Almost Broken: If I Break #2

by Moore, Portia

  “I hope you like it,” she says before opening it. When she does, she reveals a beautifully decorated little girl’s room. There’s a full-sized bed with a beautiful pink and white down comforter, matching curtains and on the white walls are pink flower decals. There’s a white dresser, and beside it a bookshelf stocked with children’s books, and a lounge chair with a teddy bear as big as I am. She puts Caylen down and she immediately makes her way over to the bear. I’m literally speechless. I can’t believe she did all of this in two weeks.

  “You like it?” she asks with a nervous smile, and I feel tears in my eyes. I blink them away quickly.

  “I can’t believe you did all of this.” I say as I make my way around it. It’s the perfect little girl’s room. Caylen has a beautiful room back home, but the attention to detail Mrs. Scott put into this for a little girl she’s only met once—my little girl—lets me know without a doubt she’s been accepted into their hearts.

  “That means you like it?” She chuckles. I nod. “I hope this wasn’t too much of an inconvenience?” I ask still taking everything in.

  “Well, this used to be my crafts room. Whenever I do crafts I typically I end up in the living room or at the kitchen table so it really was just a storage room, and the moment you showed me Caylen’s picture I knew it would be hers. You really like it?” she asks genuinely.

  “I love it.” I giggle. Caylen’s taken her cookie and is trying to feed it to the bear.

  “Oh, Caylen, you’re going to get it all dirty,” I sigh, taking the cookie from her hand.

  “You can get it as messy as you like. This is all for you and your mommy,” she says, sitting beside Caylen who has started to pull books off the shelves. Wait. What did she just say?

  “Excuse me?” I ask her, making sure I heard her right.

  “Well that’s why I purchased a full-sized bed,” Mrs. Scott says, not taking her eyes off Caylen.

  “I was just thinking it would be a little silly for you to stay at the hotel for three entire weeks, not to mention how expensive that is when we have a perfectly good room for you,” she says, and my stomach feels as if I was just thrown off a high rise building. My mouth is dry I’m trying to use my words. They should come out but none do. She can’t be serious, I can’t stay here. I’m growing accustomed to the fact that Chris isn’t Cal, and when I’m with him, I’m reminded more of that, but he still has his face and his voice and I don’t know if I can take on all that 24/7.

  “I really appreciate the thought but…I—I don’t know if that would be such a great idea Mrs. Scott,” I laugh, running my hands through my hair nervously.

  “It’s a great idea, isn’t it Caylen?” she says happily, and I sigh. When she finally looks at me, her wide smile softens.

  “Well in the daytime, I’m the only one here, really. William is out handling things for the farm, and Chris is teaching or at the community center. I won’t be much of a bother to you, I promise,” she says, giving me an assuring smile. I still shake my head.

  “And since she’s only going to be here for three weeks, I’d love to spend as much time with her as I possibly can and the same thing goes for Chris and William. We’re a small town, but I’d feel terrible knowing that the two of you were in a hotel, eating fast food and junk food when you can have dinner with us,” she continues, and I wonder if she really doesn’t get it? Doesn’t she realize I’m in love with her son? That I’m trying really hard not to be in love with him, and being in such close proximity doesn’t help that much?

  “And thinking of how much gas you and Chris will waste going back and forth, it just doesn’t seem logical,” she continues. It’s funny that her argument is that the logical thing to do would be to stay here. If only logic was involved, it would make sense, but there are so many other things besides logic involved here. My mind is saying to logically decline, stay at the Inn, and thank her again for the lovely room she created for Caylen. But the other part of me, the emotional and hopeful part of me says to say thank you and hug her and pretend it’s not a big deal.

  “It’s only three weeks Lauren,” she says with a warm smile that makes me feel like this is a great idea and that everything is going to be fine. Then that bitter, nervous, pessimistic side of me uses her words against her.

  It’s only three weeks. That’s all you get.

  “What did Chris say about this?” I ask, starting to hug myself. If he’s okay with it then I’m staying, if she hesitates for even a second on her answer it’s off to the Ritter Inn I go.

  “Chris thinks it’s a fantastic idea,” she says fluidly as she lifts Caylen up in the air.

  Fantastic idea…Well, it looks like I’m staying.

  Chris

  “You told her what?”

  My mom smiles sheepishly. I should have known something was up when I saw her practically run out of the house as I pulled up.

  “Well honey, when you think about it, it doesn’t make sense for them to stay over there all alone when they could be here with us,” she explains simply, and I let out a deep breath and grab my head. Jenna’s going to kill me. She’s going to kill me.

  “You didn’t mention this to me when we finished Caylen’s room. You didn’t ask me at all, and you lied to her and told her it was my idea?” I say tightly, and she sighs.

  “I didn’t say it was your idea. I said you thought it was a fantastic idea,” she clarifies, and I begin pacing.

  “Mom, this isn’t good,” I say with a nervous laugh. “What did dad say?” I know he couldn’t have agreed to this.

  “Your father doesn’t know yet but don’t worry about him. He will see the logic in this as well once I explain it to him.”

  Oh, great. Dad doesn’t know. This is going to go so well.

  “Chris, what is the issue with her staying here?” she asks as if she doesn’t get it. I really don’t have a problem with Lauren staying here, and it does make sense that she would stay, but I know for sure Jenna is definitely not going to see her staying here as a purely logical decision.

  “Mom, have you forgotten about Jenna? Things are pretty rocky right now, and I’m just starting to get back on her good side. This isn’t going to help me with her at all,” I say, looking her directly in the eyes.

  “Christopher, she’s not staying in the same room with you. She’ll be on an entirely different floor. Caylen is going to be your daughter a lot longer than this little visit. Jenna will have to be able to trust you around her mother alone,” she says, and I let out a groan. How can she not see Jenna’s side in this at all, or not care? It’s not my like my mom to be so one-sided…unless. I turn to look at her and survey her expression.

  “Do you not like Jenna, Mom?” I ask her genuinely, and for a second her expression goes blank. “You don’t like her,” I state in disbelief, and she shakes her head.

  “I didn’t say that, honey.” she states adamantly, but just from that look I can see it. Great. My mom doesn’t like the woman I want to marry and never bothered to say anything about it.

  “Regardless if you like her or not, you have to admit this isn’t fair to her at all. How am I going to explain this?” I ask her, and she lets out a little huff.

  “Blame me. Tell her it was all my idea. I will not allow my only grandchild to spend three weeks in a hotel when she could be here with me. I won’t allow it, Christopher,” she says sternly.

  “She’ll think you don’t like her, and she can’t think that, especially now, Mom?” This is bad, really bad.

  “Honey, I told Lauren you’d bring their bags in from the car, that was the reason I came out here,” she interrupts my thoughts and hands me Lauren’s keys. I’m going to have to think of something. I can’t tell Lauren she has to leave, and it does make sense that she stays here.

  Jenna’s logical. It’ll be fine.

  It’s all going to be fine. My mom’s right. After these three weeks, Lauren’s not going to disappear. There are going to be times when we’re together—alone, even—an
d it’ll be cool because during these three weeks, we’re going to become friends. I’ll honestly be able to say to anyone that asks that she’s just my friend. I take a deep breath and retrieve the two suitcases and duffle bag out of the back of Lauren’s car. I can’t ignore the excited feeling I have knowing they’re going to be here for almost a month. I’m nervous, and I know there’s going to be hard things we’ll need to deal with, but it won’t be all hard, bad, or uncomfortable.

  Everything’s going to be good.

  “Everything’s going to be good,” I mutter to myself as I enter the house through the kitchen. Things are looking up already. My mom has a plate of chocolate chip cookies waiting on me. I make my way to Caylen’s room and see her playing with the dollhouse my dad put together for her.

  “Hey there,” I say as I put down the bags. She has a doll in one hand and a cookie in the other. She starts to laugh. I pick her up.

  “Can we share your cookie?” I ask her, and she starts to put it in my mouth. Too bad it’s soaked with drool.

  “Hey.” I turn around and see Lauren standing in the doorway. She’s wearing an oversized white sweater and jeans, her hair up in a ponytail, and I feel the same excitement I did when I first saw her, except this time she has a wide, warm smile on her face. My god, she’s beautiful. But so is Jenna.

  Jenna is beautiful, and you love Jenna.

  “How was your trip?” I ask her as I sit down on the rocking chair my mom picked out for the room.

  “Good,” she nods, and her wide smiles changes. She quickly looks over her shoulder and closes the door behind her.

  “I know your mom said you thought this was a fantastic idea, but I just wanted to make sure that this is really okay with you?” she asks hesitantly, her hand gripping her wrist. She looks nervous and even though she just met my mother, she clearly sees that this was a desperate grandmother’s scheme.

  Still the moment she walked into the room while I was holding Caylen, my feelings changed.

  “I can’t think of any other place I’d rather you guys be than here,” I tell her, and her eyes widen a little and she lets out a breath. Maybe I shouldn’t have used those exact, words but that’s what I was thinking, and it just came out.

  “How do you like the room?” I say quickly, wanting to change the topic.

  “I love it. It was really sweet of you all,” she says a shyly. I can’t believe I make her shy but I do. I wonder if I make her feel as nervous as she makes me.

  “My mom picked everything out. My dad and I put it all together and everything.” I chuckle.

  “Your dad’s okay with me staying here?” she asks quietly as if someone is going to walk into the closed room.

  “No one asks him about anything around here,” I joke, and she laughs tilting her head back showcasing her big dimples. I try to command my heartbeat to stop speeding up. There’s a knock on the door that startles her. I guess she’s forgotten she closed it. She opens it, and my mom is standing there with a nervous smile.

  “What’s up mom?” I ask. the expression on her face worrying me.

  “Chris, can I steal you for a moment?” she asks. Lauren looks at me worriedly.

  “Okay,” I say calmly and give Lauren a reassuring smile. I release Caylen to the teddy bear she’s beating up. When I’m out the room, she closes the door behind me.

  “Jenna’s just pulled up outside,” she informs me nervously. Oh crap.

  “Did you tell her to come today?” she asks timidly. I nod. I did tell her to come today but I didn’t think she’d come right now.

  “Did you tell Lauren Jenna was coming today?” she asks tightly

  Nope.

  My mom lets out a nervous sigh.

  “Chris, with this many women in your life, you’re going to have to learn to communicate a little better.” She sighs. It’s not a communication problem, more like a procrastination problem.

  “I think you should let Lauren know that Jenna’s about to arrive,” she says, pointing me back to the room. I’ll go and let Jenna in the house. She shakes her head before leaving me standing next to the door looking like an idiot.

  I am an idiot.

  I should have talked to Lauren about this a while ago, but it can’t be that big a deal. She knows about Jenna and that eventually she’ll have to meet Caylen.

  It’ll be fine.

  I let out a deep sigh before going in. When I enter, she’s unpacking her suitcase. She glances up at me curiously.

  “What’s up?” she asks knowingly. I must look how I feel.

  “I wanted to have a chance to talk to you about this first but…well, Jenna’s here to meet Caylen,” I say and swallow the lump in my throat. She drops the shirt she was folding, and I can tell her breathing has changed. She doesn’t look at me. She keeps her eyes on the shirt she was folding. If I didn’t feel like an ass before, I definitely do now. Her face is flushed, and I know it’s not from embarrassment or maybe it is. The first time I saw her face flushed that color, Cal was the cause. This time I can’t blame on him. This is strictly because of me.

  “She’s here now?” Her sentence is quick but choppy.

  “Yeah,” I nod. The next few seconds are more than awkward. I have a feeling Lauren’s burning holes in the shirt she’s staring at to keep from burning holes in my face. There’s an eerie silence until Caylen starts hitting one of her books on the floor. This seems to snap Lauren from her trance.

  “Just give me a few minutes to clean her up okay,” she replies picking up Caylen and taking the soggy chocolate chip cookie from her hand. Before I head back out the door I turn back around to face her.

  “Thanks Lauren.” She glances up at me with tight smile as she starts to wipe Caylen’s mouth. When I close the door, I let out a deep breath and pray this goes as smooth as possible. It can’t be any worse than the last time they met.

  Hopefully.

  Chapter 6

  Lauren

  I’m an idiot. I can’t believe I’ve been so stupid. I don’t know why—probably because I am an idiot—but a part of me sort of thought things were about to change. Initially, I thought us staying here was a ploy his mom used to have more time with Caylen, but when he said that there was no place he’d rather us be, I thought there was a chance.

  A chance that maybe Chris could see me the way Cal did. Now I know there is no chance of that. I couldn’t even unpack one bag before that little delusion crumbled down around me. I should have expected this, I really should have.

  Like Raven said, I told him I was leaving the past behind, and he’s engaged to another woman, a woman that would eventually have to meet Caylen. His life hasn’t stopped moving forward.

  I’m still the foolish girl Cal left waiting for him, and I’m still waiting, the only one waiting apparently. Jenna’s no longer going to be the strange woman I saw once, she’s going to be a part of all this. She’s not waiting on anything since she wants to meet Caylen already, and if she’s meeting Caylen, she has no intention of going anywhere. Somewhere in me, I was hoping the craziness of this situation would run her off in the other direction, but apparently she’s just as stupid as I am and is in this for the long haul. How am I supposed to face her? How do you make nice and pretend to be cordial with a woman who has the man you’re in love with? I’ve done a lot of fake smiling and pretending, but I’m not a good enough actress to pull this off. But I have to try because there’s no way they’re taking Caylen anywhere alone.

  Call me selfish or overprotective, but until I get to know this woman, that’s not happening. Which means I’ll have to get to know this woman.

  “Poo! Poo! Poo!” I mutter to myself. Caylen’s oblivious to all this, thank God. I’ve cleaned up her face that was smeared with chocolate and cookie crumbs and dress her in a cute little yellow romper. She looks adorable again. I’ve been done getting her ready at least five minutes, but I’m glued to the bed. How am I going to go out there and not let this woman see that I’m in love with this man? She’s
going to see it. Chris is the only one oblivious to it, or he just doesn’t care. I pick up Caylen and remind myself why I’m here. I’m not here for me, I’m really not here for Chris or even Cal. I’m here so that my daughter can have a relationship with her dad that is as normal as possible, and if he wants this woman—the woman he plans on spending the rest of his life with—to meet her…

  The more I try to talk myself into this, the more I’m being pushed deeper into a black hole. I smile down at Caylen and kiss her on the cheek before opening the door. I can hear them in the dining room. She’s talking about school. She says something about her law professor, and I swallow the lump in my throat and practice my fake smile that seems to morph into a feeble grin as I enter the room.

  Chris looks relieved, like someone just lifted the weight of the world from his shoulders. Maybe he thought I wasn’t really coming out. Mrs. Scott gives me a reassuring smile, and then I see Jenna. There’s no smile on her face, but her eyes narrow in on mine and she sits up straighter in her chair. Her gaze is on me. She hasn’t even attempted to look at Caylen. She’s studying me, and she’s not even trying to hide it. The practiced smile I was wearing, has fallen completely. I’m really straining for it to not fall into a full-blown frown.

  We’re complete opposites, she has platinum blonde hair falling neatly to her shoulders and piercing blue eyes. Her eye lashes are long and her eyebrows are the same color as her hair so she’s definitely a real blonde. She has on a taupe cashmere sweater with an elaborate a gold pin. When my eyes land on her hand there it is, the engagement ring. I don’t know if she notices where my eyes land, but I swear her lips curve into a smile and the chill that was on her disappears as she stands up.

  “Can I hold her?” she says sweetness dripping from her voice. My eyes dart to Chris who seems a little surprised. My immediate response is “hell no” but thank God my filter is working. Unfortunately, I’m frozen. My mouth won’t open, and my limbs won’t move.