Worth a Thousand Words

by Stacy Adams

  Rachelle and Gabe had overcome the rocky foundation upon which they began married life. Shelby and Hunt were navigating their bond through the rough winds that still caused turbulence among blacks and whites. Daddy had stuck by Mama when alcohol had its grip on her life, and she sometimes spoke of weathering the year he had a midlife crisis and seemed to forget he had a family.

  Brian was her safety net, and ultimately, that was why she couldn’t marry him.

  Not when she was surrounded by people who exemplified the beauty of a union formed with care. Not when God was showing her that if she trusted him instead of always doing what was safe, he would take her places and give her experiences more awesome than she could fathom.

  She looked at this man now, whom she had loved since she was nineteen, and she didn’t want to let him go. But because she loved him, she would.

  She and Brian chatted over dinner about nothing in particular—the training he had been doing to stay in shape for flight school, the exciting things on the horizon for Yasmin, Aunt Melba’s gradual return to styling hair, the apartment her parents had leased for her in New York.

  “It’s about the size of a doghouse, and costs as much as a penthouse, but I can survive in it,” she said and laughed. “Speaking of New York, I’ve been meaning to tell you that I saw your twin at the hotel we stayed in during our visit.”

  The waiter appeared with two forks and the miniature chocolate lava cake they had ordered.

  Indigo dug in, but Brian seemed to have lost interest.

  “What did you say?”

  She swallowed her bite and resumed the conversation. “We checked into a Marriott hotel in Lower Manhattan and I went down to the lobby to get theater brochures, and a man was leaving the hotel who looked just like you.”

  Brian frowned and looked sick. He took a deep breath and bit his bottom lip.

  “You okay?” Indigo asked.

  Brian nodded and motioned for her to put her hands in his.

  She laid her fork down and complied, not sure where this was going.

  “Indigo, that was me you saw that day. I was in New York and never told you.”

  “Okaaay . . . ,” she said, trying to keep her mind from racing with all kinds of scenarios. “Why didn’t you tell me? We talked that weekend. You didn’t tell me you weren’t in Austin. That whole time, that’s where I thought you were.”

  “I went to New York for a personal reason and I wanted to get the answer before I told you,” he said.

  Indigo was getting impatient. He could stop using code language and spell it out, or she would strangle the truth out of him.

  “Keep talking, Brian,” she said.

  “Indigo.” He looked around to make sure no one was nearby, then sat back and folded his arms. “You know what? I really need to talk to you about this, and this isn’t the place. Let’s finish dessert and go.”

  This sudden mystery had killed her appetite. If the Brian she’d felt bad about not wanting to marry was a cheat and liar, she was going to hurt him. With her bare hands. Forget the lava cake. It was time to go.

  “Why don’t you just get the check, Brian,” she said. “You can take the cake with you. You’ve got me too curious to wait.”

  They left as quickly as Brian could pay the tab, and he drove to downtown Jubilant and parked in front of the public library. The parking lot was empty and the steep stairs leading into the building were as impressive as those leading to the White House.

  The night wasn’t too humid; it was perfect for a walk.

  “This isn’t the lake or the beach, but do you want to get out and sit on the steps?” he asked. “It’s still our anniversary, you know.” Indigo, tense from all of the suspense, remained silent but climbed out of the Saturn. She followed him up the stairs and took a seat on a step halfway from the top, where she waited for him to finish what he had started. The full moon provided some light, as did the city streetlights lining the sidewalk below them.

  He sat next to her for a while without speaking.

  When he faced her, there were tears in his eyes. “Indigo, I love you with all my heart, and because of that, I can’t marry you.”

  She gasped. Forget that she’d come to the same conclusion herself earlier tonight; what had he been wrestling with?

  He looked away and then squared his shoulders before facing her again. “I’ve been running away from myself for a long time, and I was fortunate to run right into your arms. I’m not going to label myself, but I’ve realized recently that I have certain feelings for men that aren’t appropriate for someone who is planning to get married.”

  Indigo stood up and inched away from him. “Are you telling me that you’re gay? I’ve been in love with you and you’ve been using me as a cover-up?! YOU—”

  She had to be dreaming. This was horrible.

  Brian approached her and grabbed her by the arms so she wouldn’t flee. “You are not a cover-up, Indie. I’m telling you that I have these tendencies, that have surfaced out of nowhere, and it wouldn’t be fair for me to marry you and live a lie. I want to marry you, because I love you, and I want to be the father of your children. But I can’t force you to deal with the demons I’m still confronting.”

  He released his grip on her and sat on the step. Sobs began to wrack his body so furiously that Indigo thought he would lose his meal.

  She was angry and embarrassed. Stunned and deeply hurt.

  But suddenly she was filled with compassion for him, and she began to weep. The Brian she knew would never deceive her on purpose. He had always been her protector, her friend, and her advocate. She had never seen him this broken, and she knew the revelation pained him more than it wounded her.

  Indigo knelt beside him and hugged his neck, until he lifted his head and looked into her eyes.

  “You don’t hate me?”

  She wiped his tear-streaked face with her thumbs.

  “I don’t hate you, Brian,” she said and sighed. “I’m furious with you, but I don’t hate you.”

  47

  What pierced her heart more than Brian’s revelation was discovering that Shelby knew.

  “You are my sister! How could you!” Indigo whispered vehemently into the phone. She was talking softly because she didn’t want anyone to overhear. Besides, she was in so much pain that the sound of her own voice grated her spirit.

  While she had determined before his confession that she and Brian couldn’t marry, hearing his reasons for reaching the same conclusion had left her shell-shocked. To learn that Shelby had kept his secret all these years was like a knife in the heart.

  Both of them were crying as they held the phone.

  It was Saturday morning, the day after Indigo’s dinner with Brian, and she hadn’t slept all night. She kept reliving their conversation on the library steps and all that he had told her about his encounters with Craig, his trip to New York, and the realization that he wasn’t fit to be her husband.

  He had dropped her off at home around midnight and walked her to the front door. She was carrying the vase of flowers he had given her before dinner, and before he turned to leave, he pulled a single red rose from behind his back.

  “I saved this for last,” he told her. “Whenever you see a red rose, always know that wherever you are and whatever you are going through, your Brian loves you.”

  Still hurt and angry, she had taken the flower, but hadn’t responded. She entered the house without telling him goodbye.

  By six a.m. she was dialing Shelby’s number, and her best friend’s silence after hearing the news let her know that Shelby wasn’t surprised.

  “You’re too quiet,” Indigo said. “How long have you known Brian went both ways?”

  When Shelby didn’t answer, Indigo wanted to scream. She paced her bedroom floor, cradling the cordless phone with one hand and clinching the other to keep her composure. The two people she thought she knew best were turning out to be the biggest strangers.

  “I didn’t want to hurt you
, Indigo,” Shelby finally said. “And I kept praying that Brian would work it all out, that what he had done was nothing more than college experimentation. Shortly after I caught him and Craig, Brian joined church and got baptized, remember? I thought his heart was all yours at that point.”

  “But you had to question whether something was going on between them while you were at OCS, after he had asked me to marry him,” Indigo said. “I’m not understanding, Shelby, and maybe I never will.”

  Indigo hung up on her friend and flung herself across the bed. She cried herself into a fitful sleep, thankful that she had taken the day off from Hair Pizzazz, anticipating that she would be out late with Brian.

  Mama knocked on the door around noon to check on her. “You okay in there, Indigo? I haven’t seen you since you left yesterday with Brian. Don’t you want lunch?”

  Indigo wasn’t ready to tell Mama everything was over. Brian hadn’t asked her to keep his revelation a secret, but he had explained that life in the Navy would be unbearable if word got out. His dream of becoming an astronaut would be dust. She was wrestling with how to handle this.

  “I’m not feeling well, Mama,” Indigo said weakly. “I may not get up today.”

  At three p.m., Yasmin came in to check on her. She was sleeping when she felt her sister’s hand on her forehead.

  “No fever. No vomiting. Do you have a bug or something? Mama thinks you and Brian must have had a fight,” Yasmin said. “He hasn’t called today.”

  Yasmin perched herself on the end of the bed and waited for an answer.

  Indigo knew she must look as bad as she felt; therefore, she wasn’t lying. She was sick. Heartsick.

  “I’ll be fine, Yas,” she said, dodging the question. “Just let me rest.”

  The next knock came at seven p.m. Indigo rolled over to glare at whoever was about to enter.

  When the door crept open, though, she sat up in shock. Shelby turned on the light and closed the door behind her. She walked over to the bed and stood before Indigo.

  “I drove down as soon as I could get out of Austin,” she said. “You are my sister and I couldn’t leave things like this between us. I am sorry. I apologize for not telling you what I knew, but I honestly didn’t want to cause trouble if Brian was going to do right by you.”

  Indigo stared at her. The fact that Shelby had come said a lot. Still, how could she forgive her?

  “I had decided I wasn’t going to marry him, before he even told me,” Indigo said.

  Shelby moved closer to the bed, but remained standing.

  “I came to that conclusion over dinner, I guess around the same time he was finding the courage to tell me the truth.” She motioned for Shelby to sit on the bed, which her friend did. “I’m not so mad at the fact that we didn’t work out, or that he dumped me before I could dump him. It’s the fact that I was in a relationship with him for all of these years, and his heart and soul weren’t really mine. Does that make sense?”

  “Maybe what you’re really angry about is the fact that you came so close to marrying him, and if he hadn’t decided to tell you the truth, you could have been his wife and have never known,” Shelby said.

  Indigo nodded. That was it exactly.

  “And you would have helped facilitate the sham, Shelby.” Indigo glared at her. “I can’t get over that, either.”

  Shelby looked away and then heavenward. “I’ve been praying about this all the way here, Indie, and I don’t know. I don’t know whether I should have told you or let Brian come clean on his own. I’ve been praying for him to do that for years, or to purge that side of himself so he could be the husband you needed him to be.”

  She leaned forward and locked eyes with Indigo. “Tell me—what would you have done if this were Gabe, and Rachelle didn’t know? Would you tell her?”

  Indigo formed her lips to utter a defiant yes, but hesitated. Would she?

  She pictured Gabe and Rachelle dancing at her graduation party and counseling her and Brian over dinner. She saw them lounging around their backyard pool, shooting the breeze with Tate and Taryn, and making eye contact every so often.

  What if Gabe had a heartbreaking secret that would devastate Rachelle if she knew? Would she be the one to tell or would she encourage Gabe to do the right thing? Indigo realized that she didn’t know.

  She shook her head and swiped a fresh flow of tears with the back of her hand. “I see how that could be a hard call to make,” she said. “But it doesn’t hurt any less. Just know that from this day forward, you have my permission to tell me anything, even if it’s just a suspicion. You kept this stuff about Brian to yourself because you didn’t want to hurt me, but do you see me now? Even after I knew I wasn’t going to marry him, the revelation still broke my heart. You see?”

  Shelby was crying too. “I see. And I’m sorry.”

  Indigo sat back on her pillow and pulled her knees up to her chest. She rested her chin there and let her thoughts wander. “I have a wedding to cancel,” she said softly.

  Shelby squeezed her hand. “Tell me what you need me to do. I’m here.”

  Indigo stared at her friend, willing herself to trust Shelby and forgive her, despite the inclination to push her away. Intellectually, she knew that Shelby hadn’t meant to hurt her; now her heart had to catch up.

  “I need you to do two things for me,” Indigo said. “Don’t tell a soul—not even his parents or mine—about the reality that’s only Brian’s to share, whenever and however he wants. I owe him that much.”

  Shelby nodded. “Of course. I love Brian, too, remember?”

  Indigo glanced at Shelby’s hands and noticed that her fingers were bare.

  “What else?” Shelby asked.

  “Take my custom-ordered wedding dress off my hands,” Indigo said. “I can’t send it back and I can’t use it now. Get it tailored to fit your petite frame and marry that man who loves you.”

  48

  It felt good, but strange, to be sitting in this chair again, with Aunt Melba standing behind her, blow-drying her hair.

  “Don’t have another stroke while you’re working on us,” Indigo teased above the roar of the heat.

  Rachelle, who was waiting to get her freshly washed hair blowdried and styled, chuckled. “Don’t give her any ideas, Indigo. You know this woman likes drama.”

  Aunt Melba thumped Indigo’s shoulder, then wagged her finger at Rachelle. “I’m not thinking about you two. God has been too good to me to turn back now. Aunt Melba is back, badder than ever, ladies. Ya better watch out!”

  They laughed and waved goodbye to Eboni, who had finished her last customer for the evening and was heading home.

  Aunt Melba yawned and grabbed the flatiron to curl Indigo’s hair. Indigo knew she must be tired; she had manned the reception desk all day. Rachelle and Indigo were her only clients, and she had agreed to see them after hours so she wouldn’t miss calls.

  Now that she was styling more customers and Yasmin was gone to modeling camp, Taryn had been serving as the receptionist a few hours a day, between her summer camp sessions. But she would be starting school soon, and Melba needed assistance on a regular basis.

  “I’m meeting with a few people from a temp agency tomorrow, but I’d prefer someone I know, or a referral that I’m confident will do a professional job.”

  She paused and peered at Indigo.

  “You sure you want to go to grad school? I offer good benefits.” Indigo rolled her eyes. She would suffocate if she stayed in Jubilant after all that had transpired.

  It had been two weeks since she and Brian had broken up, and she was finally beginning to feel like herself. With the time to leave for grad school quickly approaching and positive feedback from her photo column in the Herald continuing to come in, she had been less depressed than she had expected.

  She and Brian had told her parents together that they had decided to end their engagement and remain friends. Daddy and Mama were stunned. They loved Brian as if he were their son. Th
ey wanted a legitimate explanation.

  Indigo had led the conversation and told them that the timing wasn’t right, they were going in different directions, and they had decided to call things off and wish each other the best.

  Brian told his parents on his own, and later assured Indigo that a similar conversation had taken place. She wondered whether he would ever tell his parents the truth. Nevertheless, she was thankful he had bared his soul to her.

  Aunt Melba didn’t scold her this evening for the unbecoming eye gesture. She patted Indigo’s shoulder.

  “How are you doing?”

  Indigo knew this question would come as soon as the salon was empty. Rachelle hadn’t asked much either, so she was waiting for an update too.

  “I’m fine,” Indigo said. “Believe it or not, we went to dinner on the night of our dating anniversary and both of us were sitting there trying to figure out how to break up with the other person. Brian went first, and that hurt, but . . . we just couldn’t go on.

  “I’ve been angry at him, and truthfully, I’m still upset about some things he should have shared with me a long time ago. But I’m working through that, and I’ll be okay.”

  Rachelle nodded. “Yes, you will. Broken hearts do mend. The scars remain, but the healing will begin soon, and hopefully you can focus on the positive things Brian brought to your life. The most important gift he gave you was the freedom to find someone who will love you better than he could have.”

  Indigo tried to smile. “I hope you’re right. But it’s hard.”

  She twisted her head and looked up at Aunt Melba. “I’ve been meaning to ask if you remember what you were going to share with me the day you had your stroke. You had noticed some doubt when I got engaged, and you were going to offer some advice.”

  Melba put a hand on her hip and smirked. “I lived with you for months and you never asked—now you expect me to pull that information from my memory bank?”

  Indigo chuckled. “Sorry. I guess it doesn’t matter anyway, now that we’re not getting married.”