Full Disclosure

by Thirteen

  “Love them,” Roy said.

  “Pile them on then,” she said, taking up the other tray, the one with drinks and chili-cheese fries. “For both of us. I want us to reek of onions.”

  “Yes ma’am!”

  Lifting the second tray over to the condiment table, Roy added spoonfuls of chopped onions to the dogs. He was amazed. Janet, now dressed in worn yoga pants and a baggy sweater, was a completely different woman. Cheerful, relaxed, confident. Nothing like the contentious bitch at the tavern.

  Janet picked out a table, and Roy reconnected with her there. She couldn’t help but see him in a new light, literally as well as figuratively, as the illumination at Tricky Dog was harsh fluorescents. Wearing tatty jeans, a stained tee-shirt, and hooded sweatshirt, Roy seemed a normal guy. Easy, friendly. Quite a change from the belligerent barfly in the business suit.

  “Full disclosure,” she told him, as they settled in their seats. “That means we get to see each other at our messiest. So don’t be afraid to get the food all over your face.”

  “Between your teeth!” Roy rejoined, lifting his chilidog in a toast to her. She lifted hers and they jointly bit in. The chili spilled all over the plates. Janet laughed. She had, Roy reflected, a great laugh.

  “I’d better warn you,” he said, “I’m waiting for this call about an overseas transfer. So I might have to answer my phone. But I’ll keep it short. I work for a law firm that specializes in global patents—”

  “That sounds interesting.”

  “It would be,” he shook his head, “except I work in the billings and collections department. Boring, huh?”

  “No more boring than what I do,” Janet shrugged. “I’m the multi-media editor for Splendor. You’ve probably never heard of it. It’s a beauty magazine. The poor-girl’s Cosmo. I have to make sure all the pages go the way they should when read on a tablet, all the links are right, that sort of thing.” She snatched up a fry, gooey with cheese and let the tendrils trail over her chin.

  “God, this is great,” she said. “Getting naked like that was really tense. But now I feel so free! I mean this—” she touched on the sweater. “Billy hated me in this. He always wanted me looking feminine. And I understand that. I do. I mean, you’ve gotta believe me, most of us women want to get all gussied up for you guys. We like wearing that dress that makes us feel pretty, shoes that get our hips swinging when we walk…but you really can’t wear those things to mop the floor.”

  “He treated you differently when you wore that?” Roy guessed.

  Her expression grew hurt. “He wouldn’t kiss me or flirt. If I tried to tease him, he ignored me. It was like I’d been transformed into the cleaning lady. Did your girlfriend treat you different when you dressed like that?”

  Roy nibbled on a fry. “Lila kept threatening to burn my old tees. She liked to dress me up, and don’t get me wrong, that was fine. It may not seem like it but we guys can get into dressing up, too. You shrug on a pressed suit, put a clip on that silk tie, see the polish on your shoes and you feel like, I dunno, like a king, like your lady’s going to be proud to be seen on your arm. And to be fair, Lila had great taste; what she picked out usually made me look great. But sometimes a guy just wants to get...ratty.”

  “Like a girl wants to get floppy,” Janet agreed, biting into her chilidog. She had red stains all about her lips and, from her smile, seemed to know it. “Make sure you eat with your mouth open,” she advised him.

  “Will do,” he said crunching loudly on the onions. “Good choice by the way. Lila liked expensive restaurants. She wouldn’t have been caught dead at a place like this. I like upscale dining, too, but now and then I get a hankering for cheap tacos or a sloppy burger.”

  “Lila didn’t let you have them?”

  “She did, but she let me know that she didn’t approve. I had to sneak around like a drug addict every time I wanted a slice of pizza.”

  “It was the opposite with Billy,” Janet sighed. “He’d go for cheap food, he just wouldn’t take me along. Places like this were for him and his buddies, like watching sports on Sunday. I mean, I want you guys to bond, but if your friends can’t come over that Sunday, then why can’t I watch sports with you? I like to watch sports.”

  “He didn’t want you there at all?” Roy felt a pang.

  “All he’d ever do is complain. ‘The chips are stale!’“ she mimicked an annoyed male voice. “‘Hey, there’re no pickles on this sandwich! The beer isn’t cold enough!’“ She sucked on her soda. “I bet he doesn’t notice if Tiffany leaves the pickles off his sandwich. That’s who he dumped me for. A girl named ‘Tiffany.’ Can you believe it?”

  “You brought him sandwiches and beer?” Roy almost moaned aloud. “Jesus. I couldn’t get Lila to fetch me a cola.” He went falsetto: “‘I’m on the phone!’ Get it yourself during the commercial!’ Bitch! She used to call my requests ‘obnoxious demands.’ Can you believe that? Bet she pours Mr. Moneybags a cola. No, wait, he probably has someone to pour it for him so neither of them has to be bothered.”

  “Mr. Moneybags?”

  “I refuse to say his name.”

  “How long were you and Lila together?”

  “Year-and-a-half,” Roy muttered, “Give or take.” He finished his chilidog and grabbed paper napkins to wipe at his face. Janet snatched a handful and did the same.

  “This would really bug Billy, seeing me use all these napkins,” she observed. “He had this weird idea that it was unladylike for a woman to use more than one. I think it had something to do with dainty eating. Maybe that’s why he went for Tiffany. She doesn’t look like she eats at all. Is that what men really want? To believe that women never eat?”

  “Never eat or fart or take a piss,” Roy agreed. “Air brushed girls in men’s magazines never do. Busty girls in raunchy male comedies never do. Our fantasy women never do.”

  “Our dream men do eat,” Janet said, “But they never take a shit or belch.” She burped loudly.

  Roy gave his own belch. “There. I’m not your dream guy.”

  “I’m convinced,” Janet laughed. “Please don’t think you have to show me anything else to prove it.”

  Roy chuckled along. It was an honest laughter, not patronizing like Billy’s, Janet thought, leaning back in her chair. God she felt good, and more at ease than she had in weeks. Like herself, too, she realized. “Shall we move on to the next part of our agenda?”

  An eager gleam came to Roy’s eyes. “I can’t wait!”

  CHAPTER THREE

  Roy sat in his underwear on the hotel room bed, clipping at his toenails. He made sure to let the clippings fall onto the rug. “There. I’m getting them all over,” he shouted into the bathroom. “This used to annoy the fuck out of Lila.”

  ”I can hear the clicking,” Janet acknowledged, then said something more he couldn’t hear. Roy put the clipper on the nightstand and crossed to the bathroom door.

  “What?”

  Janet was up to her neck in a tub of bubbles, painting her fingernails. The stink of polish mingled with the floral of the bubblebath.

  “I asked,” she said, “if you left your clothes all over the floor.”

  “Shit. I hung up my shirt. Bad habit I got into with Lila.”

  “Well get it down.”

  “Yes, ma’am.” He took in the lipstick and make-up containers on the bathroom sink, the pink razors and hotel-provided blow-dryer. Lingerie was draped about. “I see you’ve cluttered up the bathroom good and proper.”

  “Exactly as you suggested.” Janet smiled blissfully. “When I was with Billy, I’d take short baths and tuck my stuff away in drawers. But he’d still natter on about how I was monopolizing the bathroom. It was like—like if he saw my stuff, it would ruin the illusion for him. I mean, is that what you guys want? To believe your lady is naturally hairless? Or that her skin doesn’t need any help staying smooth and sweet-smelling?”

  “Oh, yes. We want to believe all that and more. Like, that make-up just appe
ars on your faces every morning. Knowing how it’s done ruins the magic.” He grinned. “Also, I think seeing all this—” he waved at the sink, “Makes us feel guilty. We’re forced to realize how much effort you put into looking nice for us.”

  “Well, here’s hoping pretty Tiffany leaves mascara and powders and creams everywhere. And that her lipsticks roll onto the floor so Billy ends up stepping on them,” Janet said.

  Roy went back to the bedroom. In truth, he found the lingerie and feminine clutter comforting. Annoying as such things could be, they reminded him that a woman was there and he...he really liked that. Getting his tee off the hanger, he dropped it down beside his scattered socks, sweatshirt and jeans. He was about to sit down on the bed, but decided he wanted company. He went back, lowered the toilet lid and took a seat. For a while, he silently clipped at his nails while watching Janet lacquer hers.

  “Is the smell of nail polish bothering you?” she asked. “Billy always had me put on the fan.”

  “Naw. I think Lila must have gotten high on the smell, she used so much.”

  “Maybe the stink will poison her new boyfriend.”

  “What a nice thing to say! We can only hope.”

  “So,” Janet ventured, “not to undermine our intent here but, what was good about Lila? There must have been something right or you’d never have been together.”

  Roy shrugged. He was still so angry, so wounded over Lila’s betrayal that it was hard to recall the positives. “She was one of those women all men want to be with at least once in their lives. Charismatic, full of joie de vivre. You meet a woman like that and you want to follow her lead and trust her judgment, even when it feels wrong. You’d rather doubt yourself than doubt her because you want to keep believing she’s wonderful. Perfect. Until, of course, the day you find out how long she’s been cheating on you. Then you realize what a gullible, lame-assed sucker you’ve been. What about Billy?”

  Janet shook her head. “I’m embarrassed to say it, it sounds so cliché, but he was exciting. He had an irresistible charge about him, the sort that blinds a girl to his shortcomings. And he had many, many shortcomings.”

  “So he was one of those bad boys?” Roy asked cautiously.

  “Oh, yes.”

  “Can you explain that to me? Women’s fascination with bad boys?” He worked to check the anger in his tone, to keep it civil and not accusing; Janet, after all, was just being honest as they agreed, she wasn’t rejecting him. It was hard, though, because she had gone for the guy who treated her like shit instead of someone like him who might have treated her well.

  Of course, he’d done the same with Lila, but he didn’t want to think about that right now.

  “It’s pretty simple, actually.” She put aside the polish and blew on the finished nails. “It’s more prestigious if we come in with a wolf on a leash than a dog—not meaning any offence there.”

  “None taken. So it’s the female version of the trophy wife or girlfriend?”

  “Exactly. No other lady can get the lone wolf to stay faithful to them, but you can. That not only makes you feel special, but proves to all the other women that you are special.”

  “Don’t you ever think that if you do get him to be faithful—tame him—he won’t be a wolf any longer?”

  “Oh, but we expect to have it both ways, don’t ya know?” Janet sighed to herself. Musing on all this was making her feel like she was gazing down on herself from some distant height. Amazing how silly and deluded she’d been. “He’ll still growl at other guys who look our way, and roughly grab and kiss us in public, as only the wild wolf does, making other women jealous. The sex will be unexpected, keeping things exciting.”

  She sighed again, and gazed up at the ceiling. “That’s the one flaw in your Full Disclosure, Roy,” she added.

  “What?”

  “It’s easier to be honest with others than it is with yourself. When a woman like me hooks up with a bad boy, who she knows has a history of going from female to female, she fools herself. Even if he comes right out and says he’s not going to be faithful, she’ll tell herself: ‘he’ll be different with me.’”

  “Like playing the lottery?” Roy’s tone was wry, which made Janet relax. Of course he’d understand.

  “Like that, yeah. You go for the long-shot because you’re so sure that you’re unique; you alone can beat those odds. You lie to yourself, because if you don’t, you know you’ll feel…not special.”

  “Do you think, then, that people can’t change?” he asked and shifted, as if unsettled.

  “Oh, no. They can change. Being, however, older and wiser now than I was back at the bar,” she offered him a smile, “I think the mistake is thinking they can change how we want and when we want.”

  Roy checked over his toes. They were as clipped as possible. “My clothes are all over the floor and so are my nails. What now?”

  “You could leave the toilet seat up. Billy always did.”

  ”Um...nope. Can’t do that.”

  Janet blinked at him.

  “Can’t? Are you telling me you’re the one man in the world who puts the toilet seat down?”

  “Always,” he shrugged.

  “Oh, my God.” She faked a faint. “I’m in love!”

  “Very funny. But seriously. I don’t see what the big deal is. I can aim and even if I couldn’t, I’ve gotta have that seat down sometimes, too.”

  “Damn. A reasonable man. I thought you guys were extinct. I got so fed up with Billy bitching about my ‘annoying requirement’ as he called it and his right to leave the seat up if he wanted to that I made him a deal. Whoever scrubbed the toilet got to decide.” She snorted. “Like he was ever going to scour the bathroom. He didn’t complain after that, but he still acted like he was doing me a favor.”

  “He’ll probably leave the seat up with Tiffany,” Roy observed. “And late at night she’ll sit and her skinny little ass will fall right in.”

  Janet’s eyes gleamed with delight. “And he won’t have flushed! Hah!”

  “He didn’t flush?” Roy winced. “No wonder you’ve a low opinion of guys.”

  Janet airily waved her freshly painted nails. “You guys have to put up with our tampons and mood swings every month. That has to be as bad. Now that would be full disclosure,” she added. “If I were on my period or pms-ing. I mean, as far as showing you what I’m like at my worst.”

  “Do you yell and scream?”

  “I get weepy, actually. Anything remotely sad or wrongly said can make me cry. Like, if you advised me to get more exercise, I’d burst into tears thinking you thought me fat.”

  “I bet Billy didn’t like that,” Roy said.

  “Nope. Now how does that work? Why do you want women to be feminine...but not crying? Isn’t crying a part of femininity?”

  “Yes, but you have to cry for the right reasons at the right time,” Roy pointed out. “Like when we’ve done something wonderful for you—or when you’ve made a terrible mistake and want us to forgive you. Then it’s sexy.”

  “Or when you’ve given us the greatest sexual pleasure of our lives?” Janet asked coyly.

  Roy felt his cock jump at her sultry tone. Damn. He tried to smile. “That hasn’t happened to me yet, but yes, I think that would qualify.”

  Janet shifted in the tub and crossed her arms on the edge. Roy couldn’t help noticing how her breasts pressed up, glistening wet. “Was the sex good?”

  “Huh?” He blinked.

  “Sex. With Lila. Was it good?”

  Roy shook himself. “Oh, yes. Very good. Until…well.” He felt his face go hot and squirmed inside. Full disclosure, he reminded himself. “Until she started having sex with Mr. Moneybags and decided she didn’t want to give me the same quality fuck she was giving him.”

  Janet winced. Shit. Why’d she have to go and ask a stupid question like that? Roy looked as if he’d just been emasculated. Damn Lila. No wonder Roy was so down on women.

  “I’m sorry. No one sh
ould have to face that kind of bullshit.” She hesitated. “Billy...wasn’t happy in our relationship. I mean, nothing I did satisfied him and he was always saying as much. We should have split months ago. But I don’t think he wanted to be on his own. Every time we talked about it, he’d imply that somehow or other I could fix what was wrong if I wanted to.”

  “Because you were the problem?” Roy growled.

  “Well, yeah. I was to blame and it was up to me to make things better. Then he met Tiffany and finally put an end to us.”

  “That’s fucked up.” Roy said, genuinely angry. Janet was a great woman, sexy and funny. Kind. He couldn’t believe anyone would do that, keep her dangling and hoping and doubting herself till they were ready to leave. “While you were together, did he at least try to...satisfy you?” he asked awkwardly.

  “You mean, sexually?” She offered a self-deprecating smile. “Yeah, but he almost never went down on me. I don’t know if he didn’t like it, or just didn’t want to with me.”

  “What a shit!” Billy was sounding worse and worse to Roy. “It’s something a guy should do, no question. Or if he isn’t going to, then he shouldn’t expect anything in return.”

  “I know, I know. I should have refused to suck his cock, but he had such a beautiful penis.” Janet shut her eyes and sighed. Oddly, that stirred something else in Roy, lust and something very like jealousy.

  “Did you swallow,” he heard himself asking crudely. Janet’s dark eyes came open at his tone and the innocence in them made him feel guilty. What business was it of his if she had liked Billy’s cock?

  “It wasn’t my thing,” she shrugged, “but Billy got off on it, so, yes, I did.”

  “Lila never did. Most times I couldn’t even get her to...well.”

  Janet shifted uneasily. Roy’s bitterness was back. “Some women aren’t into fellatio. Doesn’t mean anything.”

  “I know. It’s just...I’d stimulate her till my jaw ached,” Roy pressed on, as if the truth were a venom he had to spit out, “And then she’d want to fuck. So I almost never got mine. And now I can’t stop wondering if she’s doing it all for Mr. Moneybags. I think,” he added softly, “that she faked her orgasms. At least during these last few months.”