by KB Winters
Our gazes clashed and I shifted, digging into the seat and crossing my legs at the ankle. Sometimes all you had was the illusion of calm. “What’s that?”
“Who was the text from?”
“What…oh. How did you know?”
“The camera caught you and dude, you fucking melted! On camera,” he laughed, long and hard, slapping the leather beside him and clutching his belly. “Fucking melted. Priceless.” He laughed and laughed, and eventually Brian joined in because, how could he not? I just glared a hole in my brother’s head.
“It was from Misha. She, unlike some people, seems to at least like me.”
“And look where that got her.”
Damn. “No, Jax, tell me how you really feel. Don’t hold back,” I deadpanned and his glare only intensified.
“One final pep talk?”
“Something like that,” I grinned thinking of those three little words that felt so big, even in a text. She didn’t just love me, she believed in me. No one other than my family has ever done that and it was a heady feeling, knowing someone who didn’t have to feel that way, did anyway. “I need to go see her. Now.”
Jax gave the driver instructions and I sat quietly and looked out the window, trying to gather my thoughts before I saw Misha again. I owed her much more than the cold way I’d dismissed her. Hell, she deserved better. And now that I knew how I felt, at least I was pretty sure I knew, I could show her and give her everything she deserved. “You have a plan or are you hoping your pretty face will do all the work?”
“I have a plan. I’m going to apologize and tell her how I feel.”
“That’s an awful plan. You fired her, Ethan. My guess is you probably froze her out too. You need more than a damn I’m sorry. You need something big. Ever heard of the grand gesture?”
My eyes narrowed at my brother and I swear if I could have, I would’ve shot a laser right at him. Maybe a tranq dart. “Is this it?” I asked, giving him a long look at my middle finger.
“I don’t think that’s the kind of apology Misha is looking for.”
“For argument’s sake,” Brian cut in loudly, “don’t you think maybe we should capitalize on this interview. The web hasn’t stopped talking about you yet!” We both glared at him and he visibly shrank back into his seat. “Fine. Go get the girl or whatever.”
The limo came to a stop outside her apartment and I jumped out, bounding up the steps and tapping the door with the knocker. I waited anxiously but there was no sound or light coming from the other side of the door. I tried to call again but it went straight to voicemail. After a few more minutes I gave up, walking back to the limo feeling angry. Where in the hell was she?
“No luck?”
“No, I came all this way and decided not to fucking go through with it,” I told him, my voice heavy with sarcasm.
“Well, not all men are cut out for women like Misha. It’s big of you to admit it,” Jax said with a straight face, mouth curved in sympathy just to piss me off.
“Fuck you.”
“No thanks. Apparently, you don’t know a good thing when you got it.”
That made me frown. “What the hell would you know about it?”
“Oh please. I saw you, little brother. I know your face and every damn expression since you were a kid. You were happy and relaxed with her. You looked at her like she was everything you ever wanted. It really is too bad you’re too chicken shit to go after what you really want.”
He was goading me. We all knew it, even the driver, but still I let him. “We’re going to Sunshine Daze retirement community.”
“What on earth for?” Brian asked, sounding appalled and terrified.
“Misha likes to spend time there.” The fact that I remembered things like that should have been my first clue that she was different. I never bother myself with the details of women’s lives because honestly, I never gave a damn. But I remember her telling me about giving the women manicures, arranging for local students to come and cut their hair and groom the men.
“But it’s all the way on the other side of town,” Brian whined. He was right but he’d been instrumental in hiring Misha which meant I wouldn’t be in this predicament if not for him. I could have been happy without love if this was it. Ever since I realized it, I’d felt nothing but nauseous. Anxious and pretty much ready to puke. Like a hangover in Spain during the running of the bulls. And longing. I fucking longed to be with her and I’ve never longed for a damn thing.
“We’re not stopping.” And we didn’t for forty minutes as the driver, Carl, wove through thick traffic to get to Sunshine Daze. The place looked different than I expected, more like a movie set for a small town than the hospital-like environment I was expecting. Brian chose to stay in the car but Jax “wouldn’t miss it for the world,” and strode in with me.
“You boys lost?” The woman couldn’t be a day younger than eighty but the gleam in her eye made me feel dirty.
“I’m looking for my friend, Misha. She likes to visit here.”
Light green eyes went wide. “Hey Martha and Suzy, Misha’s guy is here and wait until you get a load of him. Talk about hot stuff!”
Soon two more old ladies had made their way over, ogling me and Jax openly. One of them even circled us like livestock. “You’re what she’s running from? You must have done somethin’ bad honey because if I were forty years younger I’d run head first into you.” She laughed, clenching her large bosom to make sure we both saw the red bra she wore.
“She told you about me?” Why I sounded like a hopeful little boy, I didn’t know. But she always spoke of these women with such fondness.
“She didn’t have to. A woman doesn’t glow like that unless she’s in love and getting well loved, if you know what I mean.”
I laughed and held out my hand. “Ethan Mahoney. You have to be Edith.”
She blushed and held a hand to her chest. “I am and it’s nice to meet you. At least I hope it is. Why is our Misha running from you?”
Running? From me? Impossible. “Where has she run to?”
“Why is she running?” the other two asked in unison.
I sighed and glared at each of the old women, none of whom were affected at all, damnit. “We got too close and I freaked out. Got distant and cold, then I fired her.” I sounded like a real asshole when it was all said out loud like that.
“Men,” Edith scoffed. “You’d be scared of your own shadows if we let you. So big and strong yet so scared. I suppose you have a plan that includes groveling?”
“Yes ma’am.” Why was I answering to these women? There was something about them that just screamed, don’t mess with us.
“Maybe some flowers,” another asked.
“She prefers to let flowers stay in the ground, but I suppose a rose bush would count.” They all looked so pleased, sending beaming smiles at my answer.
“Misha needed to regroup, like she always does after a contract is up. Usually she only goes away for a couple weeks but she stopped in yesterday to tell us she’d be gone at least a month. Runnin’,” Edith said again to emphasize her point.
“Where?” I needed a location so I could pack, or maybe I would just buy clothes there. There wouldn’t be time to pack and alert the pilot to book flight plans. No. I’d get my passport, grab something comfortable for the plane and—
“New Zealand,” Edith broke into my thoughts. “Said she’d start up north and work her way down, maybe spend a week or so at the Galapagos Islands. Surfing, camping, exploring.”
My grin spread slow but it felt like it stretched from one ear to the other. I was one step closer to making everything right again. “Thank you, Edith. Thank you, ladies. I can see why Misha loves you girls.” They all blushed and tittered in only the way a woman of a certain age could.
An older guy with a thick head of silver hair and dark brown eyes stepped in front of me. “If you’re playing games with our Misha, boy, go play ’em somewhere else. We got plenty of vets in here who could
make a body disappear if we wanted. Don’t make us want.”
“Damn, I want to be you when I grow up,” Jax whispered.
The old man winked. “Damn right you do, boy. What do you have to say for yourself,” he asked as he turned back to me.
“I’m not playing games sir. I’m playing for keeps.” And this time I wouldn’t take no for an answer.
“Then go on and get our girl. Just remember what I said boy.” The old guy leaned in a little too close, finger pressed hard against my chest as he waited for me to repeat his warning.
“Don’t make you want to make me disappear,” I parroted back with a hint of annoyance.
He grinned. “Damn straight. Good luck, kid.”
“Thanks.” With a shake of my head I shook hands with the man who’d finally identified himself as Clifton and headed for the door. Before we left, I arranged a treat for the people who meant so much to the woman I now realized meant the world to me.
Twenty
Misha
After starting my trip up in Auckland and enjoying all the sights and guilty pleasures the modern urban arena offered, I made my way south to take in all the great surfing spots this time of year. After about eight days stopping and starting I decided to rent an RV, or a campervan as they referred to it in these parts. I figured it would be simpler, not to mention cheaper to pay rental slot fees to camp for the night rather than finding and paying for hotels up and down the coast of New Zealand.
That’s how I ended up in Kaikoura on my way to Christchurch, taking advantage of plenty of early morning surfing to clear my head. And to sooth the nonstop ache in my heart. It had taken nearly a week after the plane touched down before I could watch Ethan’s interview with Samantha Stevens, but it was still painful. He’d done fantastic, as I knew he would, and my heart lurched a little at his coy answer to the question about finding love.
I guessed for once the rumors were true.
I wanted to believe that I was that new love and that it was the real thing, but, how could I? I hadn’t heard from Ethan in almost two weeks aside from one missed call, which was probably to thank me for my words of encouragement before his final interview. Or maybe it was just an overall thank you for helping him get his life back. Maybe it was just a thank you for all the awesome orgasms. Either way that was almost fourteen days ago.
Not that I was counting or anything.
Because I wasn’t.
In fact, I was sitting on a blanket on the beach in Kaikoura, eating my emotions. Okay it was fried fish and shrimp with a boat load of fries and a gigantic soda, but the food was soothing my feelings so it felt like the same thing. Watching late day surfers kept my mind occupied enough that nearly an hour had gone by without thoughts of a certain man with eyes the color of the farthest part of sea. Despite how lacking in skill they were, I was grateful for the distraction.
Distraction had been the name of the game since I’d arrived and I took advantage of all the things this great island had to offer, including a solitary day spent fishing and many mornings spent surfing. I’d heard rumors about places where, at the right time, you could see the curve of the earth and I was hoping the view of the stars would be plenty of distraction, as well. I could use that kind of magic in my life right now.
I also had several weeks free, which should give me plenty of time to get my head on straight. I’d made progress, though. Plenty if you asked me. By the time I pulled into Kaikoura I only thought about him at night, when I was alone and the world was quiet and my mind had nothing else to do. But sleep. And dream. About him.
During my waking hours, I tried my damnedest to figure how—and when—I’d fallen in love with the man. We were so different and we shouldn’t have worked out beyond our professional relationship. He’d dedicated his life to living clean and healthy while I ate all kinds of fast, processed foods, drank sugary sodas laden with chemicals and I even occasionally smoked pot. I should feel good that we never turned to anything significant because eventually those little differences would have turned our love to hate. “Good thing he doesn’t love me then, isn’t it?”
I stood when it became clear that even the ocean couldn’t soothe me today. I didn’t feel like spending the day cooped up inside the camper so I walked around for a bit, exploring the small town and enjoying being part of the throng of tourists, eager to see the sights. Families headed toward a wooden kiosk that sat at the edge of the beach and when I saw the sign I grinned. Whale watching!
It was the perfect way to spend the afternoon without thinking too much about a certain dark-haired man with sapphire eyes.
***
Whale watching had been so breathtaking that I decided to do the dolphins next. First, we watched them for a long time until they began to interact with the people on the boat. They showed off, dancing and twirling in perfect rhythm. When the time came to slip into the water and swim with the dolphins, I felt as though my life had reached a turning point. Something about floating in the sea while one of the smartest creatures in the world wormed his little way into my heart.
It was hard to feel anything but hopeful with a dolphin nudging your hand with his nose. I laughed and laughed, swimming in circles as he followed me and my heart felt lighter and freer than it had in days. Weeks, even.
I felt so good that when I stopped by the curry house for dinner, I added a salad on the side. I even ate it. Tearfully. It was pathetic but I’d gotten some vegetables and I knew someone would be happy about that. Someone I refused to think about while I ate my curry under the stars. Okay not under the stars quite yet, but the sun was sinking behind the horizon fast and the stars would be out soon.
One of my favorite things to do each night was count the stars as they appeared in the sky, one by one, until the number grew too large or I fell asleep on my sleeping bag on top of the camper. Whichever came first.
Tonight though, sleep wouldn’t come. The stars, while beautiful, did nothing to slow down my racing thoughts or unclench my fractured heart. All the beauty did was make me realize how much I wished Ethan was beside me, sharing this magical moment.
My cell chirped beside my pillow and I reached for it instinctively, knowing it wouldn’t be Ethan but hoping it was. “Hello?”
There was a pause and then a deep, tentative voice. “Misha?”
Ethan. My heart raced at just those two syllables, his deep voice like a welcome home even though I knew that wasn’t what this call was about. “Hi Ethan.” I held my breath and waited for whatever he had to say, my heart hungry for any bit of him I could have. Eyes closed, I waited for him to speak.
“How are you?”
I let out a rush of air at his innocuous question. “Not too great, Ethan. How are you?”
“Terrible.”
Instantly I grinned at his honest answer. “Sorry.”
“No you’re not, and I’m damn glad about it.”
I didn’t know what that meant but it sounded like one of those sexy things a guy said to a woman when he couldn’t say how he felt. But this didn’t sound like one of those calls. “I don’t want you to feel terrible.” I wanted him to feel happy and loved, even if it wasn’t because of me.
“Then tell me where you are.”
What? “Why do you need to know that?”
“Because I want to stop feeling terrible, Misha.”
I grunted my frustration at his vague words. “Ethan,” I said in warning.
“Where are you, sweetheart?”
Not that it mattered. If by some stretch of the imagination he decided to come, I would be long gone from here by the time he arrived. “New Zealand.”
When he spoke again, I could hear the smile in his voice and I closed my eyes and saw that sexy smirk he frequently wore. “Any place in particular?”
“At the moment I’m lying on top of a camper looking at the stars.” That was pretty specific, right? I smiled, hearing the harsh uneven breath he let out.
“I wish I was there with you.”
> I squeezed my eyes closed and told my silly little heart to shut up and stop the hope trying to bloom in my chest. He probably wanted to apologize. Or thank me. In person. Nothing else. “I imagine it’s back to work for you so I’ll let you get back to…whatever you were doing.”
“You still haven’t told me where you are, Misha.”
“I’m near Christchurch. Good night.” I regretted hanging up the moment I clenched the phone against my chest, trying in vain to even out my breathing. Just hearing his voice set me back nearly a week. At this rate I would be old and gray by the time I got over my feelings for Ethan Mahoney. Damn him.
Tears welled in my eyes but even blurry, the stars were the most magnificent sight I’d ever seen. Better than a Hawaiian sunset. A Tahitian sunrise. Smiling blue eyes. Honestly, nothing was better than that but the starry sky came pretty close to second. I didn’t know if it was the grandeur of the view or hearing Ethan’s voice again, hearing him sound as affected by our distance as I was, but hot tears trekked down my cheek for the next hour. No crying or sobbing, just tears making it hard to enjoy the beauty of each individual star in the sky.
The tears were definitely because of Ethan.
Twenty-One
Ethan
If ever there was a time in my life for the entire universe to fucking conspire against me, it was now when I was trying to go after my woman. She’d finally picked up her phone but that had been three fucking days ago. And I wasn’t getting any younger. We should’ve already been together by now and we would be. Fucking universe. A quick meeting in New York had changed the plane’s route and engine trouble had us spending a few hours at Heathrow where I splurged on a few Duty-free items as the picture of the plane ride back home took shape in my mind.
It was late when we left London but Misha was still too damn far away so we took off, only to stop shy of my destination because there was a problem at one of my Australian newspapers. Any other time I could have gotten my staff to handle it, but General Counsel had called with concerns about possible legal violations which meant they needed the owner. That had eaten up three days where I could have been lounging on a beach with Misha. Making love under the stars. Lecturing her on her crap diet.