Home is Where the Heart Is

by Jenny Lane

  "Sue's impossible. I just don't know how to handle her these days…Sometimes I feel so helpless, as if I'm just not doing my best by her." He frowned and buttered a piece of toast twice absently.

  For the first time, Lindsey noticed the slight silver tinging his temples, and the tired creases under those deep-set grey eyes and her love for him welled up inside her like a fountain. She longed to comfort him.

  "She's verging on adolescence, that's all. She's bound to go through a difficult phase, most children do…And not having a mother."

  He sighed. "She's so much like Lucy, it's just not true."

  "And Tommy?" prompted Lindsey, gently.

  Simon's expression softened. "Oh Tommy—Thomas is a rare mixture of both of us," he laughed. "You know if it does snow, we'll have that old toboggan out and we'll go over the heath on Saturday."

  "I've got rather a lot of typing still to do," Lindsey said, her heart pounding wildly.

  "Oh, it can surely wait for one morning?"

  Lindsey willed it to snow. "Would it be selfish to pray for snow, do you suppose?"

  Simon laughed. "Well, you could always try…”

  The 'phone in the study rang shrilly, making Lindsey jump. It was Rob wanting to know if she had contacted Gavin yet.

  "Yes, as a matter of fact, I have."

  "So, don't keep me in suspense. What did you tell him?"

  "That I'm staying in England, and not marrying him."

  Rob gasped audibly. "You—you what…! Lindsey you're having me on!"

  "He was naturally rather upset."

  "I'll bet he was… and what about father? Did you 'phone him too?"

  "I'm not exactly made of money, Rob. It's fearfully expensive and, besides, I don't think he's in Nairobi with Gavin this time. I didn't actually get around to asking."

  There was a pause whilst Rob digested all this and then he asked,

  "What do you plan to do then, Lin, now that you're not returning to Africa?"

  "Oh, I don't know, stay here for the moment, at any rate—at least until I've sorted myself out and then, afterwards…I just can't think ahead. Something will crop up, no doubt."

  "Father will go spare when he finds out you're not returning to Kenya. I wonder if he'll purchase the ranch in spite of your decision?"

  "Rob, I honestly don't think father will buy it for you, so don't bank your hopes on it. He might put Gavin there as manager after all and get a temporary manager for the home ranch, just until you're trained."

  Rob snorted, "Pigs might fly."

  "Well, when can I expect to see you, Robin?"

  "As a matter of fact I'm dating Valerie Marks so it could be anytime."

  "Oh Rob, I am glad—She's such a nice girl."

  "I agree. Well it's going to snow, so the weather man says—that should please you Lin, at any rate. Anyway I better go. Speak soon, ‘bye.”

  It did snow that night, and there was quite a blanket by the following morning. Tommy came rushing into Lindsey's room at half past six. "Hey wake up Lindy, it's snowing!"

  Lindsey sat up drowsily and looked at her watch. "Tommy, you didn't even knock!"

  "Daddy says we can take the toboggan. You'll come too won't you, Lindy…Why don't you always have your hair like that—it's pretty."

  "Don't you know small boys shouldn't make comments like that, Tommy? And who said you could call me 'Lindy', may I ask?"

  Tommy bounced up and down on Lindsey's bed, chanting, "It's snowing! It's snowing!"

  "Tommy, pack it in, you'll wake the whole household! Go back to bed for a little while."

  "Oh, do come and look out of the landing window."

  Lindsey, reluctant to be dragged from her warm bed, shrugged on her dressing gown and allowed herself to be led to the landing, where looking out onto a silver white landscape, she re-entered the magical world of her childhood.

  "Yippee!" shouted Tommy, unable to contain himself any longer.

  "Ssh, Tommy!" But it was too late—the door of Simon's room flew open and he appeared, tying the belt of his dressing gown.

  "Whatever are you two doing here, waking up decent folk who want to sleep?" he demanded.

  "Daddy it's snowing—Come and look!" And they stood there, the three of them. Lindsey, aware of his closeness and of her dishevelled hair felt the colour rise to her cheeks.

  "You've certainly had your prayers answered, and now that you've succeeded in waking me up we might as well have some tea."

  Lindsey made the tea, found her slippers and combed her hair, so that it lay like a golden mantle about her shoulders.

  They sat in Tommy's room, drinking tea, laughing and talking just like any ordinary family, Lindsey realised with a sudden sense of shock. She smiled to herself, as she realised how shocked some people, including her father, would be. Until Sonia and Rob had mentioned it, it had never occurred to her what a compromising situation she had put herself into.

  "I think Merry will be good at tobogganing, don't you, Tommy?"

  "Yes, super—You should have seen Susan last year, Merry. There she was, legs waving in the air. She did look a scream."

  A slight sound from the doorway caused them to turn around Susan was standing there, an odd expression on her face. "Oh, I did, did I? I might have known you'd all be in here having a good time—leaving me out of it, as usual."

  "Don't be so silly, Susan, we didn't want to wake you, that was all," said her father.

  "Oh, no, and then you talk about me behind my back, poking fun at me when I'm not here to defend myself."

  "Susan don't be so ridiculous—Do you want some tea…? Susan!"

  "I'll go after her," said Lindsey, feeling uncomfortable.

  "No, leave her, she'll get over it. Well, I don't know about you folk, but I'm getting dressed now. We might as well have an early breakfast, and get off for this walk."

  Lindsey hurriedly got dressed in slacks and sweater and tied her hair back with a piece of ribbon, then she went into Susan's room and drew back the curtains. Susan lay hunched up on the bed, apparently asleep.

  "Susan, are you going to get up now—we're going for a walk after breakfast." No response. Lindsey sighed and went downstairs to the kitchen, where there was already an appetising smell of porridge and bacon. Mrs. Parker gave her an odd look, surprised no doubt to see her out of uniform.

  "Going out, Miss Meredith?"

  "Yes, we're all going for a walk on the heath, as a matter of fact, Mrs. Parker."

  Mrs. Parker's eyebrows nearly shot into her hair line. "D'you mean Mr. Kirkby as well?" She flipped an egg over so hard that it broke.

  Oh dear, thought Lindsey wryly, surely the servants hadn't started speculating.

  After breakfast there was still no sign of Susan, and so Lindsey took a tray up to her. There was a hump of bedclothes. "Susan, we're going out in about half an hour if you want to come…Susan are you awake?" The blankets moved, and Susan's face appeared.

  "I heard you, and I'm not coming. Who wants to go traipsing around the heath in weather like this. You must be mad."

  "What are you going to do then, Sue?" Susan shot her a look which told her plainly to mind her own business, and then rolled over to face the wall again. Lindsey sighed and gave up. "Well, don't let your breakfast get cold. I'll see you at lunch-time then."

  As Lindsey collected her outdoor things, a few moments later, she saw Simon coming from Susan's room. He too, had obviously been unsuccessful in his attempt to persuade her to join the outing.

  "Stubborn young monkey—just like her mother…Come on let's get going. We'll just have to leave her to it, but it's a pity." They loaded the toboggan into the back of the car. Lindsey caught sight of Mrs. Parker peering at them through the kitchen window, her mouth pursed in disapproval.

  The snow glittered gold in the sudden sunlight. It was a fairy tale world. Simon was amused at Lindsey's expression of rapture. What a child she looked with her shining eyes and her hair tied with ribbon. He wished the simple things of
life had pleased Lucy, but even expensive gifts had failed to produce any response from her.

  "Oh, look—isn't that wood beautiful!"

  Lindsey exclaimed, as they sped down white lanes. At last they reached their destination. Lindsey gazed about her in wonder. She had waited eight long years for this. The pristine snow crunched crisply underfoot. It was almost sacrilegious to walk on it.

  "Hey look at me! Look at me!" cried Tommy. Lindsey turned to look, lost her balance and promptly sat down. Tommy laughed. Simon ahead turned sharply, he too lost his balance came slithering down the slope and sat down heavily beside Lindsey. Tommy's laughter was contagious, and they all joined in.

  "Hey Lindy, you've got snow on your nose. You do look funny."

  "Come on Lindsey Meredith—upsi-daisy." Simon caught hold of her hand, and an electric tremor ran up Lindsey's arm so that, for a moment, she was quite powerless to move. Simon retained her hand until they regained the top of the slope. Lindsey was completely bemused; Gavin had never had this effect on her.

  "Hey Lindsey, are you with us or have we left you sitting back there?" His sudden use of her Christian name seemed natural. She wanted to run and jump and shout to the world about her love for him, like the words of the song, "I'm in love with a wonderful guy." She felt exhilarated, happier than she had been for weeks, refusing this morning to admit to herself that it was all quite useless.

  "Hey Lindy, come down on the toboggan with me first—Come on!" shouted Tommy. They went rushing down the slope to collapse at the bottom in a flurry of powdery snow. Lindsey, her face animated, looked delightfully young and attractive.

  "Right, now it's my turn," announced Simon.

  "Daddy you can't take Lindy you're too heavy."

  "We'll see about that my lad—Ready, Lindsey?"

  They arrived at the bottom in a heap, hidden momentarily from view by a clump of fir trees. He reached out to help her up, and quite suddenly, she was in his arms and he was kissing her in a way that she had never experienced before. It was as if they had entered a magical world of their own, just the two of them. Time was suspended—this was surely the nectar of true love—but, as abruptly, he released her, his grey eyes clouding over.

  "Lindsey Meredith—I suppose I ought to apologise, but I'm dashed if I'm going to," and he moved away from her. "Tommy, where are you?"

  Lindsey, rather shaken by the speed of events, felt as if she was having a delicious dream from which she would awake at any moment, but there was a warm glow in her heart. Surely this must mean that he cared just a little for her—that kiss hadn't been exactly casual.

  The sky was grey and leaden; it began to snow again.

  "Come on we'd better get back to the car—Lindsey, you're frozen!"

  He took both her and Tommy by the hand, and they ran down the slope, picking up the toboggan at the bottom. It was a happy trio who drove back through the wood. They stopped at a little café on the way home for coffee.

  "Would your wife and your little boy like some home-made scones and jam?" asked the motherly-looking waitress.

  Simon said gravely, "Yes please, they would."

  Tommy laughed. "That lady thinks you're daddy's wife," he said in a stage whisper, as the waitress disappeared into the kitchen.

  "Well let's not embarrass her by telling her she's wrong," said Simon, and they all three laughed. Events had shown Lindsey just what she wanted from life but, unfortunately, she could hardly hope that her joy would last.

  As soon as they reached the house they realised something was wrong, for Mrs. Parker was in a dreadful state.

  "Mr. Simon, young Susan's gone out, and I don't know where."

  "Well, that's not so very serious is it, Mrs. P? She was in a bit of a mood this morning, and I daresay she's gone for a walk to work it off. She'll probably end up at Katy Browne's. She'll come home when she's hungry, you'll see."

  Mrs. Parker looked unconvinced and by two o'clock, Simon was beginning to get anxious himself.

  "Well, she's not at Katy Browne's. God knows where else I can try, and she's taken her post office savings book too. I haven't a clue how much is in it, but sufficient to get her half-way across England, I should imagine."

  "I'm afraid she's taken some of her clothes too," Lindsey was forced to tell him, icy fear gripping her. "It looks as if she really has run away."

  By now a blizzard had blown up, and the situation was looking grimmer every moment. Simon began to systematically 'phone round all the places where Susan might be, but to no avail. Then he took the car out for the second time and scouted the streets. In the end he contacted the police. He came into the kitchen looking drained and exhausted, as Lindsey was making a pot of tea.

  "They're getting a search party together. I'm going of course."

  "Then I'm coming too—Mrs. Parker will take care of Tommy. She's said she won't go home until she knows Sue's safe. Have some tea first."

  "Tea—who wants tea! My daughter's missing and all you can talk about is tea…! We're wasting valuable time. The child could be buried under a snowdrift —abducted—almost anything by now. All this would never have happened if we'd insisted she'd come with us this morning. I blame myself entirely for leaving her in that frame of mind." He suddenly caught hold of her arm. "Oh, Lindsey, why ever do these dreadful things happen to me?" She longed to comfort him, but instead, poured a cup of tea and pushing it towards him, said briskly,

  "Mr. Kirkby, listen—Maybe Susan’s gone to Andrews? Oh, I know you've been to the flat already, but does she realise he's gone to London today, or would she wait until he returned? Has he got a shed in the garden?"

  "No—he hasn't got a garden—but Lindsey, he's got a garage—Come on you could be right. Why ever didn't I think of that before?"

  They went as far as they could in the car, and then got out and ploughed through the snow. Simon took Lindsey's arm to help her. There was still no light in Andrew's flat. Simon opened the garage door and shone his torch. A small figure blinked at them owlishly from a pile of sacks and Susan whimpered,

  "Daddy, oh Daddy, thank you for coming!"

  In two leaps Simon was by her side, and had gathered her into his arms.

  "Thank God," he said over and over again. "Thank God you're safe—Oh Sue, why ever did you do it?"

  "I thought you didn't care about me—I wanted to pay you out. I was in a rotten mood, but, Daddy, I did try to come back earlier honestly, but the snow was so deep, and then it got dark, and I fell and hurt my leg. It was awful!—I was so frightened."

  "And you didn't know Uncle Andrew was out?"

  "Yes because he was here when I came first of all this morning. He was very, very angry and told me to go home, but I just couldn't, and I didn't know where else to go. Katy's mum would have split. He bought me some coffee and a bun in the precinct, but it made him miss his train, and he said Aunty Sonia would be fearfully angry with me, for making him late…Daddy, I thought you were going to marry Aunty Sonia—I don't understand."

  Simon ignored this remark. "You're frozen, and this leg looks as if it needs a stitch—Have you been here all day?"

  "No-o, I went to the Saturday cinema this morning, and then I had some fish and chips for lunch."

  Simon questioned her no further. He bound her leg with his handkerchief, and gathered her up in his arms. "Lindsey, it's going to be a bit of a job—I'll need some help."

  At last they reached the car. Susan did not speak to Lindsey and Lindsey guessed she was feeling a bit sheepish.

  "Lindsey if you take Sue to the hospital, I'll go to the station and try to sort things out there."

  "Why?" asked Susan drowsily. "Are you meeting Uncle Andrew? Is something wrong with his car?—He usually parks it at the station. You should send Miss Meredith, as she's so nuts about Uncle Andrew."

  "Susan dear, you've got it all wrong," Lindsey said wearily.

  "Anyway, he was pretty horrid to me. I thought he would have at least taken me with him to London."

  "
Susan, you can't expect people to…Oh what's the use? It's a great pity he didn't fetch you home instead of seeing you on the bus, that's all I can say," Simon remarked grimly. "I suppose you got off at the next stop?"

  Susan nodded. "You can go off people, you know…What's for supper, Merry? I'm starving."

  At the hospital Susan's leg received a stitch, and she was given an anti-tetanus jab. Lindsey was told to keep her in bed for a couple of days, in case she had caught cold. Lindsey was shivering herself when she eventually reached the Point, but Susan came first and was given a hot bath, and then supper in bed.

  "I suppose you hate me," Susan said when Lindsey went into her room to collect the tray. Lindsey, who was nearly dropping from fatigue, pushed her hair back from her forehead wearily and said gently, "Hate you, Sue, why ever should I do that?"

  "Well, I have done some pretty mean things to you, haven't I?"

  "Yes, you have rather, but that doesn't make me hate you."

  "You're nice Merry, and I'm sorry, truly I am."

  Lindsey wasn't quite sure just what Susan was apologising for. She found a pair of arms suddenly wrapped tightly round her neck.

  "Well," said Simon, entering the room. "What's all this—cupboard love, young lady?"

  "I was telling Merry sorry."

  "I see, and are you Sue—really sorry, I mean?"

  "Yes, daddy, I won't be mean to her any more, and I won't run away again, I promise."

  "Then we'd better forget the whole incident, hadn't we? And tomorrow I'd better help you with that Maths that's bothering you."

  Lindsey was not sure that Susan meant what she had said, but left her and Simon together and went to have her bath.

  Later, as Simon and Lindsey shared a supper of soup and sandwiches together in his study; she felt that the day had drawn them together, and that they were trembling on the brink of a new relationship.

  It was gone midnight when she got to her feet, blind with tiredness, but filled with a new-found happiness. Simon got up too.

  "It's been such a long, long day. Thank you for all you've done, Lindsey," and gently he cupped her chin in his hand. Her heart pounded, and, for a moment, she thought he would kiss her again, but instead he said, "I've changed my opinion of you, Lindsey Meredith." And then abruptly, he gathered up the tray and left the room. Lindsey stared after him, wondering if her love might not be quite unrequited after all.