogether.

  “What about the pup? I can’t have pets in my building.”

  “Billy’s babysitting,” he said.

  “The guy from the Beer & Bait?” I had to laugh at the memory. “You sure he’s up for the job?”