Solace & Grief

by Foz Meadows

  ‘And we're sitting in this room, right?’ Jess continued, speaking with the undimmed, half-outraged enthusiasm of someone who doesn't quite understand her own experience. ‘No explanation, no warning. Nada. And we're looking at each other thinking, “What the hell just happened?” But then we realised that Duchess hadn't moved either, that she was still asleep across both our laps.’

  ‘No way,’ said Evan. ‘No way. You are not telling me we were all just saved by that cat!’

  ‘Believe it,’ Electra said.

  ‘What happened next?’ asked Harper. His voice seemed a lot stronger than it had been, but Solace still looked away when he smiled at her. The memory of his blood and Mikhail's was still too strong, the temptation too real to be mistaken for anything else. He frowned at her reluctance, hurt, and her sense of shame deepened. Searching for a way out, she nodded towards Jess, miming concentration.

  ‘We woke up Duchess,’ Jess was saying. ‘And, well, you guys –’ she indicated Manx and Solace, ‘– said you'd been talking to her before, that she understood us. The thing was, though, we couldn't understand her. It was ages before we could get her to communicate – she's a stubborn little miss! – because we had to keep saying, “we know you can hear us, but we can't hear you, meow once for yes, twice for no” – that sort of thing. God was it painful, because apart from anything else, we had no idea of what had happened to all of you or where we were, and it seemed like the longer we waited, the more trouble you'd be getting into. Eventually, though, she seemed to agree. We asked if she'd brought us here: yes. Would she tell us how: no. Had the Bloodkin come to that house before: yes. Had they bothered her: no. Was she able to help us rescue you: yes.’

  ‘Would she?’ Electra chimed in, grinning. ‘No.’

  ‘She wanted a nap – we think,’ said Jess, glancing with fond irritation at the small, sleeping feline. ‘It took us about another forty minutes to get her to say she'd help. It was Electra's idea: she figured that if we couldn't plead with her, we might as well try bribery. I didn't know what sort of things a cat would want, but I guess Electra's spent enough time with Manx to be able to take an educated guess.’

  ‘And what did you give her?’ Solace found herself asking, her brain not yet entirely in sync with her ears.

  Electra grimaced. ‘A swan. A whole, entire swan. I teleported one here from the university lake. The poor thing's wings were clipped – she chased it around the house for about twenty minutes. I mean, I thought it would probably peck her eyes out or something, but it seemed too confused about where it was and how it got here to do much more than run away. She finally did kill it, though, and ate most of it.

  ‘FYI, a cat that size, eating a swan? It should be the textbook example of “hilariously disturbing”.’ She made a face. ‘It was only afterwards that we managed to come and get everyone.’

  ‘Well, almost everyone,’ Jess amended. ‘We didn't realise that Solace was somewhere else. I don't fully understand what it is that Duchess does, or why, or how, but it seems to be harder if she isn't actually there. We think she, I don't know, used Electra somehow, took strength from her. But it pretty much worked out that whatever we were doing got way out of control with five people. Duchess passed out. We thought she was dead.’

  ‘We thought we were being executed,’ Manx confessed. ‘I honestly can't ever remember being so frightened. We were all on edge because of what Sharpsoft had said.’ Solace's eyebrows shot up at that, but she kept silent. ‘And then this weird green light started spinning and glowing and doing all kinds of painful shit. It was like being in one of those amusement park rides where you're strapped against the wall while it rotates at some insane speed – that, plus pain and noise and heat. I think all of us had passed out by the time we got here; we didn't wake up much before you just did.’

  ‘And then you came and got me the same way?’

  Jess nodded. ‘Yes. We had to wait for Duchess to come to, though – she's been asleep like that ever since you arrived.’

  ‘I had to promise her another swan before she'd go back for you,’ Electra apologised. ‘There was just no way, otherwise.’ She sighed. ‘Poor, stupid birds.’

  ‘Solace,’ Laine asked suddenly. ‘What happened to you?’

  All eyes turned her way. For a moment, she considered lying, keeping quiet about Sanguisidera and Grief and Sharpsoft, but too much had already happened to everyone on her account, and she couldn't bear the thought of even more people being deceived.

  ‘Sanguisidera talked to me,’ she managed. ‘Lukin was there, and his cousin – the one Sharpsoft mentioned. Mikhail,’ she gulped. ‘And there was my brother. His name's Grief. He was in your prophecy, Jess. He's the faceless man.’ She was running on quickly now, as everyone stared at her, shocked. ‘I didn't think I could have a brother, but it's true. He even looks like me, and it was in my mother's book, only I just didn't know to look for it. He was the first child they tried to have to defeat Sanguisidera, except she found out about it and stole him. He's as mad as she is, her pet Bloodkin. And the man who betrayed my parents to her was – was Sharpsoft.’

  That did it. Everyone started yelling and talking at once. After almost a minute of confusion, it was Evan who finally managed to make himself heard over the top of everyone else, staring levelly at Solace as he spoke.

  ‘Look. Look! Shut up, all right? He came into our cell and said he was sorry. I don't know what for, but he gave me this.’ He reached into his pocket and held out the crumpled wad of paper.

  Taking it from him, Solace had barely begun to flatten the first page before recognising the neat, sloped handwriting. ‘These are from my mother's book,’ she said, slowly. She scanned the opening lines, then looked away, unable to bring herself to keep reading. ‘Parts I haven't read yet. But Sanguisidera has it. He must… he must have stolen them. Why, though?’

  ‘Because he's on our side?’ Evan asked sarcastically, ignoring Paige's loud and unconvinced snort.

  ‘I don't know,’ Solace said quietly. ‘He said he'd killed Glide, that he'd done what he was meant to in getting the book.’

  ‘Of course he'd have to say that! If he really is a double agent, then he's obviously got some pretty hefty lies to tell. And anyway, if Sanguisidera really knew he was hanging out at our old place, why did she need Glide to steal from us?’

  ‘Perhaps she just wanted him to milk Solace for information.’ Electra's voice was faint. She looked even paler than usual, almost nauseous, her normally bright hair lank with perspiration.

  Evan was outraged. ‘But he told her more than she ever told him! Right?’ He swung his head to Solace for confirmation.

  She shrugged helplessly. ‘I honestly don't know. He spoke to me in my head when they showed him to me – when Grief summoned him, I mean – and told me not to say anything. It would make sense if they didn't know I'd met him before, but then he admitted to being the one who spoke through Jess at the end of her prophecy, who sent her spiralling out into everything. Remember?’

  ‘I remember it was Glide who “rescued” her,’ Evan said, pointedly.

  ‘He never said why he was helping me,’ Solace persisted, but she wasn't sure why. A large part of her desperately wanted to do as Evan did, and trust that Sharpsoft really was their ally, that he wasn't the one responsible for Grief. But after everything that had happened, it was a hard suspicion to shake, especially for the Vampire Cynic. Physically, she felt weaker than she ever had in her life.

  ‘Well, I'm still reserving judgement,’ stated Evan, crossing his arms stubbornly over his chest. ‘Nobody else has to agree with me and that's fine, but I'm the first one of us he ever spoke to – and I'm the damn empath! I say he's not on Sanguisidera's side, and that's that.’

  ‘All right,’ said Manx quickly, seeing that Paige was preparing for an angry rebuttal. ‘Let's just leave it be, okay? We don't know for sure, he's not here right now, and we've got more important things to worry about – like, for instance, where we should be headed
next. We don't even know whose house this is. Perhaps Duchess does, perhaps not, but either way, we can't stay here indefinitely, and I'd prefer to know sooner rather than later if someone's about to come home from work and accuse us of breaking and entering.’ He breathed in deeply. ‘At any rate, I'm guessing that getting as far the hell away from Sanguisidera as possible is a good plan right about now.’

  Nobody spoke. Breaking the silence, Duchess wheezed contentedly in her sleep, rolling briefly onto her back before stretching full length on her side, exposing her long, white belly.

  ‘I wish I could sleep like that,’ murmured Jess.

  ‘Starveldt,’ said Solace abruptly. ‘Evan, do you still have the key?’

  Her friend pulled a face. ‘Take it,’ he said, rummaging in his pocket and tossing it to her. ‘I've never been overly fond of responsibility. Why people keep entrusting me with it is beyond me.’

  ‘Me, too,’ Paige muttered, without humour.

  ‘You think we should go to your castle?’ Laine asked, raising an eyebrow. When Manx glared at her, she raised her hands defensively. ‘No, no! I don't think it's a bad plan. I was just asking.’

  ‘We should, I think,’ said Solace, and then, having experienced a jolt of delayed memory, ‘there's one thing I never told you. When we jumped back through from the tower that night – well, I went somewhere. An empty place. And there was a Voice – all right, more like a presence, and I'm not going to pretend it wasn't annoyingly cryptic – but it claimed to be a guardian, an interested party. The point being,’ and here she sucked in a breath, ‘it told me that the warehouse was on fire. That “events had been set in motion”. It sent us home.’

  ‘And you never thought to mention this before now.’ Paige's voice was flat.

  Solace shuddered, not so much at the accusation, but at the fact that nobody rushed to negate it. ‘I'm sorry,’ she whispered, momentarily dropping her gaze. ‘So much was going on at the time that I didn't…’

  ‘It's all right,’ Manx said, managing a supportive half-smile.

  Grateful, Solace continued. ‘If we're going to look for Starveldt, then the Voice seems as good a thing as any to start with. Maybe it'll show up the next time I use the key; maybe not. I don't know. But it's all I've got to go on, and weird though it is, it's better than nothing.’ She stopped, looking at everyone in turn.

  Electra was drawn, drained from the talk as much as the events preceding it, so that she seemed all uncertain eyes and sharp edges. Even Manx, a protective arm thrown around her shoulders, looked tired. There were circles under his mismatched eyes that Solace hadn't noticed before, either out of carelessness or because they were newly acquired; but whatever the reason, she felt responsible for their presence. Jess, for all her earlier enthusiasm, was paper-thin, her blue eyes huge and childlike. Unusually, her thick, black hair was unbound, its wildness serving to give her a witch-like appearance. By contrast, Evan was surprisingly composed, although paler still. Perhaps it was just their closeness in the armchair, but at that moment he looked more like Laine than his sister: Laine, whose small face was deliberately blank, as though she were carefully weighing up what was said (and what was thought, Solace amended) before passing judgement. Strangely, it was Harper who seemed the most relaxed, but then again, he was the only one lying down. That left Paige, tense and whey-faced, the pink-and-purple streaks in her hair seeming to stick up like the tufts of a novelty wig. It would have been comic, were her hands not gripping the wooden edge of her chair so tightly that the colour had bled from her knuckles. Of everyone present, she was far and away the most terrified, and despite what she was about to ask, Solace was hard pressed to blame her.

  Dropping her gaze, she sighed. ‘I'm sorry for everything that's happened. If I'd known what was really going on, I never would have put you all in danger. But the thing is, I didn't know, and now that I do – and I feel selfish saying this, but it's the truth – I'm glad you guys have been here. I don't know what I would've done without all of you. Any of you. Really. I've never had… well, friends, before now. It changes things. And I understand if you don't want to come looking for Starveldt. Heading down to the Gadfly and grabbing a few drinks seems a hell of a lot more attractive than almost-certain danger. Who knows – if I wasn't around, then maybe Sanguisidera would leave you alone. But if you want –’

  ‘Solace,’ Jess cut her off. Walking over, she reached out and gripped her shoulders. ‘The last time you went out in the sun, you fainted and started trying to look like Laine. Colour me crazy, but I think you're going to need a teensy bit of help if this venture of yours involves daylight. Yeah, it's dangerous, and it's not like I'm averse to the Gadfly. But this, what's going on now? Even if it's frightening, it's important. Besides, tell me the better choice we have? Or at least,’ she added, glancing around the room, ‘that was just speaking for me, anyway. No one else has to agree.’

  ‘Damn right I don't!’ Paige snapped.

  Everyone turned.

  Her cheeks flamed red. ‘Don't all look at me like that! I'm bloody frightened and I have been ever since Tryst and Claire and Phoebe died. This isn't some stupid game. It's not something we're getting into lightly, or because we want some fun on a Friday evening.’ Tears filled her eyes as she hugged her knees. ‘I don't know what's happening any more. I don't know where I'm going or what I'm supposed to be doing. I've never had a great life, but parts of it haven't been too bad, either, and I'm sorry, but I'm not going to sit here and clap my hands with everyone else and say “tra-la-la, everything is fine and wonderful on our grand new adventure” when it isn't!’ She stopped, wiping her eyes and gulping back sobs. ‘I'm frightened.’

  ‘Paige,’ said Harper, as gently as he could, turning to look her in the eye. ‘We're all going. At least, I think we are.’ When nobody contradicted him, he continued. ‘And I know how you feel, I do. I think we all do. But no matter how we got into it, there's just not an easy way out, and it makes sense to stick together, like we always have. You don't want to be left on your own, do you?’

  ‘No,’ Paige shot back, ‘so I don't have a choice, really, do I? I've got to go with you, no matter what. As always.’ Miserably, she hung her head.

  Humans> came a withering sigh from the couch.

  Manx and Solace stared at Duchess. The little cat had lifted her head and was staring straight at Paige. A moment passed before the short girl realised what was happening. Her eyes widened.

  ‘She's talking to me?’

  I am talking to you, smallest human. See here> She paused, glaring at Manx. Translate!>

  ‘Oh! Er, she says, “I am talking to you, Smallest Human. See here”. She wants me to translate.’ Nervously, he looked back at Duchess, who blinked with slow approval.

  Good. Tell her this: there is no point in wailing about what cannot be changed. She will go, and you will go, and I will eat my swan. Things will happen as they happen – no faster, no slower. No more, no less. Only those who bewail their fate have no hope of changing it. Cats know better>

  Too startled even to laugh, Manx passed this on. Silence filled the room, and Solace watched a flicker of emotions cross Paige's face: surprise, indignation, defensiveness and then – most surprisingly of all – a kind of acceptance. The anger faded from her eyes. Her shoulders slumped, but seemingly more from relief than defeat. If the decision was out of her hands, then what was there to rail at? She sniffed again, but only once.

  ‘Hang on,’ Evan blurted, breaking the moment. ‘Am I the only one wondering how on earth does Duchess do what she does? I mean, no offence intended, but she's tiny! A cat!’

  Feline eyes narrowed. Cats do not know every human secret. Why should you know all of ours?>

  Dutifully, Manx relayed the sentiment.

  Evan snorted. ‘That isn't an answer!’

  ‘Somehow,’ Manx said wryly, ‘I don't think you're going to get a better one.’

  Very well> yawned Duchess. I will sleep now> She closed her eyes, then opened one of th
em a fraction, looking slyly at Electra. I was promised a second swan, human. Do not forget>

  Manx conveyed this quickly. His mouth twitched.

  ‘I won't,’ promised Electra, not bothering to hide her distaste.

  ‘Hey,’ Jess suddenly thought to ask. ‘Duchess? Whose house is this? Are we about to get evicted? Do you live here? Are we trespassing? Because, you know, I'm not actually sure where we are, geographically speaking, and I'd kind of like to know we're not a collective Goldilocks to someone else's Three Bears.’

  ‘Duchess?’ Electra echoed.

  But the small cat was already asleep.

  Midnight

  Solace slumped at the kitchen counter, head and arms resting on the cool marble. Here, as in every other room, they'd opted for darkness. It didn't seem as if anyone was coming home, but neither she nor the others saw a point in drawing attention to their occupancy by leaving the lights on. By the time they'd finished their conversation, it had been too dark outside to really see where they were, and even had it been lighter, Solace suspected that they were all too exhausted to bother. As if Duchess were leading by example, her relapse into sleep had been the catalyst for more than one pair of eyes to close.

  Mercifully, the house was both large and well-suited to their needs. Manx and Electra had passed out almost instantly on one of the double beds, Paige and Harper the other. Solace laughed softly to herself: two pairs of friends, each bound by a complex, unspoken history, each retreating into companionship in the aftermath of danger, each like an echo of the other. She wondered if she were the only one to have noticed, and concluded that she probably was, if only because nobody else was still awake. Evan and Laine, still slightly wary of one another, had taken up two mattresses in one small room. That left the room in which Solace had previously woken, and a freshly laundered bed apiece for herself and Jess.

  It might have been a coincidence that the available sleeping space perfectly matched the number of occupants; just as equally, it might not. Among a host of other thoughts, it was this consideration which kept Solace awake. Jess had long since stumbled up to bed with the others, which meant that, apart from Duchess, she was the only one still downstairs. Despite the evidence of her senses, she wasn't yet entirely sure that the little cat counted as a person, per se, although she was certainly an individual. Watching her sleep, it was hard to believe she was anything other than a blue-grey, white-splotched cat, whiskers twitching in a dream of mice. Whatever she was, Solace was slightly nervous of waking her, and so she sat quietly in the kitchen, breathing steadily, eyes half-lidded, thinking without thinking.