Denial

by R. M. Walker

  “We were behind you,” Jake whispered.

  “Us? You think it’s us? That we were the danger? That those tiles mean us?” Josh moved closer to Jake.

  “No! No! I don’t know! My heart tells me you aren’t dangerous, my head knows it, but I don’t understand any of this! I don’t want any of this.” She started to pull away from them, but Matt pre-empted her flight and stepped in front of her, catching her face in his hands and making eye contact with her.

  “Lily, don’t run. Running won’t accomplish anything.”

  “I’ve shot us in the foot by making you hurt last time,” Jonas said regretfully. “I’m sorry about that, Lily. I didn’t believe that you had magic, just a particularly good imagination, and that maybe you were using my boys. I didn’t think anything was going to happen when I touched you. In doing that, though, I’ve driven a wedge of distrust between us, and I shall regret that for a long time. But believe me when I say that you can trust them! If you never trust me again, so be it, but you can trust them.”

  “You can trust us,” Nate said. “I know I’ve pushed you and that I can seem a little—”

  “Bossy. You’re bossy, Nate. And not just a little,” Jonas cut him off, earning a glare from Nate.

  “What we’re trying to say is give us a chance, please,” Matt said. “We’d never hurt you.”

  “Lily, there’s a chance that you made the tiles fall that way,” Jonas said. All five of them looked at him in shock.

  “What the hell? You think she’s doing this deliberately?” Matt demanded a little angrily.

  Jonas held up his hands in a surrender movement and took a step back. “Just listen. You’ve been denying this, haven’t you?” He saw her nod and carried on. “You’ve pushed against this so much that maybe your subconscious is dealing with this in the only way it can. It’s telling you it’s all lies and that you’re just who you’ve always thought you were.” His words made sense. “Our brains are wonderful things, but they can also trick us; and sometimes it’s done to protect ourselves. You could be subconsciously protecting yourself by trying to put a block between you and them.”

  “Are you doing that?” The hurt was clear to hear in Matt’s voice.

  “Matt, which part of subconscious confused you?” Jonas drawled. “I think what you need to do, Lily, is take this one step at a time. Take it slowly.”

  “But what about my eighteenth? It’s not far off now,” she said, knowing that had Nate panicking.

  “It’ll be a normal day. You won’t suddenly wake up having a third eye or eyes in your palms instead of your head,” he said. “And to be honest, listening to everything today, I think your ability to see has pretty much already matured. You just need to learn to box them. To control them and not them control you.”

  “And what about the other stuff? The flowers, the tree-hugging, and the burning?” Jake asked, a thumbnail between his teeth as he folded his other arm over his chest, his hand under his armpit. His eyes were on Lily, but she was unable to meet his gaze.

  Was she doing it subconsciously? It was possible; she’d spent the last couple of weeks denying it, lying to herself.

  “Lily is connecting with her magic,” Jonas said with a shrug. “You know the tree is growing over a ley line; she picked it up. So is the circle. It’s a point where several lines all converge, and the magic there is strongest. I would expect some reaction when you stepped into it. Ley lines are like conduits that magic flows through.” He started off talking to Jake and ended up talking to Lily.

  “So the tiles mean nothing?” she asked, looking up at him.

  “My home is warded to repel anything of a bad intent. It was my first clue that while I thought you might be using the boys, you weren’t bad. So, in short, nothing could have got in to manipulate either me, or you, to place the tiles in such a way. It’s either a very random chance, or you need more time to assimilate everything you’ve learnt.” Jonas sniffed suddenly then sniffed again. “Burning, boys, you’re burning.”

  “What?” Matt looked startled then swore, racing out of the kitchen. “The stovetop is still on.”

  Jonas rolled his eyes and looked at Lily. “You can trust them, just not in my kitchen it would seem.”

  She tried to smile and failed.

  He smiled gently at her. “I’m not at all surprised you’ve reacted this way. If anything, it should reassure you that your mind is working perfectly. Let’s forget it for the rest of the evening. Put the Aperio away for another time, forget what they can do, forget what I can do, and forget what you can do. We’ll put the telly on; they’re re-running the old comedy films. We can watch one and eat whatever they’ve burnt in front of it. Deal?”

  He held out his hand to her in a shake. She drew her breath in, staring at his hand. She wanted to trust him. She wanted to trust all of them. She had no reason not to. Jonas had hurt her, but she accepted his explanation. Now he was holding out an olive branch for her to take. The air went still. She knew that they were all hanging on her reaction.

  She looked up at Jonas. His shrewd, blue eyes were clear of anything except friendly kindness. She stepped out onto a limb, braced herself, and caught his hand in hers.

  Nothing happened.

  His hand was warm against her own icy ones and that was all. He smiled at her, and she relaxed.

  “What did I miss?” Matt asked breathlessly as he came back in, a steaming hot dish in his oven glove clad hands.

  “If that’s edible still, we’re going to eat it while watching a film,” Jonas said, and turned away. He crossed to the corner, and she was surprised to spot a TV sitting there that she had missed on her first look around the room.

  “I’ll fill you in.” Nate squeezed her shoulder and then left the room with Matt, leaving her with the twins. They flanked her, their hands on her elbows as they crossed to sit down on the sofa again.

  “I’m sorry,” she said, wanting them to know that she didn’t think they’d harm her at all.

  “Nothing to be sorry about.” Josh winked at her.

  “We might all be sorry after we’ve eaten what you lot have cooked, though,” Jonas said, slumping into his armchair with the remote in his hand. “I know what I’ve got in my fridge. I may have forgotten to go shopping again this week.”

  “What you did have,” Nate said, coming back in with two plates in his hand. “We’ve cleared you out. We’ll go shopping for you later.”

  “Oh, joy. Nine tins of baked beans and two onions will sit on my shelves if I let you do it,” Jonas said dryly, but the smile he gave Nate betrayed his affection for them.

  Nate handed her a plate, and she took it with a quiet thanks. She was so churned up inside that she didn’t think she’d be able to eat.

  “Try and eat if you can,” Jake said. “You haven’t had anything since lunch, and you brought that all up at the caves.”

  “You’ve not been well?” Jonas asked, taking the knife and fork Matt held out to him. Nate placed a bowl of salad on the coffee table along with some more cutlery.

  “I’m okay,” she said with a shrug.

  “There’s a new teacher at the college replacing the history teacher who was in an accident. He was down at the caves as well. Started banging on about people being burnt at the stake. It made her sick,” Jake explained.

  “Well, not to worry. Eat up,” Jonas said. “We’ll deal with it all another day.”

  Matt came back in with two plates for the twins then went out again for his and Nate’s. Lily took a small mouthful of the lasagne they’d made. It tasted delicious despite the blackened base.

  She could feel the warmth of the twins beside her. She could see both Matt and Nate as they sat on the other sofa. They wouldn’t try to hurt her, she knew that. They’d had plenty of opportunities to do so. It wasn’t them she couldn’t trust. She was beginning to think that Jonas had it right and that she was still trying to convince herself, albeit subconsciously, that sh
e wasn’t like them: magical.

  It hit her like a ton of bricks.

  She was magical. There were so many questions still to be answered. So much she didn’t understand yet. She wasn’t epileptic. She was a Seer. And that was almost as freeing as it was terrifying.

  The history teacher

  Matt put the handbrake on and turned the engine off. The car park was filling up, and several school buses were pulling in.

  Lily had slept well Saturday night tucked up between Nate and Matt, and Sunday had been a lazy day spent exploring the woods. Nothing had been said about magic or what had happened with the Scrabble board. It’d given her a chance to relax. They hadn’t mentioned Drew either but that all changed with Nate’s next words.

  “Okay, so this is the plan. You two stay with Lily like usual during registration. Matt, you stay with her during History. If he tries to talk to her after class, you stay within eyesight and hearing. We’ll keep any contact he has with her to a minimum, agreed?”

  They murmured their agreement, and she failed to keep a snort from exploding. “For goodness sake! You make him sound like he’s out to kill me. That is way too much for a regular teacher trying to do his job.”

  “If he’s not interested in you, it will make no difference. If he is, he’s not going to get a chance,” Nate snapped.

  “You can’t be rude to him.” Lily turned in her seat to look back at them. “He could make your time here very uncomfortable. Don’t wind him up for no reason. He told you plainly on Saturday he’s just a teacher. He has no interest in me and never did.”

  “I could tell you that I was a purple alien from planet Jupiter, but it wouldn’t make it true,” Nate returned sharply. “Let us do this, Lily May. Don’t argue.”

  “Jesus...” She managed to stifle the urge to swear. “I can’t believe you! I can look after myself, not that I have anything to worry about with him. Even if I do, I can handle it! And without getting us all suspended, I might add. You lot are downright rude to him. He won’t take that sitting down when he’s teaching you.”

  “He’s not teaching me.”

  She rolled her eyes. “He’s still a teacher in the school, and they’ll expect you to respect that, Nate. Look, I get that for some reason you think he’s—”

  “A lecherous old bastard,” Matt cut her off, and she rolled her eyes again at the absurdity of it all.

  “Whatever!” She shook her head. “I’m not about to run off into the sunset with him, and he’s not about to ask me to. Believe me.”

  “You’re innocent—”

  “I’m not as innocent as you think I am, Nate! I may not have had loads of boyfriends before, but I have been around boys. It’s not like I suddenly landed here with no knowledge of what morons your gender can be!”

  “Ouch!” Matt pulled a face and took the keys from the ignition.

  She blew out a breath and scrubbed at her face with one hand. “I didn’t mean it like that. You’re not morons. I’m sorry, I just... look, don’t you trust me?”

  “Of course, we do! It’s not you we don’t trust,” Nate replied quickly.

  “Even in the unlikely event that he risks his entire life, profession, character, and future prospects by showing an unhealthy interest in me, I’m not going to respond to it. If he ever makes me uncomfortable, I’m quite capable of reporting him myself.”

  “All right, but just remember we have your back,” Josh said and leant forwards to kiss her cheek. “Now vamoose, or we’ll be late for registration.”

  His words processed, and Lily sighed. She turned back to them. “Thanks for looking out for me.”

  “One day you’ll get it.” Jake winked and pushed Nate to get out of the car.

  No matter how unrealistic their beef with Drew was, it was real to them. It made her feel warm inside. It told her they were serious about her, about building a relationship with her, and they genuinely cared. While she knew their uneasiness over Drew was misplaced, she wasn’t going to do anything that would hurt or worry them. She liked them far too much for that.

  The moment her feet touched the floor, Josh took her bag. Jake grabbed her hand and tugged her forwards as Nate shut her door.

  “We’re going to be late if we don’t leave now,” Josh said, checking his watch. She called out a goodbye to Matt and Nate and hurried along with the twins, Jake still holding her hand.

  They arrived at their tutor group while everyone was going inside. Drew wasn’t in the room, but his name was chalked up on the blackboard: Professor Drew Wenlock.

  She went to sit in her seat, but Jake tugged her along one. They put her between them. She wanted to say something but bit her tongue. It didn’t matter where she sat, and if it made them happier, then why make a fuss?

  Drew came out of the Chapter House with the registration book in his hand, wearing black jeans and a black fisherman jumper. His hair was long against his collar and as black as his clothes.

  Sarah and Beth turned in their seats to look back at her. “He’s so hot!” Sarah whispered in delight.

  “So much better looking than Peters.” Beth giggled and licked her lips.

  “He’s fucking ancient,” Jake muttered in disgust. “It’d be like dating your grandad.”

  “Don’t be dumb, Nethercott.” Sarah rolled her eyes. “Girls our age prefer a mature man over boys. Mature men know how to treat a lady. Besides, he’s not that old!”

  “Plus they have more experience where it counts,” Beth said slyly and winked at Lily.

  Lily could feel the twins stiffen beside her, and her cheeks grew hot. Drew was handsome with his classic looks, long, dark hair, and trim build, but he did nothing for her. The boys, however, made her stomach flip every time they smirked or held her hand.

  Drew clapped his hands for attention and hopped up to sit on the front edge of his desk. “All of you probably know about Mr Peters by now. If you don’t, you can ask your friends. Later.” He smiled round at them, his gaze impersonal when he looked in Lily’s direction. “He’s going to be fine. It doesn’t look like he’ll be back much before Christmas though. So instead, you have me.” He angled his thumb over his shoulder to the board behind him. “I’m a history professor at Oxford. If you go onto uni, you’ll find out that most professors and lecturers do things a lot differently there than at college. Each one will let you know their preference, but my students are adults, so we use first names in my classes. You’ve only got one year left before you head to uni, so you can practise on me; call me Drew. Not Andrew. Drew is not short for Andrew. It’s a name all on its own. Try not to use my last name if you can help it. I’m still thinking about legally changing it.”

  A few laughed, and he grinned at them. “I don’t know any of you, so I’m going to call out your names, and you’re going to stand up when you hear yours. I will remember, so no tricks tomorrow. Although I may have trouble with you two.” He eyed Jake and Josh when he said the last part.

  Lily looked sideways at Josh. He was sitting back in his chair with a sardonic smirk on his face. A quick glance at Jake confirmed his identical pose. She blew out a breath and looked down at her bag. She got out her markers and started drawing the college logo on a clear area of her bag. She’d forgotten that her name was first and started when he called it. She got to her feet, her face bright red, then sat down promptly. She caught Drew’s eyes, but he made no indication that he already knew her. He carried on, and she watched as people stood up in response to their names. She tried to tie a few more names to faces, but she knew only the ones she had classes with would stick.

  When he called out Jake’s name, Josh stood, and when Josh’s name was called, Jake stood. She wanted to roll her eyes at their churlishness, but she knew it would give them away, so she concentrated on the logo on her bag instead.

  “You should have taken Art, Lily Pad.” Jake propped his chin on his hand as he watched her.

  “One artist in the family is more than enou
gh,” she replied. “I’m not nearly as good as my mum anyway.”

  “You don’t need to be. You’re not your mum, you’re you,” Josh said and took his phone out of his pocket. She looked over at him and saw that he had a text. Jake moved and took his own phone out. She saw Josh reply to whoever it was, and then they were both putting their phones away again.

  “Your birthday is next week. Don’t forget we’re taking you to the pub,” Jake said. His fingers were playing with the buckle of her bag, close to where she was adding the logo.

  “I’m looking forward to it,” she told him, not looking up from drawing the waves.

  “We won’t let you mix your drinks, so you’ll need to pick one and stick with it. Have you drunk at home?” Jake asked.

  “I’ve tried champagne and wine at Mum’s art shows. I didn’t like it much. I don’t know. Cider I guess? I tried that once at a party and liked it.”

  “You can have something you’ve never tried, you just can’t get several different types of drinks. We don’t want to be taking you to the hospital with alcohol poisoning,” Josh said.

  “You don’t need to take me to the pub,” she said. “I’m not much into alcohol, to be honest.”

  “You’re into eating. We’re going to buy you dinner. Although, fuck knows it isn’t the Ritz.” Jake’s finger stroked over the back of her hand while still fiddling with the buckle. The hidden move made her skin tingle.

  “I’ve been to the Ritz,” she said with a grin. “It was nice, but you could take me to a fish and chip shop and I’d be happy. I’d be with all of you.”

  Josh pressed his leg against hers as Jake stroked her hand again.

  The overhead bell rang, and she packed her pens away before getting up. They led her through the back desks to avoid Drew. She wondered how long they’d keep it up before they realised it was pointless.

  “Lily, a moment please,” Drew called out, and she closed her eyes. This wasn’t going to help.

  She heard them growl under their breaths as she turned to see what he wanted. He made a motion for her to cross to him then pushed his hands into his pockets. She moved through the desk towards him, aware of several other students looking at her. Josh and Jake stayed right beside her, so close she bumped arms with them.