by KB Winters
“You’ll do fine tomorrow, Ethan. Just speak from the heart but don’t act from it. You know what you want to say and what you don’t.”
I appreciated her vote of confidence but I wasn’t so sure I could do it. “Thanks Misha, I just—”
“You’ll do fine Ethan, but I really have to go. Knock ’em dead tomorrow,” she whispered and disconnected the call.
I stared at the blinking light, shocked she’d actually ended the call without trying to lure me back. I deserved it but I wasn’t used to it. Misha’s refusal to beg me for what she clearly wanted gave me greater respect for her. It was refreshing.
It was new.
And really, it just brought home another reason why it was such a good idea to put some distance between us. When she acted like…well, like her, it was hard for me to resist her. I wanted her, more than I could even admit to myself which is why I sent her away, but right now I had something more important to think about.
The rest of my life.
First, I would charm the hell out of Samantha Stevens, then I could figure out if there was anything to be done about Misha.
Eighteen
Misha
Something about airports always fascinated me, watching businessmen and women always in a hurry with their heads down, eyes glued to tablets, smart phones and even old-fashioned planners.
Then there were the travelers, the tourists all eager and hopeful for a week or more of adventure and excitement from their normal lives. The returning travelers were less hopeful and more exhausted but still, there was a glint of adventure in their eyes. They knew something. Something more about the world that their friends and neighbors didn’t.
It was a powerful feeling. One I had every time I returned from my travels. I loved to experience other cultures, and immersed myself in it for the duration of my stay. Learning new things, seeing how different yet how similar things and people were, allowed me to return home to my next contract refreshed and ready to work.
Which is exactly what I anticipated feeling after I returned from a month in New Zealand. My contract with Ethan was officially over. After his call last night, I finished packing and headed for the airport even though I still had another five hours before my flight took off. I looked forward to getting away from everything. A month—or more—of early morning surfing, eating and enjoying the country.
I would enjoy the simplicity of traveling alone and I think, no, I’m certain that it was the perfect plan to help me get over a heartache I didn’t know I needed to protect myself against. I never get involved with clients, ever. But the one time I did, I went and fell in love with him. I fell in love with Ethan Mahoney. I didn’t even realize it was happening. I didn’t know it was love that had me all twisted up inside until I was suddenly kicked out of his life.
It was a hell of a way to find out, but I don’t regret it. Well I don’t regret most of it, I couldn’t if I wanted to. Falling for Ethan had been easy. Probably too easy based on stories I’ve heard and now paid the price for my hubris. I never even got a chance to enjoy being in love for real. The way that I felt about Ethan eclipsed the other times I thought I might be in love. Had I realized it sooner, maybe I could have really enjoyed that feeling.
Now it was just a barely formed memory.
Still, I had plenty of time to kill before they would even start boarding my flight, so I stopped at some overpriced café for a cheese Danish and a tuna salad on a croissant. Eating my feelings because I could and because airplane food was crap. Even in first class it was just better quality crap. But at least I would be comfortable on the long flight ahead.
As I walked the different terminals, the food sat like lead in my stomach. My thoughts were filled with Ethan. His smile and his laugh. Those piercing blue eyes and even his strict dedication to being healthy all the time. I decided to indulge in the heartache, for now anyway. Once I landed in New Zealand I would banish all thoughts of Ethan Mahoney whenever they cropped up. Until then, I would allow my mind to wander to him. To be sad and cry for the loss of him in my life and then I would move on. Move forward.
Be happy.
I finally made my way back to my own terminal and took a seat in the Sky Lounge. I pulled out my tablet to distract me but also to discourage other people from engaging me, especially the businessmen with that frequent flyer look about them. I found a small velvet pouch in there that I knew didn’t belong to me and I pulled it out. Inside was a small white box with a big black M on it that I recognized. Heart thudding so hard I felt it in my throat, I pulled out the black pearl ring I’d drooled over in Tokyo. I wanted it so bad but I couldn’t justify spending a small fortune on a ring I wouldn’t get to wear.
Because this ring was always yours. Wear it every day, even with sneakers. Love, Ethan
Love. What a joke because of course, he meant love in a love all mankind type of deal, not in a love of my life way that might give me hope. Still, the sight of the black pearl ring had tears burning my eyes before trekking down my cheeks. This ring had to mean something, it had to. Not marriage and babies of course, but not nothing either. Right?
I felt so conflicted about everything and I knew that leaving right now was best. For everyone. Still I had one call to make for a smile before I left. “Hey Dad.”
“Misha, my girl! How’s things?”
“All right, Dad. I’m headed to New Zealand for a bit. How are you?”
He laughed and the sound soothed me like the balm that it was. “I’m just fine, going camping with a lady friend this weekend so Opal can do another shroom study.” Opal was a family friend who’d been around most of my life and she was always testing some theory or another. “What happened? I know your contract isn’t over because all the TV is talking about is Ethan and Samantha Stevens part two. So, tell me what happened.”
I sighed, telling him some of the story but not all. “He said he didn’t need me anymore so I’m taking some time off before my next contract.”
“You’re running, you mean.”
I couldn’t even be mad because it wasn’t a judgment, just a fact. “Maybe I am but this isn’t about me, Dad. Ethan needs to nail this interview today and he will, without any distractions from me.”
“I wouldn’t be so sure Misha. I’m looking at him right now and he doesn’t look so hot.”
I scrambled with my tablet before pulling up the live video of Ethan standing in the green room, looking pale and nervous. “Hang on, Dad.” I pulled up Ethan’s number and let my thumbs fly over the keyboard as I typed up what I hoped was an encouraging, not clinging, message. “I think this is for the best.”
“For him, not you? Listen to me girl, sometimes it has to be about you. You have a right to have emotions and feelings Misha.”
“You’re right, which is why I never should have fallen for a client. Starting any relationship on that foot creates the wrong dynamic.” At least that’s what I was telling myself.
“I’m serious. Why don’t you stick around, see what happens when this interview is over?”
“Dad it’s been a while since he ended things and I’ve heard from him once. Last night when he had nerves about the interview.” When he needed my professional services. Message received.
“Men compartmentalize honey. He won’t want to deal with anything until this interview is behind him. Trust me.”
“I do Dad, but I’m still going. I’ll touch base when I land but I just wanted you to know I was taking off.”
“Have fun Misha, my love. I’m sure things will work out how they’re meant to.”
“Love you, Dad.”
“Love you too. Think about what I said?”
I thought about his words for a long time. While I watched the first few minutes of his interview I thought about sticking around, seeing if anything would change. But I was a woman who didn’t, or who tried not to, read between the lines. By the time I was settled in my first-class seat I vowed that I would believe what Ethan said. He didn’t need me.<
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I sent a wish out into the universe that his interview would do everything he needed in order to restore his reputation.
And then I gave in to one final dream of Ethan Mahoney before I let go of this pain, this love. This longing.
Nineteen
Ethan
You can do this, I know it even if you don’t. You’re ready. Katarina would be proud. I love you.
She didn’t have to sign the message for me to know it was from Misha. She was the only woman, hell, the only person who would still give a damn about me after the way I treated her. But there she was, just minutes before I was due to share the stage with Samantha Stevens again, giving me one final push of encouragement that I didn’t deserve. Like Wallace had told me, she’d always give her clients what they needed and what I needed was to get my reputation back.
Not her.
At least as far as she knew.
But she was wrong. My biggest wish wasn’t to get my reputation back. I needed to get my reputation back because my business depended on it. My biggest wish was to have Misha back at my side. In my bed. Under me. In my life, right where she belonged. Only she didn’t know it and how could she with how quickly I sent her away? Out of my life?
Why had I done that? Was it really because she’d gotten too close to me and I got scared? That seemed like too simple of an explanation but Jax and Roc were convinced I’d chickened out and they knew me better than anyone. But they were wrong. They had to be.
“Two minutes,” a PA dressed in jeans and a black t-shirt called out as he rushed by.
Two minutes. That’s how long I had until I needed to turn my charm on full throttle and make Samantha Stevens forget that I outed her husband on national television. Inside that green room with sugary snacks and glucose filled drinks, all I really wanted was Misha. She’d be standing beside me, or sitting across the room with a comforting smile to assure me that everything would be all right. One soothing touch and all would be right in my world.
“We need you on set now, Mr. Mahoney.”
The same black t-shirt clad PA came to get me and escort me to set while a woman wearing too much perfume to cover up her cigarette smoke fixed the microphone to my shirt. A makeup girl brushed powder on my face, “To prevent excess shine,” she assured me with a seductive smile that I had no intention of returning.
I didn’t give a damn. I just wanted to get the fucking interview over so I could go to Misha. Explain and apologize before I got down on my knees and begged her to forgive me. But first I had to eat some crow and kiss a little ass. I had to make this interview count. For me and for Misha who had—somehow—fixed me. At least I hoped so.
Only time would tell.
The lights flickered in the studio as the hostess made her way to the stage, the audience applauded and cheered like crazy. I waved and flashed a smile, hoping to get off on the right foot with the moms of America. My shoulders and stomach settled when the cheers increased in volume and intensity for me. Everything would be fine.
Hopefully.
Samantha walked over to me in the seconds before the countdown began and grinned. “We’re good Ethan, and depending on how this all plays out, I just might owe you a debt of gratitude.”
I had no clue what in the hell she was talking about but she was already standing and doing her intro, smiling and laughing as she told a few current events jokes and even a couple at my expense. “I know you all showed up here because the world wants you to think Ethan and I are about to have a showdown of epic proportions.” The audience clapped loudly and I groaned inwardly because I knew they would be disappointed. Then I saw the gleam in Samantha’s eyes and I started to hope they would be disappointed. “Well just prepare yourselves for the disappointment because, like the man of integrity he is, Ethan Mahoney apologized privately. And over a very delicious and lavish meal. He was sincere and we talked and forgave each other.”
She smiled back at me, that gleam still in her eyes and I flashed a nervous wave that made the audience laugh.
“But what he said about my husband wasn’t true. He isn’t gay, he’s bisexual and after our interview with Ethan Mahoney, I’ll tell you more about it.”
My smile was more genuine this time around as she took her seat on the other big white chair. She flashed a wink and it all became clear. She’d use her husband’s sexuality to boost ratings and make the world forget about this story. “You’re a hell of a woman Sam Stevens.”
“And don’t you forget it, Mahoney.” She winked and thirty seconds later the interview was well under way. We talked business first. Old business. “Now Ethan, I know I have already apologized but I have to tell you, there was no list of off limit questions.”
I sighed, hoping I looked appropriately contrite because I was. “I know because for the most part I do consider myself an open book, but I didn’t know either. Not until that moment.”
“If you’re ready to talk, we’re here.” One hand rested on top of mine and she looked the definition of sympathetic.
This was it. The moment that had brought Misha into my life. Everything we’d done—surfing, eating shit food, acting lessons with a legend—was for this moment right here. I couldn’t let Misha down by clamming up and I wouldn’t disrespect her by giving a half ass answer. “Her name was Katarina.” From that moment on, I had them.
“That must have been very painful. I can see why you’d want to keep that private.”
I nodded for a beat too long, but I needed to do some of those deep breathing exercises Misha had drilled into me. “It was a missed opportunity. By keeping silent about it, thousands of boys and girls won’t learn the lesson. They won’t know there’s nothing that works better than the healthy way. Because I loved her, I should honor her memory by helping make sure others don’t follow her path.”
The studio was silent for several beats and then, there it was. The collective sigh. “That is very admirable Ethan.” She glanced sideways at the audience and I braced myself. No matter what she asked I would not lose my shit. “Rumor has it that you have a new love and it’s the real thing.”
The denial froze on my lips. My eyes, wide and nervous, looked around the stage in search of a friendly face. There were none, everyone wanted to know something I thought I knew the answer to. I tried it again. “I, uhm,” I shook my head I couldn’t fucking do it. I couldn’t tell the whole country that I didn’t have a new love and it wasn’t the real thing. Because it wasn’t true. I didn’t just miss her. I loved her. “I guess for once the rumors are true.”
Sam’s smile lit up, wide and sincere, eyes sparkling with the glee of a woman who knew how to put on good TV. “You heard it here, folks. Ethan Mahoney is in love!” The audience was much louder than a room full of middle aged women should be, whistling and clapping, whooping and aww-ing all at once. “After the break he’ll tell us all about his anti-aging smoothies, all-natural powders and organic creams.”
My shoulders relaxed while Samantha gushed to one of the producers, a shit eating grin on her face because the interview had lived up to all of the fucking hype. “Four and a half minutes and it’s all over,” she whispered, keeping her smile bright because she didn’t have to fake it today.
“Perfect.” The rest of the interview was painless and the best part of my job, where I actually got to talk about our products. My enthusiasm had always helped with sales even though Brian said it was my blue eyes. My looks didn’t hurt, I knew that, but I also knew I made people believe. “That’s why we’ve put together some bags of Aegle swag for the audience today, and Samantha has been kind enough to throw in a few things as well.” Free stuff always got people excited and I spent the last two minutes of my comeback interview grinning while the audience dug eagerly into the white and gold luxe bags and Samantha had to rattle off a list of brand name items in the bags. Bliss.
Pure fucking bliss.
“Thanks for this Ethan. Good luck with your girl.” Samantha hugged me tight, like she was comforting me
. I closed my eyes and held on tight for a long moment before I stepped back.
“Yeah thanks, Samantha. You really are a class act.”
“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you people.” She grinned and with a wave, she was engulfed in assistants, makeup artists and some anonymous voice in her ear.
I didn’t think about Samantha for another second. The interviews were over. I had my mojo back and I felt good. But, I’d feel better when I got to Venice Beach.
To Misha.
“Social media is going crazy,” Brian said, practically gushing as he slid into the limo behind me. “They love the whole you being in love thing and #IMK is trending, for in memory of Katarina.”
When he took a breath, I glanced at Jax, listening to a call and staring at the tablet in his hands. “Are we interrupting your meeting?”
He looked up and grinned but I knew he fucking saw us. Brian’s breathless excitement could be heard all the way in Silver Lake. “Nah, I’m just listening to a meeting I couldn’t attend. Had my assistant record it.”
“Is that legal,” Brian whispered, looking at Jax with a mixture of fear and awe.
“Of course, it is. They know.”
Brian leaned forward, now intrigued and I laughed as Jax reeled him in. “But then how can you catch them doing anything, which I assume is the purpose of recording them?”
“Because Brian, if they know they are being recorded they will behave as if I am there. Which means no one will try to poach athletes or pull any other shit they might when the boss is away.”
He sat back, impressed. “Okay. I get it.”
“What are you doing here instead of at that company of yours?”
“I own the joint,” he grinned and hit the button on his Bluetooth set. “I can do anything as long as I’ve got Wi-Fi and a device.” He was looking at me in that way he and Roc had perfected when we moved in with Uncle Noah, to get me to confess to anything I did wrong. I hated that look. “I just have one question.”