“Brooke,” Mr. Davenport called. “Where would you start with this equation?” Brooke silently groaned, sure he’d called on her because he could see she wasn’t paying attention. She could feel everyone’s eyes on her.
“I have no idea,” she said honestly.
“Perhaps you want to focus on my lecture, then. It’s designed to give you an idea.” Davenport was strict but there was a note of levity in his voice.
“Starting right this minute,” she said. He shook his head, suppressing a smile, and launched right back into his speech.
As soon as precalc was over, Brooke reached into her canvas backpack and pulled out her phone, expecting to see a response from Jake. Nothing. What did that mean? Not even an “ok” to let her know he’d received her text? Was he pissed off and trying to show her what it felt like to be ignored? Brooke was baffled. How could the previous night end on such a high and now, without any real interaction, it was all falling apart? Every day, it felt like her life became more complicated, more overwhelming. Why couldn’t she just be a normal freaking teenager?
When she arrived at her locker to grab the textbooks for Spanish, she was shocked to see Jake standing there scanning the halls for her.
“Jake?” Brooke walked up to him. He seemed relieved to see her. “What are you doing here?”
“You didn’t respond to my texts. I was worried.”
“Yes I did. Between cheer and first period. I have cheer practice in the mornings for an hour and a half. I told you I’d call you later.”
Jake pulled his cell from his pocket and looked for the text as if he didn’t believe her. “You did. Oh my god. I’m sorry. I didn’t see this until just now.” The way he said it made Brooke suspect he had already seen the text and was pretending he hadn’t.
“What is going on? How’d you even get on campus?”
“I must look like a student because I walked right in and asked some kid where your locker was.”
Brooke opened her locker and shoved her books inside. Out of the corner of her eye, Brooke noticed that a few people were looking at them. Probably wondering who he was. She noticed a couple of sophomore girls acting all giddy as they craned their necks to get a better look at him.
“I’m not trying to bug you or anything,” he continued. “When I didn’t hear back from you this morning, I started thinking about how your mom didn’t even know where you were going last night. What if you got in a car wreck on your way home or something and no one had been able to find you? I drove by your house and saw your car wasn’t there. I got into my own head and started freaking out.”
Brooke sighed. If he was telling the truth and really hadn’t seen her text, his reasoning sort of made sense. She might’ve been worried too had the situation been reversed.
“Well, I’m sorry you were worried but I’m fine,” she said.
Jake smiled, seeming genuinely relieved. “From now on, just text me back right away so I don’t wig out, all right?” The request was simple, but something about it struck a nerve in Brooke. She knew he wanted her to promise she would, but she didn’t want to. Assuring she’d text him back right away whenever he texted wasn’t practical, and it felt somewhat controlling.
“I can’t have my phone out during class. Just know I’ll text you back eventually. There’s nothing to worry about.” Brooke reached into her locker for the Spanish book. She thought that would be the end of their conversation, and was surprised when she looked back at Jake and saw that his expression had turned angry.
“That’s really insensitive.” His jaw was tight and he barely opened his mouth when he spoke.
“Huh?” Brooke responded, stupefied.
“You’ve obviously never been with someone who cares much about you.”
Brooke’s head was spinning. Where did he come up with that? She felt completely caught off guard. “What are you talking about?”
“When people care about you, they worry,” Jake said, curling his fingertips around the edge of her locker door. “The least you can do is send a simple text to let them know you’re okay. You can’t just do it whenever you get around to it. There’s accountability.”
He was accusing her of not being accountable? Brooke tried to control her emotions but they started to swell up fast.
“You called six times in an hour. That’s obsessive,” she retorted, letting the words spill out without even attempting to filter them. “If you think I’m going to drop whatever I’m doing every time you text, that’s crazy. I can’t. And I don’t want to.” Brooke was proud of herself for taking a stand. As much as she adored this guy, she wasn’t going to make promises she didn’t intend to keep.
“I should’ve seen this coming.” Jake stuffed his hands into his pockets with a condescending air. “You’re just like every other girl. Immature.”
Dumbfounded, Brooke took a step back. She hadn’t expected to be met with an insult.
“I’m immature?!” Brooke heard the pitch of her voice rising, the volume increasing. She could actually feel herself losing control of her emotions. As much as she tried to hold on, they were slipping out of her grasp.
“Yes. Telling someone where you are is part of being in a relationship. If you don’t know how that works, stay out of ’em until you grow up.” His words sliced right through Brooke. She’d let herself be so vulnerable and honest with this guy. She thought she could trust him not to hurt her, but she was obviously wrong. Tears stung her eyes and the anger inside her boiled over, and out of her control.
“Then get the fuck away from me!” Brooke surged forward, her fists curled into balls. She wanted to hit him right in the jaw. Instead, she locked her elbows and shoved him in the chest as hard as she could. Bracing for the hit, he barely moved.
What happened next made Brooke freeze. Jake smirked. He seemed to know he was pushing her past her limit and looked like he was enjoying it. How could that be?
“What’s going on here?” Riley stepped in between them.
“I’m serious,” Brooke said, ducking around Riley to face Jake. “Get out of here.” She pointed down the hallway, using every ounce of willpower to keep from pushing him again.
Riley turned toward Jake too. Brooke could sense people were staring at them. Jake hastily threw his hands up in surrender and stalked off down the hall, leaving Riley and Brooke standing there.
“Who was that?” Riley asked.
“Someone I’m never going to see again,” Brooke said with conviction. “Come on. Let’s get to class.” As Brooke stalked off down the hall, the hurricane of emotions began to slowly subside.
“Ask yourself what you’re really feeling in those times,” Dr. Fenson had instructed her. “Give each emotion a name.”
She tried, but she couldn’t. The emotions were all so mixed up, it would be like separating black sand from white. Together, it’s all just gray. She knew she was sad and angry and hurt and confused, and probably a whole lot of other things she couldn’t articulate. She’d felt so close to him last night and then so angry and threatened when he showed up to check on her. Why? Was this her disorder at play? It must be. The IED had ruined every relationship in her life. She was sure it must be affecting the one she was trying to build with Jake. But what had she done wrong? Was he right about her being too immature to be in a real relationship? Brooke wondered if she was even capable of having anything special with anyone anymore. Her fairy tale with the sexy millionaire was over before it had a chance to begin.
Nine
Slowly Spiders Weave Their Webs
The day seemed to drag by but at last the final bell rang and Brooke loaded her books into her backpack, slipped on a jacket, and stepped out into the cool autumn afternoon. Dark clouds were rolling in and the sky, like Brooke’s outlook, was gloomy.
When Brooke reached her car, she immediately noticed an envelope tucked under the windshield wiper on the driver’s side. Tossing her backpack into the back seat, she slid the envelope out and opened it. Inside was
an apology card.
I’m sorry for upsetting you. I don’t know how things got so out of hand. I really did come by because I was worried about you. Please call me. Jake.
It was a sweet message but Brooke was still feeling raw from her fight with him this morning. And she didn’t see what had happened in the last six hours to make Jake suddenly change his mind about her being too immature to be in a relationship.
She let out a sigh and looked down at the sad, shrugging cartoon man on the front of the card. Okay, so maybe he was actually sorry. She didn’t know how things had gotten so out of hand either and she felt bad for pushing him. If the whole incident stemmed from him being genuinely worried she hadn’t made it home, it came from a good place. True, if the situation had been reversed she wouldn’t have texted five times and then shown up unannounced at his school, but Jake was a go-getter. To create and sell an app at eighteen and to leave his parents’ house and be homeless before making it big in the tech world took drive. He wasn’t like other people she knew. He was ambitious. He didn’t sit around and wait for his life to change, he made things happen. When he wanted to know she was okay today, he was determined to find out. Was it fair for her to admire those qualities when they made him wealthy and then see them as flaws when they annoyed her?
Brooke got into her car and turned on the heater. She tucked the card into its envelope and set it aside. As angry and perplexed as she was, she didn’t really want things to end with Jake. Not yet. Everything had been so perfect the first two times they saw each other.
He has a lot of really great qualities, she thought. He was smart and funny and passionate. He loved surprising her and making her feel special. Most important, her IED didn’t seem to faze him at all. He accepted her just the way she was, and he hadn’t shoved her back when she pushed him in the hall.
Not to mention he was sexy as hell. He had a rugged masculinity that she suspected came from growing up on a farm, baling hay and building fences. He was so physical. Brooke could picture him in leather gloves and a tight T-shirt, wet with sweat, working in the hot, summer sun. That body. God, that body. She loved how when he pulled her close and kissed her, it made her want to melt into him and let him protect her from the world.
On the flip side, he was also introspective and intelligent, and she had a hard time reading him. Getting to know Jake meant breaking down walls and she got the sense that even though she’d already knocked down more than anyone else, there were layers and layers to go.
Steering out of the parking lot and into traffic, Brooke blew out a sigh. He’s the perfect guy, she thought. She must be insane for even considering cutting him loose. Maybe this was just a fluke. A first fight that every couple had to get past so they could grow. A test to see if what they had together was strong enough to make it. Growing pains, her mother called them.
As she checked the rearview, she decided that if he was willing to come all the way back to Bellamy with a card he bought, she at least owed him a call and a second chance to talk things through. Pulling over to the curb, Brooke put the car in park and dialed Jake’s number on her cell phone.
“Brooke, hey,” he answered after a couple of rings. She loved hearing him say her name.
“Hi.”
“How are you?” he asked.
“I’m okay. I got your card. Thanks for leaving that—”
He interrupted, “As soon as I left your school I was kicking myself for how that all went down. If I would’ve just seen your text, none of that would’ve happened.”
She paused, trying to decide how to explain in a calm way what had made her so upset.
“But it wasn’t just that,” she explained, gazing out at the passing traffic. “You were having a conversation with yourself in text and making assumptions that I was ignoring you when I wasn’t.”
“I know. I’m sorry. We had such a great time and then when I didn’t hear from you, I thought you were blowing me off and I kinda panicked. And then I started thinking that you wouldn’t blow me off cuz I know you had a good time too, so I thought maybe you got in a car wreck.”
It made sense, but he wasn’t off the hook yet.
“And then you came to school and when I explained what it really was, you called me immature and said I was like every other girl.” Repeating his words reminded Brooke how badly they cut her.
“I’m an idiot. I just said that because you called me obsessive. I’m not obsessive. I was just worried.” Brooke wasn’t sure how to respond, so she waited for him to continue.
“I told you,” he went on. “I say things I don’t mean when I’m mad. You of all people should understand how that is.”
Yes, but she had a disorder. Low serotonin levels. Jake didn’t. There wasn’t a good excuse for his behavior. At the same time, how could she expect him to ever give her a pass when she wasn’t willing to do that for him?
“Give me another shot at this,” he begged. “I don’t think anything has happened that we can’t work through.”
Brooke wanted to forgive him. Flipping on her signal, she merged back into traffic picturing herself lying on her bed, resting her head on Jake’s chest as they watched TV. She’d nuzzle in and fall asleep against the rise and fall of his chest. There were so many things she still hadn’t had an opportunity to do with him.
“Let me think about it,” she said. “I’ll call you tonight, okay?”
Jake hesitated. “Okay,” he finally said. “Bye.”
Brooke could hear a note of worry in his voice. “Bye.” Brooke ended the call and drove the rest of the way home. She pulled into her driveway, drained.
Upstairs in her room, Brooke slung her backpack down on her new chair. The first drops of rain were just beginning to pelt against her window. Kicking off her shoes, she climbed onto her bed and looked out through the streaky glass, thinking about Jake. Would Jake really be able to relax? Or would the same thing happen again?
The last thing she wanted was more drama. I have enough of that already, she thought. Any boyfriend she’d have would need to make her life better and easier, not more complicated. No way could she deal with the kind of roller coaster relationship Maddie had with Tryg.
Every week when they were together, there was a new fight. Then they’d break up and Maddie would cry. Tryg would eventually text her and beg her to take him back, and she would. Then it would happen all over again. Please don’t let that be the case with Jake, she prayed. Maddie wants a relationship so badly, she’ll accept Tryg’s worthless apologies over and over. I wasn’t even looking for a boyfriend when I met Jake. Besides, he’s not a snake like Tryg. Thank god.
Yawning, she burrowed under the covers and felt the coolness of her pillow against her cheek. The emotional ups and downs of the day, including the news of Tryg’s mugging, had taken its toll on her. Plus, the rain. The rain always made her want to go to sleep.
As she closed her eyes and listened to the rain pick up, Brooke couldn’t help but think about her conversation with Keisha earlier. Keisha obviously thought it was strange that Jake had gotten into it with Tryg only a few hours before Tryg was attacked.
When she’d initially defended Jake, he hadn’t yet flipped out on her for not returning his texts. She hadn’t witnessed Jake’s obsessive side yet. Could that same behavior have kicked in after their date? Could he have gone back to Wally’s after it closed with the intention of assaulting Tryg and making it look like a robbery?
That’s crazy, she told herself. Stop thinking such ridiculous things. Jake had better things to do than worry about some lame high school boy who Brooke had no interest in. Whether she wanted to be with Jake was one thing, but suspecting him of blitz-attacking someone with a tire iron was entirely different.
“Honey?” Brooke woke up to hearing her mother’s voice calling from downstairs. Sliding her feet into her fuzzy slippers, Brooke made it to the top of the landing in time to see her mother in a rain-spotted shirt balancing two bags of groceries. Brooke hurried down to help
her.
“It’s really starting to come down out there,” her mom said and handed a bag to Brooke before maneuvering toward the kitchen. “Temperature’s dropping too. I thought I’d make a big pot of New England clam chowder and grilled cheese sandwiches.”
“That sounds perfect,” Brooke said, setting her bag on the counter. Happy her mother was going to make comfort food, she asked, “Is Alex coming over?”
“Not tonight. He’s having dinner with Jeanette.” Jeanette was Alex’s ex-wife and mother of their son, Charlie. Brooke had only met Charlie once, but he seemed cool. He was attending grad school in Texas, so he wasn’t around much.
“That doesn’t bother you?” Brooke asked. “That he goes out to dinner with her and stuff?”
“No. Why would it?” her mother asked as she pulled out a plastic bag of clams wrapped in white butcher paper and set it on the counter. “Could you pull the stockpot out for me, please?” Brooke went to the cupboard and started to wiggle the heavy, stainless steel pot out from between the blender and the mixer.
“I don’t know. Most people wouldn’t like that, right?”
“I trust Alex completely. It’s not like he wants to be with her. It’s a lot better for Charlie if they’re friends than if they can’t be in the same room together.”
Brooke took the words in. She wished that her parents could be in the same room together, but that was hard to do when she didn’t even know where her father was. Her mom pulled out a loaf of sourdough bread from the bakery.
“Cut half of that up into half-inch slices.” As Brooke grabbed the serrated knife from the block, the doorbell rang. Her mom wiped her hands, pushing a damp strand of hair away that kept falling into her face. “I wonder who that is,” she said as she made her way to the door.
“Hi. Can I help you?” Brooke heard her mother ask from the entryway as she continued to slice away at the bread.
“Hi. You must be Brooke’s mom. I’m Jake.” Brooke froze when she heard his voice. What was he doing at their door? Tossing the knife down, she rushed into the foyer.
Murdered at 17 Page 7