by Xavier Neal
Hearing him describe them that way makes me growl.
Have I mentioned how much I hate the idea of any other dude's dick anywhere near her? I know she wasn't a virgin but that doesn't mean I wanna hear about it. I damn sure didn't wanna hear about the fact it was the guy I was calling my extended family who took it from her. The whole fucking thing makes me wanna redecorate this apartment with my fists.
“Talk to her. Fix this. Then take the day off together,” Destin sighs. “You both need it.”
Annoyed at their tactics I shut my eyes tightly. “Just...fucking. Move.”
“Not this time,” Drew says quietly. “For once in your life listen to us.”
At that moment Knox comes from around the corner appearing at my side also dressed for work. She glances at them and then at me. “Um...move.”
“Enjoy your day off you two,” Destin laughs lightly before walking out the door with Drew behind him.
Once the two of them are on the other side of the door, I turn and swing my fist into the wall creating a dent. “Motherfucker!”
“Well that's mature.” Knox rolls her eyes. “On all of your parts.”
Not having anything to say that my fist hasn't already, I spin around on my heels to head back for my room.
I'll give them thirty minutes before I march down there and beat the shit out of them. Maybe forty-five, so they won't see it coming then.
Flopping down on the edge of my bed I bury my face in my hands for a moment to breathe.
Don't say they have a point. Don't side with them. Never fucking side with them.
A knock on my door lifts my face to Knox's. She leans against the frame. “Can we talk?”
“No.”
“Okay.” She shrugs. “That's fine. I'll talk, you listen.”
That's not what I meant.
“Let me start with the past that is Asher.”
“Don't.”
“Oh I am,” her voice becomes firm. “You need to hear this.”
“Why?” I argue. “You cared enough to keep it a secret all these years.”
“I didn't wanna hurt you!”
“Then you shouldn't have fucked him to begin with!” Hearing the hurt in my own voice causes me to tighten my fist. “Was it just the once Knox? Tell me that.”
She slowly shakes her head. “No.”
“How long were you together?”
A regretful sigh comes out. “We slept together for months.”
“Months?” The word barely comes out of me.
If I knew where that little bastard was right now, I'd relocate him to six feet under. I don't give a fuck if it was years ago.
“You know what? Just fucking back up a minute! Asher didn't come on to me. I came on to him.”
“That's better?”
“If you're gonna hate the situation, you should probably hate me more than him because it was my fault.”
“Did you stick your dick in you? Did you stick your dick in you knowing how I felt?”
“He knew-”
“Of course he fucking knew, Knox!” I shout. “He was my best friend!”
Her mouth bounces up and down.
“So what happened back then? You got bored? Couldn't take just your own fingers anymore?”
“Did you expect me to be a virgin until you came out from underneath the mountain of pussy you were fucking?”
It wasn't a mountain.
“You know what pushed me into his arms aside from your less than charming mouth? Watching you with them then. To be completely honest, it blew the same it does now. It has royally sucked for years to watch girl after girl come in and out of this apartment,” Knox continues quietly. “I have loathed every second of it. I loathed every minute of then too. But you're right. At the end of every little escapade, past and present, they're gone. They've never come back. They've never even made a cameo back in your life. They were disposable. You didn't love them.”
“Not. One.”
“But you've never loved me enough to man up and claim me for yourself,” she snaps.
“It's not that simple...”
“Then what, Madden?” Her voice rises. “Forgive me for needing a little explanation over here! The one thing I've wanted almost my entire life is for you to fucking love me, to be with me. You know why Asher was pissed off and disappeared after graduation? Because he was tired of being a fill in until you grew a pair! Ax was the same damn way! All the men in my life have been poor place holders for the moment you decided to finally let me in! And now, for some reason, some unknown cosmic bullshit, it has finally happened! We are finally at that place, so shoot me for not being ready to let it all go without a fight!”
“You wanna fight, Knox?” I whisper rising to my feet to see her breath hitch. “You wanna fight?”
“Yes!”
“Why?” My low volume seems to stiffen her back against the door frame. Arriving across from her I push, “Why do you wanna always fight me?”
“Why do you always wanna fight me?!”
“I wanna fight for you,” I assure her. “I wanna fight to protect you. It's the only reason I've always fought. I wanna fight the rest of my life to keep the little bit of peace being with you brings to me. I wanna fight to keep you the way that I've wished for since I was racing hot wheels.”
In a soft plea she says, “You can have me.”
“Then I don't wanna fight your past. I don't wanna fight your secrets. I don't wanna fight the shame, embarrassment, or fucking self-loathing I feel when I think about a douche like Asher or look at a prick like Ax who can clearly take you away to the life you deserve instead of this piece of shit one I've dragged you into.” My words bob her jaw, but she doesn't say anything. “Most of my life Knox, you know as well as I do has been spent trying to keep my family from going extinct. Each time I fucking fail, each time I have to put another set of ashes into the ground, part of the belief I deserve more than a bullet to my own chest is buried with it.” When her eyebrows lift I add, “I don't believe I'm worth the air I'm still breathing let alone someone as fucking amazing as you. Just because I've never let myself have the smidgen of happiness I know you could bring to my dismal fucking existence, don't you ever fucking doubt that this isn't the only thing I've ever really wanted too.”
Knox flings her body at me, lips roughly pressed against mine. On instinct, I kiss back, lift her up by the ass, and shut my bedroom door with the heel of my foot. The speed of our tongues is almost as frantic as the movement of our hands, which are desperately moving to undress each other. In a matter of brief moments, we're both naked and my mouth that she was just trying to consume is devouring her pussy.
Can you blame me? Haven't eaten since yesterday.
Her legs are draped over my shoulders while I viciously suck on her clit, the pressure from it causing her heels to dig into my back. The action spurs me to continue, to drag my tongue around every inch, feasting in a lush frenzy. Knoxie's fingers grip my hair suctioning my face to the point I can't fucking breathe.
I don't wanna breathe. The only thing I want is to hear her fucking come. To feel that shit on my tongue. To reclaim, to rewrite every part of her core with me.
With that mission in mind, a combination of pushes and gentle gnawing grabs the orgasm out of her before she has time to postpone it. “I'm coming!” Her thighs squeeze my head tighter muffling the praises she's singing of my name. Disappointed I can't hear it, I still consider myself grateful for the warm, sticky sensation attempting to sate my unquenchable appetite. The shaking of her legs allows me to wiggle free. In an effortless motion, I flip her over so she's lying on her stomach with her hips swiveled sideways and her legs bent. Positioned perfectly on my knees from behind, I lean forward to plant my hands on both sides of her. One sharp thrust is all it takes to have her screaming my name again.
“Holy fuck that's deep,” she whimpers powerless in this position.
I rock my hips forward as I growl, “You want more.”
; “No,” Knox argues already out of breath.
While her lips deceive her pussy doesn't. The muscles, which are still not quite accustomed to my size, clamp down in protest of her mistruth.
“Liar.” Through a harsh groan, I jerk my hips sharply. Each push precisely shatters the playful banter barrier that's always kept us connected and in it's place assembles a passionate creation where only one entity can exist. My eyes shut as I pump harder. The untamed desire to invade her existence on each level I can, takes over. Her fervent cries encourage my dick to reach her hilt with every motion.
Suddenly Knoxie cries out again, “I'm coming!”
Pulsation after pulsation tempts my cock into coming undone.
Greedy motherfucker has to wait.
I slow down, but don't stop. “Did you come twice?”
In a barely audible voice she answers, “Yes.”
“Not enough.”
My hips return to their merciless movements. Shutting my eyes I continue pouring out the years of unspoken words, the decades of un-proclaimed affections, and lifetime of owed forgiveness with my cock as the microphone. What feels like just minutes after her last orgasm she screams again. This time her lips don't inform me, but the unmistakable pattern of trembles lets me know she's been pushed over the edge for the final time. My head drops down to her shoulder as my body slips into a rigid state. The eruption crashes into hers. Knoxie suddenly caves onto my bed, my own following in it's decision.
Dazed, I rearrange us until her back is against my front and my arms are enclosing her. An unusual rush of tranquility shoots through my veins. The peculiar feeling makes me smirk.
Don't worry. We'll actually leave the apartment for food this time. Not really in the mood for pizza again.
Knoxie
“Guacamole doesn't belong on a burger,” Madden grunts between bites of his fry. “That's fucking disgusting.”
Leaning back on my side of the booth at The Box, our favorite local hole in the wall diner, I shake my head. “You wouldn't know good taste if it punched you in the mouth.”
“I had good taste in my mouth less than four hours ago.”
His reference to the last round of make-up sex causes me to have a bite of my burger to refrain from saying anything.
So we've spent most of the day tangled up in the sheets, but look at us now! We are out in the daylight...well...evening light. See. We can do more than fight and fuck. We just happened to do those two things really well. Don't you agree? You want a bite of my burger?
After a chuckle at winning that round he leans his back against the window. “You think you can do me a favor tomorrow?”
“I swear if it has anything to do with taking Triple D to get their shots, the answer is no.”
He smiles at my comment. “Remember taking Merrick to the doctor together?”
“God he was such a whiner if he didn't get a fucking sticker.” The memory has me grinning. “He had that entire collection wall papered on the door of him and Ben's room.”
A mournful look floods his eyes.
Shit. It's amazing how quickly I can get the pointed part of my heel in my own mouth.
He quickly pushes down the emotion. “Anyway, can you swing by Aunt Kelli's and check on her for me?”
“Still not speaking to you?”
Madden shakes his head.
On a heavy sigh I say, “You do know she's just...I don't know, going through something right? She doesn't actually hate you.”
His eyes land on mine. “She does.”
His Aunt Kelli helped raise the boys as best as she could at times. Ben was her only son and when he died, she said some very cold things to Madden. She's a grieving woman, so it was hard to be a bitch to her about it, but the damage it's done is clear.
“She doesn't.”
“She does, Knox,” he states slowly. “And she has every reason to.”
“Stop it,” I fight pushing my plate to the side. “It's not your fault what happened to Ben happened.”
“It is.”
“It is not. It's not like you killed her son. Ben's death was...not an accident, but unless you were the one who tampered with his car, it wasn't your fault.”
Madden looks out the window holding something in.
Decades people! I know almost all of his looks.
“What aren't you telling me?”
“Let it go,” he grumbles, eyes still stuck out at the deserted strip mall shopping center.
“Tell me.”
“Let it go.”
“Tell me.”
“Let it-”
“Madden.”
“Knox,” he snaps now glaring fiercely. “Let. It. Go.”
I blow out a long exhale. “No.”
His face twitches its famous enraged expression.
“We're not doing this anymore.”
“Doing what?”
“That fucking thing where we have a whirlwind of secrets between us because we don't want the other person hurt. No more. You know my biggest shame and if you want more details fine, I'll give them to you. But you're gonna start telling me everything. I'm a big girl. The pair of nuts on me is bigger than most men I've come across. I can handle whatever it is you think I can't.”
Slowly he shakes his head and whispers, “It's not that you can't handle it. I. Can't.”
Puzzled, I question, “What the hell does that mean?”
“That means,” Madden starts the choked words tightly gripping all of my attention. “I can't handle inviting you into the nightmare of my mistakes.”
“Then consider this a hostile takeover.” The playfulness of my tone causes his stiff body to slightly relax. “Tell me what you're not...”
He rubs a hand on the back of his neck. “You remember that night I crawled into your window and spent it with you tucked into my side.”
“Of course,” I whisper. “That was....the first time I had ever seen you scared and the first time I actually thought you might...want me the way I did you.”
His shifting is proceeded with him clearing his throat. “That was the first time Uncle D found out I was trying to move some weight for a lower level employee.”
Shocked I snap, “First time, Madden? How many more times were there?”
“Couple more...” Without allowing me to ask questions, he continues, “Uncle D was pissed. After the lecture of a lifetime followed closely with promise of more severe punishment, he insisted he'd make the drop. That I keep my hands clean. He explained how he would then make sure to let everyone know McCoys weren't in that business.” He moistens his lips. “That night while Uncle D was out fixing my mistake, Aunt Kelli said she needed to go to the hospital.”
“Why?”
“She was...six weeks pregnant.”
“She was pregnant?!” I shriek. “I never-”
“No one did,” he whispers. “Except Uncle D. She thought something was wrong and needed me to drive her. On the way there...” His voice trails off as his eyes glaze over. For a moment it looks like I've lost him. Like he's returned back to that night.
Are you a little scared too?
“The damn deer came out of nowhere,” the pleading is accompanied with his trembling jaw. “I swear. That fucker just wandered into the road. I swerved to miss it and...and...and we hit a pole. An ambulance appeared not too long after, but by that point it was too late. My baby cousin was gone.”
My hand reaches out for his that's on the table. Instinctively he flinches away. Hoping that's nothing more than a second nature habit that needs to be broken, I move my hand until it's holding his firmly. “Did they say if it was the accident or something else?”
Madden shakes his head. “No. It didn't matter. It was my fault all of that happened. If I hadn't been trying to make some extra cash Uncle D would've been there. He would've drove her. He wouldn't have wrecked. If I hadn't been a selfish dick Ben would've had a brother and who knows, he might've even still been alive to watch out over him.”
&n
bsp; In disbelief over not only the information but the level of blame he's holding I squeeze his hand tighter. “Stop blaming yourself because Aunt Kelli blames you. Yeah, the drug thing, your fault, but you didn't summon that deer. That deer was going to cross the street at that time whether you were driving or not. And if Aunt Kelli needed to go to the hospital when she did there's a chance that baby was already lost. Shit happens, Madden. You're not responsible for that baby's death any more than you are Ben's. Kelli's anxious for an outlet to hold accountable because she's grieving.”