by Pamela Bauer
She sighed. “Part of me will always be sad about what he did to my mother and my family. He left us.”
“So because my dad remained with my mom I should forget what he did to her?”
“I didn’t say that. It’s just that you’re letting something your father did thirteen years ago affect your relationship with your family. Dylan, I’ve seen the tension that comes between you and your brothers whenever your father’s name is mentioned.”
“Because they always think of him as this great dad,” he said in frustration. “He wasn’t.”
“But he wasn’t a monster, either,” she said quietly.
He stiffened. She didn’t understand. How could she not when her own father had done the very thing to her mother?
He pushed aside the blanket. “I shouldn’t have told you. This isn’t your problem.” He rolled off the bed and began to dress.
She jumped up and tried to stop him. “Dylan, I’m sorry. You have every right to feel the way you do about your father. I’m not criticizing you.”
He sank back down onto the bed, his shoulders sagging. “We had fathers who screwed up big time, didn’t we?”
“Yes, but that’s not the only reason we connect with each other. We’re good together, Dylan,” she said, rubbing her hand across his bare back.
“You think so?” he asked with a crooked smile.
“Yes, although I was starting to have my doubts this past week. You didn’t exactly seem interested in being around me.”
“There hasn’t exactly been an opportunity. Both of us have rooms in my mom’s house,” he reminded her.
“And that’s the only reason why we didn’t…”
He nodded, although he knew it wasn’t exactly true. “And believe me, it was hard to keep my hands off you.”
“I thought—” she began, and then shook her head. “Never mind what I thought.”
“Tell me.”
“I thought maybe something that was said when you talked with your brothers made you think twice about being with me,” she told him. “I’m sorry I came between you and Garret.”
He sighed. “It’s resolved. Not that there won’t be something else that’ll come between us.”
“Is that why you choose to live thousands of miles away from your family?”
He got up again, aware of the direction the conversation was going. “I like living in Saint Martin.”
She scrambled off the bed and came to stand beside him. “Why?”
He stood with only his pants on. “I can’t stay here, Maddie. Don’t ask me to.”
“You just said we’re good together, Dylan,” she reminded him. As if she sensed what he was going to say, she turned her back to him. “Just forget it. You don’t need to explain.”
He turned her around to face him. “Yes, I do.” But he didn’t know what the explanation was. “I didn’t say I didn’t want to see you again.”
“You want to have a long-distance relationship?” He could see the idea didn’t exactly thrill her.
“Would that be so bad? You could come visit me. I could come visit you. Other people manage to do it.” He was trying to convince himself as much as he was her.
She thought about it for a minute, then said, “I don’t like the idea of not being able to see you every day. I’ve gotten used to you living downstairs from me.”
He’d gotten used to it, too. “I don’t think I can go cold turkey and just stop seeing you altogether. Weekends are better than not at all, aren’t they?”
Her face brightened. “You mean that?”
He answered her with a kiss, leaving her in no doubt that what he said was true.
“Wouldn’t you like to come visit Saint Martin?” he asked, nibbling on her ear.
“If you’re there, yes.”
“Then you’ll come.”
“It’ll get expensive,” she warned him.
“Don’t worry. I have lots of frequent flyer miles. I’ll take care of everything. I promise.”
And he would. He’d be in control, as usual.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Dear Leonie: I’m in love with a wonderful man who says he loves me. The problem? He carries around the burden of being the only one who knows that his father cheated on his mother. It’s a secret he’s kept from his mother and the rest of his family. Now I’m afraid this destructive secret has destroyed our love.
Signed: Sad in Saint Paul
DYLAN’S MEDICAL LEAVE was not extended. The doctor was so impressed with his recovery from the injury that he was told he could return to work ahead of schedule if he wanted. Dylan hadn’t wanted to do that, which was a first for him, since work had always been the passion in his life.
That was before he’d met Maddie. Although he suspected that once he was back on the island life would return to normal. Work first, women second.
But until then, he wanted to make the most of his time in Minnesota, which was why he intended to make sure their last night together was one she’d never forget. As he reached for the phone to make sure all of the arrangements were in place, he thought ahead to what was in store for the two of them.
He’d wanted to spend the entire day with her, but she’d had classes to teach at the dance studio and then there was his mother’s appearance on the Rob Lerner show. Instead of airing the segment on Valentine’s Day, as had originally been planned, the network had moved the show forward.
In honor of the occasion, Shane and Jennifer had invited the family over to their house to watch the program. As everyone waited for the program to begin, Maddie said to Dylan, “Isn’t this exciting?”
He had to agree. “Mom looks nervous.”
“Anyone would.” She squeezed his arm. “Oh look! Tom and Judy are here with their new baby!” She dropped his arm and went hurrying toward the unknown couple.
“Who are this Tom and Judy?” Dylan asked Shane.
“Judy used to live with Mom. She was one of the first boarders,” he answered, handing his brother a beer.
Dylan watched as his mother, too, fussed over the couple, but it was Maddie who held his attention. She had the baby in her arms and was gazing down at the infant with a look on her face that made Dylan’s throat go dry.
Shane, noticing the direction of his gaze, said close to his ear. “Looks like Maddie found something that makes her smile.”
Dylan wasn’t sure what comment to make, so he made none. Shane drifted away and Dylan stood still, watching Maddie cuddle the baby. It was a sight that disturbed him so much he finally left the room. He went into the kitchen where he found his sister-in-law chopping away at a block of ice.
“Need some help?” he asked.
“This bag was supposed to have cubes, but they must have thawed and refrozen because they’re all stuck together,” she answered as she jabbed away at the ice.
He extended his hand. “Let me.” It felt good to hack away at the frozen cubes, as if he were chipping away at the doubts that were racing through his head.
Seeing the way Maddie had reacted to the baby made him realize she would make a great mother someday. It was there in her eyes, in her smile, in her gentle manner. But he wasn’t ever going to be a great father. He chopped at the ice with a vengeance, sending pieces flying in every direction.
“Whoa! I think you have it,” Jennifer said with a giggle.
Someone hollered from the other room. “It’s show time!”
Dylan followed Jennifer into the family room, where everyone gathered around the TV. He noticed that Maddie still had the baby. She patted the seat cushion next to her, indicating he should come sit beside her. Before he could get there, however, another person took the spot. He shrugged, indicating it didn’t matter, and leaned up against the wall.
The dull murmur changed to silence when Rob Lerner introduced the segment called, “Fourteen Ways to Show Your Sweetheart You Love Her This Valentine’s Day.” Everybody cheered upon seeing Leonie, then quieted to hear what she had to say.
When asked what made love last a lifetime, his mother spoke easily and with a confidence that gave credibility to what she said. Dylan listened carefully, but it wasn’t until the last point she made that he realized everything she said applied to him and Maddie. Everything except the last statement.
“You need to have the same goals, to want the same things from a relationship.”
Again he sought Maddie’s face in the crowd, and she looked at him and smiled. He smiled back, unsure whether she was pleased because his mother had done so well on TV or if she was trying to send him the message that they did share the same goals.
When the program was over and everyone was once again talking, she got up and came toward him. “This is Benjamin. Isn’t he cute?” she said, looking up at him with a glow on her face. “Want to hold him?”
“No, that’s okay,” He tempered his refusal with a smile, but she saw through it.
“You look as if you’d rather walk across hot coals. Don’t you like kids?”
“Sure, if they’re somebody else’s.”
That had her frowning. “You don’t ever want to be a father someday?”
“It’s not something I’ve given much thought,” he lied.
“Have you met Tom and Judy?” she asked, gently rocking Benjamin to and fro.
“Not yet.”
“Come on. I’ll introduce you. They’re a really nice couple. You’re going to like them.” She led him over to the man and woman who appeared to be in their late twenties.
Dylan made all the appropriate comments, listening as Maddie encouraged them to tell the funny story of how they’d met. Then they launched into new-parent anecdotes. As they stood talking, all Dylan could think about was that he and Maddie could be Tom and Judy, married, new parents who spent all of their time at a party talking about how they met and how wonderful it was to be parents.
He loosened the button on his collar, feeling as if in the past half hour it had shrunk. Never was he more grateful for his mother’s appearance than he was at that moment.
She came up to him and said, “Thank you for coming tonight. I know you and Maddie had plans.” She kissed him on the cheek.
It was the perfect opportunity for him to give Maddie the look that said it was time to leave. To his relief, she didn’t protest, but gave the baby back to Judy, then pushed her arm through his and allowed him to take her to get her coat.
The rest of the evening went just as he’d planned. They ate a late dinner in the hotel’s elegant dining room, danced to the small jazz ensemble playing in the lounge, then went back to the suite where red roses and heart-shaped balloons made it feel like Valentine’s Day.
Only something wasn’t right. Maddie noticed it, too. As he struggled to uncork the champagne that room service had sent, she asked, “What’s wrong, Dylan?”
“What makes you think anything’s wrong?”
She wore a shimmering red dress with tiny straps that emphasized her perfectly shaped figure. On any other night, his hands would have been working the dress free of her body instead of wrestling with the cork on the champagne bottle. But this wasn’t any other night.
He kept thinking about what his mother had said about sharing the same goals. Maddie had told him she was content to have the same kind of relationship he wanted. She’d never mentioned a marriage or babies or even a commitment, yet in that little bit of time at Shane’s her body language had said more than words had ever told him.
“Dylan, something’s wrong,” she repeated. “After everything we’ve shared these past four weeks, I think I know when something’s not right between us.” She didn’t step any closer to him, but stood several feet away, as still as a store mannequin. “You’re only going through the motions. Even when we danced I noticed it.”
He set the champagne bottle down so he could loosen the tie around his neck. “It’s warm in here.” He walked over to the thermostat on the wall and adjusted the gauge. He could feel her eyes on him.
“You’re uncomfortable with me. Why?”
He didn’t answer but went back to trying to open the champagne. The cork finally popped, sending a shower of champagne into the air and all over his suit coat. “It figures,” he muttered, reaching for the linen napkin on the room service cart.
“Dylan, you didn’t answer me. You’re making me nervous.”
He glanced at her and saw fear in her eyes. The last thing he wanted to do was to cause her to be afraid of anything.
“I’m sorry, Maddie. This isn’t going to work.” He tossed the linen napkin back onto the cart.
“Here. Let me try.” She reached for the champagne bottle but his hands stopped her.
“I don’t mean that.”
It was then that she realized how serious he was. “You mean us, don’t you?” The words were barely above a whisper, as if she couldn’t believe what he was saying.
“I don’t think this long-distance thing is going to work out. I’m sorry.”
She didn’t speak. By the way her throat moved, he could see that she was struggling to hold back tears, which made it more difficult for him to tell her what he needed to. He couldn’t have felt any worse had someone kicked him in the gut.
He searched for the right words, but knew there was no way to soften what he had to say. “When I saw you with that baby tonight, I realized that you need someone who can give you what you deserve in life,” he began.
“Stop right there. Don’t even tell me you’re breaking up with me for my sake.” She clicked her tongue in disgust. “That is so lame.”
“It’s true,” he said quietly.
“You don’t even know if I want a baby. I never said a word about children,” she cried out in frustration.
“You didn’t have to. I saw it in your face.”
She made a sound of disbelief, then looked around at the room at the heart-shaped balloons and flowers. “You planned this whole evening—” she flailed her arms about her “—so you could break up with me?”
“No, I wanted to make tonight special. I didn’t know we were going to be having this conversation.”
“We’re not having this conversation. I’m leaving.” She reached for her coat and began pulling it on.
“I don’t want you to go.”
“You think I want to spend the night here with you to celebrate getting dumped?”
“I’m not dumping you,” he denied. “If you’d just give me a chance to explain…”
“Explain what? That you love me but you need to do what’s best for me?” She grabbed her small overnight bag from the closet. “No thank you. That’s not my idea of a romantic Valentine.”
He tried to stop her from opening the door, but she was too fast for him. “Maddie, wait!”
“For what?” she called over her shoulder. “So you can tell me why you don’t want me? No thanks.”
“I do want you.”
She turned and faced him. “Which one is it, Dylan? Either you do or you don’t?”
“It’s not that simple. You were there. You heard what my mother said—”
Again she cut him off. “You’re telling me you’re ending our relationship because of something your mother said about romance?” She looked heavenward in frustration. “I can’t believe it. You tell me to ignore the advice your mother gives me because she’s not qualified to be a romance coach and I break up with Jeffrey. Now all of a sudden she’s an expert and you’re breaking up with me because of something she said?”
“It’s not fair of me to expect you to be in a long-distance relationship,” he said.
“It doesn’t have to be long distance and you know it. But that’s what’s really bothering you, isn’t it? This isn’t about babies or your mother. It’s about commitment. You’re afraid that what we have could turn out to be more than a casual, make-no-demands-just-have-a-good-time affair.”
He pointed a finger at her. “You told me you wanted the same things as I did.”
She pointed right back at
him. “And you agreed with me when I said we had something more than either one of us expected.”
“It’s not enough to…”
“To what?” she challenged him. “Make a commitment to each other?”
“I’m not ready to do that.”
“No, and you’re never going to be, are you? Because you’re afraid of turning out like your father.”
“I’m not my father,” he reminded her in a steely tone.
“No? Well, we’ll never know, will we—because you’re too scared to find out.” When he didn’t answer, she started for the elevator. “Goodbye, Dylan.”
He went after her. “Wait. I’ll take you home.”
She ignored him and hurried onto a waiting elevator. “I know my way home” were the last words he heard.
Dylan could only stand and stare as the doors closed.
“MADDIE, OPEN UP. I know you’re in there. I saw your light.”
“Please go away, Krystal. I’m not feeling well.”
Her friend didn’t do as she requested. “I’m not going away until you let me in. Come on, Maddie. Talk to me.”
Wearily Maddie padded to the door, turned the lock and said, “It’s open.”
When Krystal entered, Maddie had her back to her as she trudged back to the bed, where she plopped down and pulled her pillow over her head. She felt Krystal’s weight on the bed beside her.
“Tell me what happened,” her friend pleaded.
“Nothing happened,” she mumbled through the pillow.
“You’re supposed to be at the hotel having your Valentine celebration with Dylan and you’re here in your oldest, rattiest pajamas with your pillow over your head. What do you mean nothing happened?”
Maddie knew that sooner or later everyone was going to know she wasn’t seeing Dylan anymore. You couldn’t keep this kind of news a big secret, not when you lived with the guy’s mother. “We broke up.”
“I don’t believe it. You two are perfect together.”
Maddie held up a hand. “Please.”
“For crying out loud, Maddie, will you take that pillow off your head? You’ve got nothing to be ashamed about.”