If You're Not the One

by Jemma Forte

  ‘Oh my god, what were we like?’ grinned Karen. ‘Do you remember that awful carpet fitter I was seeing?’

  ‘Mark,’ said Lucy.

  ‘Yeah, Mark. Did I tell you he sent me a Facebook friend request?’

  ‘No way,’ said Lucy. ‘He remembered your name after all these years?’

  ‘Yup,’ said Karen proudly. ‘He sent me a prediction via reUNIon too. Sorry, Jen.’

  ‘Do you remember sexy Aidan?’ asked Jennifer, ignoring the reference to reUNIon. She was used to it.

  ‘God yes,’ said Lucy. ‘I was so jealous of you. He was beautiful.’

  ‘I know. I’d love to know what he was up to now.’

  ‘Drug dealing in Australia?’ suggested Karen drily.

  ‘No,’ tutted Jennifer. ‘He probably is in Oz but I don’t think he’d be doing that. Don’t you remember he wanted to start up a scuba diving school? He’s probably living the life of Riley, on the beach, brown as a berry, healthy and happy.’

  ‘Do you remember how close you came to going off with him?’ asked Karen. ‘I still get palpitations thinking about that now. I remember standing on that jetty thinking, oh my god I’m going to have to explain to her mum when she comes to pick us up at the airport. “Ah hello Mrs Drew, no, Jennifer isn’t with us. She’s decided to stay with a sex god called Aidan and his nice big bag of white doves, which are the other thing she’s taken quite a fancy to.”’

  They all laughed.

  ‘I seriously considered going with him you know,’ said Jennifer.

  ‘I know you did,’ said Karen indignantly. ‘Don’t you remember me crying about it?’

  Jennifer nodded vaguely. She could remember only too clearly the details of that scorching hot afternoon. Only she’d hate her friends to know quite how often she’d found herself recalling them lately.

  ‘You were always lucky on the man front. Do you remember Steve?’ added Karen.

  ‘Ah lovely Steve,’ cooed Lucy, looking positively drippy. ‘He was such a poppet wasn’t he? I always had a bit of a soft spot for him, and in terms of someone adoring you, my god Jen, you literally couldn’t have asked for anything more. He used to look at you like a puppy dog. Now there’s an example of a man who would have walked on hot coals for you and was permanently complimenting you but, if you remember, it used to drive you mad,’ she said, practically wagging her finger. ‘To the point where it was the precise fact that Max was a bit cooler with you that made you feel like you’d met your match. You loved the fact he wouldn’t let you get away with stuff like Steve did.’

  ‘True,’ said Jennifer. ‘I did love Steve though and I did always appreciate how lovely he was to me. Finishing with him wasn’t an easy decision by any stretch of the imagination. I got rid of a good man there and we all know they don’t grow on trees don’t we.’

  ‘We do,’ said Karen ‘which is why you’re so bloody lucky to have bagged another one. Babe, I reckon you need to stop thinking there’s something better for you out there. Stick with what you’ve got. It works, you’ve got a lovely house, two happy secure children and if you upended all of that who knows how difficult life would be?’

  ‘Who said anything about upending anything?’ said Jennifer, unnerved by Karen’s ability to not only hit the nail on the head but then also to smash it hard with a mallet in order to really illustrate her point. She’d never been one to mince her words but Jennifer didn’t like how close to the bone she’d got this time.

  PRESENT DAY

  ‘How is she today? Any change? Sorry we’re late, we would have been here earlier but I thought it important we check on the girls first.’

  ‘Thank you,’ said Max, bursting into tears which surprised him more than it did anyone else. He had thought he was bearing up well but the sight of Jennifer’s parents looking so flooded with anxiety for their daughter was too much and brought home the severity of the situation once again. The guilt was practically eating him alive.

  ‘Oh you poor man,’ said Lesley, his mother-in-law, drawing him in for a hug. It was the first time such a physical exchange had occurred between them during all the time they’d known each other but he went with it and was surprised by how comforting it was to be drawn into her ample, rather matronly bust.

  ‘How are the kids?’ managed Max eventually, coming up for air. ‘They don’t know anything yet do they?’

  ‘They’re fine, don’t you worry about them. They’ve still no idea, which personally I think is for the best at this stage. Till we’ve got a better idea of what’s going on. Anyway, we left them with Karen, happy as pie, making fairy cakes. She’s been a star.’

  ‘When’s the doctor coming round?’ asked Jen’s dad, Nigel.

  ‘I didn’t know he was unconscious,’ joked Max weakly.

  Lesley and Nigel looked baffled.

  ‘Sorry. That wasn’t even funny was it? In fact it’s the sort of feeble joke Jen would usually crack at a time like this,’ Max babbled. ‘Out of nerves. Completely inappropriate. I haven’t slept much lately. I think I might be going a bit doolally.’

  ‘It’s all right, love,’ said Lesley, eyeing him with such a mixture of concern and pity it was obvious she concurred with the analysis of his mental state. ‘Do you remember when Uncle Ken died and Jennifer got the giggles at the funeral because the vicar’s toupee was blowing around in the wind then half slipped off his head at the graveside?’

  ‘Oh gosh yes,’ said Max, smiling sadly at the memory, grateful to Lesley for bearing with him.

  ‘Thinking about it now, it probably was quite a comical sight, but at the time I was furious with Jen for not having more decorum,’ she added wistfully.

  They all fell silent for a second, lost in memories. Max hated it. The atmosphere they were creating was too similar to how people reflected about the deceased, yet his wife was still alive, sort of.

  ‘Anyway, thinking about it, the doctor should actually be here by now,’ he said eventually, determined to change the mood despite the fact he was still pretty choked up and having to use every ounce of bravery in order to stay composed. ‘The thing is, you don’t like to make too much of a fuss because the staff have all been amazing so far, but at the same time, they never come when they say they’re going to.’

  ‘Oh but you’re right, you mustn’t make a fuss,’ agreed Lesley, horrified at the mere thought.

  Inside Jennifer’s bruised head, what her mum had just said was one of the few things to penetrate her consciousness.

  It was a typical comment for her mum to make. She was the type of woman who’d rather eat a dish she hadn’t actually ordered in a restaurant, even if she hated it, rather than ‘make a fuss’. The familiarity of this personality trait was in itself a comfort. It was also a comfort to be aware of people’s presence, ones she knew cared about her, only she was still very confused about why she required comfort. Something terrible had happened. But what?

  Hearing her mum’s voice had made her desperate to find out whether or not she would have rekindled her relationship with her had she stayed with Aidan. She hoped they would have done. It wouldn’t say much for them if they couldn’t have found it within themselves to have salvaged something of it.

  The next thing she knew she was tumbling through space once more, a sensation she was starting to become accustomed to. Hovering outside the portal she was reluctant to go down, scared to go down. It would be beyond devastating to discover that their relationship hadn’t been able to survive one lousy decision. One mistake. She waited, floating, like a fish suspended in a bowl, wondering what was going to happen. There were, after all, two other portals to go down. She did want to discover what would have happened between her and her parents eventually, but perhaps that wasn’t supposed to happen right now after all, for she suddenly found herself being pulled in another direction. It was time to explore the second portal. The one marked Tim.

  TUNNEL NUMBER TWO

  What Could Have Been—Tim

  ‘So you can’t c
ome?’

  ‘I’m so sorry Karen, I would have loved to but I’m meeting Tim. He’s taking me to some do. In fact, I’m in a bit of a mad rush to be honest. I couldn’t get out of work as early as I wanted to and I’ve still got to get ready.’

  Jennifer could practically hear Karen’s irritation crackling down the phone but there was no way she was going to cancel her plans just to placate her. She wasn’t going to apologise either. She hadn’t done anything wrong and was getting fed up of always being made to feel like she had.

  ‘What’s it tonight then?’ asked Karen reluctantly and Jennifer could picture only too well how she’d be rolling her eyes with disdain.

  ‘Tim’s got tickets to the Serpentine party in Hyde Park. It’s supposed to be pretty amazing. There’ll be lots of people from the art world there but also loads of celebs and cocktails and canapés and all of that malarkey. Tickets are a few hundred quid a pop.’

  Jennifer winced. Had that sounded like she was showing off? She hadn’t meant it to. She was simply trying to demonstrate to Karen that her plans weren’t all that easy to break.

  ‘Oh well, having a curry with me and Pete can’t compete with that,’ said Karen.

  Jennifer despaired and not for the first time wished she’d never told Karen about the argument she’d had with Tim the day Princess Diana had died. It was nearly a year ago now but ever since she’d confided in her that for an insecure moment, she’d briefly considered finishing it with him, Karen had acted like she had carte blanche to be as scathing as she liked about their relationship.

  Now Jennifer felt a constant need to justify her decision to stay with him. Yet it didn’t seem to matter how many times she explained that ultimately she’d decided not to dump him because he had so much to offer, in many different ways, her friend refused to listen.

  She was sick of it. It was her life and it wound her up that Karen acted as though by comparison her and Pete’s relationship was so perfect, to the point where the more she thought about it, the more she was starting to think that perhaps she might just be a tiny bit jealous. After all, Karen and Pete struggled to make ends meet most months whereas she’d finally got herself a nice job in marketing and Tim had made it. He’d done what he had always set out to do. He’d invented something and it was all coming to fruition. He was rich. reUNIon was taking off and that was entirely down to his hard work, vision, drive and dedication to making it happen. She was proud to be with him. He was so clever. A genius to some extent and yes, he may appear distracted much of the time but then of course he was. He had a growing company to manage. He had the attention of many major captains of industry, from politicians, the media and not just in Britain but globally.

  ‘Well have a great time,’ Karen said flatly.

  ‘I will,’ said Jennifer, sad that once again Karen had rained on her parade. She sighed but, keen to keep the peace, attempted to make sure their conversation ended on good terms. ‘Can I come round next week instead?’

  ‘Course,’ said Karen, who at her end was determinedly pulling herself together. She had enough self-awareness to know she was giving Jennifer a hard time but couldn’t help herself. Tim made her skin crawl. Always had done. Physically he reminded her of Beavis from Beavis and Butt-Head which was how she and Pete referred to him in private. She found him repellent and arrogant and was convinced her friend could do better. She could only think that Jennifer was still with him purely for the money and lifestyle that being Tim Purcell’s girlfriend provided.

  ‘Why don’t you come round next Tuesday or Wednesday?’

  ‘It’s a date,’ said Jennifer. ‘Though Tuesday probably works better for me and it’s nearer so stick it in the diary.’

  After they’d got off the phone Jennifer allowed herself five minutes just to sit on the bed and gaze dolefully at the wall, until she realised that unless she got a move on she’d be horribly late.

  Forty minutes later, Jennifer was dressed and ready to go. Tim had bought her a beautiful Diane Von Furstenberg wrap dress from a very expensive shop in Notting Hill. It was silk and beautifully made and the colours were vibrant, fiery oranges and reds. The style was slightly too conservative for Jennifer’s taste but she appreciated how lucky she was to have it and wanted to please Tim by wearing it, even if she did think it would be better on a woman in her forties. He’d suggested she go to the hairdressers and have a blow-dry but being totally honest she preferred her hair more natural. All the moneyed women round Notting Hill looked like clones of one another as far as she was concerned with their coiffeured, crash helmet, invariably blonde highlighted hairstyles.

  Just as she was applying a final slick of lip gloss the doorbell rang, so she picked up her clutch bag and clacked to the door in her high heels.

  Tim’s driver was standing on the front step.

  ‘Oh hi Ray, is Tim not with you?’

  ‘He got held up Jen, but said to say he’ll meet you there.’

  Jennifer’s smile slipped off her face slightly but there was no point saying anything to Ray. In fact there was no point saying anything to anyone. Her boyfriend would be there when he could be and if she had to sit outside the Serpentine in the car for a while that’s what she’d do. There was no way she was going into that party on her own.

  Twenty minutes later Jennifer was idly daydreaming out of the window about nothing in particular when the car glided up to the pavement.

  ‘Hang on a minute, we’re not here yet are we?’ asked Jennifer. Why were they stopping in Knightsbridge?

  Ray turned round from the front seat. ‘Mr Purcell requested we make a quick pit stop here, if you don’t mind.’

  ‘Oh right…er…shall I wait in the car then?’

  ‘No Miss, if you would be so kind, there’s someone waiting for you inside so you should come with me.’

  Thoroughly confused, Jennifer looked out of the window again. They were outside The Mandarin Oriental hotel and by now Ray had already come round her side of the car to open her door. Wondering what on earth was going on Jennifer got out, hoping this wasn’t going to take too long. She’d be annoyed if Tim was still doing business. She hadn’t seen him properly all week and he’d promised her that tonight he’d finish at a decent time so that they could enjoy the party. As she followed Ray up the steps of the hotel, she got the strangest sense that the hotel doormen were half expecting her. She was probably being paranoid though.

  ‘What’s going on, Ray? Where are we meeting Tim?’

  ‘Don’t you worry,’ he said mysteriously and she knew then that she wasn’t going to get any more information out of him.

  ‘I’d best leave you to it, Jen. I can’t leave the car here I’m afraid, I’ll get a ticket.’

  ‘Oh…really…’ she began but he’d already turned and gone, and was hurrying back to his waiting car.

  Feeling rather self-conscious and a tad irritated she resigned herself to the fact that she now had no other choice but to go into the hotel and find out what was going on. So she let the incredibly enthusiastic doorman usher her through to the main reception where the first thing she noticed within the opulent surroundings was a uniformed member of the hotel staff standing clutching an enormous bouquet of white flowers. There were lilies, roses and huge white delphiniums so large they pretty much covered the woman’s entire face. They were absolutely beautiful and Jennifer wondered who they were for. Just as she was thinking this the legs beneath the flowers started walking towards her.

  ‘These are for you, Miss Drew,’ said the woman, once she was only a few feet away, almost teetering underneath the weight of the blooms and handing them over to Jennifer.

  ‘Oh my gosh,’ she gasped, overwhelmed and enjoying the incredible perfume that was coming from them. ‘They’re amazing, thank you so much. Are you sure they’re for me? Are they from Tim?’

  ‘Indeed they are, Miss. Now, I’d like you to follow me, only perhaps let’s leave the flowers with reception to look after and we can collect them again later. They�
�re a bit too big to carry around aren’t they?’ she said smiling.

  At this point all the irritation and confusion Jennifer had been experiencing dissolved completely and instead she started to get seriously excited. There had been so many times over the years when she’d had to put up with broken arrangements, or had to wait around for Tim for hours on end while he finished up his business but never had any of these times involved being handed a massive bouquet. She felt like Pretty Woman. Not because she felt like a prostitute but because she was being spoiled by a millionaire in a fairy-tale type of way. It was pretty intoxicating and was also obvious by now that Tim must have planned something. Dinner before the party maybe? She was really touched. It had been a long time since he’d done anything romantic for her. For a brief second she wondered if he was going to propose but as quickly as the notion came to her she dismissed it again. No, he wouldn’t. Not yet.

  Once they’d disposed of the flowers she followed the woman through the hotel towards the lifts. Jennifer watched as she pressed a button for one of the very top floors. As the lift made its ascent through the building the two of them stood in vaguely awkward silence, grinning inanely at one another. What on earth was going on? It was so exciting.

  Coming out of the lift Jennifer found herself in a spacious corridor, decorated in decadent red.

  ‘This way please,’ the woman said with a polite smile.

  Jennifer followed, full of nerves. They walked right to the end of the plush, thickly carpeted corridor at which point the woman took a key card out of her pocket.

  As she inserted it, she stood aside to push the door open so that the room was revealed.

  Jennifer gasped. The room, which must have been the hotel’s most luxurious suite, was full to the brim with candles, carpeted with them if you like, save for a path through the middle which led to a terrified looking Tim.

  ‘What’s this?’ squawked Jennifer. ‘What are you doing?’ Not the most romantic or profound thing to say but she was terribly nervous by now.