by Jemma Forte
‘That’s not true, babe,’ said Steve looking genuinely aghast. ‘She loves you. Only the other day she was asking when she’s going to be a grandma.’
‘And what did you say?’ asked Jennifer slightly frostily.
‘I said as soon as I could persuade you to have my babies.’
‘Well, you’re going to have to wait a bit longer I’m afraid.’
‘I know,’ said Steve, ‘one more year.’
As the tube rattled through the tunnels, Jennifer despaired. Steve insisted on hanging on to that ‘one more year’ for dear life. She’d only said it to shut him up. She definitely wanted to start a family at some point but they weren’t even engaged yet and she hated the pressure. She loved Steve very much but his constant nagging to have a baby was starting to get on her nonlactating tits.
‘And again, her becoming a grandma has got nothing to do with me. It’s the baby she’s after,’ she added through gritted teeth, her mood worsening by the second.
‘All right,’ warned Steve. He was a softie all right but not when it came to his mother and Jennifer knew she was treading a fine line before he got annoyed, although given the mood she was in she wasn’t sure she cared.
‘Look, I’m sorry OK, and I know it’s going to be a bit of a ball-ache tomorrow but we can laze around until at least ten thirty and it’s not that much of a big deal going back. At least we’ll be getting Mum’s roasties.’
Jennifer battled with the urge to tell him she’d always found his mum’s ‘roasties’ a bit oily and that what she really fancied tomorrow was a nice dirty Chinese takeaway.
‘Oh shit, I forgot to tell you, babe,’ said Steve, wisely changing the subject. ‘You know Mum entered me in for that competition?’
‘Ye-es.’
‘They’ve only gone and been in touch. They want to get me in for a meeting or something. Or maybe even a, hang on, what did they call it? Oh yeah, a screen test.’
Steve had chosen his timing well. This was an instant distraction.
‘I can’t believe you didn’t tell me. That’s hilarious!’
‘I know, although I reckon they probably only looked at her entry because no doubt she keeps the entire company afloat with her spending habits.’
Jennifer laughed. This was golden gossip. She couldn’t believe Steve was only just telling her now and it certainly helped improve her mood.
‘So are you going to go? When is it?’
‘Nah,’ said Steve dismissively. ‘Can you imagine me fumbling my way through a “screen test”? I get embarrassed enough as it is just having my photo taken, let alone talking on camera.’
‘Still,’ said Jennifer, ‘can you imagine what a housewives’ favourite you’d be?
Steve frowned, assuming she was taking the piss.
‘I’m not joking. You’ve seen the usual cheese-balls that work on those channels. I saw one the other day who was so brown he looked mahogany, his suit was shiny and his eyes were slightly too close together. You’d be the fittest thing they’d ever clapped eyes on.’
Steve rolled his eyes and shook his head.
‘Seriously babe, I reckon they’d love you. Plus there’s nothing you don’t know about DIY so it’s not like you wouldn’t be in your comfort zone.’ Jennifer laughed, mainly at herself. ‘I can’t believe I’m encouraging you but you never know. You might find you’re good and I bet they’d pay well too.’
‘Well, you’re very sweet baby but somehow being Price Smash’s DIY expert isn’t exactly a dream I’m up for pursuing. No matter how much Mum insists.’
Jennifer felt a definite sense of satisfaction that for once it looked like he was going to defy mummy dearest. Steve was right, if he were to work on one of her beloved shopping channels she’d be the happiest woman ever. Still, in this instance she was kind of on June’s side. She couldn’t see what he had to lose. He was a great plumber but in terms of broadening his horizons, prospects and earning power this could be his big opportunity.
Jennifer tried another tactic. ‘She’ll be devastated if you don’t go. She’d never forgive you. I heard her telling Sue about it only the other day. She was so pleased with what she’d sent in and to be fair I was very cynical about it. I reckoned so many people would enter that you wouldn’t stand a chance, so she’s done well. I bet hundreds entered.’
‘Hm,’ said Steve, still not looking wholly convinced. ‘Price Smash is hardly QVC though is it?’
‘Oh I don’t know, I’d say it’s definitely up there.’ At that point Jennifer started chuckling. ‘Oh my god, listen to me. What have I become? I’d never so much as glimpsed a shopping channel before I met you. Now I’m a bloody connoisseur.’
‘I know,’ laughed Steve. ‘It sort of seeps in though doesn’t it? Even I nearly got sucked in the other day. I sat down to have a beer, fully meaning to switch over and watch something proper. Next thing I knew I’d watched ten minutes of someone talking about an air fryer and was on the verge of buying one.’
Jennifer cackled whole-heartedly before eventually spluttering, ‘How much do you reckon she spent last month alone on crap from those channels?’
‘Dread to think,’ said Steve drily. ‘I caught her buying a steam mop the other day and that disgusting necklace she gave Sue for her birthday, I know for a fact was bought from one or other of them. It might even have been Price Smash actually.’
Their shared despair of both June’s viewing and buying habits succeeded in defusing what otherwise could have become a row and for much of the remainder of the journey they sat together in comfortable silence. As the train finally pulled into Hammersmith however, Steve leaned in and whispered, ‘One day you’re going to be the best mum in the world you know, babe. Even better than mine.’
Jennifer laughed.
‘What?’ said Steve, looking a bit miffed that his stab at being romantic was being giggled at.
‘Bloody hell, Steve,’ she exclaimed, ‘until the day I give birth you really are not going to let it lie are you? You’ve got to change the record! You make me feel like a walking womb sometimes.’
Steve shot her back a rueful grin. Then he shrugged and made a renewed vow not to bug her too much about getting pregnant. He didn’t want to put her off.
‘Honestly,’ said Jennifer shaking her head and feeling really irritated, ‘you’re a nightmare and I need you to give it a rest a bit. I’ve told you, I don’t know how many times, that at the moment I need to concentrate on getting this promotion at work. After that we’ll see, in a year or so.’
‘Good,’ said Steve, grinning to the point of stupidity.
TUNNEL NUMBER THREE
What Could Have Been—Steve
The party was in full swing by the time they arrived. There were loads of familiar faces and as soon as they’d set foot in the hallway, they were engulfed by friends. Drawn towards the music, and being pulled enthusiastically along by the hand by Lucy, Jennifer had headed straight to the makeshift dance floor in the lounge, her free arm in the air, moving in time to the strains of the funk which was being played. Meanwhile, Steve had bumped into Pete and had gone off to replace the warm beers he’d brought with him for cold ones which were sitting in an empty bin surrounded by bags of ice. Pete had seemed genuinely pleased to see Steve so Jennifer knew he’d be all right. All Jennifer’s friends really liked him but then he was easy to get along with so becoming part of their group had been an easy transition.
‘There she is,’ said Lucy, shoving Jennifer in Karen’s direction. ‘She’s been pining for you.’
‘Yeah,’ screamed Karen, upon realising her friend had finally arrived and barrelling over to Jennifer. If the sweat patches under her arms were anything to go by she’d clearly been dancing energetically for a while.
‘It’s too loud for me here,’ yelled Lucy at the top of her lungs, ‘I’m going outside for a fag.’
She left them to it, right by the speakers where the mixer was set up. She was right. The music was loud enough to make your e
ars bleed.
‘You all right?’ yelled Karen.
Jennifer took a deep breath in preparation to scream back her answer.
‘Yeah good,’ she shouted, ‘just glad to be here. It took ages.’
‘Oh well, you’ve done your stint at June towers for the week. Now you can chill, babe.’
Jennifer was about to fill her in and explain that actually she couldn’t and that she’d be trekking back there tomorrow but decided it would only inflame her annoyance which she was doing well to keep a lid on at the moment. Plus it would be too much effort to make herself understood over this racket.
‘I haven’t seen Esther,’ she yelled directly into Karen’s inner ear instead, which was the only hope either of them had of hearing each other. The volume was ridiculous. The police would be round soon no doubt.
‘Upstairs I think,’ said Karen, pulling a face. ‘Her and Toby were having a massive barney about something when Pete and I arrived.’
‘What about?’
‘What?’
‘I said what about?’
‘I think he was eyeing up Rochelle. You know Rochelle? Silly cow with the massive tits. The one Esther hates.’
Jennifer couldn’t make out what she’d said so she just nodded and smiled enthusiastically.
‘How’s Steve?’
‘Good.’
‘No ring yet?’ teased Karen.
‘What?’
Karen tapped her ring finger.
‘No thank god,’ laughed Jennifer, only half joking. ‘He’d rather get me up the duff first anyway I reckon.’ It had become a standing joke within the group that out of the two of them it was Steve who was eager to settle down and have babies while Jennifer was doing her best to cling onto her last vestiges of freedom.
Just then the music changed and someone saw sense to reduce the volume to a less painful threshold. The funk came off and suddenly one of Jennifer’s favourite house tracks came pouring out of the speakers, causing her to squeal with delight.
‘Wooooh,’ yelled Karen, hands aloft.
Jennifer turned round to show her appreciation to the DJ only to find that he’d gone and that someone else had taken his place. Someone who perhaps wasn’t deaf? The guy behind the CD mixer had dark hair, an attractive lop-sided grin and was only wearing a scruffy T-shirt and black jeans yet managed to look really good. Just then he caught Jennifer’s eye. She didn’t need any more encouragement than that to go and tell him how much she appreciated his choice of track. ‘Oh my god this is such a tune,’ she squealed, scuttling over.
He nodded his head, smiling at her girlish enthusiasm. ‘Better get dancing then,’ he said, shooting her a grin.
Jennifer did as she was told and for the next couple of minutes danced with gusto to the tune that sent shivers down her spine whenever the chorus kicked in. At one point she and Karen clutched onto one another and just jumped around together. By now a far larger group had been attracted to the dance floor.
‘Who’s the DJ?’ panted Jennifer, after the fifth brilliant track in a row.
‘Max Wright,’ said Karen. ‘He’s cute isn’t he? He’s a mate of Drifter’s.’
Jennifer looked blank.
‘You know Drifter don’t you? Toby’s cousin’s ex.’
Jennifer shook her head.
‘Why?’
‘No reason, I just love the music he’s playing. It’s brilliant.’
‘Do you want a drink?’ asked Karen. ‘I’m going to see if I can hunt down some vodka. If I can’t I’ll probably go to the offy. Do you want to come?’
‘Do you mind if I stay here for now? I want to dance a bit more.’
Karen nodded and disappeared off into the crowd. The party seemed to be filling up by the second.
Jennifer turned to see if anyone else she knew was about. As she did her eyes met with the DJ’s again. She’d sensed him watching her a few times when she’d been dancing and now he was looking directly at her. He gave a small nod of his head. Jennifer smiled back and acknowledged to herself that if she wasn’t attached she’d probably be making a beeline for him right this second.
Right. Definitely time to find Steve.
It took her a while to find him. By this point the party had crossed the line from being pleasantly heaving to unpleasantly packed. The stairs were three people deep and not one inch of carpet could be seen now. After a pretty unpleasant ten minutes of barging her way through small groups of people who were so engrossed in what they were doing they were reluctant to move, she finally found her boyfriend in one of the bedrooms. Even then it took her a while to detect him because the room was so full of smoke she could hardly see into it. There were about eight lads in there doing shots of limoncello. Pete was one of them. In fact, it was obvious he was the main instigator and that when it came to the acrid yet sweet smelling smoke which hung thick in the air he was also the culprit. He had an enormous joint hanging from his lips and Jennifer watched amazed as he offered it over to Steve and he accepted. Steve wasn’t a big drinker and certainly never normally smoked pot or went anywhere near drugs, which was probably why he was looking a bit green now.
‘Hey gorgeous,’ he said, looking up, finally realising she was standing over him. It had only taken two whole minutes for him to have noticed her. Oh god. He was wasted.
‘Hey, you all right?’ she enquired gently, aware that he wouldn’t want her to make him look like a loser in front of the other guys by exposing how out of it he was.
‘Yeah good,’ said Steve, beckoning to her to come and sit next to him on the bed. His hand was all floppy and limp. She perched on the end of the bed, very conscious of the fact that she was the only female in what felt like a male dorm. Steve tried to sit up more so he could give her a kiss. He missed her mouth a bit and ended up smooching her cheek. She had to resist the urge to wipe her face with her hand. She felt like she’d been kissed by a Labrador.
He reached over and rubbed her leg which was fine. But then he sat up and started kissing her neck and stroking her hair which was a bit weird given that there were seven other people in the room. She tried to pull away without drawing too much attention to them but clearly failed.
‘Oi oi,’ said one lairy-looking bloke.
‘Get a room you two,’ said Pete, and Jennifer felt her face redden.
‘If I want to kiss my beautiful girlfriend then why shouldn’t I?’ proclaimed Steve. Pete pretended to stick his fingers down his throat and replied, ‘Because you show us all up mate, and I’ll have Karen moaning at me later saying “you don’t show me as much affection as Steve shows Jen” blah blah blah.’
‘Er, I am in the room you know,’ said Jennifer, firmly pulling away from Steve’s hands now which were still trying to stroke her. He was getting on her nerves. How had he got so out of it so quickly?
While Pete turned round to concentrate on the serious business of doling out another round of shots to everybody, she took the opportunity to turn to face Steve properly. He looked stoned. His eyes were bloodshot and his expression was positively dopey.
‘Babe, I hate to say it but it’s still pretty early, so don’t get any more out of it because we’ve got to get all the way back to Leytonstone tomorrow, remember?’
Steve’s face instantly clouded over. ‘Urgh, you’re not still going on about that are you? I wish you’d give it a rest. Honestly, you’re making such a big deal out of it,’ he slurred.
Jennifer was outraged. ‘Oh my god,’ she fumed, in a seething whisper she hoped no one else could hear. ‘As if! I was hardly having a go. The opposite in fact. I was trying to look out for you and was only saying that if you get too wrecked you’ll pay for it tomorrow. But if you want to be like that, then do what you want.’
Steve sighed heavily and she could see him trying to come up with a good defence but it was never going to happen. He was looking really peaky now. Pale and a bit sweaty. She gave up. She didn’t care what he had to say anyway. She was incensed. He was being an idiot.
<
br /> ‘I’m going back downstairs,’ she said, shaking off his right hand which was trying to paw at her again. As she left the room, she heard Steve calling out, ‘Oh babe come on, come back a minute, I didn’t mean it.’
She cringed. Great. Well done Steve. Now they’d all know they were arguing.
Back downstairs, the party was starting to lose its appeal. There were simply too many people and many of them obviously hadn’t been invited. No one dared go up to the group of unsavourys who were loitering in the hall, to ask what they were doing there but their presence leant an uneasy atmosphere. Jennifer searched for Karen for ages but failed to find her anywhere so assumed she must have gone to the off licence. She did bump into Esther and Lucy though. ‘Hey,’ she said delighted to see them until she realised Esther’s face was tear-stained and that Lucy was leading her by the elbow like an old lady. Her mascara had clumped and she had rings of black eyeliner halfway down her face.
‘Oh my god what’s happened?’
‘It’s OK,’ said Lucy, on Esther’s behalf. ‘She’s just split up with Toby. He’s been a total prick.’
‘Oh no, why?’ asked Jennifer, but Lucy shook her head and pulled a warning face, telling her not to enquire further. ‘OK, so what are you both doing now then?’
‘I’m going to take Esther outside and make sure she gets in a cab. I’ll either come back or I might just get in with her,’ replied Lucy.
‘OK,’ said Jennifer, feeling really sorry for Esther who was clearly so drunk and upset that she couldn’t even talk. Jennifer watched as she shuffled off, Lucy keeping a firm grip on her.
‘You OK?’ said a voice.
Jennifer turned round and was pleasantly surprised to see the man she already knew was called Max standing there. ‘Oh hello. It’s the DJ who isn’t deaf.’
Max grinned. ‘It was a bit painful before wasn’t it? No doubt it will be again. Drifter’s on for his next set. Do you fancy a drink?’
‘What you got?’
‘Rum,’ said Max, pulling a bottle out of the back pocket of his jeans.
‘Don’t mind if I do.’
Max gestured to a small two-seater sofa which had been dragged up against the wall and which had miraculously just become free. ‘Quick,’ he instructed.